What Does It Mean To Submit To Your Husband?

Anonymous said...

I have a question about (Christian) marriage. What does it mean to submit to your husband? How do you do it?

Trophy of Grace replies...

Submitting to your husband is an act of love, a willingness to honor and affirm his position as head of the home. I believe us as wives we must understand that God has placed our husbands as the authority in our home and we are their helpmates. We are to come along side of them encouraging them with loving words of affirmation, helping to achieve God’s will in our family’s lives.

How do you submit? By trusting God to help you every day and by remembering that we are to submit to our husbands just as we submit to Christ Jesus, with love and reverence.

This does not mean that we are to follow them into sin. It does not mean that they are better than us. It does not mean that we do not have a say or that what we say doesn’t matter, because the Word says that we are to submit one to another out of reverence for Christ. (Ephesians 5:21) We are not inferior to our husbands or man. Women are a very powerful ministry tool that the Lord will use to help husbands achieve many great successes. Just read about the proverb 31 woman. She is my hero.

I have to share this with you because I believe it is no coincident that you wrote in this question and that it fell on my turn to answer. I had the rest of what you are about to read prewritten because the Lord laid it on my heart to share this with my readers on www.consecratedtohim.com. I pray that it helps you..

I just recently read Ephesians again for the umpteenth time and when I got to chapter 5 where Paul teaches on Spirit guided relationships between husband and wives verses 22-24 seemed to be illuminating before my eyes.

“For wives, this means submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For a husband is the head of his wife as Christ is the head of the church. He is the Savior of his body, the church. As the church submits to Christ, so you wives should submit to your husbands in everything.”

Our Lord has tried for many years to get me to really sit down and read these verses and allow Him to teach me about submitting to my husband. Like I said earlier I have read Ephesians over and over again, but when I would read these verses a spirit of rebellion would remind me of all my past hurts and immediately I would shut down and become inaccessible to the Spirit. My heart was just not willing to receive these instructions. My mind also was not willing to meditate on what the Spirit of God is truly saying here to us wives.

You see for as far back as I can remember all the men in our family were unfaithful to their wives and girlfriends. Some of the women were emotionally and physically abused by their husbands. Divorce was common in our family. I saw women I loved left raising their children on their own, abandoned by the men, boyfriends, or husbands that promised to love them. Then I became one of those women. I was married to my first husband at just seventeen. Our lust filled marriage didn’t last long. A month before our daughter’s first birthday I woke up and he was gone. No note. No good bye. No reason until many years later.

After he left us I vowed that I would never truly give myself completely to any man. I put a wall up around my heart and tried to move on with life. Little did I know that when I made that vow I had invited this ‘independent woman’ spirit to come and influence my life. I even had theme songs to help remind me that I didn’t need a man, Destiny Child’s Independent Women. Anyone ever heard it? I had so many man hating songs it was unbelievable. It is no wonder my mind was battling being renewed in this area I was still listening to all that crap music.

Now today is different. I truly love the Lord and I long to please Him. I hear what the Spirit of God is saying now. He has given me eyes to see and ears to hear. I trust the Lord with my life and I know that His will and His ways are perfect. Through His healing power I realize now that submission is a willing act of trust and love. I know now that submission to my husband does not mean that I become his footstool or maid. Submitting to my husband is to be an expression of my love for him. When we are submissive to our husbands it shows our respect and reverence for him. That reverence means to respect, defer to, to honor, esteem, appreciate, prize, and, in the human sense, to adore him, that is, to admire, praise, be devoted to, deeply love, and enjoy him. Imagine what this type of submission will do for our marriages.


He has ordained that the head of woman is man. Although we will often times desire to control our husbands he is to rule over us. We are to have a voluntary attitude of giving in, cooperating, and obeying our husbands. Even when we are not sure we have to remember that when we submit to our husbands we are actually submitting to Christ Jesus. If we are rebellious and refuse to give in to our husbands then we are actually rejecting God’s order and will. (1 Corinthians 11:3, Genesis 3:16)

There has to be order and structure in every home, business, ministry and organization in order for things to function in an organized fashion. If not there will be chaos and confusion. We must trust the Lord and be obedient to our husband who was put as the head of our home to keep the order. We should obey as long we do not have to disobey our Lord or deny God. Submit in everything without fear and anxiety trusting the Lord. (1 Peter 3:6)

I wasted all those years being afraid to submit. I did not want to allow my husband to lead me. I did not trust him right off the bat because of all of my past hurts and experiences. We can not allow our past hurts whether before the marriage or during our marriage to become hindrances. We have to forgive and move on; leaving the past behind us and looking ahead submitting to our husbands as we submit to Christ because we love them.

Sincerely,

Trophy of Grace

Should They Be Friends for the Sake of the Child?

Anonymous said...
I need advice... I love my boyfriend very much but sometimes I feel like I can't handle the situation I'm in. My boyfriend has a son with another girl. Although we have been together for three years it still gets to me sometimes. I love his son and he cares a lot for me also but I don’t get along with his ex. I guess because she has already made up her mind that she doesn't like me and doesn't want anything to do with me it makes it uncomfortable my boyfriend around her. I get along with her whole immediate family but she is very manipulative and doesn’t care about anyone’s feelings but her own. She has done some pretty bad things (in the beginning) to sabotage mine and my boyfriends relationship. Although she hasn't apologized for it I do forgive her and am ready to move on. I don’t have a problem with my boyfriend talking to her only if it concerns their son together. My boyfriend tells me that he has no feelings for her but with my past experiences tell me I can't be too careful. He asked me the other day, what would I do if they became friends? (They don't have much of a relationship right now) and what if she wanted to go out to lunch with him? That hurt when he said that and I thought that would be totally inappropriate. He says he wants to marry me so I figured if he was so serious about us that he shouldn’t put himself in situations where he can fall into her trap. I trust my boyfriend, I don’t trust her at all and a part of me is afraid he will allow her to take advantage of him. I guess I really want to know if there should be some line they shouldn’t cross or if I’m overreacting.

Response...
I do not see a problem with them being friends for the sake of the child. It is wonderful when parents can communicate amicably when discussing the upbringing of their children. It is much more productive. It is also less stressful for the parents and most importantly the child. However, I do think there should most definitely be reasonable boundaries between your boyfriend and his ex.
Going out to lunch or dinners together alone may be a door way for temptation. So I do not think that is a wise move. We are to run from anything that could possibly lead us to temptation. The best thing is that they communicate when they are either picking up or dropping off the child from visitation. They also should be able to communicate via phone between visits if necessary to discuss issues or concerns regarding the rearing of their child. There should definitely be open communication. However, you have to pray that your boyfriend has wisdom to cut the conversation if they steer off to other inappropriate topics.

I know that you are concerned about the past and this woman’s alleged manipulation tactics, but this is something that you are going to have intensely pray about. You have said that you have forgiven her, so then you have to let it go. Move on. Don’t meditate on the past. Perhaps you can call her and tell her that you do not wish to have any strife between you two for the sake of their child. Let her know that you would like to help them in any way possible.

If she doesn’t receive what you have to say. Then just leave it alone. Let him deal with her. Your job is to support your boyfriend and help with the child when he is with you. If you are planning to get married then you will become your husband’s helpmate.

Talk to him and let him know that you feel uncomfortable with them being too friendly. Assure him that you trust him, but that you are concerned that her motives are not completely innocent. Ask God to give you the words to speak to him when you address these issues. Be understanding and patient because he does have a reasonability to communicate with her if he wants to be included in the rearing of their child. The worse thing is when the father is torn between his girlfriend/wife and the mother of his kids. Whether he likes it or not he is responsible to help his ex.

If you are considering marrying this young man you are entering into this marriage knowing tha you are going to have baba mama drama. I hope that you are prepared. The only thing that can truly prepare you for the potential battle is the Word of God. You need to be prayed up and full of the Word of God. You see, the bible (Word of God) will give you comfort, direction, hope, and understanding. It will renew your mind and give you wisdom to handle your life God’s way and His way is always better and more fruitful. It is time to submit to Him and allow Him to become Lord of your life. He will make all of your crooked paths straight and help you on this journey through life.

He will never leave you alone without any hope. Even when things seem to stressful or the world seems to be caving in on your He will reassure you that you will be ok. He has your back. But you have to put your life in His hands.

You will see that when you start truly trusting Him and you find favor with him. He will put your enemies at your feet. I just read a scripture the other day that I loved. It is Proverbs 16:7 and it says, “When people’s lives please the Lord, even their enemies are at peace with them.” That is great isn’t it!!??

So seek first the kingdom of God and his way of doing things and you will see that all these others things He will take care of.

I will be praying for you sister.

Be blessed.

Love,

Trophy of Grace

PS - The women of WeUsed2bu love and care about your eternal soul. Therefore, we must tell you that there will be a day when each of us will have to stand before God and be judged for all we have done on this Earth. To find out how you can have right standing with God visit this link

http://weused2bu.blogspot.com/2008/08/salvation.html

Divide and Conquer

Written by: Daughter of The King

Marriage is a wonderful thing but that doesn’t mean that it’s easy. I’ve been married almost ten years to the funniest, nicest, gentle Christian man I have ever met but it’s still challenging at times because no matter how great he is he’s not perfect and I’m not perfect. Occasionally we make mistakes; we may hurt each others feeling or maybe one of us feels taken for granted but no matter what may temporally divide us there is something much more powerful that brings us back together and that’s our faith.

In John 10:10 the Bible tells us that satan has come to destroy mankind; what better way to do that than to destroy families. Satan knows that when he destroys one marriage he’s destroyed a few people in one shot and what’s the easiest way to destroy a marriage? Cause a division. Satan knows how to find your marriage’s weak spot and when he does he goes to work on it and if you both aren’t rooted and firm in the same faith it’s only a matter of time before he’s got you beat and you find yourself in divorce court.

Marriage is hard and believe me even in the best marriages there is plenty to fight about; couples fight about finances, schedules, chores, how to raise the kids and the list goes on and on. Now imagine marrying someone outside your faith or of no faith at all and adding to that already long list fights more arguments about things like:

Expectations - You may discover yourselves expecting too much of your interfaith relationship because you have the expectation that your love for one another can overcome all obstacles but over time your start to see the cracks forming in your marriage.

Children/Baptism – You and your husband may have definite opinions about baptizing your children, for Catholics it’s something you must do, protestants/evangelicals are completely opposed to that. The Islamic religion requires that children of mixed marriages be raised as Muslims.

Religious Identity – What happens when your children are old enough to ask questions about God and mom and dad give them different answers? What kind of religious identity can they form?

The Bible warns us about this in 2 Corinthians 6:14, I like the way The Message version of the Bible states it:

“Don't become partners with those who reject God. How can you make a partnership out of right and wrong? That's not partnership; that's war.”

Those are pretty strong words but I know that they are true for two reasons; the first is that the Bible is the absolute true word of God and the second reason is that I personally experienced it. I’m currently in my second marriage; I was first married to a man of the Greek Orthodox faith. Even though I was raised as an evangelical Christian I thought that we could work it out, I tried to justify it by saying things like “we are both Christians just two different types of Christians”. But the truth is that the problems began as soon as we got engaged, when we were selecting the church to get married in my fiancé and his family put so much pressure on me to get married in the Greek Orthodox Church that I caved in. Then our first child was born and as an evangelical Christian I had no intention on baptizing my baby but instead I wanted to have a service to dedicate him to the Lord. Well, here came the pressure again from my in-laws to have him baptized because they believe that if you don’t baptize the baby and God forbid something happens to him that he would go to purgatory or maybe even hell. I don’t believe that at all so I asked them to show me were in the Bible does it say to baptize babies and were in the bible does it talk about purgatory, they couldn’t find it in the Bible so they told me that it was church tradition. I don’t follow church tradition I follow the Word of God but because of all the arguing and fighting I caved in again and let them baptize him. Are you starting to see a pattern? I continuously had to give in and turn my back on what I knew to be true just to keep the peace in my family, the Bible calls that being double minded and look at what it says about double minded people:

James 1:8 (NIV) “…a double-minded man is unstable in all he does.”
I was unstable, my marriage was unstable, my children were unstable; Satan saw this and he moved right in and toppled the whole thing over. There were other things that contributed to the divorce but I know that if I had married someone of my faith the marriage would have been more stable and we would’ve had a much better chance at making it work.

If you are contemplating marrying someone of a different faith and he believes in things like infant baptism, purgatory or anything else that you don’t agree with you have to wonder who’s right and who’s wrong. The only way to answer that is for the two of you to pray together and ask God to reveal the truth to you in his word; open the Bible and compare what you believe to the scriptures, I know that God will lead you to the truth.

Once you have found the truth the two of you can go into a marriage that is united and strong in one true faith that can resist satan’s plan to divide and conquer.

I Believe Sex Before Marriage Is Fine..

MySpace Friend comments on posting I've Been Wondering For A Little While Now

Matthew 19:4-6 (Contemporary English Version)4Jesus answered, "Don't you know that in the beginning the Creator made a man and a woman? 5That's why a man leaves his father and mother and gets married. He becomes like one person with his wife. 6Then they are no longer two people, but one. And no one should separate a couple that God has joined together."I just would like to know how that is represented as ONLY married people have to be virgins? You think the writers of God would come on out and say it. I think when it says "He becomes like one person with his wife" It means they unite in marriage and they are now one.I believe sex is ok as long as it IS the person that you're going to be with for the rest of your life.

Trophy of Grace responds...

Jesus is saying that God made man and woman to leave their father and mother to be united together in marriage. Then that is when they become one physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Sex is a benefit of marriage. When we are married is when we as men and woman are to experience true intimacy with one another and sex is part of that. God's purpose was that we were to remain pure (virgins) until we are married.

You say that you believe that sex is ok if it is with the person your going to be with for the rest of your life, but if you know that you are going to be with them then why wouldn't you want to marry them and ask God's blessings on your relationship? Then you can give yourselves to one another without guilt, knowing that it is right in God's eyes.

I know out of personal experience that I thought that certain guys could have been 'the one' and I foolishly gave myself to them to only end up feeling used and taken advantage of. This is most certainly not God's will for us.

It's important that whatever we think is based on truth. Most importantly we need to be sure that what we think lines up with the Word of God. Meaning..we need to know what God thinks about it because that is what matters most. We should want His will for our lives more than we want our own, because our way is full of foolishness and error.

"There is a path before each person that seems right, but it ends in death." Proverbs 16:25

He says not to commit adultery and to flee from any sexual immorality. (Exodus 20:14 & 1 Corinthians 6:18)

I found this article Why should I save sex for marriage? Written by Author: George Martin and Scott Myers of Summit Ministries I know that it is long but I really think you should read it.

Why should I save sex for marriage?

When God creates something, He creates it with purpose and design. The Genesis account of creation makes it clear that God's creation is “good” (Genesis 1:31). But mankind has a history of distorting what God has made, whether out of ignorance or just plain stubbornness. The golden calf of the Israelites, for example. Gold is beautiful to look at, but God clearly did not want His people worshipping it.

Sex (and yes, sex was God’s idea) is no different. God created it, and therefore it is reasonable to expect that it is good. But when man distorts it by ignoring God's specific standards, it becomes harmful and destructive. So the question we've asked 'why save sex for marriage' is really a question of understanding God's purpose and design for sex. We can choose to do things God's way, and experience the beauty of His plan, or we can choose to do things our way, and experience harm and destruction (Proverbs 16:25).

So, let's talk first about why God created sex. One reason is obvious: procreation. When God told Adam and Eve to “be fruitful and multiply” (Genesis 1:28), they probably figured out that He wanted them to have sex. But God also wanted them to develop intimacy with one another, and He knew that sex would help them do that, in a way that nothing else could.

God also knew that because sex is so powerful in creating intimacy that there must be some constraints on how it was to be used, so He specifically relegated sex to the arena of marriage. The kind of intimacy that God desires between a married couple cannot occur between one person and several others; it can only be experienced between one man and one woman. Hence God has specifically said, “Do not commit adultery” (Exodus 20:14), and “Flee sexual immorality” (1 Corinthians 6:18). That is, do not have sex with someone who is not your spouse. Obedience requires that sex be reserved for one’s spouse.

So far we have two basic reasons to save sex for marriage: (1) God tells us to, and (2) God's purpose and design for sex cannot be fully achieved any other way. Many, though, have argued that non-marriage sex is not all that harmful. Let's look carefully at the potential consequences for this particular area of disobedience.

Sex outside of marriage causes damage in at least two areas: (1) physical consequences, and (2) relational consequences.

The physical consequences are becoming increasingly obvious and increasingly dangerous in today's society. AIDS and other Sexually Transmitted Diseases are frightening realities. "Safe sex" is more accurately described as "reduced risk sex." The only truly safe sex is abstinence. There is also a very real risk that children could be born — and possibly grow up without two parents. Your actions affect your life, your partner's life, and the lives of your family. They can result in handicapping an innocent baby's life as well. Worst of all the willfull destruction of human life often results from pre-marital sex.)

The relational consequences are just as real, though they may be more difficult to grasp. First, sin always damages a person's relationship with his God. Psalm 66:18 says, "If I had cherished sin in my heart, the Lord would not have listened." Intentional disobedience of God's command to not commit adultery dishonors and displeases God. Conversely, God is pleased when His children choose obedience and self-control instead of the immediacy of pleasure.

Second, relational damage happens between a Christian and those who are watching his life. The sin of adultery (i.e., televangelist scandals) causes a person's friends and even “outsiders” to view the adulterer as less committed to obedience, and more prone to hypocrisy. But a Christian who saves himself or herself in obedience to God wins the respect of those who see his or her life.

Sex outside of marriage also damages the relationship between the persons involved. Trust is the main issue here. If two people do not cherish sex enough to wait for a marriage commitment, how can they trust one another for fidelity? Conversely, a man and woman build trust and respect for one another when they both survive the struggles of self-control — each will have the confidence that the other respects them, and cherishes their intimacy.

Similarly, if a person has not carried sexual purity into marriage, his or her marriage relationship is affected by the past. If a man or woman has previously had sex with someone else, their marital intimacy has already been affected. One or both spouses will have to deal with real or perceived comparisons with "former lovers" and feeling that intimacy was not important enough for the other person to wait for it. But if both have waited for their wedding night, the intimacy has already begun with a solid foundation.

Why save sex for marriage? We've discussed several reasons: (1) God commands us to, (2) God's purpose and design for sex can only be achieved within marriage, and (3) the physical and relational consequences of sex outside of marriage are painfully real.

"But we're in love!" some might say. Maybe so, but if one believes in God's definition of love, he must realize that love is patient and kind; it does not seek to please itself, nor does it delight in evil, but is always hopeful (1 Corinthians 13). True love would be patient in waiting for the proper time for sex.

It would be kind to future spouses by not pre-harming marital intimacy. True love would be unselfish in placing God's desires and the needs of others above itself. It would not delight in the evil of disobedience, nor would it force another to disobey God. Love could never be a reason for premarital sex; rather, it should be one of the greatest reasons to avoid premarital sex.
"But we're going to be married anyway" is another common excuse. Along with being presumptuous, this stance will almost certainly leave one question unanswered: If one gives in to moral temptation before marriage, what's to stop him or her from giving in to moral temptation once married?

"What if it's too late? What if I've already forfeited my sexual purity?"
Good question! Certainly a person cannot reverse the past, but there are a number of steps one should take to keep from further damaging his or her intimacy with God and others.

First, acknowledge your actions as sin. For those who have accepted Christ's payment of the penalty for their sins, He asks only that they confess - agree with God that they are sinful.

Second, maintain purity from this moment forward. Jesus told the woman caught in sexual sin to "go and sin no more" (John 8:11). You cannot change what's been done, but you can keep yourself and others from any further damage by avoiding situations which might cause you to compromise your commitment to sexual purity. Paul advised Timothy to run away from temptation (2 Timothy 2:22), and Joseph is famous for running from moral danger (Genesis 39:7-12).

Third, be honest with anyone who is a "potential spouse" — don't wait till your wedding night to discuss your sexual past. Some intimacy problems may be averted if you address them early on.

Sex is a good thing. It must be, if God created it! The only way to keep it a “good thing” is to follow God's guidelines. God will reward you if you choose to honor Him, and save sex for its proper time and place — your marriage.

I hoped this helped you. You will be in my prayers sister..

Love,

Trophy of Grace

PS - The women of WeUsed2bu love and care about your eternal soul. Therefore, we must tell you that there will be a day when each of us will have to stand before God and be judged for all we have done on this Earth. To find out how you can have right standing with God CLICK HERE

I'm Catholic & He's Baptist... We Can't Agree!!

Question… i have been dating this guy and we have been talking about getting married and how we are going to raise our kids if and when we decide to have them...well i am catholic and believe strongly in my faith my boyfriend is baptist and hes not fond of the catholic faith at all but that is me its who i am and as a catholic we are supose to have our kids catholic and get married by a priest ITS A SACRAMENT FOR US but hes angry and throwing a fit about it .... we really do love each other and have everthing in common EXCEPT religion...so what can i do to make this better for both of us.... my aunt was catholic and uncle was baptist up until the day they died... what are my options where everyone is happy please let me know ASAP i have been praying about it.... i need answers/ advice in the worst kinda way MANY THANKS.

Response… Relationships/Marriages couples that don’t share the same religious views are called an inter-faith relationship/marriage. Although this is common practice, the bible frowns upon inter-faith relationships and marriages (Exodus 34:12-16, Deuteronomy 7:1-4, Ezra 10:2-3, Nehemiah 13:25-27, Malachi 2:11, 1 Corinthians 7:39, 2 Corinthians 6:14-15).

To highlight two of the above scriptures:

Malachi 2:11
"Judah has broken faith. A detestable thing has been committed in Israel and in Jerusalem: Judah has desecrated the sanctuary the LORD loves, by marrying the daughter of a foreign god."

Being in a relationship that carries two different religious beliefs is very difficult and usually causes major turmoil, like you’re dealing with now… You don’t agree on the matrimony… You don’t agree on how to raise your children.

Those are major issues to be arguing about and you’re not even married. To have a better chance of having a sound marriage, being with someone that has the same beliefs is very important.

2 Corinthians 6:14-15:
"Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness? What harmony is there between Christ and Belial? What does a believer have in common with an unbeliever?"

According to the gospel, God's people must be marked by a different kind of lifestyle and that lifestyle cannot be mixed with a pagan lifestyle. Being men and women of God, any other worship or ethics should not be mixed with the worship of God.

It is a matter of recognizing that when we are God’s people, His sons and daughters (2 Corinthians 6:18), it means we are in a relationship of love that binds us to His word.
The bible explains the different facets of love, which we should use as a guide for our lives.

Phil 2:12-23

I hope you pray and thing about your decision. As you’ve already heard whispers of doubt in your head, I pray the Lord speaks His word to you for clarity.



Saved By Faith

I Just Want to Love My Family

A Friend Wrote… So i am twenty years old and married for four months. We are pregnant with our first child. But since we have been married we have not been able to live alone. If its not my family its his and i have to big of a heart to send anyone away. My cousin has a baby and is only sixteen her mom is in jail and she has been in and out of foster care her whole life. My husbands sister got kicked out of her house and also has a baby and has no where to go. I live off of a small income and my husband has been having trouble finding work. If i do right by my new familys needs and clear everyone out am i being selfish. I realy dnt know wat to do but realy need to provide a good home for my baby. Please pray for me and give me some guidence on wat to do. Sencerly mommy and baby on the way

Saved By Faith… I’d like to begin by congratulating you and your husband on the blessings of a child!! Family is one of the biggest blessings in a marriage, and a new addition is proof of this…

Genesis 33:5; 49:25
Psalms 113:9; 127:3-5; 128:3
Proverbs 17:6
Luke 1:42
1 Timothy 5:14

In regards to your cousin and sister-in-law… Being a household that others rely on can bare a heavy burden. In a sense, you have 4 other people you are responsible for, aside from you, your husband & your unborn child. Considering both of these young women (as they aren’t children due to their decision to become mothers) has a responsibility towards their child, they should take steps towards providing for them accordingly.

Your first priority is your family and if you can’t provide well enough for you, your husband & child, how does anyone expect you to help them?

1 Timothy 5:8
If anyone does not care for his own relatives, especially his immediate family, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.

Even at sixteen your cousin in considered an emancipated adult and can seek state assistance in food and housing. Encourage them to begin seeking other arrangements.

You’re at the beginning and vital stages of your marriage. You’re building the foundation of your marriage and this is a time where the two of you need intimate time together and that’s being hindered by others in the house. You need each other right now. In the United States, roughly 20% of first marriages end within the first 5 years. This time is detrimental to your relationship!! Take this time to build a strong foundation for a lifetime partnership. The long-term success of your marriage heavily depends on how well you and your husband make the adjustment during the first five years.

Don’t feel guilty about wanting to put your family first!! This is an important time in your lives, especially with a baby on the way. You don’t need the added stress.

I will pray that the Lord gives you the loving words you need to speak to them. I pray that they both find resolution and are able to provide for their family as you are trying to provide for yours.

Please keep us posted.

With Love,

Saved By Faith


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Can I Remarry After Divorcing My Abusive Husband?

Anonymous said... I have a question: I have prayed about it (alot), I have asked for wisdom from other Christians, I have even went to a counseling session by a minister..and to no avail. I just end up more confused after talking with these people, then before I came to them. So here it goes:

I am married, and have been for almost 8 years now, but we have been seperated for over a year. I left him because he was verbally abusive to me and our girls (3 daughters), and he ocasionally hit me when I didnt see things his way. He has a bad marajuana habbit, and even at one point tried to sell me to some guys for money. He also conviced me to do sexuzl things with other men while we were married, and would yell at me and hit me if I refused. Then when I did, he would say he hated me because I cheated on him. I was messed up in the head from that. Not to mention,he never worked to provide for us the whole time we were together. I would work,take care of the kids,and go to college.He often would leave me at home all day and night without any food, or money to buy any for our kids.All he cared about was hanging out with his friends.

The confusing part about this is that he is supposedly "called to the ministry" and he used to live right. He started telling me that I cant go to church without him...and he wasnt going, so I couldnt either. That was a very dark time for me (about 3 years). I was no longer in love with him and I wanted to leave, but I was afraid. He threatened to kill me and my family. I know what the Bible says about marriage and divorce, so I wanted to honor that but I couldnt shake the feeling that this wasnt God's best for me.

About 3 1/2 months ago I had a very distrubing dream about my husband and the things he was doing I didnt know about. In that dream I believe God told me to leave town immediately..so I did. Since then I have started a new life in a new state with my girls. We have never been this happy. I feel safe and secure, I have a great church home that I am actively involved in. The dilema is that I want a divorce, but he doesnt. He tells me that Im out of the will of God and I need to come back, but I dont want to be connected to that man anymore. Im meeting wonderful people at my new church that treat me so different than he did. I dont want to be uneligible to remarry by divorcing him if he wants to be with me. At the same time, its been over a year and I am starting to have interest elsewhere. I am not dating anyone or anything( he is). I dont know what to do. Does the Bible say that I have to stay single since I left him?

Trophy of Grace said...
I think you have done the right thing by running as far away as you can from this abusive relationship. That feeling that you couldn’t shake was our Heavenly Father trying to encourage and assure you that the abusive relationship you were in was NOT His best for you. He has something better for you. He will restore everything you lost and more. I believe our merciful Lord was warning you in that dream of danger to come. I am glad that you listened and got away from that situation.

Regarding divorcing your husband..

1 Cor 7:12-16 “To the rest I say this (I, not the Lord): If any brother has a wife who is not a believer and she is willing to live with him, he must not divorce her. And if a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him. For the unbelieving husband has been sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife has been sanctified through her believing husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy. But if the unbeliever leaves, let him do so. A believing man or woman is not bound in such circumstances; GOD HAS CALLED US TO LIVE IN PEACE." NIV

I know it says here that you must not leave him if he wants to be with you, but it also says that God has called us to live in peace. Your husband is violent abuser, who has sold you for drugs, physically, emotionally, and verbally abused you. He has neglected his responsibilities to care for and protect both you and your children. You can not be with him if he has not gotten help. I don’t mean just reading the bible and praying. He needs help from a Christian counselor or physiologist. I don’t think that you are wrong for filing for a divorce.

Regarding remarrying..

I would consider your husband an unbeliever who has abandoned his believing wife. I do not believe that you should feel guilty for remarry. You are not bound by such circumstances. (1 Corinthians 7:16)I know that he is trying to tell you that you are out of the will of God, however I believe this is just a manipulation tactic that he is using. These are the same tactics he used while you were in your marriage. Remember that the enemy of our soul knows the Word of God too and he will try to bring condemnation on us and make us feel guilty so that we stay in bondage.

We will be praying for you and your children’s safety. God bless you and stay encouraged by the reading the Word of God.

P.S.Here is an article I found that I thought may encourage you.

http://www.troubledwith.com/AbuseandAddiction/A000000921.cfm?topic=abuse%20and%20addiction%3a%20alcoholism

Sincerely,

Trophy of Grace

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I'm Worried He Still Has Feelings For Her

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Anonymous Asked... hey i know what your going thro i need advice simlar to that i have a boyfriend we been dating for 3 months he has 2 kids never married 23 i am only 19 so is his baby mama the babies are 2 and 1 boy and girl ..lately seems as tho he feels uncomfortable around both of us so she often trys to keep me and her apart ...i love him we are engaged..my family aint so crazy about the idea but yea.. the day he broke up with her is the day me and him met...conqincidental i dunno but ..we been dating 3 months and she has been jealous for the most part trying to break us up well now she has a b.f and her baby daddy my b.f is all on alert about the new guy he doesnt know and i am worried that maybe he does have alot of feelings for her if every time she comes around he trys to hide me..when she knows we are engaged and together i met his whole family so when it comes to her b.c they dated for 5 years he feels like its akward to see us in the same room i pray all the time what should i do ???? email me i need to know

Trophy of Grace said...
I can understand why your family isn’t too happy about this relationship moving so fast. Three months is hardly enough time to determine that you want to be with someone for the rest of your life. Especially with someone who just recently got out of a five year relationship with two kids.

This is a very delicate situation that you have involved yourself in. Your fiancé is still recovering from a broken heart and failed dreams from a relationship that produced two children. If he is acting the way that you say then it seems to me that he most certainly still has feelings for the mother of his children. Of course he would because it’s only been three months. How could he possibly give your relationship the commitment it needs when she still has part of his heart and mind?

He’s focus really should be his children now. Not trying to get into another relationship on the rebound. You don’t need anyone’s sloppy seconds. That is what your relationship will be, sloppy. He’s trying to figure out what he really wants and what the right thing is to do. You don’t want to find yourself on the sidelines hoping that he isn’t still in love with her. Hoping that one day he will be completely yours. Do you want to have to compete for your future husband’s heart?

You have to do what’s best for you right now. Pray and really ask God if this is what He wants for your life. I believe that He has something better for you, but you have to be patient and wait. If you will begin to seek God’s will for your life He will give you the desires of your heart, because as you begin to seek Him your desires start to line up with God’s will. He has good gifts to give you. He has a good man in store for you. I’m sorry to say but I really do not think this man is for you. His heart still belongs to another.

My suggestion would be to leave this young man alone. Give him time and space to see if this is really what he wants. More importantly give your self space to pray and seriously seek God’s face about this. I would not want to see you hurt.

I will be praying for all of you,

God bless you

Trophy of Grace

** CONTINUED **
- Pt2 Cont. from I'm Worried He Still Has Feelings For Her
- Pt3 Cont. from I'm Worried He Still Has Feelings For Her
- Pt4 Cont. from I'm Worried He Still Has Feelings For Her



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Mission For Mr.Right

Written by: Trophy of Grace

I remember when I was desperate for love. I chased love and attention from any guy that was willing to pretend to even care. I sold myself short all the time dating guys that just wanted one thing from me. I have always been a pretty intuitive chick so it was no surprise to me when I found out that they were just using me, so I told myself that I was just using them too. In a sense I really was. We did not love or respect each other.

“I love you” was muttered to those guys that I thought could possibly be the one, but I quickly learned that love isn’t cheating, sex, lying, and manipulating. However that was the love I got and that was the love I learned to give.

Deep down inside my heart was hidden underneath layers of denial, hurt, betrayal, loneliness, and sadness longing to have a love that was something special and different from the rest. I needed someone to love and cherish me. I wanted to be some man’s everything. My mission for love and Mr. Right only lead me to lust and infatuation in the arms of Mr. Wrong every time. When would I finally be someone’s wifey?

I wish I knew then what I know now, that we don’t need to go around looking for Mr. Right. He will come and find us when the time is right and appointed by God. All we have to do is leave it in God’s hands and change our focus in life from searching for love in all the wrong places to receiving love from the One who gives True Love.

Instead of desperately seeking a relationship with a man we are to first diligently seek a relationship with the One who loves us more than words can say. He is the lover of our souls. He is the one who can give us the desires of our hearts. He is the one that we can depend on and cast all of our cares on. He is the one that has good gifts to give us because He cherishes us with all of His heart. He will not leave us or abandon us. He will not lie, deceive, and hurt us. He sacrificed His son on the cross for us so that we can be saved and live life more abundantly. God Almighty has us constantly on His mind. He longs to have an intimate relationship with us.

Matthew 6:33 “But seek (aim at and strive after) first of all His kingdom and His righteousness (His way of doing and being right), and then all these things [taken together will be given you besides.

Having a real personal relationship with God before searching for our soul mate is the wisest thing we could ever do. The Lord will teach us about real Love. Receiving His love and spending time with Him will teach us how to love others. Our minds will be renewed and changed. We will be healed and equipped to be the helpmate to the man that God has ordained for us.

While you are being taught and renewed by the Word of God the Lord will also be molding and preparing your future husband. At the same time our Lord will be making a way for your paths to cross one day, if they haven’t already. He is the best match maker because He knows what you both want and most of all what you need.

Abort your mission to find your soul mate. Start pursing a romance with the Lover of Your Soul. He will make you feel cherished, adored, beautiful, and loved. Then when Mr. Right comes you will be ready to serve each other the way God intended. Seek first God’s will for your life.

My Husband Looks Like He's Pregnant

Anonymous Asked... How do I tell my husband that he needs to work out? He looks like he has been pregnant with twins for 2 years now? I've tried to tell him..but He thinks he's hot!!

Answer... I think it’s great that your husband feels comfortable and confident with his body. :) If his weight has become an issue, try to approach the conversation differently. Instead of straight up telling him that he needs to hit a gym, try suggesting it to him in a loving way. Maybe it’s something that the two of you can do together? If you have a family to tend to, maybe it could be a quick set of sit ups at home. Or maybe a trip to the gym with any friends or family that already go.

Either way you have to reassure him that you love him, past and present… better or worse, thick or thin. Your love for him gives you a desire to look your best for him, pleasing to your husband. And loving, compassionate, compromising partners, he should desire to do the same for you… maybe a sit up or two. Or ten. Or two sets of ten. Daily. Not too much but something to get the blood pumping and motivate him to want to do more exercising on his own.

I’ve heard this subject is kind of touchy with married couples so I will pray the words that come to you are out of love and are genuine to his feelings. Best of luck!

Saved By Faith


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Waiting, Dating & Mating

Written by: Daughter of The King

Have you ever wondered who invented dating? It’s such a common thing now a days that it seems like everyone is dating and those who are not are dying to start. That got me wondering about the purpose of dating, so as a Christian woman I went to the Bible to see what it had to say about dating, do you know what I found? NOTHING!

The Bible has a lot to say about marriage but not on dating. We think that dating is something that has always existed but it is an invention of the 20th century. The real purpose of dating is to help us select our future husband, back in Bible times you did not select your husband, your father did that for you. Now personally I’m glad our parents don’t chose our husband for us anymore but on the other hand dating the way its done today has gotten out of hand.

The problem is that dating has shifted from something we do to find our future husband to something we do just for fun and now the age at which girls start dating is getting younger and younger. And how about the actual date; back in the day when you were dating a guy he would take you on a picnic or to a carnival, he would buy you flowers, stuffed animal and maybe even write you a poem or love letters. It saddens me when girls tell me that guys don’t do those things anymore. There are two reasons why they don’t. The first reason is that since we’re starting to date so young they simply don’t have the money or skill to do them. The second reason is that they don’t have to; since it’s so easy to get a girl to out with you, make out with you, and maybe even have sex with you why would you bother spending money on flowers?

So, here’s what I’m suggesting ladies; take it slow. What’s the rush? You have a long life ahead of you and if you would just wait until the right time to do things you would enjoy them much more.

Ecclesiastes 3:1-5 says”There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven: a time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot, a time to kill and a time to heal, a time to tear down and a time to build, a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance, a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them, a time to embrace and a time to refrain…”

Get the idea? If you’re no where near ready for marriage this is your time to wait but while you’re waiting you should be thinking about what kind of man you need your husband to be, do you want a man that is faithful? Respectful? Honest? Funny?

During this waiting time you should also be working on your own character, do you possess the qualities that you’re looking for? Also, the waiting period is a great time to get out there and have some fun with your group of friends; observe the guys, scope out who can potentially be a good boyfriend in the future.

The time for dating is when you think marriage could be in your near future (and 10 years is not the near future). I looked up “dating” in the dictionary and this is what it said “to make a date with; go out on dates with” well, it simply means to make an appointment with someone and that doesn’t sound very romantic me.

But, back in the day “dating” used to be called “courting” and that means “To try to gain the love or affection of someone, to seek to marry” isn’t that definition much more romantic? Another word that was used in the past for “dating” is “wooing” it means “to seek to achieve the affection of someone with the intent to romance” the way we date today robs us of good old fashioned romance and what girl doesn’t want to be romanced?

If you rather be courted or wooed instead of just dating there are a couple of things you can do. First don’t start dating too young and second don’t give yourself away. If a guy has access to your body (making out or any type of sex) romance goes out the window because there’s nothing left for him to achieve. But when you don’t give yourself away the right guy, a godly guy will respect and love you more then he will seek to earn your affection and that’s when the romance comes in.

The time for mating (having sex) is when you are married; ALL forms of sex should be kept out of dating and saved for marriage only. That’s what God commands and what’s best for us; sex outside of marriage clouds our judgment, burdens us with emotional baggage and can lead to unnecessary hardships like an STD or an unplanned pregnancy. God created sex to be sacred and when we do it his way (in marriage) it will be amazing!

Ladies, decide you’re worth waiting for; don’t’ get swept up in the dating craze
and don’t let past mistakes keep you from making a fresh start. You can do it!

We've Been Through So Much

A friend writes..Please keep my family in your prayers. My husband is overseas and we have been through so much since he has been in the navy and I pray everyday for our marriage to work. Thank u again for the add and the prayers.

Response..Of course we will be praying for you..

I really feel the need to encourage you about your marriage. Whatever you do DON'T GIVE UP! I know that it hasn't been easy for you since your husband has been in the Navy,but if you will you depend on God for your strength and wisdom you will be able to do this.

These times when he is away you have to draw closer to the Lord. Let Him and His Word fill your time and heart with love and peace. You will find your purpose and being in knowing God more. He will give you courage and faith to help your marriage grow and mature. You can do this through Christ Jesus!! (James 4:8,Philippians 4:6-9,13)

I am not going to tell you that marriage is easy. lol..because it is not. Marriage takes alot of work and commitment. I have been married for almost 6 1/2 years and I have been with my husband for almost 11 years. We have a total of 7 children. We have had MANY ups and downs. We could not have made it this far if it were not for our faith in our Savior Jesus. We have come to learn that marriage takes 3, the 2 of us and God. The truth is that without Him we can not do this. We don't want to try to do it without Him because when we have tried we utterly fail.

We need the power of God in our life. We need his grace and mercy to forgive one another when we fail each other as we so often do, and will. We need his Holy Spirit to give us extra patience and understanding when we've had a long day and each of us wants to be first on the mic to express ourselves and share our day.

We have learned that marriage is about sacrifice and serving one another, putting the other person's needs first. This can be hard sometimes, but we have learned and are still learning to rely on Jesus to help us through every obstacle that comes into our marriage. We have wanted to give up many times, but we always go back to the fact that we know with all of our hearts that God has us together for a reason. We don't want fail and give up on our family. We are determined to fight to stay together and serve God, each other, and our family.

God has you two together for a purpose also. It is no accident that you were given to him as his helpmate. You were made for one another. To love and encourage one another. To believe in one another. To serve one another.

Take this time and seek a deeper walk with God and you will see that you will learn, through the power of God in you, how to handle every situation that comes your way; even if that means just being still and letting God do His thing.

I've said alot..lol..I hope this helps. We love you dearly and are always praying for you. Keep us posted on how things go. God bless you sister...

Trophy of Grace

PS - The women of WeUsed2bu love and care about your eternal soul. Therefore, we must tell you that there will be a day when each of us will have to stand before God and be judged for all we have done on this earth. To find out how you can have right standing with God CLICK HERE

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Respecting My Decision

Question:
I'm celibate now and I have been for like 4 months (doin my BEST)...is it possible to find a man who will wait til marriage AND remain faithful??? Even a preacher will cheat on their spouse!

Answer:
First off I would like to commend you on your decision to be celibate. That's a difficult decision to make in todays society. I know that it can be difficult at times but it shows that you have a lot of strength and self respect.

Secondly, finding a man who will respect your choice is very possible. All things are possible with God! First you need to find a man that loves and holds God in his heart. A man who knows the Lord will agree with your decision because he also wants to please the Lord. A man that walks with God will understand that sex before marriage is a sin in God's eyes. If he loves the Lord he will love, respect, and support you. I know that God will honor your choice and place a man in your life who will do the same. Together, with God's help, you can develop a healthy relationship that eventually lead to marriage.

I pray that God continues to give you strength, patience, and the man that He sees fit for you. Remember to trust God, He knows what He's doing.

Here is an article that you may find helpful.
It's called 10 Ways to Practice Purity by Ron Hutchcraft. He wrote it for Campus Life's, Ignite Your Faith magazine. I found the suggestions to be very realistic. I encourage you to read this article. I pray you find it helpful.

10 Ways to Practice Purity by Ron Hutchcraft


When you fall in love, it's natural to want to express your love in physical ways. But you also know God wants you to remain sexually pure—in both your actions and your thoughts. Sometimes it's a tough balance, but showing love for another and remaining pure is possible. Here are some suggestions:

1) Keep innocent expressions special. Rather than making the innocent expressions a mere prelude to the "heavier stuff," make the most of them. Let holding hands mean something. Express tenderness by simply putting your arms around each other. Make sure a kiss communicates true feeling and isn't just the first step to further physical involvement.

2) Pace your passion. Every marathon runner knows that you don't use up your energy at the beginning of the race; you need most of it at the end. Pacing your passion means that you realize you're trying to remain pure all the way to your wedding day. It's OK to express your love in little ways, but don't start messing with the package that is sex. To get real practical, avoid French kissing and petting—anything that is sure to ignite the fires of passion.

3) Don't feed your fantasies. It's normal to think about sex sometimes. In fact, with the way advertising and Hollywood exploit sex, it would be impossible not to think about it. So choose your entertainment carefully. Soap operas, certain songs, books, television shows, movies and Web sites only turn up the pressure. Feeding your thought life with junk only makes it harder to remain pure in your actions.

4) Remember whose property you're touching. You do not own the person you're dating. That person belongs to God. Imagine there's a sign on everyone you date that reads: PROPERTY OF JESUS.

5) Make a promise to God, and daily renew your commitment. Decide where you're going to draw the line, and tell God that with his help, you are not going to cross that line until marriage. Don't commit to it unless you mean it, though. The Bible says it's a serious thing to make a vow to God. At the same time, realize that you can't stick to your promise without his help. That's why it's important to renew your commitment daily.

6) Acknowledge Jesus' presence on every date. Before a date, it's normal to spend a lot of time getting ready. After all, you want to look your best. But you also want to make sure you're spiritually prepared. So spend at least as much time in prayer as you do in front of a mirror. As it says in Proverbs 3:6: "Seek his will in all you do, and he will direct your paths."

7) Agree on your standards. Before sex becomes an issue in the relationship, talk about your standards with your boyfriend or girlfriend. Don't dwell only on the negative—what you won't do. Hebrews 10:24 tells us to "encourage one another to outbursts of love and good deeds." Discuss ways your friendship can help each of you become a better person.

8) Don't always go it alone. Sure, you want to be alone with your date; that's only normal. Yet too much time alone can lead you to do things you'll regret later. Your relationship will be a lot healthier if you spend time with each other's families and friends.

9) Put real love first. Genuine love always respects the other person. It never says, "If you love me, you'll … " Real love says instead, "Since I care about you so much, I will respect you, treat you with kindness, and never ask you to do something you know or feel is wrong."

10) Declare a new beginning. If you think you've already given away too much, don't give up. The beauty of Christianity is that sins are forgiven and erased (see "A Second Chance at Virginity?" on page 38). You can start over today.

With Love,
Daughter of Destiny

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