I Feel Guilty..I Feel Like A Total Hypocrite

Anonymous says...

Hi,
Well I'm 18 years old and i found your blog so I just thought i'd write and ask you my questions. Anyhow
basically for the last 7 months I've been dating this guy on and off. The first three months everything was great and I really loved being with him but now I've been feeling so torn up inside over my relationship with him. I mean he's a great guy but I've had to make a lot of compromises to be with him. I've been lying to my parents about going to see him. It makes me feel so guilty every time I make up a story about where I'm going
but I just can't seem to stop. I've tried leaving him but everytime I try, he always convinces me to stay with him. He just has this way of getting the best of my emotions. I'm really really scared that I'm gonna slip up and end up sleeping with him. Like whenever this guy kisses me, I can never pull away and even though we've never talked about sex, I know that if he ever wanted to, I wouldn't be strong enough to say no. I'm just really scared right now. I just feel so far from God right now. i attend my church every week and I feel like a total hypocrite. I'm suppossed to be a christian but I feel like I've let God down so many times. i can't even pray anymore. Sometimes I wonder If god will ever take me back.

Beloved By Him replies...

Dearest sister in Christ,

When Trophy of Grace and I read your question, both our hearts immediately went out to you. We are so glad that the Lord brought you to the blog just at the right time! That definitely wasn’t a coincidence (Rom. 8:28); it was your Lord Jesus leading you to a place where you can hear His voice. He is always calling out to His children, and will go looking for even one sheep who is astray, like the Good Shepherd that He is (John 10:15-16). There will never be anything that will permanently separate us from God and His love for us--not our sins, our problems, or even if we go through a time of unbelief and unfaithfulness (Rom. 8:31, II Tim. 2:13). The devil wants you to believe the opposite, because then He can draw you further away from God. Don’t believe his lies! Instead, please keep reading and pray to “receive the implanted word, which is able to save your souls” (James 1:21).

This guy is not the one for you. Period. I know a part of you reads that and is probably upset or defensive or even angry that I can say that without really knowing him, or you, right? But in reality, people don’t have to be seen to be known; the Bible says that “by their fruits you will know them.” (Matt. 7:16,20). The two of you have been planting seeds with your behavior over the last several months, and the results are starting to show up in your life. You shared how you’ve compromised your integrity to be with him, and that you’re at the point where you can’t control your emotions around him, and are afraid that you can’t control your behavior either. This is a perfect example of temptation the way it is described in James 1:14-15,
“But each one is tempted when he is drawn away by his own desires and enticed. Then, when desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, brings forth death.”

This is not necessarily talking about physical death, although certainly some sin can lead to that kind of destruction ( I John 5:16). Right now, you’re experiencing a kind of spiritual death, where the life and light of the Holy Spirit in you is being hidden and a sinful lifestyle is taking its place, making you completely powerless and miserable. You can’t ever find true happiness down this path, because Christians can’t live a lie and not have it keep us in darkness. We are called to walk away from sin and into the light of Christ, where we find fellowship and forgiveness (I John 1:7).

Please, don’t wait for this situation to bring you in to even more bondage, to the point where your actions put you in a place where you become a prisoner of the consequences (Ps. 107:10-16). The Lord will break our chains and free us by His grace eventually, but that doesn’t mean we won’t have to walk through the valley of the shadow of death first. You need to follow God’s plan for this to work, and then trust Him for the strength to work His plan:

First and foremost, turn back to your heavenly Father, Savior, and King Who loves you so much, he suffered and died for you so that you would never have to be ashamed of your sins (Hebrews 12:2). He is waiting for you to come back to Him, and even if you feel like you can’t pray, just humble yourself before Him and let the Holy Spirit pray for you, with “groanings that can’t be uttered.” (Rom. 8:26). You have to confess your sins to Him (He knows what you’ve been doing anyways), and He will be faithful and just to forgive your sins and cleanse you from all unrighteousness (I John 1:9). You may not feel like it right away, but His forgiveness is complete and total and covers and removes all of our sin (Ps. 32:1-2,5). Also be aware that the enemy is going to try and convince you that you’re not worthy of God and His forgiveness, and try to make you ashamed about what you’ve done. Don’t believe those lies, either. II Corinthians 7: 10-11 talks about the difference between Godly sorrow, which leads to repentance, and the sorrow of the world (including shame), which leads to death. Embrace the Lord’s forgiveness and mercy with Godly sorrow, which will produce in you diligence, zeal, and a burning desire for God and His will in your life. Plus, you will open yourself back up to receiving His love and strength and power in your life again, and you can be rid of the fear that is keeping you from Him (II Tim. 1:7).

Second, you are going to need that power and love of the Holy Spirit, because you need the strength to leave this guy alone, as well as the assurance of God’s love for you, which will carry you through whatever feelings of loneliness or sadness that may come. God will give you the strength to walk away from this guy if you are willing to trust and cling to Him (Phil 4:13, Deut. 30:20). Ask Him to give you wisdom and His perspective about this relationship (James 1: 5-6), and believe what He shows you. I know that if you seek Him with a true heart, He will help you understand how dangerous this situation is, and that it’s not what he wants for you, His beloved daughter. Jesus died and rose again so that we would have abundant life, fullness of joy, and freedom from sin (John 10:10,15:11,Gal. 5:1). When we consider the sacrifice He made for us, why would we want to allow ourselves to be entangled by a yoke of bondage? Nothing compares to the goodness that God has stored up for those who love Him (I Cor. 2:9).

Thirdly, trust in God’s goodness and recommit your relationship to Him. He really does have a wonderful plan for your life, and He rewards those who diligently seek Him (Jer. 29:11,Heb. 11:6). Wait on Him to renew your strength, so that you can “rise up on wings like eagles, run and not be weary, and walk and not faint: (Is. 40:31). If you have been letting your emotions and feelings control your life and dictate your choices, it is critical that you learn to take your thoughts captive and make them obedient to Christ (II Cor. 10:5). That way, when a thought enters your mind that you know doesn’t line up with God’s Word, you can immediately check it and say, “No! God’s Word says that His will for me is sanctification! He doesn’t want me messing around with this guy! He wants me to stay pure, and He’ll help me do it!” (I Thess. 4:4-5, Phil. 2:13) It takes discipline to read and apply God’s Word, but it’s impossible to have a successful life as a Christian if we don’t really know the God we serve, and His Word that gives us wisdom. What’s the alternative? Do we want to be the author of our own mess, living defeated in sin and never giving God glory? Or do we want to become more and more like Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith, Who willingly laid down His life for us? (Heb. 12:1-2, John 10:18). Besides, it’s impossible to argue with God and win. We’re only the clay; He’s the one Who lovingly created us and has the perfect plan for us (Is. 64:8, Jer. 31:3). He’s the only one with the words of life (John 6:68).

Be strong, sister. Pray for the ability to “strengthen the hands which hang down, and the feeble knees, and make straight paths for your feet, so that what is lame may not be dislocated, but rather be healed.” (Heb. 12:12-13). The Lord wants you to know the truth, so that the truth will set you free (John 8:32). And remember, “If the Son sets you free, then you are free, free indeed” (John 8:36). He died so that you can have that freedom; you just need to make the choice to live in it. You truly can do all things through Him Who gives you strength (Phil. 4:13). Please come back and let us know how you are doing.

Love,

Beloved By Him

He Gives Hints That He Would Break Up With His Girlfriend For Me

Anonymous says..
Please help...I've been liking this guy for a while now but he has a girlfriend and plus he's not a christian. A lot of my friends say that he likes me and should talk to him about it. Plus he gives hints that he would break up with his girlfriend for me. I really like him but should I settle for someone who's not a christian or wait for the right christian guy to come around?

Beloved by Him replies..

Right now, you are in the middle of a serious temptation. Something about this guy has you seriously considering a)putting yourself between a boyfriend and girlfriend and b) pursuing a guy that’s not a Christian. You are playing with fire, and if you continue down this path, sooner or later you’re going to get burned (Prov. 6:27).

By letting yourself get pulled into this situation, you’re not just allowing yourself to be tempted, but you’re also tempting him. As a Christian, you are supposed to set an example of godliness by your behavior. We are specifically told not to entice someone else to sin, or to put a stumbling block in their way (Prov. 16:20-30, Rom. 14:13). What kind of testimony will you have if you cause the two of them to break up? You won’t be showing your friends what a Christian girl’s life should look like. You have to choose a higher standard: “Let no one despise your youth, but be an example to the believers in word, in conduct, in love, in spirit, in faith, in purity.” (I Tim. 4:12) Remember the story of Adam and Eve? She allowed herself to be tempted by Satan’s lies, and when she sinned, she caused Adam to sin as well (I Tim. 2:14). Do you really want to lead this guy away from the Lord, especially if he’s not a Christian yet?

And that’s the other issue–he’s not saved. II Cor. 6:14 clearly states, “Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers.” This is because while we love God, unbelievers love the world, and God’s love isn’t in them (I John 2:15). This boy can’t love you with real, unconditional love, because God is the only source of true love (I John 4:7-8), and if He hasn’t confessed Jesus as Lord, He doesn’t know God (I John 4:15). The Lord would never tempt you into a relationship with someone who’s not a Christian (James 1:13); He wants to love you through the right Godly man at the right time (John 15:12).

Sweetheart, if you love the Lord, then you need to let this boy go, along with any ideas about a relationship with him. God has promised to make a way for you to escape this temptation (I Cor. 10:13) and when you do, He will bless you with the crown of life (James 1:12). Pray that the Lord will give you the strength to “throw aside every weight, and the sin that so easily ensnares” you (Heb. 12:1) Once you’ve done that, you need to “flee also youthful lusts; but pursue righteousness, faith, love, peace with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart.”(II Tim. 2:22) When you determine to choose God’s best for your life, that’s what’s called “delighting yourself in the Lord,”and that comes with a promise, too–He will give you the desires of your heart (Ps.37:4).

Sincerely,

Beloved by Him

Why Is It So Hard To Do The Right Thing?

Anonymous said...

Why is is so hard to do the right thing, when you know what you doing is wrong. This is the second time that I'm asking for advice. And I know what I have to do but every time I make my mind up to end this friendship w/ this guy I met; I can't. I've moved to a new city and hardly know anyone. I've made some friends w/ ppl that I go to school w/ but don't really hang out w/ them outside school. I met this guy about a month back, I know he's interested in me but I'm not really interested in making him my man- just someone to hang out w/. So I've allowed him to take me around the city and we've been talking on the ph daily. I never asked him if he had a girlfriend bc I just assume he didn't. I have a diamond ring on my middle finger on my left had that my parents gave me a long time ago. And after the 2nd time he asked me if I was engaged, I asked him if he was seeing someone. He told me yes and he was engaged. I was totally confused bc I don't see how he can tell me I'm beautiful and it seems like he's spending all his time w/ me but has a fiance. But I've justify keeping the friendship w/ him bc we were just hanging out. So this wknd we went to the movies and when he took me back home, I usually give him a hug goodnight and this time the hug lasted a little longer, it was more affectionate, and he tried to kiss me- which I didn't allow to happen. I told him that I didn't feel comfortable being affectionate w/ him. But to my surprise I'm still chatting w/ him when I know I shouldn't bc I'm leaving the door open for both of us to sin. One of the post that I read today said something about not allowing the enemy to have something negative to report about ungodly behaviors. Please give me a word so I can stand firm and end this friendship. The truth is I haven't had a boyfriend in like 3 years and I miss the affection and attention that you get when a guy really likes you. I go to church, bible study, read the word, pray every night. But being here alone w/out anybody and just wishing I had that close bond has got me justifying w/ the holy spirit why I'm still even talking to this guy- when I know I shouldn't.


Beloved by Him says..

Dear sister in Christ,

You asked for a word, and you’re going to get it—the holy word of God. We’re going to walk through this together, step by step, so that you can get a real understanding of the deceptions and dangers of your situation, and the remedies that God has for them. If you’re willing to hear, believe, and act on His truth, then you can be set free from this confusion (John 8:32) and get your peace back (John 14:27). I truly hope you do, before a line is crossed and you’ve walked into bondage that is not easily broken. I know you can do it, because you’re already operating under the conviction of the Holy Spirit. That Spirit is the One of a heavenly Father and a wonderful Savior Who loves you more than you can imagine or comprehend! Go get a Bible, open to Ephesians 3, and read verses 14-21. It says that God’s love for us “passes knowledge”! You’re rooted and grounded in it! You are really, truly, unconditionally, and totally loved by God. You’d better believe it, because it’s the truth!

But your enemies, the world, the flesh, and the devil, absolutely do not want you to believe it. The world wants you to be isolated, so that you don’t get the Godly fellowship and support you need (I John 2:16, Hebrews 10:25, Gal. 6:2). Your flesh is at war with your spirit, (Gal. 5:16-18), because as a Christian, you don’t have to be a slave to the sin it craves. So it’s literally hell-bent on dragging you down as much as possible until the day Jesus takes us home. And as if those two weren’t enough, the devil wants to see you eaten alive (I Peter 5:8). Wow! You must have some important God-designed plan for your life to merit all this attention! When you get through this, and you will, because God is faithful to complete the good work He began in us (Phil. 1:6), you are going to be able to reach out and pull someone else out of the fire (Jude 23).

Let’s go back, though, because I know you’re not there yet. It’s so understandable that you’re lonely, not just because you’ve moved to a new place, but because there is a yearning in your heart for the man God will bring you—your beloved. As much as you have tried to imagine what he will be like, the Lord knows you better, and has fashioned your future husband to be just perfect for you (Song of Solomon 2:3). The day will come when you can share your life with that man, a man who will love you like no one else can, because he loves you by the Spirit of God in him. Don’t try to find him on your own, though. God will bring him to you in his perfect time (Psalm 18:30).

Until then, you might need to be reminded that you are very far from alone in this world. In truth, you are already off the market! Your eternal Beloved is none other than Christ Himself (II Cor. 11:2)! Isaiah 54:5 says, “Your Maker is your husband, the Lord of hosts is His name.” He is the one Who will always know your deepest desires, because He gave them to you. He will always forgive and cover over your sins, because He died and rose again for you. And you will never be alone, because He will never leave you or forsake you! You are owned by Christ and sealed by the Holy Spirit as the guarantee (Eph. 1:13-14). You may not always feel loved, but don’t give in to feelings that are contrary to God’s word. The truth is that you are incredibly loved--you always were, always are, and always will be (Jeremiah 31:3, I John 4:16, I Cor. 13:8).

Speaking of not giving in to feelings, it’s time to address what’s going on between you and your friend. If you take an honest look at what God says about who you are to Him and what He has planned for you, how does your relationship with your friend fit in? It doesn’t. First of all, you don’t have a real desire for him; rather, it seems like you’re allowing him to be the substitute for the fullness of relationship that you can find in the Lord, if you are willing to trust and pursue Him. Second, you don’t mention that this friend is a Christian, and you have serious concerns about his integrity. “Can two walk together, except they be agreed?” (Amos 3:3) You definitely shouldn’t be spending so much time with someone who doesn’t honor God or their commitments—particularly when that commitment could be an engagement to another girl! He may be breaking a promise, a vow, to love and cherish someone else. Does God want you to be a part of that? No! And he doesn’t want you to tempt this guy or yourself, either, by giving long hugs and having chatty conversations that keep the door to impurity open.

Sister, you need to close that door and run—don’t walk—in the other direction. Find a good Bible-believing church and get involved. Get an accountability partner who is strong in the Lord and who will lovingly set you straight. Most importantly, pray to your Heavenly Beloved to keep you tight in His arms, and give you His strength when you are weak (Isaiah 40:31, II Cor. 2:10). He is waiting for you to come to Him, so that He can show you how cherished you are in His sight.

Well, what are you waiting for?!? :)

He Wants to Overcome These Thoughts of Lust

Just want 2 help out said...
I have a friend and he is at the moment struggling with something...
He is a christian who does pray, stays away from wordly pleasures and is on the right track. But he shared with me that he has a struggle, now that hes in a new school (where there are so many pretty girls around) he has a problem where he notices that he looks at them in a wrong way, of course he is going to notice them but then he'll take a second or third look and he feels like its a constant battle not to stare at them. Though hes never acted on these feelings he still would like to overcome these thoughts.

He does know the word, so i was just wondering if theres any verses (like on self-control and temptation, etc...) or some advice that can help him out. cause i know hes trying so it would be helpful...thanks!

Trophy of Grace said...
There are many scriptures that he can lean on to help him. I have provided quite a few below that he can meditate on.

If he knows the Word then that is what He has to allow to come up in him when these attacks come. That is the sword that he needs to use to defeat this spirit. There may be a lustful spirit that is trying to oppress him and bring him down. He needs to do some prayer and fasting about this issue and not take it lightly. Obviously he knows that there is an issue because he has shared it with you.

Stand in the gap for him. Pray and intercede on his behalf. Perhaps you should agree to go on a fast with him and seek the Lord’s help on this. He has promised to help us when we are tempted. He has promised that He would always provide a way out when we are tempted. He does not allow us to be overtaken by temptation. We have to learn to run from anything that would cause to fall into sin. The enemy just wants to be able to build a case against your friend and accuse him of unrighteous living. Just tell your friend to stay prayed up and to keep His eyes on the Lord.

Tell him to meditate on these scriptures and allow the Holy Spirit to continue the good work that He has started in him. He can overcome this problem through the power of the Holy Spirit. When we are weak the Lord manifests His greatness in us. We are never alone in our weakness. Thank you Jesus!! Glory be to God!!

Here the scriptures:

Matthew 5:27-28” You have heard that it was said, 'Do not commit adultery. But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.”

Colossians 3:5-7 “Put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly nature: sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires and greed, which is idolatry. Because of these, the wrath of God is coming.You used to walk in these ways, in the life you once lived.”

2 Timothy 2:22 “Flee the evil desires of youth, and pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace, along with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart.”

1 John 2:15-16 “Do not love the world or anything in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For everything in the world—the cravings of sinful man, the lust of his eyes and the boasting of what he has and does—comes not from the Father but from the world.”

1 Corinthians 10:12-13 “So, if you think you are standing firm, be careful that you don't fall! No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it.”

Matthew 26:41 "Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation. The spirit is willing, but the body is weak."

Luke 22:46 "Why are you sleeping?" he asked them. "Get up and pray so that you will not fall into temptation."

Ephesians 6:10-12 “Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.”

Hebrews 2:18 “Because he himself suffered when he was tempted, he is able to help those who are being tempted.”

Hebrews 4:15 “For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet was without sin.”
James 1:12-15 “ Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him. When tempted, no one should say, "God is tempting me." For God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does he tempt anyone; but each one is tempted when, by his own evil desire, he is dragged away and enticed. Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death.
2 Peter 2:9 “…then the Lord knows how to rescue godly men from trials and to hold the unrighteous for the day of judgment, while continuing their punishment.”

I Let Vanity Get To My Head

?????? said...

Hi...I just really need to ask something and in a way blow off some steam!I know this guy from my church and hes a really close friend of mines. But i have a problem. It all started when i recently began to dress more "sexy" and guys began to give me much more notice. Now i believe women should be modest in there appearance, (of course that doesnt mean we should be "frumpie") but there is a limit, and i believe i passed it with my much more tighter and revealing clothes.we go to school together and he noticed that guys started checking me out and flirting with me. he also told me how my whole way of talinkg, acting, and walking became different and that i just became like all the rest of the girls. He admitted to me that it made him upset to know that other guys were flirting with me.I soon realized he was right and that i let vanity get to my head and i turned into a "fashion diva", conforming to the vanity of this world.All thats great but i noticed how he looks at those same "vain" girls and he thinks there pretty. yet when i do it, its SO wrong. Now i do know that i did go overboard and i realize that. But y is it that he not like me 2 do it, but it doesnt matter when other girls do it, and he even thinks there pretty. And whenever a pretty girl walks into the room he looks at them (though he tries not 2, lol)he still does.WHats up with that???

Daughter of The King replies..
Sweetheart, the first thing I want to tell you is that you have a good friend in that young man you’re talking about. He noticed you took a turn in the wrong direction and he cared for you enough to bring it to your attention.

Let me tell you a little bit about men; God created man to be a visually aroused being, he is attracted and excited by the beauty of a woman. He can’t help that, if a pretty girl walks in the room especially if she’s dressed in a sexy manner, believe me he’s going to notice. That does not mean that God allows them to look and stare and create sexual fantasies in their mind, God knows he’ll notice but he does expect him to practice self-control and look away. My husband calls this “bouncing”; once a woman enters the room and catches your attention you bounce you’re eyes somewhere else and you don’t look again. It’s not the first look that gets you into trouble it’s the second and the third look that can start your mind going down the wrong path. You said that he tries not to look at them and let me tell you that girls today make it very difficult for guys to bounce their eyes, it’s great that he’s trying, maybe you can help him by bringing this to his attention the way he did for you. Stop focusing on the pretty girls he notices here and there and realize that he obviously notices you too; he noticed that your clothing changed, he noticed that the way you walked and talked changed, he noticed that you were becoming somebody that you’re not. That’s a lot of noticing if you ask me. He liked you and respected you the way you were; beautiful on the inside and on the outside. Remember there are two types of girls; there’s the type that guys like to look at and “mess around” with and there’s the type they imagine bringing home to meet their mom and marrying one day.

Now I want to get back to you. Why did you start to dress sexy? So sexy that you said you crossed the line? What were your motives? What were you trying to achieve? Did you want to be the center of attention? Were you trying to attract men sexually? It seems to me that you were desperately seeking something or you wouldn’t have gone to such extremes. Pray about it, ask God to reveal to you what is lacking in your life and ask Him to fill that need for you.

One Final thing I want to tell you, did you know that when you dress like that you are helping satan lead the young men that are looking at you astray? As a Christian woman you should be helping the young men around you to focus on God and not help contribute to their impure thoughts. I Corinthians 10:24 (NLT) says:
“Don't think only of your own good. Think of other Christians and what is best for them.”

Sincerely,

Daughter of The King

I Don't Know How To Sort It All Out

Blogger Friend writes..
I've asked for your advice before, and it really helped! :). But I have a lot going on right now, and it isn't helping my stress factor. I'm a freshman in high school and this is pretty much my list:
• I'm trying out for pom at my high school, and I'm not getting the kind of support I'd like
• There's a lot of pressure from my mom for me to lose weight for my sister's wedding that is in May
• My best friend almost lost her purity to someone who was just using her, and I don't what to tell her
• and finally, my feelings for my best guy friend are so strong that I don't even know what to classify it as. My parents told me I'm too young to feel like I'm in love, but I really feel like I am.

I know that's a lot, and that there are people so much worse off than I am, and God has blessed me so much, but I don't know how to sort all of this stuff out that I'm going through.

Trophy of Grace replies..
I am so glad that our advice helped you and that you are back for more counsel. Thank God for this help because it is His Word that gives us the ability to give you wise counsel. May the Lord give me the Words to speak to you this evening. In Jesus name…Amen.

I can see why you feel overwhelmed. You seem to have a lot of things going on. The first thing I would do is remember that it is not God’s will for you to feel bogged down under all of these concerns. He doesn’t want you being anxious, worried, and confused. I am sure of this because the following scriptures say:

“Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4:6-7

“Casting the whole of your care [all your anxieties, all your worries, all your concerns, once and for all] on Him, for He cares for you affectionately and cares about you watchfully.” 1 Peter 5:7

The LORD says, “I will guide you along the best pathway for your life. I will advise you and watch over you.” Psalm 32:8

The first thing that I suggest that you do when you are starting to feel overwhelmed by your problems is remember the Word of God and speak the Word out loud. Confess what the Word says, “I will not be anxious for anything. I do not have to worry because I know that you will work everything out Lord for my good. I don’t need to worry because you care for all of my needs. You are helping me and directing my steps. You are leading me down the right path for my life. I will not stress out. Help Lord to make wise decisions all areas of my life. I trust Your Word. In Jesus name..Amen.”

Then I would suggest listening to some good Christian music to lift your spirit. Once you have gotten your mind under control and you have that peace which surpasses all understanding protecting your mind and heart; you can better deal with your problems. Some things the Lord will help you go through and others you will just have to leave in the Lords hands and allow Him to deal with it.

About your specific issues:

• Perhaps you can talk to one of your guidance counselors regarding what you are trying to accomplish in school. Before you go in to speak with them pray and ask our Lord to give you the words to speak and favor with the counselor. Remember to pray that His will be done and trust Him.
• I’m sure your mom means well. If you are over weight then you should ask the Lord to help you to lose weight. If you are overweight, you are more likely to develop health problems, such as heart disease, stroke, diabetes, and the list goes on. Do some research online and check out weight charts to see where about your weight should be based on your height and age. Don’t allow yourself to be overwhelmed with this issue. You may just need to develop better eating habits and start an exercise routine. From now until May you have time some weight. Just be disciplined. I think you should do it for yourself though. Allow the wedding to just be a motivator. You may also consider talking to your mom and letting her know that you feel pressure. Maybe she thinks that she is supporting you and does not mean to pressure you. Try talking to her. Maybe she will work out with you.

On the other hand if your weight is where it should be then don’t allow yourself to be told that you need to lose weight. Too many girls do awful things to lose weight because they feel that they need to be skinner. If you are not overweight and you are healthy then be happy. Let your mom know that you are comfortable with your weight. Pray before going to speak with her.
• I most certainly think you should talk with your girlfriend about your concern and of course pray for her. Be honest with her. Her purity is a precious gift that she will live to regret giving away to anyone except her husband. She will decide for herself what she will want to do. We all have to make our own decisions and we will most certainly reap whatever it is we sow. Pray for her without ceasing. But if you say nothing then you are doing her an injustice. We all need accountability.
• I don’t think that you are too young to have these feelings. I believe that you probably are feeling like you’re in love. However, you have to learn to not allow yourself to be lead by your feelings. Boys at this point in your life will just serve as distractions. Focus on your schooling. Focus on your relationship with the Lord. He is the Lover of your soul. Allow Him to be your source of joy and happiness. One day you will meet the man for you and if it is your best friend then only time will tell. Don’t ignore your feelings you just need to make them submit to the Word of God and run from anything that would cause you to sin. 2 Timothy 2:22 says “Shun youthful lusts and flee from them, and aim at and pursue righteousness (all that is virtuous and good, right living, conformity to the will of God in thought, word, and deed); [and aim at and pursue] faith, love, [and] peace (harmony and concord with others) in fellowship with all [Christians], who call upon the Lord out of a pure heart. 2 Timothy 2:22 (Amplified Bible)

If this relationship is going to cause you to have impure or lustful thoughts then you may need to spend some time apart from him until you can get your emotions under control. Trying a time of prayer and fasting about it. Let the Lord know that you do not want to be consumed by your emotions. You will see that He will help you practice self control. If you think that you can keep on like this you are deceiving yourself. Don’t fool yourself. You have to throw anything off that will hinder your relationship with the Lord.

I hope this helped..We are here for you no matter what. You can come back as many times as you want, as often as you’d like. We are here to serve you sister.

May God be glorified in your life.

In Christ Jesus love,

Trophy of Grace

I Like A Guy Who Is Already In A Relationship

Anonymous said...

I recently have come to the realization that I like a guy who already is in a relationship. I hate being in this situation and would never dream of trying to get in between him and his girlfriend, however I am really struggling because the more I am around him, the more I like him. He is just one of the sweetest boys I have ever met. Its hard because we go to the same college, while his girlfriend (of 2 1/2 years) goes to another college and he commutes most weekends to see her.

I want to handle this in a godly way and have even tried praying that their relationship be blessed, but the more time goes by, the more I fall for him. How can I glorify God in this situation?

Trophy of Grace replies...

My dear sister the answer to your dilemma is found in your question. The more that you are around him, the more that you like him. You are seeing how committed he is to his girlfriend. It is commendable what he is doing driving every weekend to see her. That is very sweet and attractive. He sounds like a good guy.

My advice to you is to get away from him…

“Flee the evil desires of youth, and pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace, along with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart.” 2 Timothy 2:22

“Watch and pray, lest you enter into temptations. The spirit is indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak.” Matthew 26:21

"You shall not covet (To wish for longingly) your neighbor's house. You shall not covet your neighbor's wife, or his manservant or maidservant, his ox or donkey, or anything that belongs to your neighbor." Exodus 20:17

Being around him is causing you to meditate on what it would be like to be with him. The only option as this point I believe is to stay away from him and respect the relationship he has with his girlfriend. If you do not get away from this relationship you will most certainly fall into sin. You are already seeing the warning signs.

Draw closer to the Lord and He will draw closer to you. The temptations in your life are no different from what others experience. And God is faithful. He will not allow the temptation to be more than you can stand. When you are tempted, He will show you a way out so that you can endure. It is your choice to take the way out. (1 Corinthians 10:13)

You can glorify God by doing what His Word says and run from anything that would cause you temptation and to fall into sin.

I will be praying for you.

Sincerely,

Trophy of Grace

I Want To Make Sure This Love Doesn't Turn To Lust

Anonymous said...
Hi...I'm 20 years old and I'm in love with someone. We have been friends for a while and we both are FULLY devoted to God. But there's a problem...we have been through so much in our pasts and I know he just might be afraid of getting into a relationship because he wants to serve the Lord with no distractions (which I also agree with)especially since we have a ministry to look after. I've prayed to God and He tells me to wait...I just wanted to know what are some things I can do to ensure I stay patient and to make sure this love doesn't turn into lust.Thank you so much!!!

Trophy of Grace says..

The first thing that came to mind when I read this is she needs to get away from him for right now. If you each want to be able to focus on your ministries and your relationship with the Lord right now then perhaps you need to take some time apart from each other. A break may be needed while you take some time to pray and build yourself up with the Word of God.

If being around each other causes lustful feelings that are distracting then you really need to RUN from this temptation, until you are able to control your emotions.

"Run from anything that stimulates youthful lust. Follow anything that makes you want to do right. Pursue faith and love and peace, and enjoy the companionship of those who call on the Lord with pure hearts." 2 Timothy 2:22

"If you keep yourself pure, you will be a utensil God can use for His purpose. Your life will be clean, and you will be ready for the Master to use you for every good work." (2 Timothy 2:21 NLT)

These are times that you must draw close to the Lord. He has to be the one that you call on to give you the strength and self- control to do the right thing. It is in His strength NOT IN YOUR OWN that you will overcome. The temptations in your life are no different from what others experience. And God is faithful. He will not allow the temptation to be more than you can stand. When you are tempted, he will show you a way out so that you can endure. (1 Corinthians 10:13)

Just be patient and wait on the Lord. He has the right person for you and He will bring him in His timing. You just have to trust Him. It may or may not be this young man.

Always remember that our Lord does not tempt us.

James 1:12-15 God blesses those who patiently endure testing and temptation. Afterward they will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him. And remember, when you are being tempted, do not say, “God is tempting me.” God is never tempted to do wrong,[and he never tempts anyone else. Temptation comes from our own desires, which entice us and drag us away. These desires give birth to sinful actions. And when sin is allowed to grow, it gives birth to death.

I love you sister…May our Lord give you the strength and the power of the Holy Spirit to help you overcome and resist this temptation. You can do all things through our Lord who gives you the power to overcome. It is that same power that raised Him for the grave. Glory to God for the victory..God bless you..

Mission For Mr.Right

Written by: Trophy of Grace

I remember when I was desperate for love. I chased love and attention from any guy that was willing to pretend to even care. I sold myself short all the time dating guys that just wanted one thing from me. I have always been a pretty intuitive chick so it was no surprise to me when I found out that they were just using me, so I told myself that I was just using them too. In a sense I really was. We did not love or respect each other.

“I love you” was muttered to those guys that I thought could possibly be the one, but I quickly learned that love isn’t cheating, sex, lying, and manipulating. However that was the love I got and that was the love I learned to give.

Deep down inside my heart was hidden underneath layers of denial, hurt, betrayal, loneliness, and sadness longing to have a love that was something special and different from the rest. I needed someone to love and cherish me. I wanted to be some man’s everything. My mission for love and Mr. Right only lead me to lust and infatuation in the arms of Mr. Wrong every time. When would I finally be someone’s wifey?

I wish I knew then what I know now, that we don’t need to go around looking for Mr. Right. He will come and find us when the time is right and appointed by God. All we have to do is leave it in God’s hands and change our focus in life from searching for love in all the wrong places to receiving love from the One who gives True Love.

Instead of desperately seeking a relationship with a man we are to first diligently seek a relationship with the One who loves us more than words can say. He is the lover of our souls. He is the one who can give us the desires of our hearts. He is the one that we can depend on and cast all of our cares on. He is the one that has good gifts to give us because He cherishes us with all of His heart. He will not leave us or abandon us. He will not lie, deceive, and hurt us. He sacrificed His son on the cross for us so that we can be saved and live life more abundantly. God Almighty has us constantly on His mind. He longs to have an intimate relationship with us.

Matthew 6:33 “But seek (aim at and strive after) first of all His kingdom and His righteousness (His way of doing and being right), and then all these things [taken together will be given you besides.

Having a real personal relationship with God before searching for our soul mate is the wisest thing we could ever do. The Lord will teach us about real Love. Receiving His love and spending time with Him will teach us how to love others. Our minds will be renewed and changed. We will be healed and equipped to be the helpmate to the man that God has ordained for us.

While you are being taught and renewed by the Word of God the Lord will also be molding and preparing your future husband. At the same time our Lord will be making a way for your paths to cross one day, if they haven’t already. He is the best match maker because He knows what you both want and most of all what you need.

Abort your mission to find your soul mate. Start pursing a romance with the Lover of Your Soul. He will make you feel cherished, adored, beautiful, and loved. Then when Mr. Right comes you will be ready to serve each other the way God intended. Seek first God’s will for your life.

This Is Not the Life I Want For Myself

A Friend Wrote: Going through some crazy drama and don't even know why. Everything is too much for me that I'm gonna start going to church every sunday starting this sunday coming up, I come to realize that I need god in my life and just need to start my life fresh. This is not the life I want for myself... Been doing a lot of thinking to myself and need to just do and stop thinking so much about it but at times I just feel like given up on myself...

Reply: ... I can understand why you're tired of that way of life. There are so many factors that will rot away at your heart... drinking, sex, surrounding yourself with bad company, to name a few.

I can definitely say that God's made such a big difference in my life and I'm positive He will do the same for you. Knowing that HE loves you unconditionally and accepts you as you are is an incredible feeling! There's no need to feel ashamed or be down on yourself with Christ. Going to church, building a relationship with the Lord is the 1st step towards starting fresh.

I think you have to reconsider how you're spending your free time. Drinking as much as you've been is not good for you. Alcohol may mask your worries, fears & troubles for a little while but it doesn't make them go away. Once you sober up, they are still waiting for you... and you may have a couple of more issues like not remembering what you did while you were drunk. or having to ask other people what you did or didn't do. Or regretting your actions or words.

1 Thessalonians 5:4-8
“You are all children of the light and of the day, and do not belong to darkness and night. So be on your guard not asleep like the others. Watch for his return and stay sober. Night is the time for sleep and the time when people get drunk. But let us who live in the light keep sober..”

About sex... You body is as sacred as a temple. You should preserve it and not give it to whomever gives you the most attention at the time. Men will say what they can in order to fulfill their desires, it doesn't mean that they care for you or will be there for you. Multiple partners (especially in only a few months) is not healthy, physically or emotionally. Do you realize how many diseases/illnesses you're opening yourself up to? You're not sleeping with just that person... in a sense, you're sleeping with everyone they've laid down with. And emotionally, how is that effecting your self esteem? self worth? You are a valuable treasure. YOU are a wonderful person, beautiful inside and out and should be treated with respect and honor.

Psalm 139: 13,14
He shaped us in our mother’s womb, and we are marvelous inside and out!

Deut. 7:16
We are His cherished treasure

Song of Solomon 1:15
He thinks we’re beautiful

I value you as a friend and I pray for you all the time. I pray that you will build a relationship with God and He will direct you down the right path. I pray for your happiness. I pray for you to be blessed 10 times over, as God intended.

I'm glad to hear you say you want to seek God and I'd like to invite you to my church's service on Sunday. But please, whether you make it to service this week or not, please think about your lifestyle. Begin by dropping communication with those that hinder you and stop the drunken partying. It will only widen the darkness in your heart.

I love you and am praying for you.

Saved By Faith


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My Friend Doesn't Understand

Anonymous Wrote:
My best friend and I have known each other for over 10 years; we know each other very well. Although we are best friends I'm not much of a phone person and our work schedules are so hectic that we only go to dinner about once a week. She always gets mad at me for not calling her enough, etc. We went away this weekend w/ our boyfriends and I sensed she was mad at me the whole time. My boyfriend and I don't drink or go to clubs and I feel she was upset about that. I feel that she is really demanding of my time and doesn’t understand that I don’t want to fall back into the world. I don't know if it's me being a bad friend or if it’s something on her part. She is catholic but doesn’t go to church or anything, I am Christian and want a closer relationship with the Lord. What should I do?

Response:I don’t think you’re being a bad friend. I think this is more about friends understanding one another and accepting them as they are. For example, I work and go to school and am raise my children on my own, so my time is extremely limited… and aside from that, I only like to be on the phone when it’s something important. Most of my friends understand that and respect it. On occasion, there’s one that wants more time or asks why I “never” talk to her (I think her phone is surgically attached to her ear! lol). If I know it’s something that’s important to my friend, I will try to make a call here & there just to say hi (keeping it short) or I’ll send a text message. But they also have to accept my schedule and understand that they cannot be my main focus… but the occasional call or text shows them that, although they aren’t my main focus, I thought of them and am here for them. I think the difference in how you & she are living your lives now might be what’s really hardening the friendship though.

Having friends that don’t go to church or don’t really understand what it means to live as a Christian is very difficult. It is very easy for them to get mad or offended because you don’t want to party with them anymore. Being of the flesh, it’s hard for them to accept that you’ve changed your ways and are trying to live your life according to God’s will. This is when we have to determine who our friends really are. I would love to say that eventually they’ll accept it and you’ll still have the same wonderful friendship but it doesn’t necessarily work that way. A lot of the time, in my experience, they will distance themselves or I will distance myself, because it’s too much of a conflict of interest. Your main focus is strengthening your relationship in Christ and should not… cannot… compromise your salvation. Talk to her, let her know you value the friendship and you would like her to be more understanding and accepting of how you’re living now. Pray before speaking with her; make sure you speak with her out of love. You should also keep her in your prayers. Pray that she finds her way to Christ and turns her sinning ways around. Continue to stand strong and set the example for others. Your testimony will impact others.

Please read this article, it’s about Christian living and fleshly friends.
Jesus Freak

Your sister is Christ,

Saved By Faith

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My Lustful Desires

QUESTION: im 18 n im not a virgin ne more n sometimes i get these overwhelming desires to just hook up w/ ppl i start gettin to kno.....is that normal??

ANSWER: Humans were created to have sexual urges and these urges are natural. However, acting upon them is a different story.

God created us to have sexual pleasure in a member of the opposite sex, but not with just anyone… only with a spouse. He didn't make us to satisfy our desires from person to person, stranger, boyfriend or fiancée. Desiring someone who doesn't belong to you in marriage causes frustration and strays away from what the Lord wants for you… true love and true intimacy.

One of the enemy’s goals is to use a cheap imitation of God’s perfect plan of marriage’s true love and intimacy by using LUST. Lust is a longing that is uncontained and uncontrolled. It is the opposite of self-control, which is one of the "fruits of the Holy Spirit" (Galatians 5:23). Jesus wanted to set us free from these fleshly desires. God will allow us to fulfill these desires with a spouse in His good timing. Until that time, we must learn to control our sex drives.

Draw closer to God for the strength and self-control you need. God is our source of strength and the only defense against the enemy's attacks of lust. Building a relationship with God will give you a desire to please Him more than your own flesh desires.

James 1:13 -18

Be strong in the Lord! Study God's word and seek His will. Remember that the devil's temptations are always deceitful: he may offer you pleasure now but it comes with a horrible price to pay sooner or later.

John 8:34-36

Saved By Faith

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My Cheating Ex

Confused Asked: I'VE BEEN WITH MY EX FOR THREE YEARS ON AND OFF AND WE FINALLY BROKE UP CUZ HE WAS CHEATING ON ME. OUT THE BLUE HE CALLS AND SAID THAT HE WANTS TO TAKE ME OUT FOR HIS BIRTHDAY IT DOESN'T SOUND RIGHT WHAT SHOULD I DO?


Answer: A major factor in relationships is trust:

Trust
1. reliance on the integrity, strength, ability, surety, etc., of a person or thing; confidence
2. confident expectation of something; hope

On again/off again relationships are always difficult because the trust usually slowly fades with every break up. Cheating shows a lack of a couple of things… lack of respect, trust, and of communication. I was in an on/off relationship for 10 years and we struggled with these same issues due to his infidelity. Truth of the matter be told, we weren’t able to get back the trust we had. Your ex’s invitation to celebrate his birthday with you might be him looking for a window of opportunity. He’s seeking you out at your weakest moment and this kind of manipulation or seduction is not God’s intention.

The enemy boasted, 'I will pursue, I will overtake them. I will divide the spoils; I will gorge myself on them. I will draw my sword and my hand will destroy them.’ (Exodus 15:9)

Pray. Ask the Lord to show you what He would have you do (Philippians 4:6-7).Ask God to give you wisdom (James 1:5). God promises to grant prayer requests that are asked according to His will (1 John 5:14-15). God wants you to make good relationship decisions. God desires you to be happy from your relationships. If you ask God with an open heart, He will give you the advice you need.

Saved By Faith

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Getting Married To Another Girl Pt.2

Continued from Getting Married To Another Girl..What Do You Think?

Anonymous responds..That's what I fell for.

Answer..That's exactly what it is a fall..you have fallen for the lies of the enemy. He has been planning since the day you were born to kill you, steal from you, and destroy you. Listen to what Jesus said,"The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full."

The devil is the theif that Jesus is speaking of. He is determined to have your soul and he will send any type of distraction to deceive you and to keep you in bondage. He knows that God is a loving and forgiving God. So if you stop what your doing and realize that you are a sinner in need of a Savior (Jesus) and turn to God asking for forgivenes that He will forgive you. The devil also knows that God is a God of justice and will reward each of us according to our deeds. If in this life we live to please ourselves and live in sin with no regard for God; then when we die we will also live eternally separated from God in hell.

PLEASE...PLEASE READ THIS! IT'S MATTER OF LIFE OR DEATH!

Romans 1:18-32
But God shows his anger from heaven against all sinful, wicked people who suppress the truth by their wickedness. They know the truth about God because he has made it obvious to them. For ever since the world was created, people have seen the earth and sky. Through everything God made, they can clearly see his invisible qualities—his eternal power and divine nature. So they have no excuse for not knowing God. Yes, they knew God, but they wouldn’t worship him as God or even give him thanks. And they began to think up foolish ideas of what God was like. As a result, their minds became dark and confused. Claiming to be wise, they instead became utter fools. And instead of worshiping the glorious, ever-living God, they worshiped idols made to look like mere people and birds and animals and reptiles. So God abandoned them to do whatever shameful things their hearts desired. As a result, they did vile and degrading things with each other’s bodies. They traded the truth about God for a lie. So they worshiped and served the things God created instead of the Creator himself, who is worthy of eternal praise! Amen. That is why God abandoned them to their shameful desires. Even the women turned against the natural way to have sex and instead indulged in sex with each other. And the men, instead of having normal sexual relations with women, burned with lust for each other. Men did shameful things with other men, and as a result of this sin, they suffered within themselves the penalty they deserved. Since they thought it foolish to acknowledge God, he abandoned them to their foolish thinking and let them do things that should never be done. Their lives became full of every kind of wickedness, sin, greed, hate, envy, murder, quarreling, deception, malicious behavior, and gossip. They are backstabbers, haters of God, insolent, proud, and boastful. They invent new ways of sinning, and they disobey their parents. They refuse to understand, break their promises, are heartless, and have no mercy. They know God’s justice requires that those who do these things deserve to die, yet they do them anyway. Worse yet, they encourage others to do them, too.

Please don't let this be you..I am praying for your salvation.

Trophy of Grace

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More Information on Homosexual Issues
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In A Relationship for 3 years, But I Like Girls

B asks..Let me tell you my situation. I have a boy friend that I have been with for 3years and I love him so much. We have a baby girl and she is my world, but I also like girls. I mean I really do a whole lot and I dont know what to do?

Answer..In your heart you must know that being a lebsian is not God's will for your life. He designed you to be with a man. That is why he blessed you with that beautiful baby. These desires are not ones that you were born with no matter how far back they go. This is an issue that many girls & women struggle with today. You are not alone. Society has made it seem like homosexual behavior is acceptable and normal. It is not..God has a better plan for your life.

If you surrender your life, your will, and your desires to Jesus he will make you a new creature. He can make you a vessel of honor if you let him, but you have got to seek God's help on this. My suggestion would be for you to pray-talk directly to God about these desires. He is faithful to hear our prayers. He wants to listen to you. He will give you all of the resources and guidance you need to defeat this temptation. I know you want help or else you would not have asked.

There is a website called Exodus International. They are the largest information and referral ministry in the world addressing homosexual isses. Here is a link where you can read real stories of other women who have battled the spirit of homosexuality. Take a moment and read some the stories and you will see that you are not alone. http://exodus.to/content/blogcategory/25/148/

One of my favorite scriptures is 1 Corinthians 10:13 and I love the way it reads in my bible because it reminds me that I am not alone in the temptations that I fight. It says, "But remember this-the wrong desires that come into your life aren't anything new and different. Many others have faced exactly the same problems before you. And no temptation is irresistible. You can trust God to keep the temptation from becoming so strong that you can't stand up against it; for he has promised this and will do what he says. He will show you how to escape temptation's power so that you can bear up patiently against it."I hope this helps..I will be praying for you.

Trophy of Grace

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