My 16-yr-old Daughter is Not Pure Anymore

Anonymous said...
How to handle finding out your 16 yr daughter is partly not pure anymore. I haven't said anything to her yet. But My first reactin is to ground her and make her read verses all day. I'm so hurt by this
I'm having a hard time typin.
Please Help.

Beloved by Him said...
When a son or daughter sacrifices his or her purity, the loss is not just theirs, it’s also the parents’, particularly when it’s a Christian family that’s involved. A parent who walks with the Lord knows and understands more fully what a precious gift sexual purity is, and hopes that their child will guard and keep it for the person that God has chosen as the child’s future spouse. When that doesn’t happen, it’s totally normal for a parent to be angry, grief-stricken, worried, and disappointed (Prov.10:1, 17:25). This is when we have to cry out to Jesus for the help we need, for the child and for us. This is when we really learn about and lean on God’s love and faithfulness.

Make sure that before you confront your daughter, you have committed your spirit into the Lord’s hands. Get into the Word. Pray for the peace that passes understanding. Pour out your heart before Him. You need to do this now, and you’re going to have to do it many more times, because this is no quick-fix situation. Putting her in her room and having her copy Bible verses will not substitute for the loving relationship you can build with her, even if she fights and says she doesn’t want you or your rules. Determine like Paul did in Philippians 2: 17 that you are going to pour yourself out like a drink offering, so that the Lord can fill you and move in you by His Spirit. Pray especially for patience and longsuffering, which will be the ability to “bear up under” the pain and “put fury far off while suffering wrong”. And as difficult as it may be, purpose to be gentle when you talk to her. David said in Psalm 18:35 that “Your gentleness has made me great.” You need to reflect God’s face to her, not the flood of emotions that you are feeling. Ask God to give you the quiet and gentle spirit that is precious to Him (1 Peter 3: 4), and the right and fitting words to say (Prov. 25: 11). I know it may seem impossible! But remember, all things are possible with God (Matt. 19: 26).

You are going to have to find out from her, though it may be difficult for both of you, the extent of her actions. Was this a one-time event, or is she caught up in a cycle of bad behavior? Who else, if anyone, was involved? There are going to be some very uncomfortable moments, because, after all, this is a beloved child that we’re talking about. (Stop…breathe…pray) Don’t be surprised if what you already know is not all there is to know. Hopefully, she will be open to talking to you. Encourage her that the more honest she is, the more helpful it will be. Remind her that the Lord already knows, and has provided all the forgiveness she needs. Share Prov. 28: 13 with her, “Whoever covers his sins will not prosper, but whoever confesses and forsakes them will have mercy.” And you have to be prepared to give her mercy, too. Don’t turn her actions into shame or punish her unjustly. The Lord will show you how to discipline her so that it is profitable for her good (Hebrews 12: 10-11). When her confession is done, make sure that she knows you forgive her (Colossians 3:12-13), and that you will always love her, no matter what (Prov. 10:12, 1 Peter 4:8).

It is so important that even in this difficult time, you keep your eyes, heart, and hope set on Him. If you keep focusing on your daughter’s sin, you will become bitter, and will find it hard to resist the temptations to keep bringing it up, to stop believing the best about her, and possibly even to treat her with less respect. It’s very easy to allow unforgiveness to permeate our thoughts and actions, in the name of discipline or self-righteousness. Romans 3: 10 says, “There is none righteous, no, not one.” We know that we’re all sinners, but when it’s our child, we can incorrectly assume that their wrong actions mean that we’ve failed as a parent. If that were so, then God would be in the same boat, and of course He’s not. Your daughter made a wrong choice, and there will be consequences. Still, she is not her sin. If she is a Christian, then she is the righteousness of Christ (Phil. 3: 9), and God will use this for her good, because she is called to His purpose (Romans 8: 28), and He will be glorified in her. Choose to walk by faith, not by sight, and believe the best about her. Meditate on Scriptures that proclaim God’s promises for our descendants, such as Isaiah 54:13 and Prov. 22: 6. Most importantly, don’t give up. We are promised in Galatians 6:8-9 that if we don’t grow weary or lose heart, we will reap everlasting life. You are sowing seeds of God’s eternal love and faithfulness into this situation. Yes, you may sow in tears, but by God’s grace, you will reap in joy (Psalm 126: 5-6).

Beloved by Him

I Don't Know How To Sort It All Out

Blogger Friend writes..
I've asked for your advice before, and it really helped! :). But I have a lot going on right now, and it isn't helping my stress factor. I'm a freshman in high school and this is pretty much my list:
• I'm trying out for pom at my high school, and I'm not getting the kind of support I'd like
• There's a lot of pressure from my mom for me to lose weight for my sister's wedding that is in May
• My best friend almost lost her purity to someone who was just using her, and I don't what to tell her
• and finally, my feelings for my best guy friend are so strong that I don't even know what to classify it as. My parents told me I'm too young to feel like I'm in love, but I really feel like I am.

I know that's a lot, and that there are people so much worse off than I am, and God has blessed me so much, but I don't know how to sort all of this stuff out that I'm going through.

Trophy of Grace replies..
I am so glad that our advice helped you and that you are back for more counsel. Thank God for this help because it is His Word that gives us the ability to give you wise counsel. May the Lord give me the Words to speak to you this evening. In Jesus name…Amen.

I can see why you feel overwhelmed. You seem to have a lot of things going on. The first thing I would do is remember that it is not God’s will for you to feel bogged down under all of these concerns. He doesn’t want you being anxious, worried, and confused. I am sure of this because the following scriptures say:

“Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4:6-7

“Casting the whole of your care [all your anxieties, all your worries, all your concerns, once and for all] on Him, for He cares for you affectionately and cares about you watchfully.” 1 Peter 5:7

The LORD says, “I will guide you along the best pathway for your life. I will advise you and watch over you.” Psalm 32:8

The first thing that I suggest that you do when you are starting to feel overwhelmed by your problems is remember the Word of God and speak the Word out loud. Confess what the Word says, “I will not be anxious for anything. I do not have to worry because I know that you will work everything out Lord for my good. I don’t need to worry because you care for all of my needs. You are helping me and directing my steps. You are leading me down the right path for my life. I will not stress out. Help Lord to make wise decisions all areas of my life. I trust Your Word. In Jesus name..Amen.”

Then I would suggest listening to some good Christian music to lift your spirit. Once you have gotten your mind under control and you have that peace which surpasses all understanding protecting your mind and heart; you can better deal with your problems. Some things the Lord will help you go through and others you will just have to leave in the Lords hands and allow Him to deal with it.

About your specific issues:

• Perhaps you can talk to one of your guidance counselors regarding what you are trying to accomplish in school. Before you go in to speak with them pray and ask our Lord to give you the words to speak and favor with the counselor. Remember to pray that His will be done and trust Him.
• I’m sure your mom means well. If you are over weight then you should ask the Lord to help you to lose weight. If you are overweight, you are more likely to develop health problems, such as heart disease, stroke, diabetes, and the list goes on. Do some research online and check out weight charts to see where about your weight should be based on your height and age. Don’t allow yourself to be overwhelmed with this issue. You may just need to develop better eating habits and start an exercise routine. From now until May you have time some weight. Just be disciplined. I think you should do it for yourself though. Allow the wedding to just be a motivator. You may also consider talking to your mom and letting her know that you feel pressure. Maybe she thinks that she is supporting you and does not mean to pressure you. Try talking to her. Maybe she will work out with you.

On the other hand if your weight is where it should be then don’t allow yourself to be told that you need to lose weight. Too many girls do awful things to lose weight because they feel that they need to be skinner. If you are not overweight and you are healthy then be happy. Let your mom know that you are comfortable with your weight. Pray before going to speak with her.
• I most certainly think you should talk with your girlfriend about your concern and of course pray for her. Be honest with her. Her purity is a precious gift that she will live to regret giving away to anyone except her husband. She will decide for herself what she will want to do. We all have to make our own decisions and we will most certainly reap whatever it is we sow. Pray for her without ceasing. But if you say nothing then you are doing her an injustice. We all need accountability.
• I don’t think that you are too young to have these feelings. I believe that you probably are feeling like you’re in love. However, you have to learn to not allow yourself to be lead by your feelings. Boys at this point in your life will just serve as distractions. Focus on your schooling. Focus on your relationship with the Lord. He is the Lover of your soul. Allow Him to be your source of joy and happiness. One day you will meet the man for you and if it is your best friend then only time will tell. Don’t ignore your feelings you just need to make them submit to the Word of God and run from anything that would cause you to sin. 2 Timothy 2:22 says “Shun youthful lusts and flee from them, and aim at and pursue righteousness (all that is virtuous and good, right living, conformity to the will of God in thought, word, and deed); [and aim at and pursue] faith, love, [and] peace (harmony and concord with others) in fellowship with all [Christians], who call upon the Lord out of a pure heart. 2 Timothy 2:22 (Amplified Bible)

If this relationship is going to cause you to have impure or lustful thoughts then you may need to spend some time apart from him until you can get your emotions under control. Trying a time of prayer and fasting about it. Let the Lord know that you do not want to be consumed by your emotions. You will see that He will help you practice self control. If you think that you can keep on like this you are deceiving yourself. Don’t fool yourself. You have to throw anything off that will hinder your relationship with the Lord.

I hope this helped..We are here for you no matter what. You can come back as many times as you want, as often as you’d like. We are here to serve you sister.

May God be glorified in your life.

In Christ Jesus love,

Trophy of Grace

I Pray Every Night For This Man To Disappear

Anonymous says..

I dont know what to do anymore. My mother divorced my dad during my early teen years and since then she has been dating this guy that doesnt respect her at all and the worse part is that he doesnt respect me. I pray everynight for this man to disappear from her life and everytime I see his face I just want to blow up. I've had conversations with my mother about him but she told me that she doesnt care about how I feel and that she is not going to leave him because according to her "humans cant be by themselves". It hurts me so much, all she does is defend him. I'm trying to finish my college degree as soon as possible so I can leave the house. What should I do?

Trophy of Grace responds..

Keep your eye on the goal. If this is where you need to be right now while you are going to school (as long as you are not in danger) then you will need to pray for extra strength so that you can finish your degree.

If your mom’s boyfriend is disrespectful in a fresh or perverted manner then you must truly consider getting out of that situation quickly. If he is verbally rude and says insensitive things then that is different. It does not make it better however; you may be able to endure just a little longer while you finish up school.

The scripture that just came to my mind is found in Matthew 11:28-29. I truly believe Jesus is saying this to you right now. "Come to me, I know you are weary and burdened, I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your soul.”

I know that you are going through a lot right now watching your mom settle for this dysfunctional relationship. You have to continue to keep praying for her and trusting God to help her. It is time for you to find rest for your weary soul. Her time will come too don’t worry. It’s time for you to lay your burdens down at His feet and receive hope and faith to carry on. If you do not this will all begin to eat at you like an evil cancer.

You have been carrying this burden on your heart for quite some time now. It is time to allow Jesus to have His way in your heart. He can help you make it through whatever time you have left there with a peace inside of you like never before. He has a way giving us peace which surpasses all understanding in the middle of a terrible storm. But that peace only comes when we are trusting Him.

He wants to help you forgive your mother and her boyfriend. He does not want you to be consumed with anger, bitterness, and resentment. He wants you to live your life knowing that you can cast all of your cares on Him because He cares for you. He always has.

He has heard all of your prayers and He has seen your tears. This was not His will for your life. His plans for you are good, not for evil. To give you a future and a hope.

If you want me to tell what to do. Then I would have to say trust Jesus with all of your heart and lean not on your own understanding. Give Him your heart, your will, and your life. Ask Him to forgive you for your sins and to create in you a clean heart. He will then renew you. He will give you a new sense of direction and strength. You will become a new creation. You will be born again to be used for His glory. He will teach you to live life more abundantly.

These problems that you are facing today will only be temporary. You have no idea the good things that God has prepared for you, if you will only trust Him and allow Him to have His way in your life.

Keep doing what you’re doing by praying daily. Pray for this man. Ask God to touch His heart and save Him. I know this may seem hard but Jesus ask this of us. He said, “But I tell you who hear me: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you.”

If you are not already start reading the bible. If you are already reading them increase your time in study. This will give you even more direction and wisdom for your life. It will be your source of hope and strength. Find a church that teaches the bible, true followers of Christ Jesus who will help and encourage you. You do not have to face these times alone.

You are never alone..

I will be praying for you. In closing I just want to share on of my favorite scriptures. It’s Jeremiah 29:11-13 “For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.

I will be praying for you. Be strong and courageous. God has not forgotten you.

PS - The women of WeUsed2bu love and care about your eternal soul. Therefore, we must tell you that there will be a day when each of us will have to stand before God and be judged for all we have done on this Earth. To find out how you can have right standing with God CLICK HERE

A Book That Gives Advice On Raising Children

Anonymous said...

I need some help. I'm 22 years old and just returned from working abroad. I was in a relationship with a man while I was away, and got myself pregnant. When I told him this, he didn't want any part of the whole thing. My parents are being very understanding, and even trying to give me books on parenting. The ones on single parenting they have found for me are all referring to divorce, death,or other ways the parents separated but are both in the child's life. I'm trying to find a book, that is not for teenagers, that will give advice on raising a child on your own when the father is never going to be there for the child.

Trophy of Grace responds...

I know the perfect book! It is the best book in the whole entire world. This book will give you all the answers you need for not only raising your beautiful gift from God, but will give you directions for all areas of your life. It is the bible. The infallible Word of God.

You see the bible was inspired by God and is used to teach us what is true and to make us realize what is wrong in our lives. It corrects us when we are wrong and it teaches us to do what is right. God uses it to prepare and equip His people to do every good work. ( 2 Timothy 3:16-17)

I would say that being a parent is a good work. Wouldn’t you?

For me this is my source of wisdom and direction. It has never failed me. You see the Word of God is true and does not lie. It is full of life and hope.

Hebrews 4:12:”For the word of God is quick [alive], and powerful, and sharper than any two edged sword, piercing even to the dividing asunder of soul and spirit, and of the joints and marrow, and is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart.”

Romans 15:13
“I pray that God, the source of hope, will fill you completely with joy and peace because you trust in Him. Then you will overflow with confident hope through the power of the Holy Spirit.”

The bible will teach you to how raise your children, manage your money, about friendship and loving others, marriage, fear, worry, confusion, forgiveness, anger, prayer, enemies, how to be more than a conqueror, and so much more. The most important thing the bible teaches is about having a restored relationship with God through confessing our sins and total faith in Jesus Christ for salvation.

I would suggest that you start reading the book of John first along with a chapter of Proverbs a day.

In the mean time here are some scriptures on raising children:

Proverbs - Chapter 22:6
6. Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it.
Psalm - Chapter 127:3
3. Sons are a heritage from the Lord, children a reward from him.

Proverbs - Chapter 4:1-17
1. Listen , my sons, to a father's instruction; pay attention and gain understanding.2. I give you sound learning, so do not forsake my teaching. 3. When I was a boy in my father's house, still tender, and an only child of my mother,4. he taught me and said, Lay hold of my words with all your heart; keep my commands and you will live.5. Get wisdom, get understanding; do not forget my words or swerve from them.6. Do not forsake wisdom, and she will protect you; love her, and she will watch over you.7. Wisdom is supreme; therefore get wisdom. Though it cost all you have, get understanding. 8. Esteem her, and she will exalt you; embrace her, and she will honor you.9. She will set a garland of grace on your head and present you with a crown of splendor.10. Listen, my son, accept what I say, and the years of your life will be many.11. I guide you in the way of wisdom and lead you along straight paths.12. When you walk, your steps will not be hampered; when you run, you will not stumble.13. Hold on to instruction, do not let it go; guard it well, for it is your life.14. Do not set foot on the path of the wicked or walk in the way of evil men.15. Avoid it, do not travel on it; turn from it and go on your way. 16. For they cannot sleep till they do evil; they are robbed of slumber till they make someone fall.17. They eat the bread of wickedness and drink the wine of violence.18. The path of the righteous is like the first gleam of dawn, shining ever brighter till the full light of day.

Proverbs - Chapter 6:20-23
20. My son, obey your father's commands, and don't neglect your mother's teaching.21. Keep their words always in your heart. Tie them around your neck.22. Wherever you walk, their counsel can lead you. When you sleep, they will protect you. When you wake up in the morning, they will advise you.23. For these commands and this teaching are a lamp to light the way ahead of you. The correction of discipline is the way of life.

Proverbs - Chapter 2:1-6
1. My son, if you accept my words and store up my commands within you,2. turning your ear to wisdom and applying your heart to understanding,3. and if you call out for insight and cry aloud for understanding, 4. and if you look for it as for silver and search for it as for hidden treasure,5. then you will understand the fear of the Lord and find the knowledge of God.6. For the Lord gives wisdom, and from his mouth come knowledge and understanding.

Proverbs - Chapter 3:1-12
1. My son, do not forget my teaching, but keep my commands in your heart,2. for they will prolong your life many years and bring you prosperity.3. Let love and faithfulness never leave you; bind them around your neck, write them on the tablet of your heart.4. then you will win favor and a good name in the sight of God and man.5. Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding;6. in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.7. Do not be wise in your own eyes; fear the Lord and shun evil. 8. This will bring health to your body and nourishment to your bones. 9. Honor the Lord with your wealth, with the firstfruits of all your crops; 10. then your barns will be filled to overflowing, and your vats will brim over with new wine. 11. My son, do not despise the Lord's discipline and do not resent his rebuke,12. because the Lord disciplines those he loves, as a father the son he delights in.

Mark - Chapter 10:13-14
13. People were bringing little children to Jesus to have him touch them, but the disciples rebuked them.14. When Jesus saw this, he was indignant. He said to them, "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these."

Ephesians - Chapter 6:1-4
1.Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. 2. "Honor your father and mother"-which is the first commandment with a promise-3."that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth." 4. Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord."

Colossians - Chapter 3:20
20. Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord.

Love Trophy of Grace

PS - The women of WeUsed2bu love and care about your eternal soul. Therefore, we must tell you that there will be a day when each of us will have to stand before God and be judged for all we have done on this Earth. To find out how you can have right standing with God CLICK HERE

Thankful

Cross posting from Saved by Faith [blog site]

THANKFUL:

FOR THE WIFE
WHO SAYS IT'S HOT DOGS TONIGHT,
BECAUSE SHE IS HOME WITH ME,
AND NOT OUT WITH SOMEONE ELSE.


FOR THE HUSBAND
WHO IS ON THE SOFA
BEING A COUCH POTATO,
BECAUSE HE IS HOME WITH ME
AND NOT OUT AT THE BARS.


FOR THE TEENAGER
WHO IS COMPLAINING ABOUT DOING DISHES
BECAUSE IT MEANS SHE IS AT HOME,
NOT ON THE STREETS.


FOR THE TAXES I PAY
BECAUSE IT MEANS I AM EMPLOYED.


FOR THE MESS TO CLEAN AFTER A PARTY
BECAUSE IT MEANS I HAVE BEEN SURROUNDED BY FAMILY AND FRIENDS.


FOR THE CLOTHES THAT FIT A LITTLE TOO SNUG
BECAUSE IT MEANS I HAVE ENOUGH TO EAT.


FOR MY SHADOW THAT WATCHES ME WORK
BECAUSE IT MEANS I AM OUT IN THE SUNSHINE


FOR A LAWN THAT NEEDS MOWING,
WINDOWS THAT NEED CLEANING, AND GUTTERS THAT NEED FIXING
BECAUSE IT MEANS I HAVE A HOME


FOR ALL THE COMPLAINING I HEAR ABOUT THE GOVERNMENT
BECAUSE IT MEANS WE HAVE FREEDOM OF SPEECH.


FOR THE PARKING SPOT
I FIND AT THE FAR END OF THE PARKING LOT
BECAUSE IT MEANS I AM CAPABLE OF WALKING AND I HAVE BEEN BLESSED WITH TRANSPORTATION


FOR MY HUGE HEATING BILL
BECAUSE IT MEANS I AM WARM.


FOR THE LADY BEHIND ME IN CHURCH
WHO SINGS OFF KEY BECAUSE IT MEANS I CAN HEAR.


FOR THE PILE OF LAUNDRY AND IRONING
BECAUSE IT MEANS WE HAVE PLENTY OF CLOTHES TO WEAR.


FOR WEARINESS AND ACHING MUSCLES
AT THE END OF THE DAY
BECAUSE IT MEANS I HAVE BEEN CAPABLE OF WORKING HARD.


FOR THE ALARM THAT GOES OFF IN THE EARLY MORNING HOURS
BECAUSE IT MEANS I AM ALIVE!!!.

My Dad Threatened Violence Against My Boyfriend

Anonymous writes… ok heres my question my boyfriend when he was 17 had a relationship with a girl who was 13 he got in trouble for it. but came out of that a strong Christian and a better person. i am very much in love with him i plan to marry him. the problem is my father (im 20 years old by the way)he is a reserve cop and because of my boyfriend's past has threatened violence against him if he enters the house. my father is not a Christian. i feel that god has led me to my boyfriend and that he is the one i was meant for. he strengthens me and has helped me in times when i have doubted my own faith. i haven't had the easiest life myself i lived in a house of abuse in LA with my mom and her husband for six years until i was 18 and able to move in with my father. i continue to pray for strength to get me through this. i dont understand my fathers anger because my boyfriend has never been any thing other than kind and polite to any member of my family. nor has his family who are strong Christian people. i would love some advise HELP

Saved by Faith replies… Everyone has sinned in their life, and in doing so, many have paid their debt for these consequences. I know many people, including some of my relatives, that went into prison as one person and came out serving the Lord. In accepting Jesus Christ into our lives gives us a clean heart and a new spirit within us. As Christians we must not judge, and we learn to forgive and forget… but that cannot be said for those not of the faith; and this is where your father lies.

Your dad is trying to protect you out of his unconditional love for you. As a parent, we pray that our children find a love that is perfect in every way, even though we know that no one is perfect (with the exception of Jesus Christ). Your dad wants the best for you and is blinded by the past hardships that your boyfriend has experienced. He does not see the diamond in the rough.

Luke 6:37
"Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven.

Deuteronomy 1:17
Do not show partiality in judging; hear both small and great alike. Do not be afraid of any man, for judgment belongs to God. Bring me any case too hard for you, and I will hear it.

Job 5:2
Resentment kills a fool, and envy slays the simple.

I know how difficult it is to be in a relationship that others don’t approve of. If it’s a sound, Christian relationship, you must endure the trials. You have to remain strong and continue to pray that your father will see him in the same light that you see him… as a devoted Christian, set in a new way of life; someone that loves God and is serving Him; as a man that loves you. Try to break the wall your father has built; try different approaches to speak to him in a loving manner. At the same time, let the bond you & your boyfriend have continue to run its coarse as a Christian valued relationship… it will emit the grandeur of our Lord.

Continue to pray for the strength and pray for your father… pray that his hardened heart melts to one of love and acceptance. Pray that he finds the Lord and is able to release this resentment.

Ephesians 1:18-20
I pray also that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints, and his incomparably great power for us who believe. That power is like the working of his mighty strength.

Saved By Faith

PS - The women of WeUsed2bu love and care about your eternal soul. Therefore, we must tell you that there will be a day when each of us will have to stand before God and be judged for all we have done on this Earth. To find out how you can have right standing with God CLICK HERE


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Baby Daddy Drama

MySpace Friend Writes..
Hi. I’m almost 19. I have a son with my ex-boyfriend. I live with my son and my new boyfriend, whom I love dearly, but sometimes I wonder how things would have been if me and my ex worked out. You see, there were a lot of problems in our relationship. It practically started out as a problem. When my ex and I first got together, he was with another girl. They had a relationship for 7 or 8 years, and he cheated on her with me on and off for 2 years.

Then he was lying to me, cheating on me, just constantly messing up. I'd catch him in so many lies, but it seemed he always knew what to say to get out of it, or he'd try to explain his way thru. When I was pregnant with our son, he left me for her. I tried to get him to come back, but he wouldn't. He would tell me how he was so against abortion, but when I threatened him and said "if you are going to make me do this alone then I am just getting an abortion" he was okay with it. He actually gave me the money to get the procedure done. I was devastated that he was really leaving, but I was going to have the baby with or without him. Like I said, I was desperate, and it was just a threat.

Anyhow, he chose to be with her. I'd call to talk to him about the baby inside me and he wouldn't get on the phone because she didn’t want him talking to me. What u know...he did it behind her back. After a while, he came back to me. Now, he's cheated on her with me, cheated on me with her, left her for me, left me for her, and now left her again. At the time I was infatuated. I thought he was the guy of my dreams and we'd work things out. He'd tell me how I was the one, and when certain songs would play on the radio he'd say how he's gonna play them at our wedding. When he was with me everything felt perfect. I thought I'd found my prince charming at last. Then he started constantly hanging out with his friends, getting tattoos, and going to the strip club all of the time while I sat at home achy and pregnant.

I'd beg him to stay, but he wouldn't. He'd just tell me to come with. It really agitated me because I hurt so bad and he'd go out 5 or 6 days of the week late at night. He'd work all day then come home around 8, get ready, and leave again. I was pregnant. I wanted to be at home with him. All of this occured between 6 and 9 months of pregnancy. I already hadn't seen him all day. It would have been nice to have spent some time together. I didn't want him leaving again, and I certainly didn't want to be out until 4 a.m. He even did this to me on Valentines Day. Later on I found out that he had been with her.

One day out of the blue while I was 9 months pregnant I asked him to take the towels to the basement to be washed. I had to ask him over and over again, so I got ticked of and said I'd do it myself. He freaked out on me and told me I was being a B and to shut the F up, then he slammed the bathroom door in my face. He had never done anything remotely close to that before. He never spoke to me like that, never fought with me, never got angry. It all happened out of nowhere. When I asked him what was wrong with him he told me he couldn't see me anymore. That there was no one else, he just felt weird coming home to me, that something had changed, that all I do anymore is irritate him. He said that he was only happy when he was at work or with friends, and the moment he had to drive home or when he'd think about me he'd get depressed.
Next thing I knew he moved out and was done with me. I would check up on him and I found him and her together one night. When I asked him about it he claimed he wasn’t with her, that his friend was. So I spoke to his friend. Apparently my ex asked him to lie for him. The friend was supposed to tell me that my ex wasn’t with her, but his friend told me the truth.

It was constant drama. I've heard so many hurtful things from other people that my ex has said. When I caught him cheating on me, he said it was twice. It turned out to be 11 times. When I asked him how much he was spending at the strip club he said he was only paying for drinks, turns out he spent over $400 dollars when our son didn’t even have a crib to sleep in. When I defended him he in turn made me look like an idiot. I was trying to defend his actions of coming back to me to make it right because he loved me and the baby, I looked like a fool. I was told how on his birthday when he blew out his candles that people asked what he wished for and he told them "I wish she would get an abortion."

His ex has even called me to tell me that he has genital warts and that he gave them to her and I should get checked. I did, and I have nothing, but he denies that as well even after he went to a doctor to get treated! I think something is really wrong with him. I got over him and I am with someone else...my current boyfriend.

He is wonderful. He pays all of the baby's expenses. Formula, food, diapers, wipes, clothes, toys...everything. he is very truthful, he doesn’t lie, and he doesn’t cheat on me. He has a bit of a temper, but he treats me well. Now that I am happy with him, my ex is trying to come back into the picture. He doesn't do anything for his son. He doesn’t see him, he's ordered to pay support and is about $3,000 behind, and he doesn’t do a thing. He works 2 jobs, HVAC and construction, but there both under the table so I am not receiving any support. Instead, he is out getting tattoos, going to the strip club, and buying designer clothing. I saw his pictures and he's wearing all Armani and Ed Hardy stuff. It really hurts to know that because we have a hard enough time paying rent, buying food, keeping up with the things the baby needs, and he's out living the life of glamour.

The kiddo is going to need winter clothes, and I need some help. I've said this to my ex via email, and all I get is excuses. He says he's sent all of the checks in, but they were returned to his mother’s boyfriend’s house because they couldn’t read his handwriting. He wrote down that address because he doesn’t want domestic relations to know where he lives. He's shady. I had his sister look thru his check book and she said he only wrote one check to DRS and it was for court costs. Why does he feel the need to lie about everything?

Now, he's trying to come back to me. He tells me he's never stopped loving me, and he wants to try to make it work again. I’m not going back though. I’m happy with my current boyfriend, and one day I would like for us to be married. I know how my ex is. He's a snake and I don’t trust him. But why is it that he keeping playing with my heart. I think the only reason he is trying to come back to me is because he's burned all of his bridges with everyone else. He recently lost the other girl again, and now she is done for good with him. I think he's just lonely and wants anybody.

He's even had the nerve to make out with two of my friends and sleep with another one. He's messed around with even more. It's disgusting. He's turning 21 this month, and he's having sex with girls who are 15-17. He had a threesome with two girls who are 16 and 17, and one of them has Hepatitis C. He doesn’t care what he's doing to his body or how people look at him. He's lost all of his friends, and the only people who want to be around him are young and naive girls. He's taken advantage of everyone he knows, and its making me sick. He's a man whore! He has HPV, Genital warts, Chlamydia, hepatitis, and who knows what else. I’m sure he isn’t telling these girls about it either.

He says he wants to see his boy and work things out with me, but I don’t want either of these. He's already a horrible father. He's told people he wishes I'd have had an abortion...why should he see his son? He wouldn't even sign the paternity papers at the hospital cuz he wasn’t sure if the baby was his, even though he tattooed our sons name on his neck. The baby came out and looks EXACTLY like him. He doesn't even resemble me at all. He signed to have the birth announcement in the paper for me as the mother and him as the father, had this tattoo, and wanted me to give the baby his last name, but made me look like a slut in front of everyone.

He didn’t even spend a single night with me in the hospital. He told me he needed to get some rest, but instead he left the hospital and spent the night with the other girl. Why is he trying to come back to me? I wanted him for soooo long, but it wasn't good enuff. Now that I dont want him, he wants me!!! I need some help. I'm so confused! Please help me!

Response..
Don’t allow yourself to be confused about this situation. It is clear that this young man has been taking advantage of you for quite some time. I know you must have some feelings for him, but don’t allow your heart to deceive you. The father of your child has maturing to do before he can give you the type relationship that you are looking for.

Instead what you need to do is forgive him for all of the hurt that he has caused you. From all that you have shared I feel like you could possibly have unforgiveness and resentment towards him. You also may be harboring anger. The unforgiveness, anger, and resentment that you are carrying around towards him will only hinder you. You have to choose to forgive him so that you can heal and truly move on with your life. As long as you are carrying this burden around he will have power over you.

By constantly remembering all of his offenses you are feeding the anger prolonging forgiveness and healing. You must learn to forgive him daily and leave these offenses and the offender (your ex boyfriend) in God’s hands. Believe me; I know it is easier said than done especially when it hits close to the heart. However, the Word of God tells us that if we do not forgive our offenders than God will not forgive us either. We are also commanded to get rid of all bitterness, rage, and anger in our lives.“Your heavenly Father will forgive you if you forgive those who have sinned against you; but if you refuse to forgive them, he will not forgive you.” (Matthew 6:15)“Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” (Ephesians 4:31-32)

Also, you should start praying for him. Ask God to intercede and touch his life. He is the father of your child and although you have this new boyfriend nothing will change the fact he is the biological father. I’m sure that deep in your heart you want the best for this young man and you would like to see him be the father to your baby that he needs.

Consider your past decisions and where they have led you. We have an Awesome loving God that longs to help us and guide is on our journey through this life. Allow Him to help you make right decisions for you life. I promise if you will let Him in He will change your life and rock your world. All the love that you long for and direction you seek is found in knowing Christ Jesus.

I will be praying for all of you.

** CONTINUED ** Pt2 Cont. from Baby Daddy Drama

Sincerely,

Trophy of Grace

PS - The women of WeUsed2bu love and care about your eternal soul. Therefore, we must tell you that there will be a day when each of us will have to stand before God and be judged for all we have done on this earth. To find out how you can have right standing with God CLICK HERE

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I'm Worried He Still Has Feelings For Her

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Anonymous Asked... hey i know what your going thro i need advice simlar to that i have a boyfriend we been dating for 3 months he has 2 kids never married 23 i am only 19 so is his baby mama the babies are 2 and 1 boy and girl ..lately seems as tho he feels uncomfortable around both of us so she often trys to keep me and her apart ...i love him we are engaged..my family aint so crazy about the idea but yea.. the day he broke up with her is the day me and him met...conqincidental i dunno but ..we been dating 3 months and she has been jealous for the most part trying to break us up well now she has a b.f and her baby daddy my b.f is all on alert about the new guy he doesnt know and i am worried that maybe he does have alot of feelings for her if every time she comes around he trys to hide me..when she knows we are engaged and together i met his whole family so when it comes to her b.c they dated for 5 years he feels like its akward to see us in the same room i pray all the time what should i do ???? email me i need to know

Trophy of Grace said...
I can understand why your family isn’t too happy about this relationship moving so fast. Three months is hardly enough time to determine that you want to be with someone for the rest of your life. Especially with someone who just recently got out of a five year relationship with two kids.

This is a very delicate situation that you have involved yourself in. Your fiancé is still recovering from a broken heart and failed dreams from a relationship that produced two children. If he is acting the way that you say then it seems to me that he most certainly still has feelings for the mother of his children. Of course he would because it’s only been three months. How could he possibly give your relationship the commitment it needs when she still has part of his heart and mind?

He’s focus really should be his children now. Not trying to get into another relationship on the rebound. You don’t need anyone’s sloppy seconds. That is what your relationship will be, sloppy. He’s trying to figure out what he really wants and what the right thing is to do. You don’t want to find yourself on the sidelines hoping that he isn’t still in love with her. Hoping that one day he will be completely yours. Do you want to have to compete for your future husband’s heart?

You have to do what’s best for you right now. Pray and really ask God if this is what He wants for your life. I believe that He has something better for you, but you have to be patient and wait. If you will begin to seek God’s will for your life He will give you the desires of your heart, because as you begin to seek Him your desires start to line up with God’s will. He has good gifts to give you. He has a good man in store for you. I’m sorry to say but I really do not think this man is for you. His heart still belongs to another.

My suggestion would be to leave this young man alone. Give him time and space to see if this is really what he wants. More importantly give your self space to pray and seriously seek God’s face about this. I would not want to see you hurt.

I will be praying for all of you,

God bless you

Trophy of Grace

** CONTINUED **
- Pt2 Cont. from I'm Worried He Still Has Feelings For Her
- Pt3 Cont. from I'm Worried He Still Has Feelings For Her
- Pt4 Cont. from I'm Worried He Still Has Feelings For Her



PS - The women of WeUsed2bu love and care about your eternal soul. Therefore, we must tell you that there will be a day when each of us will have to stand before God and be judged for all we have done on this earth. To find out how you can have right standing with God CLICK HERE

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My Mom Won't Talk About Dating

Anonymous Question Posted: Im 13 yrs old and my mom won't even tell me about anything like dating. She also wont let me walk around a store with my friends by ourselves! I want to go out with this boy at school and i even know where he lives but if i even mention i know where he lives my mom will kill me! then she'll give like an hr long speech on why i cant date or have guy friends untill im like 20...im so pissed!!!

Trophy of Grace Replied... I'm sorry that you are going through this. I know you may feel like your mom does not understand you and that she's being unreasonable. However, she is being protective over you because thirteen is still quite young to be thinking about dating or having a boyfriend. She wants the best for you.

I have a thirteen year old daughter who is very mature for her age. She is a great kid. She has had her share of crushes, but she is not allowed to have boyfriends either. I want her to focus on her studies and growing into a young woman without the complications of a boyfriend.

There is too much unnecessary temptation that comes with dating and having boyfriends. Why start so young?

I realize that alot of other kids are moving fast doing the whole dating fade and the movie stars as well as the sitcoms make everything look so wonderful, but it isn't all roses. Relationships are alot of work and commitment.

Don't resent your mother for caring for you. She doesn't want to allow you to be in a situation where you are forced to make grown up decisions so young.

Although you may not agree with your mother's rules you still have to trust that she knows what's best for you. She has lived longer and experienced more. She may not really know all that she has been through. Don't despise her wisdom and knowledge.

Obey her and honor because she has your best interest in mind and she is your mother. Most importantly you should obey her because God has commanded that you must. He promises that if obey and honor your parents that you live long life here on earth.

Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right. Honour thy father and mother; which is the first commandment with promise; That it may be well with thee, and thou mayest live long on the earth, EPH 6:1-3.

COL 3:20 says, "Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord."

I know that this may not be what you want to hear but you have to learn to leave things in God's hands when they are out of your control. Your time will come when you will meet the man that God has for you, but until then keep yourself pure so that you can present your body to your future husband and only him.

Forget about the dating scene and don't fight with your mom about it because it's only going to make the situation more.

Also, I wrote an article called 'I Wish I Had A Mom!' Read it when you get a chance. I wrote right after I went through something similar with my own daughter. Here's the link weused2bu.blogspot.com/2008/09/i-wish-i-had-mom.html

I will be praying for both you and your mom. God bless you.

Trophy of Grace

PS - The women of WeUsed2bu love and care about your eternal soul. Therefore, we must tell you that there will be a day when each of us will have to stand before God and be judged for all we have done on this earth. To find out how you can have right standing with God CLICK HERE

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