I Have Never Been With A Younger Guy

Anonymous asks..

Question is okay for okay for a woman like me to like a guy younger than me?? He is 26 his birthday is Feb 12 and I am 26 also my birthday is Oct 11. I will be turning 27 this year and I have never been with a younger guy. Is that okay?

Trophy of Grace replies...

The age difference is not something I think you need to be so concerned about. He is not but months younger than you are. Perhaps some other things you should be considering though are..


1) Does he have a relationship with Jesus Christ? Anybody could say that they believe in Jesus but a tree is known by its fruit and in the same way you can see where a person’s faith lies by the type of fruit they produce in their life. (Matthew 6:43-45, Galatians 5:19-23) 1 John 2:4-6 says it best.. “If someone claims, “I know God,” but doesn’t obey God’s commandments, that person is a liar and is not living in the truth. But those who obey God’s word truly show how completely they love him. That is how we know we are living in him. Those who say they live in God should live their lives as Jesus did.”

2) Would he be a good spiritual leader? The husband is ordained by God to be the spiritual leader of the home. To guide, protect, pray over, and serve his family. To set an example for the children of a godly man. You want a man that is going to be in constant communication with God. Then you will be confident in him because you know where his source of strength and wisdom comes from. Trust me the more he loves Christ the better he will love you because he knows how much you mean to the Lord and He desires to please God. (Ephesians 5:21-33)

3) Is he a hard worker who takes care of his responsibilities? Look at how long he has been at his job. Does he pay his bills? You don’t want a lazy, broke guy that you will have to support. I’m not saying to be a gold digger. But you most definitely want your husband to be a provider. (1 Timothy 5:8)

4) Most importantly is this relationship God’s will for your life? God is all knowing and He see’s the future. Who better to ask? He never leads us wrong and has promised that if we need wisdom to ask Him and He will give it to us, we just have to be sure that our faith is in Him alone. (James 1:5-8) Be sure of this one thing my sister. God has a wonderful plan for your life. Plans for good not for evil. He wants to give you a future and a hope, but you have to seek His will so that He can fulfill His plan in your life. Trust me His plan will be better than yours. (Jeremiah 29:11, Isaiah 55:8-9)

The first 3 questions above should be like a criteria before even dating a guy. If a woman doesn’t set high moral standards that line up with the Word of God she could end up in a messy relationship without a lot heartache that could have been avoided had she of sought God’s will instead of her own.

I leave with these final words..

Matthew 6:33 But seek (aim at and strive after) first of all His kingdom and His righteousness (His way of doing and being right), and then all these things taken together will be given you besides.

Psalms 37:4 Delight yourself also in the Lord, and He will give you the desires and secret petitions of your heart.

Sincerely,

Trophy of Grace

He Gives Hints That He Would Break Up With His Girlfriend For Me

Anonymous says..
Please help...I've been liking this guy for a while now but he has a girlfriend and plus he's not a christian. A lot of my friends say that he likes me and should talk to him about it. Plus he gives hints that he would break up with his girlfriend for me. I really like him but should I settle for someone who's not a christian or wait for the right christian guy to come around?

Beloved by Him replies..

Right now, you are in the middle of a serious temptation. Something about this guy has you seriously considering a)putting yourself between a boyfriend and girlfriend and b) pursuing a guy that’s not a Christian. You are playing with fire, and if you continue down this path, sooner or later you’re going to get burned (Prov. 6:27).

By letting yourself get pulled into this situation, you’re not just allowing yourself to be tempted, but you’re also tempting him. As a Christian, you are supposed to set an example of godliness by your behavior. We are specifically told not to entice someone else to sin, or to put a stumbling block in their way (Prov. 16:20-30, Rom. 14:13). What kind of testimony will you have if you cause the two of them to break up? You won’t be showing your friends what a Christian girl’s life should look like. You have to choose a higher standard: “Let no one despise your youth, but be an example to the believers in word, in conduct, in love, in spirit, in faith, in purity.” (I Tim. 4:12) Remember the story of Adam and Eve? She allowed herself to be tempted by Satan’s lies, and when she sinned, she caused Adam to sin as well (I Tim. 2:14). Do you really want to lead this guy away from the Lord, especially if he’s not a Christian yet?

And that’s the other issue–he’s not saved. II Cor. 6:14 clearly states, “Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers.” This is because while we love God, unbelievers love the world, and God’s love isn’t in them (I John 2:15). This boy can’t love you with real, unconditional love, because God is the only source of true love (I John 4:7-8), and if He hasn’t confessed Jesus as Lord, He doesn’t know God (I John 4:15). The Lord would never tempt you into a relationship with someone who’s not a Christian (James 1:13); He wants to love you through the right Godly man at the right time (John 15:12).

Sweetheart, if you love the Lord, then you need to let this boy go, along with any ideas about a relationship with him. God has promised to make a way for you to escape this temptation (I Cor. 10:13) and when you do, He will bless you with the crown of life (James 1:12). Pray that the Lord will give you the strength to “throw aside every weight, and the sin that so easily ensnares” you (Heb. 12:1) Once you’ve done that, you need to “flee also youthful lusts; but pursue righteousness, faith, love, peace with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart.”(II Tim. 2:22) When you determine to choose God’s best for your life, that’s what’s called “delighting yourself in the Lord,”and that comes with a promise, too–He will give you the desires of your heart (Ps.37:4).

Sincerely,

Beloved by Him

He's Say's He's Not Sure About Our Relationship Anymore

Anonymous says..

I have been dating the loveliest Christian guy for the past 6 months. We are both in our 20's and have always agreed that dating is a prequel to marriage.
Last week he told me that he was no longer sure he was ready to be the man I need. I know we love each other and I've told him to take his time in praying about where our relationship should go (if anywhere). Since then he's not really done much except to try and avoid thinking about it. I understand that it pains him and he's hurting and although I'm hurt I'd like to give him the time he needs. God is using this to highlight old scars from a previous relationship with someone that really didn't love me and consequently messed me around. In dealing with that I find myself reacting not to my boyfriend but to the last man who hurt me and I have to constantly remind myself not to transfer my hurt, anger and insecurities.
I'm still waiting on an answer from my boyfriend, but he seems to be taking his time. He talks to me often and tells me he loves me but hanging in there is so hard. I've given up praying for direction because I can't see through the hurting and yet he expects some sort of answer from me as to whether I want to stay with him. I really don't know what to do?

Trophy of Grace replies..

My Dear Sister,

I feel your pain, hurt, and confusion in both of your messages. I am sorry that you are going through this. I pray that the Lord would give me the words to speak to you that will bring you comfort.

Immediately I feel the need to tell you do not stop praying. In fact I want to tell you pray without ceasing. Not just about this relationship but everything and anything that concerns or troubles your heart. You must not allow the enemy of our soul to convince you that our Lord and Savior Christ Jesus does not care about your prayers. Our Lord has said, “Then when you call upon Me and go and pray to Me, and I will listen to you. And you will seek Me and find Me, when you search for Me with all your heart.” (Jeremiah 29:12-13)

He doesn’t want you to be anxious about anything, including this relationship. He wants you to be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made know to Him; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your heart and mind through Christ Jesus. So you see if you stop praying and seeking the Lord about all of this and any other problem in your life you will not receive His peace about your situation. You need that peace to protect your mind and heart while you wait for the resolution or answer. So don’t stop praying my sweet sister. (I Thessalonians 5:17-18, Philippians 4:6-7)

Now about your relationship…I know you love this young man and he says that he loves you too, but he is not sure about whether or not he can be the man that you need and that God wants him to be for you. He’s not sure about the relationship any more and he wants to know now what you want. I think you should be honest with him and tell him that you want to be in a relationship with someone who is SURE about their commitment to you and your relationship with one another. You don’t want to feel insecure in your relationship and I am sure that you don’t want that for him either.

I believe you need to allow him the time he needs to pray about this and seek God’s face about His will for this relationship. You should do the same for yourself. Ask the Lord to help you accept His will if this relationship is not for you and to help you heal from the hurt. He can help break those emotional ties and bonds that you have made with this young man. If you are meant to be together then the Lord will make that evident to you both.

You said that you feel the Lord is revealing that you still have past hurt and insecurities. I believe He wants to heal you from all of this. Give dating a break for awhile and make the Lord your first true love. Allow Him to be everything you need. Get involved in your church. Serve in ministry. Go to women bible studies and fellowship with other women. Allow your roots to grow down deep in the Word and the love of Christ so that you can be secure in Him knowing that He is directing your steps. Therefore if He chooses to remove certain people from your life or closes certain doors then you will be ok with it because you are rooted in Him. He is your security and hope. Then you will not fall apart. You will accept that some relationships are only for a season.

The Lord knows the desires of your heart and wants to give them to you. He knows that you want a man to love you and be the godly husband you desire, but sometimes we go looking for this before God’s time and end up hurt and broken. Seek first God’s will and His way of doing things and you will that all of these things will be added to you.

Enclosing I want to leave you with two scriptures.

Proverbs 3:5-6 “Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.”

And

Romans 8:28 “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.”

Be encouraged my sister. The Lord is on your side. He has a wonderful plan for your life and although you may be hurting now he will renew your joy and peace as you trust Him with every aspect of your life. He will work this all out for your good. Draw close to Him and allow both you and this young man the time you both need to pray and decide if this relationship is God’s will or your own will. Stop meditating on the relationship and start meditating on God’s Word.

We will be praying for you..blessings..

P.S.

I pray that from His glorious, unlimited resources He will empower you with inner strength through His Spirit. Then Christ will make His home in your heart as you trust in Him. Your roots will grow down into God’s love and keep you strong. And may you have the power to understand, as all God’s people should, how wide, how long, how high, and how deep His love is. May you experience the love of Christ, though it is too great to understand fully. Then you will be made complete with all the fullness of life and power that comes from God. (Ephesians 3: 16-19)

Also..listen to the this song. It encourages me.. I hope it encourages you too. It’s “Shadowfeet” by Brooke Fraser.

God's Will For This Long Distance Relationship

Anonymous said... Hi, I'm currently going out with a guy, but we live quite far apart and only see each other every 6-8 weeks for a few days at a time. We're in our twenties. We've been together nearing a year now, most of this time has been long-distance, and will be for the foresee-able future. I think I would like to talk about 'how things are' in terms or our relationship. Should me, as the girl, bring this up? or is it reasonable to want him as the guy to? What does being a spiritual leader look like, and should I hope that he would be that? I'm so aware that I do not want to look at him and judge him. So how do you differentiate between judging/discerning/knowing what's right for you? We do love each other, and he has been amazing in how he responded to my not-so-straightforward past. But I am beginning to wonder at what point it would be wise to start thinking about the future, or how long it is okay to 'see how it goes' - not in a casual way, but in a genuine, 'I don't yet know what the future holds' way. And what if I'm not sure about the future, but he thinks he is sure?
Is it important to have a similar experience of God, ie, some people are quite charismatic, some are traditional- I do not doubt that people in both types have true relationships with God, but how much does it matter whether you share these views/types or not?
Being long-distance means we live quite separate lives, and have different groups of friends. Two ways to look at this are,- If you're going to spend your life with someone, as a couple you will probably be in many places, and the constant will be the other person in the relationship. - On the other hand, is it better to be a couple that functions within a group, rather than mainly just as a couple?
Also, life plans - should these be sacrificed to be with the person, or should you have similar plans? What does the Bible say, because I've heard various ideas on that subject.
I'm afraid of hurting him as he has been So good to me.
This has been a post of several questions, thank-you for taking the time to read it!

Beloved by Him replies...

Hi, it’s Beloved of Him, in for my dear friend Trophy of Grace. I am so thankful that you brought your questions to us. We are so glad that you are willing to seek God’s wisdom and will in this relationship. Building the foundation of our lives on Christ is the only way to have real confidence and success (I Cor. 3:13); only He is the way, the truth, and the life (John 14:6). As long as you keep allowing God to lead and guide you, your life will be like a perpetual treasure hunt, as you uncover the riches of His wisdom, knowledge, and understanding (Col. 2:2-3)!

I know you’re bombarded with questions about your future and especially how this young man fits into it. First of all, the Bible says not to worry about tomorrow (Matt. 6:34). Look at where and who you are today. Are you doing what God has called you to do? Are you drawing closer to Him, putting Him first and purposing to know Him better? When we do this, the Lord promises to add everything else to our lives (Matt. 6:33). If loving and serving the Lord are your first priority, then you can rest and wait patiently for Him to show you the next step in His perfect time (Psalm 18:30).

Drawing closer to God will also give you the perfect example of servant leadership: Jesus Himself. If you look at how He is described in Philippians 2 and Ephesians 5, we see the four characteristics of a Godly man: Humility, obedience, sacrifice, and love. Take those traits and prayerfully consider this person in your life. If he loves the Lord and has these qualities, then he is on the right track, and you can trust that the Lord is working in Him.

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with approaching him with your questions, as long as it’s done with a gentle spirit (I Peter 3:4), and in a positive manner (Eph. 4:29). What you can’t do is force an answer from him. Give him the respect, as the man in your relationship, of allowing him to seek God on his own. Don’t push for resolution, but rather pray that the two of you would be of one mind in Christ (Phil. 2:1-4) and truly would desire the best for each other–whether or not you decide to continue dating.

Seeking each other’s best interests is also a big factor in some of the other issues you raise, such as denominational background. If one person is traditional, will they be comfortable in a Pentecostal church? Or if someone was raised charismatic, would they be happy in an ultra-reverent service? Again, if Christ is the foundation, then nothing is impossible (Matt. 19:26). But it can take a lot of patience and prayer in the process of becoming like-minded (Rom. 12:16). Still, I know that God makes a way where there is no way. He loves to do something new that is a testimony to His grace and power (Is. 43:19). If He brings two people together, He will make a way for them to live in unity.

You also bring up the issue of fellowship with the church, and your respective places in it. Right now, since you are not married, your primary concern should be the things of the Lord (I Cor. 7:32, 35). However, when two people marry, the focus turns away from other believers and more towards each other (v.33-34). Married couples should still maintain fellowship with the church (Heb. 10:25), but never in a way that would strain or compromise their “oneness” (Gen. 2:24). If the decision is made between the two of you to pursue a level of commitment with the intended goal of marriage, then that would also be the time to think about one of you moving to live nearer the other.

This may be why you asked about sacrificing life plans. Will one (or both) of you have to make some changes in the plans you have for your lives? Maybe. But that’s okay, because, “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord. “Plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans to give you a hope and a future.” (Jer. 29:11)

Ultimately, your future is in good hands. So if God calls you to lay down even a part of your life for this relationship, then be thankful that you were called to take part in Christ’s sufferings, for as He put it, “A greater love hath no man than this: That he lay down his life for his friends” (John 15:13). That is a love worth building on. :)

Sincerely,

Beloved by Him

He's Dating My Big Sister's BFF Now

Anonymous says..

Hi guys, i just came across this sight, not sure if this is the right place to ask but i need some advice.
Im 21, have been a christian since i was 6 years old, when i was 18 i met a guy at youth club in church, he was a christian but wasn't living his life right, we got to know eachother for six months and he sorted himself out with God then we started dating. We fell in love and had a great relationship. My family loved him and everything was perfect.
during this time he developed as a christian and a person, getting himself a job and sorting out his life. A year and a half into the relationship i made a stupid decision and ended things cuz he got quite suffocating. We are part of the same church/youth group etc and saw eachother regularly. I broke his heart and he struggled to cope being around me, on the other hand i ignored things including my feeling. About two months later we where talking one night and both admitted we still had feelings for eachother (mine where as strong as ever) so we met up again and discussed going back out with eachother - in fact we practically where. This was the summer and holidays and missions teams meant we didn't get to speak to eachother for a couple of weeks but i thought about him 24/7 and it felt just like when we had first met.
However when i came back from holiday, he ignored my texts and then we where due to go to a mission team together (with others from church) and he didnt speak the whole journey there...My initial reaction was to think that someone else was involved so one of my friends made him come speak to me and he said no-one else was involved he just needed to be single to concentrate on his reltionship with God...no mention of his feelings not being there anymore. I was devistated but didnt challenge him as i tried to use the time apart to do the same. From that point we still saw eachother regularly at church etc and he never spoke to me or made any effort. I tried on various ocassions to meet up to sort things out as i felt there was no closure and it wasn't right for us as christians to have issues with eachother.
About two months after he told me he wanted to be single e approached me after a church prayer metting to tell me he was now going out with my big sisters best friend!! i walked off with tears rolling down my cheeks, this was three months ago and i have to see him at least once or twice a week and my heart breaks every time. I feel sad, low and cry regularly because i still love him so much, we talked about marriage and i always thought he would be the person i spent my life with. I have prayed continuiously and my feelings won't go away. We both attend the same church and youth group while his new girlfriend goes to another one. I know God is soverign in all things and everything works together for the good of those who love him, however I can't help but ask why i am still feeling this way and why the connection in church is still there. It is so hard to deal with this and when im around him i just want things to go back to the way they where, i miss him sooo much and can never imagine being with anyone else.Also i am constantly comparing myself to his new girlfriend who i sort off know, cuz of the connection with my sister (who i am very close too) I am terrified of seeing them together! things have been better recently and he makes some effort to talk to me and when we look at eachother i still feel this immense connection which i dont know if i am imagining. any help/advice would be much appreciated we have been broken up for a year and i have not been the same person since then, everyone says so i just want to be able to not have these feelings for him and get back to my old self or for us to get back together, whatever Gods will is! thank you =)
oh and he has been my only boyfriend so it took a lot for me to enter a relationship with him in the first place

Beloved by Him responds..

I know you’re hurting and I can see why. You had great expectations for this relationship, especially because both of you are Christians and you wanted to honor God’s will for your lives. Now that he’s moved on, you’re dealing with the loss of the hopes you had, and the Bible says that can literally make your heart sick (Prov. 13:12). The pain of a broken heart can be felt in so many ways—spiritually, physically, and emotionally. God wants to heal you in each of these areas, so that you can grow stronger in Him and have your joy be full again (John 15:11).

The most important thing to build on right now is your spiritual foundation. You were lovingly created by God (Jer. 31:3) for His pleasure (Eph. 1:5). He is the lover of your soul, and your friend that sticks closer than a brother (Prov. 18:24). You’re never not on His mind! (Ps. 139:17). The Lord wants you to be filled with His fullness (Eph.3:19), and someday, He will bring along the perfect person who will be another extension, not a replacement, of His love for you. God will put a fire in this man that burns for you and never goes out! (Song of Solomon 8:7) He knows exactly when you’ll be ready for your future husband (Ps. 18:30). Keep asking the Lord to give you patience and faithfulness to wait on His will and His perfect timing, and to prepare your heart for when that day comes.

Part of preparing your heart is learning to not be controlled by your emotions. Right now, it’s especially hard because your feelings have been so hurt, and God will be faithful to comfort you (II Cor. 1:4). As Christians, though, we also have to use the power of the Holy Spirit to move past what we are feeling (or seeing, or thinking) and walk by faith (II Cor. 5:7). If we don’t learn to filter our thoughts and feelings through the light of God’s wisdom and word (Heb. 4:12), then we can be led into mindsets, decisions, and actions that can deceive and destroy. The Lord wants you to be strong in this area, because it will bring you peace and rest in your spirit (Isaiah 26:3), as well as make your life a solid testimony to others.

That testimony will be so precious as people see the Lord working in your life, healing your heart and bringing you back into His service (II Thess. 2:16-17). It’s not healthy to despair over your situation. That’s why God calls us to fellowship with other believers: so that they can bear and share our burdens (Gal. 6:2). Find ways to actively serve God. You have a heart for missions—maybe He has a new thing planned for you (Is. 43:19)! Also, take care of your body, the temple of the Holy Spirit (I Cor. 6:19). Get outside and exercise, which will help your state of mind as you enjoy the blessings of your health and God’s creation. This is different from just working out so that you can be more appealing to a guy, or look better than another girl. Don’t fall into the comparison trap with his new girlfriend. You are fearfully and wonderfully made (Ps. 139:14), and when the Lord brings you the right guy, His desire will only be for you! (Song of Solomon 7:10)

The only true connection between you and the other young man is that you two are brother and sister in Christ. God’s word calls us to be at peace with all men as much as depends on us (Rom. 12:18). This might mean that you need to separate yourself from seeing him, even platonically, until you can spend time together without being tempted to stir up old feelings. I think that the Lord is calling you to come away—to Him. Find your soul’s rest in Him, and let Him restore you, and your hope (Psalm 62:5).

Love you,

Sister Beloved by Him

A Guy Is In Love With Me But I Don't Feel the Same

Anonymous said...
What do I do when a guy is in love with me but I don't feel the same way with him? He is a Catholic, but I don't want to waste my feelings for him and not on God. I still want to be able to talk to him but I don't want to be his girlfriend. He calls me his love and his life and his girlfriend, but I know that he's not the one and that I'm just not ready for that kind of love. God is saving me for something better, but I don't want to hurt this guy in search of it.
I'm really not ready for love. How do I tell him?

Beloved by Him said...
First of all, praise God that you are so dedicated to your walk with the Lord! It’s always a wise choice to pursue our relationship with God, instead of prematurely turning our affections toward the wrong person. You’ve got a head start on a very important truth: God must always take first place in our hearts. It doesn’t matter if you’re young and single, or grown and married with children. If we move our commitment to Him to a lower priority, everything else will be out of whack. Matthew 6:33 compels us to “Seek ye first the kingdom of God, and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added unto you.” You’re doing the right thing by guarding your heart and waiting on God’s timing—because His way is perfect (Psalm 18:30).

With regard to your friend, he is professing some very strong feelings for you, but it sounds like he’s confusing attraction for love. Real, God-given love does not insist on its own way, but is gentle and patient (I Corin. 13:4-5). Unless you have sent him some mixed signals, he should not be calling you his girlfriend. If he is saved, then he is a brother in Christ, and he needs to treat you with the same respect as he would treat his mom or his sister! If he’s not saved, then you really have to reconsider your friendship with him, because he is not filled with the Holy Spirit (Gal.3:28), and we as Christians are not to be friends with the world (James 4:4). Either way, while you can still be kind to him, you are probably going to have to maintain a healthy emotional distance from him, until his feelings start to cool.

Before you talk to him, look at some of the above scriptures, and pray and ask God to help you say the right thing. This is a good time to make a stand for your faith, and for yourself. You have every right, as God’s beloved young woman, to let him know that you are not going to compromise your beliefs for anyone. You might even be bold enough to let him know you already belong to someone—Jesus! Be respectful when you tell him these things, but don’t feel like you have to go out of your way to make him feel better. You might find yourself (innocently) trying to flatter him, which will make him confused. Your number-one priority is to please God (Gal. 1:10). If he is a friend worth keeping, then he will understand and back off. But if he doesn’t respect and accept what you say, then you will be able to see more clearly what he’s all about, which is himself, not God, and not you. Hopefully, he’s a true friend. If not, then you can feel confident that the Lord doesn’t want this person to have a prominent place in your life, and you need to move ahead without him.

I Feel So Lost and Confused

Anonymous said...
I need advice on a subject that everybody keeps telling me to just simple move on from its better said then done i was in a relatinship with this guy and i really loved him i mean i really did to the point where my relationship with god faded everyday.He later broke up with me because he said that we had nothing in common long story short the day that me and him broke up he was already trying to get with this girl who he said he had more in common with from what i hear she is in 12th grade and i already knew he was in 11th but after he graduates they are surpose to be getting married this was about 3 months ago that we had been brokenup i fill so bad like i drove him to her i see him and her together down the hall holding had all the time its as if we never had anything at all and the worst part about it is i gave him my first kiss i was saving it for my future husband but now its gone and we almost slept together to but the holy spirit would not let me .i fill awful i find myself constantly thinking about him and her and how stupid i was for falling for him .as you are reading this please stop and pray for me .i fill so lost and confused

Trophy of Grace said...
Ok..As you requested..

My Dear Lord,

You see my sister’s heart here. She is hurt and confused. Help her to heal from these feelings of betrayal and abandonment. Let her realize in her heart that she is a special child of God born with a purpose and destined to serve you. I thank you Lord that you have removed this young man from her life. I thank you that she did not follow through with giving herself to this young man. Help her to stay completely pure. Pure in her mind, heart and body. Use this situation to draw her closer to You. We know that you work every thing out for our good and I know that you are doing a wonderful work in her. Help her to forgive this young man and move on with her life knowing without a shadow of doubt that you have the right man out there for her. A man that loves you and will love her too. In Jesus name I pray..Amen.

My Dear sweet sister,

This break up was the best thing that could have happened for you. Anything that draws us away from God is never from God. Always remember that..You said that this relationship caused your relationship with God to fade. You can not ever put your eyes on man. Your eyes have to remain on God. You have to learn to fear Him and love His Word. Seek Him again and He will heal your wounds. (Psalm 30:2)

There is a comment that we have on our MySpace that says, “A woman’s heart should be so lost in God that a man needs to seek God in order to find her.” You have to turn around and start really seeking God’s face. Allow Him to make your crooked paths straight and do a new thing in your life. Forget the past and look ahead because He has a wonderful plan for you and He wants to help you become a mighty women of God. So trust Him when He allows people to be removed from your life, especially when those people become a wedge between you and your Savior.

The scripture that keeps coming up in my mind is Matthew 6:33 “But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.”

You have to seek God’s will and His way in your life. He will be your Guide. His Holy Spirit living in us gives us the ability to make wise decisions based on the Word of God, but you have to know the Word of God. The more you read the bible you will see that your mind will be renewed and you’ll learn to have respect for God. Respecting or fearing God will give you a desire to live a righteous Christian life and you will see that this will result in many blessings. Blessings like a godly man who will want to serve you and respect your desire to want to serve God. In fact He will help you in your walk of faith and encourage you to persevere in Christ Jesus.

It’s time for a change sister. Come back to the One who truly loves your and never leaves you and forsakes you.

Sincerely,

Trophy of Grace

P.S.

Forgive this young man and find healing. If you do not forgive him you will not be able to move on. Just accept this as a blessing and remember what Romans 8:28-30 says, “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the likeness of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brothers. And those he predestined, he also called; those he called, he also justified; those he justified, he also glorified.”

I Found Out He's Not a Virgin

Anonymous said... Hey there, I'm in a tough situation, needing some advice.

My boyfriend and I have been together about 4 or 5 months. We love each other very very much and want to get to know everything about each other. We both grew up in Christian homes and still go to church. I have grown in my faith a lot; I'm a youth leader for grade 8 girls at my youth group and he has volunteered with children's ministry and is taking over the whole thing this fall! We haven't started doing devotions together but have agreed that we ought to start doing them together.
I'm very much in love with him, that is why I was concerned with how far he has gone in previous relationships. I found out VERY recently, like 2 days ago!! that he is not a virgin.

As a Christian girl I try my best to think of the man I'll marry and not to make mistakes that I'll regret later on. Part of me feels betrayed because I took such care in doing so, why didn't he?

Also I thought I knew him better than that. I figured he was pure and thought pretty much the same way I do.

I know for sure that I don't want to break up. The love I have for him is like nothing I've felt for anybody, and I don't want something like this to be the end of us.

Now I feel like I need time and space to get over it, but don't feel like he is willing to give it to me. He seems to not understand at all, and very closed off about it as far as, "It was my past, I'm over it, why aren't you?" It doesn't work that way for me. I do know that in general guys just want to get it overwith. I just wish he'd realize if he really means what he says (that he just wants me to be okay and get past this) then he'll have to wait for me to heal. This is a pretty big thing to me.

Everytime I look at him or he touches me I think of him doing something to another girl and it really hurts. If we ever do get married, which I sincerely hope we do, because he just seems so much like the one, then I don't want to have to deal with thinking of him doing stuff with another girl instead of staying pure for the girl he'll marry (he says he wants it to be me).
How can I get over this, I really want to but sincerely can't think of where and how to start.

Trophy of Gracesaid...
My dear sister you have to let this go. If you want to be with him and you see a future with this young man then leave the past alone. If he is trying to live a righteous, pure, and holy life now then don’t continue to chastise him for his past mistakes. If he has confessed his sins and repented of his ways then you have to forgive him just as God has forgiven you. Our Lord has pardoned his sin and forgiven his transgression. He has not stayed angry with him but has shown him mercy and compassion. He has treaded all of our sins underfoot and hurled our iniquities into the depths of the sea. We have to leave them there, not go fishing for them. You too have to be merciful and remember his sins no more. Remember that love covers a multitude of sins. (Micah 7:18-19, 1 Peter 4:8, Colossians 3:13)

The only way you can get over it is by choosing daily to let it go. Don’t meditate on the past, especially if you see that he is growing into a godly man. I totally understand that you feel betrayed and hurt because he has been with someone else. That’s tough..This is something that you have to take to the Lord. Ask Him to give you confirmation if this is the relationship that He wants you to be in. Is this the man for you? He will answer you I promise. You just have to listen to the Holy Spirit and don’t doubt that He will give you clear responses and direction. (James 1: 5-8)

I believe that you may be right to take a couple of days to meditate on the Word of God and seek God’s face about what you are feeling. Perhaps you both should take a couple of days to pray for one another about this. Take three days of just praying, reading the Word, and singing praises to the Lord without communicating with one another. Also, consider fasting during some of that time. Write and journal your prayers and supplications, see what the Spirit of God ministers to you. Afterwards meet up and share your experiences and what you learned.

Enclosing let me tell you that our biggest battles are usually in the mind. We have to battle all types of thoughts that the enemy will flood our minds with. It is our choice if we are going to listen to the tormenting thoughts or if we are going to listen to the Holy Spirit. If after praying and seeking the Lord you feel lead to be with this young man then you will need to bring every thought captive. Don’t allow yourself to start imagining all types of things. Meditate on the Word of God. (2 Corinthians 10:5)

You will be in my prayers sister..

How Can I Guard My Heart and Stay Immersed in Christ?

Anonymous writes...

Hello! I need some advice. I am 17 years old, and I am dating a wonderful 17-year-old Christian boy. We met a couple of months ago and we instantly clicked. It's like we've always been friends.

God is the most important thing in my life, and I want to glorify Him in everything I do. He feels the same way. We both love to study the Bible and to talk to God. We talk to each other about God. We encourage each other. He helps me to grow spiritually. He is also very kind and respectful. I feel like this is the guy I've prayed for.

I could and would "fall in love" with this guy. I could see us spending our lives together. But I also want to guard my heart. I have prayed for God's guidance in this relationship, and I trust that He will work everything out for the best. How can I guard my heart and stay immersed in Christ, yet still accept and enjoy this wonderful gift God has given me?

Trophy of Grace replies..

Sounds like you are already doing it. This is wonderful to hear. It seems to me that you both are really trying to honor the Lord. You are praying and seeking the Lord’s will for this relationship. You are asking Him to help guard your heart. You both pray and edify one another. This is great!! Keep doing what you’re doing.

We posted this article called “Ten Ways to Practice Purity” awhile back. Click the title to read the article.

I enjoyed it and found it to be very practical. When you get a chance read it. I think you’ll find it helpful too.

Continue to draw close to the Lord and He will continue to draw close you. You have the mind of Christ and His Holy Spirit which will lead and guide you all the days of your life. You will never be forsaken. He has taught to have reverence for Him and therefore you are already guarding your heart. You are pleasing Him by seeking to obey His Word and desiring His will for your life.

When you are praying take time to listen to the Lord and you will see that He is guiding you every step of the way. He will not allow you to stumble and fall. His right hand is holding you. The Word of God is what is guarding your heart. Meditate on it day and night. Then you will be sure to do all that it says and He will bless you in all that you do.

Ps. 37:23, Ps. 119:105, Ps. 32:8

God bless you my sweet sister in the Lord,

Trophy of Grace

He Is Not the Spiritual Leader I Need. Should I End It?

Anonymous said...
I don't know what to do anymore...I am 21 and i can remember at church camp, a counselor telling the girls to write down ten qualities we wanted in a husband and to stick to them. For almost five years I dated a guy who had all of those qualities and more. Romantic, kind, and he was a spirtual leader in our relationship and he served in our church. We prayed together, did devotions together and he treated me really well but six months after we graduated high school he called and broke things off. I was devistated. I loved him very much but within a year he was married. I know that God did not promise an easy life but now I find myself wondering if things will every get better. The one man I really loved for so long is gone and his wife got the exact life I always dreamed of. I was very careful about who I dated after that. About a year ago I started dating another guy I met at work. He is a great guy and treats me well but I won't let myself get close to him. For one, he is nothing like what I dreamed of or wanted in man. He loves me very much and he feels that we are ment to be. I don't know though. He is smart, funny, and he loves my family which is very important to me. He treats me well but sometimes I wounder if I'm just settling. He is a great guy and everyone keeps reminding me of that. He is not the spiritual leader I need though. He loves God and plays in the band at church but when I have suggested we pray and do devotions together it only happens once and then not again. Should I try and work things out with him or should I just end things before they get any deeper?

Trophy of Grace replies..

I am sorry to here about your break up. I know that hurts you terribly. Don’t allow yourself to think that she got your life because she didn’t. She got her life. The Lord allowed this man to move out of your life for a reason. You have to trust His ways no matter what, remembering that everything that happens to us whether we see it as good or bad the Lord will always work out for our good. Instead of meditating on what could have been meditate on the truth that our Lord has good plans for your life, to give you a future and a hope. We know that His ways are not our ways and His thoughts are not our thoughts. They are so much higher and wiser. Since we know that He has good plans we must trust Him with everything and in everything. (Romans 8:28-30, Jeremiah 29:11-13, Isaiah 55:8-9)

If you feel like this young man let you down you have to forgive him and let it go. Pray for him and his marriage believe it or not it will help the healing process. I truly believe that is why the Lord wants us to pray for those that hurt us, persecute us, and talk about us.

Now for the new guy..Well, when I woke up this morning I was thinking about your question. The first scripture that came to mind is found in Matthew 7: 16-20 and it says:

“By their fruit you will recognize them. Do people pick grapes from thornbushes, or figs from thistles? Likewise every good tree bears good fruit, but a bad tree bears bad fruit. A good tree cannot bear bad fruit, and a bad tree cannot bear good fruit. Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire. Thus, by their fruit you will recognize them.”

Just because someone plays in the band or sings in the choir doesn’t mean that they are in the Word, spiritual, or even saved. The only way to know whether a believer is a true believer is by the fruit that they produce in their life. I would say evaluate this young man’s fruit.

What have you seen in him over the past year? Does He read the Word? What comes out of his mouth? Words of life or words of death? Whatever you have seen already has made you determine that he is not the spiritual leader you need. That says a lot right there.

I can not tell you whether you should leave him or not. I will tell you that I think that the Lord is already speaking to you about what you should do. I believe it is time to pray and fast about this situation. The Lord is faithful to answer us when we call out for help. He will never lead us down the wrong path. I am going to be praying for you too.

P.S.

I don’t think that you should settle. There is no perfect man out there, but the Lord does have the perfect man out there for each of us. If those ten qualities that you wrote down in summer camp were based on the Word of God and inspired by Him then I would say allow them to help guide you.

Father,You see my sister’s heart and concern. She needs direction. She wants to have the man in her life that will be the spiritual leader of their marriage. Her heart’s desire seems to be a man that loves you. She wants him to pray with her and read the Word with her. She wants to know that she can trust Him because He is going to You and seeking Your direction. Your Word says that You will give us the desires of our hearts. This desire that you have put in her heart I believe comes straight from You. Hear her pray and give her clear direction in what she should do here with this young man. Give her the wisdom and courage to always do the right thing. We thank you. We praise You because You are Faithful and True to Your Word. We trust You and hope in You. In Jesus name..Amen

Sister I leave you with some scriptures. Meditate on them and trust His Word.

Isaiah 30:21 Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, "This is the way; walk in it."

Proverbs 16:9 In his heart a man plans his course, but the LORD determines his steps.

Proverbs 3:5-6 Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.

Psalm 37:23 If the LORD delights in a man's way, he makes his steps firm;

Psalm 32:8 I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you and watch over you.

Should They Be Friends for the Sake of the Child?

Anonymous said...
I need advice... I love my boyfriend very much but sometimes I feel like I can't handle the situation I'm in. My boyfriend has a son with another girl. Although we have been together for three years it still gets to me sometimes. I love his son and he cares a lot for me also but I don’t get along with his ex. I guess because she has already made up her mind that she doesn't like me and doesn't want anything to do with me it makes it uncomfortable my boyfriend around her. I get along with her whole immediate family but she is very manipulative and doesn’t care about anyone’s feelings but her own. She has done some pretty bad things (in the beginning) to sabotage mine and my boyfriends relationship. Although she hasn't apologized for it I do forgive her and am ready to move on. I don’t have a problem with my boyfriend talking to her only if it concerns their son together. My boyfriend tells me that he has no feelings for her but with my past experiences tell me I can't be too careful. He asked me the other day, what would I do if they became friends? (They don't have much of a relationship right now) and what if she wanted to go out to lunch with him? That hurt when he said that and I thought that would be totally inappropriate. He says he wants to marry me so I figured if he was so serious about us that he shouldn’t put himself in situations where he can fall into her trap. I trust my boyfriend, I don’t trust her at all and a part of me is afraid he will allow her to take advantage of him. I guess I really want to know if there should be some line they shouldn’t cross or if I’m overreacting.

Response...
I do not see a problem with them being friends for the sake of the child. It is wonderful when parents can communicate amicably when discussing the upbringing of their children. It is much more productive. It is also less stressful for the parents and most importantly the child. However, I do think there should most definitely be reasonable boundaries between your boyfriend and his ex.
Going out to lunch or dinners together alone may be a door way for temptation. So I do not think that is a wise move. We are to run from anything that could possibly lead us to temptation. The best thing is that they communicate when they are either picking up or dropping off the child from visitation. They also should be able to communicate via phone between visits if necessary to discuss issues or concerns regarding the rearing of their child. There should definitely be open communication. However, you have to pray that your boyfriend has wisdom to cut the conversation if they steer off to other inappropriate topics.

I know that you are concerned about the past and this woman’s alleged manipulation tactics, but this is something that you are going to have intensely pray about. You have said that you have forgiven her, so then you have to let it go. Move on. Don’t meditate on the past. Perhaps you can call her and tell her that you do not wish to have any strife between you two for the sake of their child. Let her know that you would like to help them in any way possible.

If she doesn’t receive what you have to say. Then just leave it alone. Let him deal with her. Your job is to support your boyfriend and help with the child when he is with you. If you are planning to get married then you will become your husband’s helpmate.

Talk to him and let him know that you feel uncomfortable with them being too friendly. Assure him that you trust him, but that you are concerned that her motives are not completely innocent. Ask God to give you the words to speak to him when you address these issues. Be understanding and patient because he does have a reasonability to communicate with her if he wants to be included in the rearing of their child. The worse thing is when the father is torn between his girlfriend/wife and the mother of his kids. Whether he likes it or not he is responsible to help his ex.

If you are considering marrying this young man you are entering into this marriage knowing tha you are going to have baba mama drama. I hope that you are prepared. The only thing that can truly prepare you for the potential battle is the Word of God. You need to be prayed up and full of the Word of God. You see, the bible (Word of God) will give you comfort, direction, hope, and understanding. It will renew your mind and give you wisdom to handle your life God’s way and His way is always better and more fruitful. It is time to submit to Him and allow Him to become Lord of your life. He will make all of your crooked paths straight and help you on this journey through life.

He will never leave you alone without any hope. Even when things seem to stressful or the world seems to be caving in on your He will reassure you that you will be ok. He has your back. But you have to put your life in His hands.

You will see that when you start truly trusting Him and you find favor with him. He will put your enemies at your feet. I just read a scripture the other day that I loved. It is Proverbs 16:7 and it says, “When people’s lives please the Lord, even their enemies are at peace with them.” That is great isn’t it!!??

So seek first the kingdom of God and his way of doing things and you will see that all these others things He will take care of.

I will be praying for you sister.

Be blessed.

Love,

Trophy of Grace

PS - The women of WeUsed2bu love and care about your eternal soul. Therefore, we must tell you that there will be a day when each of us will have to stand before God and be judged for all we have done on this Earth. To find out how you can have right standing with God visit this link

http://weused2bu.blogspot.com/2008/08/salvation.html

Divide and Conquer

Written by: Daughter of The King

Marriage is a wonderful thing but that doesn’t mean that it’s easy. I’ve been married almost ten years to the funniest, nicest, gentle Christian man I have ever met but it’s still challenging at times because no matter how great he is he’s not perfect and I’m not perfect. Occasionally we make mistakes; we may hurt each others feeling or maybe one of us feels taken for granted but no matter what may temporally divide us there is something much more powerful that brings us back together and that’s our faith.

In John 10:10 the Bible tells us that satan has come to destroy mankind; what better way to do that than to destroy families. Satan knows that when he destroys one marriage he’s destroyed a few people in one shot and what’s the easiest way to destroy a marriage? Cause a division. Satan knows how to find your marriage’s weak spot and when he does he goes to work on it and if you both aren’t rooted and firm in the same faith it’s only a matter of time before he’s got you beat and you find yourself in divorce court.

Marriage is hard and believe me even in the best marriages there is plenty to fight about; couples fight about finances, schedules, chores, how to raise the kids and the list goes on and on. Now imagine marrying someone outside your faith or of no faith at all and adding to that already long list fights more arguments about things like:

Expectations - You may discover yourselves expecting too much of your interfaith relationship because you have the expectation that your love for one another can overcome all obstacles but over time your start to see the cracks forming in your marriage.

Children/Baptism – You and your husband may have definite opinions about baptizing your children, for Catholics it’s something you must do, protestants/evangelicals are completely opposed to that. The Islamic religion requires that children of mixed marriages be raised as Muslims.

Religious Identity – What happens when your children are old enough to ask questions about God and mom and dad give them different answers? What kind of religious identity can they form?

The Bible warns us about this in 2 Corinthians 6:14, I like the way The Message version of the Bible states it:

“Don't become partners with those who reject God. How can you make a partnership out of right and wrong? That's not partnership; that's war.”

Those are pretty strong words but I know that they are true for two reasons; the first is that the Bible is the absolute true word of God and the second reason is that I personally experienced it. I’m currently in my second marriage; I was first married to a man of the Greek Orthodox faith. Even though I was raised as an evangelical Christian I thought that we could work it out, I tried to justify it by saying things like “we are both Christians just two different types of Christians”. But the truth is that the problems began as soon as we got engaged, when we were selecting the church to get married in my fiancé and his family put so much pressure on me to get married in the Greek Orthodox Church that I caved in. Then our first child was born and as an evangelical Christian I had no intention on baptizing my baby but instead I wanted to have a service to dedicate him to the Lord. Well, here came the pressure again from my in-laws to have him baptized because they believe that if you don’t baptize the baby and God forbid something happens to him that he would go to purgatory or maybe even hell. I don’t believe that at all so I asked them to show me were in the Bible does it say to baptize babies and were in the bible does it talk about purgatory, they couldn’t find it in the Bible so they told me that it was church tradition. I don’t follow church tradition I follow the Word of God but because of all the arguing and fighting I caved in again and let them baptize him. Are you starting to see a pattern? I continuously had to give in and turn my back on what I knew to be true just to keep the peace in my family, the Bible calls that being double minded and look at what it says about double minded people:

James 1:8 (NIV) “…a double-minded man is unstable in all he does.”
I was unstable, my marriage was unstable, my children were unstable; Satan saw this and he moved right in and toppled the whole thing over. There were other things that contributed to the divorce but I know that if I had married someone of my faith the marriage would have been more stable and we would’ve had a much better chance at making it work.

If you are contemplating marrying someone of a different faith and he believes in things like infant baptism, purgatory or anything else that you don’t agree with you have to wonder who’s right and who’s wrong. The only way to answer that is for the two of you to pray together and ask God to reveal the truth to you in his word; open the Bible and compare what you believe to the scriptures, I know that God will lead you to the truth.

Once you have found the truth the two of you can go into a marriage that is united and strong in one true faith that can resist satan’s plan to divide and conquer.

I Believe Sex Before Marriage Is Fine..

MySpace Friend comments on posting I've Been Wondering For A Little While Now

Matthew 19:4-6 (Contemporary English Version)4Jesus answered, "Don't you know that in the beginning the Creator made a man and a woman? 5That's why a man leaves his father and mother and gets married. He becomes like one person with his wife. 6Then they are no longer two people, but one. And no one should separate a couple that God has joined together."I just would like to know how that is represented as ONLY married people have to be virgins? You think the writers of God would come on out and say it. I think when it says "He becomes like one person with his wife" It means they unite in marriage and they are now one.I believe sex is ok as long as it IS the person that you're going to be with for the rest of your life.

Trophy of Grace responds...

Jesus is saying that God made man and woman to leave their father and mother to be united together in marriage. Then that is when they become one physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Sex is a benefit of marriage. When we are married is when we as men and woman are to experience true intimacy with one another and sex is part of that. God's purpose was that we were to remain pure (virgins) until we are married.

You say that you believe that sex is ok if it is with the person your going to be with for the rest of your life, but if you know that you are going to be with them then why wouldn't you want to marry them and ask God's blessings on your relationship? Then you can give yourselves to one another without guilt, knowing that it is right in God's eyes.

I know out of personal experience that I thought that certain guys could have been 'the one' and I foolishly gave myself to them to only end up feeling used and taken advantage of. This is most certainly not God's will for us.

It's important that whatever we think is based on truth. Most importantly we need to be sure that what we think lines up with the Word of God. Meaning..we need to know what God thinks about it because that is what matters most. We should want His will for our lives more than we want our own, because our way is full of foolishness and error.

"There is a path before each person that seems right, but it ends in death." Proverbs 16:25

He says not to commit adultery and to flee from any sexual immorality. (Exodus 20:14 & 1 Corinthians 6:18)

I found this article Why should I save sex for marriage? Written by Author: George Martin and Scott Myers of Summit Ministries I know that it is long but I really think you should read it.

Why should I save sex for marriage?

When God creates something, He creates it with purpose and design. The Genesis account of creation makes it clear that God's creation is “good” (Genesis 1:31). But mankind has a history of distorting what God has made, whether out of ignorance or just plain stubbornness. The golden calf of the Israelites, for example. Gold is beautiful to look at, but God clearly did not want His people worshipping it.

Sex (and yes, sex was God’s idea) is no different. God created it, and therefore it is reasonable to expect that it is good. But when man distorts it by ignoring God's specific standards, it becomes harmful and destructive. So the question we've asked 'why save sex for marriage' is really a question of understanding God's purpose and design for sex. We can choose to do things God's way, and experience the beauty of His plan, or we can choose to do things our way, and experience harm and destruction (Proverbs 16:25).

So, let's talk first about why God created sex. One reason is obvious: procreation. When God told Adam and Eve to “be fruitful and multiply” (Genesis 1:28), they probably figured out that He wanted them to have sex. But God also wanted them to develop intimacy with one another, and He knew that sex would help them do that, in a way that nothing else could.

God also knew that because sex is so powerful in creating intimacy that there must be some constraints on how it was to be used, so He specifically relegated sex to the arena of marriage. The kind of intimacy that God desires between a married couple cannot occur between one person and several others; it can only be experienced between one man and one woman. Hence God has specifically said, “Do not commit adultery” (Exodus 20:14), and “Flee sexual immorality” (1 Corinthians 6:18). That is, do not have sex with someone who is not your spouse. Obedience requires that sex be reserved for one’s spouse.

So far we have two basic reasons to save sex for marriage: (1) God tells us to, and (2) God's purpose and design for sex cannot be fully achieved any other way. Many, though, have argued that non-marriage sex is not all that harmful. Let's look carefully at the potential consequences for this particular area of disobedience.

Sex outside of marriage causes damage in at least two areas: (1) physical consequences, and (2) relational consequences.

The physical consequences are becoming increasingly obvious and increasingly dangerous in today's society. AIDS and other Sexually Transmitted Diseases are frightening realities. "Safe sex" is more accurately described as "reduced risk sex." The only truly safe sex is abstinence. There is also a very real risk that children could be born — and possibly grow up without two parents. Your actions affect your life, your partner's life, and the lives of your family. They can result in handicapping an innocent baby's life as well. Worst of all the willfull destruction of human life often results from pre-marital sex.)

The relational consequences are just as real, though they may be more difficult to grasp. First, sin always damages a person's relationship with his God. Psalm 66:18 says, "If I had cherished sin in my heart, the Lord would not have listened." Intentional disobedience of God's command to not commit adultery dishonors and displeases God. Conversely, God is pleased when His children choose obedience and self-control instead of the immediacy of pleasure.

Second, relational damage happens between a Christian and those who are watching his life. The sin of adultery (i.e., televangelist scandals) causes a person's friends and even “outsiders” to view the adulterer as less committed to obedience, and more prone to hypocrisy. But a Christian who saves himself or herself in obedience to God wins the respect of those who see his or her life.

Sex outside of marriage also damages the relationship between the persons involved. Trust is the main issue here. If two people do not cherish sex enough to wait for a marriage commitment, how can they trust one another for fidelity? Conversely, a man and woman build trust and respect for one another when they both survive the struggles of self-control — each will have the confidence that the other respects them, and cherishes their intimacy.

Similarly, if a person has not carried sexual purity into marriage, his or her marriage relationship is affected by the past. If a man or woman has previously had sex with someone else, their marital intimacy has already been affected. One or both spouses will have to deal with real or perceived comparisons with "former lovers" and feeling that intimacy was not important enough for the other person to wait for it. But if both have waited for their wedding night, the intimacy has already begun with a solid foundation.

Why save sex for marriage? We've discussed several reasons: (1) God commands us to, (2) God's purpose and design for sex can only be achieved within marriage, and (3) the physical and relational consequences of sex outside of marriage are painfully real.

"But we're in love!" some might say. Maybe so, but if one believes in God's definition of love, he must realize that love is patient and kind; it does not seek to please itself, nor does it delight in evil, but is always hopeful (1 Corinthians 13). True love would be patient in waiting for the proper time for sex.

It would be kind to future spouses by not pre-harming marital intimacy. True love would be unselfish in placing God's desires and the needs of others above itself. It would not delight in the evil of disobedience, nor would it force another to disobey God. Love could never be a reason for premarital sex; rather, it should be one of the greatest reasons to avoid premarital sex.
"But we're going to be married anyway" is another common excuse. Along with being presumptuous, this stance will almost certainly leave one question unanswered: If one gives in to moral temptation before marriage, what's to stop him or her from giving in to moral temptation once married?

"What if it's too late? What if I've already forfeited my sexual purity?"
Good question! Certainly a person cannot reverse the past, but there are a number of steps one should take to keep from further damaging his or her intimacy with God and others.

First, acknowledge your actions as sin. For those who have accepted Christ's payment of the penalty for their sins, He asks only that they confess - agree with God that they are sinful.

Second, maintain purity from this moment forward. Jesus told the woman caught in sexual sin to "go and sin no more" (John 8:11). You cannot change what's been done, but you can keep yourself and others from any further damage by avoiding situations which might cause you to compromise your commitment to sexual purity. Paul advised Timothy to run away from temptation (2 Timothy 2:22), and Joseph is famous for running from moral danger (Genesis 39:7-12).

Third, be honest with anyone who is a "potential spouse" — don't wait till your wedding night to discuss your sexual past. Some intimacy problems may be averted if you address them early on.

Sex is a good thing. It must be, if God created it! The only way to keep it a “good thing” is to follow God's guidelines. God will reward you if you choose to honor Him, and save sex for its proper time and place — your marriage.

I hoped this helped you. You will be in my prayers sister..

Love,

Trophy of Grace

PS - The women of WeUsed2bu love and care about your eternal soul. Therefore, we must tell you that there will be a day when each of us will have to stand before God and be judged for all we have done on this Earth. To find out how you can have right standing with God CLICK HERE

If He Doesn't Get His Life Right, I Can't Be With Him

Anonymous said...I have been with my boyfriend for almost three years. He has had it pretty hard growing up; he's been on his own since he was 15. We are now in our mid 20's and I'm ready to get my career going. I haven't been to school in a while but I'm ready to get serious now. I see myself marrying my boyfriend the only problem is.. he is in major debt (that he pays no attention to) and he doesn't have a good paying job.I feel bad because he is paying rent, making his car payments, gas food, etc. But he even talks like he is going to stay where he is the rest of his life.I often pay for us to do things; which I don't mind but I do get a bit tired of it. I try to encourage him to go back to school but he doesn't have the time or the money. Some times I feel if he doesn't get his life right, I can't be with him anymore.If we marry I feel like I would have to support us for the rest of our lives. Please pray for us and do you have any advice on what I should do?

Trophy of Grace said...I will gladly pray for you..

Lord Jesus,

You are an awesome God who hears our prayers and answers our cry. I come to know on behalf my sister here. You see her concerns Lord and I know that you Word says that if we need wisdom and direction that we can seek Your face and you will give guidance. We trust you because we know that you work everything out for our good. Please help my sister..she needs wisdom and guidance. She needs peace to do your will. Help her to accept your will and your ways above her own. In Jesus name I pray…Amen…

Here is my advice to you..

“Lazy people want much but get little, but those who work hard will prosper.” Proverbs 13:4

“Just as the rich rule the poor, so the borrower is servant to the lender.” Proverbs 22:7

I think you should most definitely not ignore those feelings of concern about this relationship and where it may lead. His lack of motivation to get out of debt and progress in life will keep him enslaved to his debtors and if you decide to marry him you also will be carrying his burdens.

It concerns me that you feel that you will be the one providing for your family. That should be his main concern has your potential husband and head of household. The burden of supporting your husband and family should not be one that you are going into your marriage knowing that you have to carry. You should feel confident knowing that your husband can help support the family.


1 Timothy 5:8 (NIV)
8 If anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for his immediate family, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.
Marriage is a serious commitment and responsibility. It is covenant that you are making before God to honor, submit, and love one another for the rest of your lives. You must go into it sure that this man is the one that God has for you.

Explain to him your concerns. Be honest with him. See how he reacts and ask God to give you wisdom to discern if you should stay or go. You have to seek God’s face about this through prayer and reading His Word. He will show you which way to go.

“If you need wisdom, ask our generous God, and He will give it to you. He will not rebuke you for asking. But when you ask Him, be sure that your faith is in God alone. Do not waver, for a person with divided loyalty is as unsettled as a wave of the sea that is blown and tossed by the wind. Such people should not expect to receive anything from the Lord. Their loyalty is divided between God and the world, and they are unstable in everything they do.” James 1: 5-8

You will be in my prayers sister..

Love Trophy of Grace

PS - The women of WeUsed2bu love and care about your eternal soul. Therefore, we must tell you that there will be a day when each of us will have to stand before God and be judged for all we have done on this Earth. To find out how you can have right standing with God CLICK HERE

I'm Catholic & He's Baptist... We Can't Agree!!

Question… i have been dating this guy and we have been talking about getting married and how we are going to raise our kids if and when we decide to have them...well i am catholic and believe strongly in my faith my boyfriend is baptist and hes not fond of the catholic faith at all but that is me its who i am and as a catholic we are supose to have our kids catholic and get married by a priest ITS A SACRAMENT FOR US but hes angry and throwing a fit about it .... we really do love each other and have everthing in common EXCEPT religion...so what can i do to make this better for both of us.... my aunt was catholic and uncle was baptist up until the day they died... what are my options where everyone is happy please let me know ASAP i have been praying about it.... i need answers/ advice in the worst kinda way MANY THANKS.

Response… Relationships/Marriages couples that don’t share the same religious views are called an inter-faith relationship/marriage. Although this is common practice, the bible frowns upon inter-faith relationships and marriages (Exodus 34:12-16, Deuteronomy 7:1-4, Ezra 10:2-3, Nehemiah 13:25-27, Malachi 2:11, 1 Corinthians 7:39, 2 Corinthians 6:14-15).

To highlight two of the above scriptures:

Malachi 2:11
"Judah has broken faith. A detestable thing has been committed in Israel and in Jerusalem: Judah has desecrated the sanctuary the LORD loves, by marrying the daughter of a foreign god."

Being in a relationship that carries two different religious beliefs is very difficult and usually causes major turmoil, like you’re dealing with now… You don’t agree on the matrimony… You don’t agree on how to raise your children.

Those are major issues to be arguing about and you’re not even married. To have a better chance of having a sound marriage, being with someone that has the same beliefs is very important.

2 Corinthians 6:14-15:
"Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness? What harmony is there between Christ and Belial? What does a believer have in common with an unbeliever?"

According to the gospel, God's people must be marked by a different kind of lifestyle and that lifestyle cannot be mixed with a pagan lifestyle. Being men and women of God, any other worship or ethics should not be mixed with the worship of God.

It is a matter of recognizing that when we are God’s people, His sons and daughters (2 Corinthians 6:18), it means we are in a relationship of love that binds us to His word.
The bible explains the different facets of love, which we should use as a guide for our lives.

Phil 2:12-23

I hope you pray and thing about your decision. As you’ve already heard whispers of doubt in your head, I pray the Lord speaks His word to you for clarity.



Saved By Faith

He Believes He is His Own God & Supports Satanism

Anonymous Writes... please help me sister. I have this friend who also happens to be an ex-boyfriend of mine. We didnt talk for ages and only started talking again this year? (broke up last year) He is VERY opinionated and believes that he is his own God and supports satanism. Being christian I wanted to help him and i've been trying to tell him about God. However he brings up hard questions like about how the kids in Africa are suffering and keeps saying why doesn't God save them. I try to answer but I'm not too sure myself. Me and him are only friends and I have boyfriend of 10 months. My boyfriend is willing to accept God and has tried to understand christianity. However when I see my ex-boyfriend (we have the same afterschool activities) we flirt. Does him picking me up and throwing me over his shoulder count as flirting? I have confesed to my boyfriend that I may like my ex and we tried to work it out. It worked until i went on a camp with my ex in the weekend. At night I went to a spare unit it get some sleep and he followed me an we slpet in the same bed. We did not have sex but we did french kiss around 5 times. I feel guilty and unGodly. I told my boyfriend today and he was very upset. He is also leaving to go overseas today and is coming back the day I leave to go overseas so we will not see each other for a month. How can I help my ex so he will get to know God? Was what I did very wrong? What should I do about me and my boyfriend? What should I do in general? Please help me

Trophy of Grace said...
I am soooo sorry for the delayed response. We have been inudated with the Christmas and family. Please forgive us..

Also, I am standing in for Saved by Faith today. My name is Trophy of Grace.

I pray that our Lord will give me the Words to help you. The first question I want to address is ‘How can you help your ex come to know God?’ I don’t believe that this is your job. This is the job of the Holy Spirit to give revelation to us of God’s love, mercy, and grace. You can not make anyone get to know God. You can only plant the seed or water it.

It seems to me that your ex has a blinder on His eyes and he is being stubborn and hard hearted. He does not want to know God. You said that he is into Satanism. This is the stronghold that is keeping his mind and heart captive.

2 Corinthians 4:4 Satan, who is the god of this evil world, has made him blind, unable to see the glorious light of the Gospel that is shining upon him, or to understand the amazing message we preach about the glory of Christ, who is God.

I think that you should stay away from him. This friendship is a tool in the hands of the enemy to try to confuse you and bring doubt in your mind about your faith and why you believe the way you do. He is trying to get you to question our Lord and His existence. This has always been the devil’s method of operation.

Colossians 2:3 Don’t let others spoil your faith and joy with their philosophies, their wrong and shallow answers built on men’s thoughts and ideas, instead of on what Christ has said.

Regarding the suffering in the world and why a loving God would allow is:

The suffering the world is the result of a falling world, sin is the reason for suffering, sickness, death. The wages of sin is death and sorrow. All of us are sinful, even babies are born with a sinful nature and will eventually grow and sin like everyone else. So no one is innocent. The only that was innocent and suffered was Jesus Christ and our All Knowing God allowed His own Son to suffer and cruel death for us all to have an opportunity to come to Jesus and be saved. He sacrificed His own Son for us. To deliver us from the consequences and final judgment that is coming upon this sinful and rebellious world.

I choose not to question our Lord and His ways, instead I trust Him and take Him at His Word which says that He works EVERYTHING out for our good. (Romans 8:28) No one likes suffering but I have seen our Lord change me and many others through the sufferings in our lives. These sufferings can bring us closer to God. At least they have for me.

One day all this sorrow will end and there will be no more tears and that is the day that all believers await. Until then we must trust our Lord and not allow foolish men to get us to doubt our Lord. Remember that God’s thoughts are so much higher than ours, His ways are not our ways.

Regarding your new boyfriend:

You said that he is not a believer but that he is willing to learn more about Christianity. That is good for him, however may I remind you that our Lord has told us not to be unequally yolked with unbelievers. He is not a believer yet..it seems to me that you are dating men that are not Christians. You are only going to find yourself with division in your relationships regarding your faith.

You have to first build your house on the Rock, Jesus Christ. Draw closer to Him. Read the Word constantly and go to church so that you are with other believers that believe the same as you do. Then once you are really rooted in the Word of God and He is your first love you can expect the Lord to bring you your mate. The one that is to be with you till death do your part. You are messing with all Mr.Wrongs.

Seek first the kingdom of God and all these things will be added to you sister..

God bless you.

Trophy of Grace’s

Also read this article Why Does God Allow People to Suffer?

I Love My Friend...

Written by: Yvette Schneider

A Cross Posting from Exodus Youth

I had a friend in high-school who was my first best-friend. We spent all of our free time together. For the first time in my life, I felt loved and accepted for who I was. This was an exciting time for me. I grew close to this friend and to her family. There were times soon after my parents’ divorce that I didn’t go home for days, spending more and more time at my friend’s house. We were not in a lesbian relationship, but when my mom asked me if my friend and I were homosexually involved, I had to admit to myself that I wished we were. If we were a “couple,” then she would never leave me and I would always feel the thrill of having someone truly care about me and value me as a person.

My friend and I may not have had a lesbian relationship, but we had an emotionally dependent relationship that was unhealthy and stifling. It left no room for any other friendships. We depended on each other to the point that we became possessive and jealous if anyone else tried to join our exclusive group of two. The nature of our friendship became a pattern of idolatry – nothing in our lives mattered more than each other. When eventually something did matter more than our friendship, namely my college education, our friendship disintegrated into a pile of hurt feelings that led to petty acts of revenge.

Friendships are beautiful when they are meant for the uplifting and edification of each other. When we want what is best for the other person and are not just trying to get our own emotional needs met, then we are truly a friend. But often, we aren’t looking out for the best interests of our friend, we are looking to get from them whatever is lacking in our own lives. We want the other person to be there for us no matter what. But what if someone else comes along who wants to form a friendship with our friend and spend time with her. How do we respond? Are we generous and giving? Are we willing to spend less time with our friend so she can pursue her dreams and have more well-rounded and healthy relationships instead of focusing on just one, which can be stifling?

I have no doubt that you love your friend. I love my sister and consider her to be one of my best friends, but that doesn’t mean that we’re lesbians. Gay activists have tried to say that Ruth and Naomi in the Bible were lesbians because Ruth was dedicated to her mother-in-law and wanted to accompany her back to Judah. But there is nothing in the Bible to suggest that Ruth’s love for Naomi was sexual, and there is nothing to suggest that a deep friendship that includes self-giving and sacrifice for the sake of your friend’s well-being is the result of homosexual feelings.

God intended for us to have friendships to support one another and see each other become the people that God intended us to be. This goes wrong when we sexualize our feelings for our friends, when we expect them to meet our every need or when we attempt to meet their every need. As a community of believers and the body of Christ, we are to freely give our friendship to a variety of people and accept the friendship of others in the same way. When a friendship becomes exclusive and limiting, it can no longer be called “friendship,” no matter how you “feel” about your friend. In the end, this type of “friendship” is nothing more than bondage.

Resources

You might want to check out one of these resources about emotional dependency - they explain the problem, help you see if this is a problem in your life, and provide practical advice on getting out.

Emotional Dependency

Emotional Dependency for Guys