Should They Be Friends for the Sake of the Child?

Anonymous said...
I need advice... I love my boyfriend very much but sometimes I feel like I can't handle the situation I'm in. My boyfriend has a son with another girl. Although we have been together for three years it still gets to me sometimes. I love his son and he cares a lot for me also but I don’t get along with his ex. I guess because she has already made up her mind that she doesn't like me and doesn't want anything to do with me it makes it uncomfortable my boyfriend around her. I get along with her whole immediate family but she is very manipulative and doesn’t care about anyone’s feelings but her own. She has done some pretty bad things (in the beginning) to sabotage mine and my boyfriends relationship. Although she hasn't apologized for it I do forgive her and am ready to move on. I don’t have a problem with my boyfriend talking to her only if it concerns their son together. My boyfriend tells me that he has no feelings for her but with my past experiences tell me I can't be too careful. He asked me the other day, what would I do if they became friends? (They don't have much of a relationship right now) and what if she wanted to go out to lunch with him? That hurt when he said that and I thought that would be totally inappropriate. He says he wants to marry me so I figured if he was so serious about us that he shouldn’t put himself in situations where he can fall into her trap. I trust my boyfriend, I don’t trust her at all and a part of me is afraid he will allow her to take advantage of him. I guess I really want to know if there should be some line they shouldn’t cross or if I’m overreacting.

Response...
I do not see a problem with them being friends for the sake of the child. It is wonderful when parents can communicate amicably when discussing the upbringing of their children. It is much more productive. It is also less stressful for the parents and most importantly the child. However, I do think there should most definitely be reasonable boundaries between your boyfriend and his ex.
Going out to lunch or dinners together alone may be a door way for temptation. So I do not think that is a wise move. We are to run from anything that could possibly lead us to temptation. The best thing is that they communicate when they are either picking up or dropping off the child from visitation. They also should be able to communicate via phone between visits if necessary to discuss issues or concerns regarding the rearing of their child. There should definitely be open communication. However, you have to pray that your boyfriend has wisdom to cut the conversation if they steer off to other inappropriate topics.

I know that you are concerned about the past and this woman’s alleged manipulation tactics, but this is something that you are going to have intensely pray about. You have said that you have forgiven her, so then you have to let it go. Move on. Don’t meditate on the past. Perhaps you can call her and tell her that you do not wish to have any strife between you two for the sake of their child. Let her know that you would like to help them in any way possible.

If she doesn’t receive what you have to say. Then just leave it alone. Let him deal with her. Your job is to support your boyfriend and help with the child when he is with you. If you are planning to get married then you will become your husband’s helpmate.

Talk to him and let him know that you feel uncomfortable with them being too friendly. Assure him that you trust him, but that you are concerned that her motives are not completely innocent. Ask God to give you the words to speak to him when you address these issues. Be understanding and patient because he does have a reasonability to communicate with her if he wants to be included in the rearing of their child. The worse thing is when the father is torn between his girlfriend/wife and the mother of his kids. Whether he likes it or not he is responsible to help his ex.

If you are considering marrying this young man you are entering into this marriage knowing tha you are going to have baba mama drama. I hope that you are prepared. The only thing that can truly prepare you for the potential battle is the Word of God. You need to be prayed up and full of the Word of God. You see, the bible (Word of God) will give you comfort, direction, hope, and understanding. It will renew your mind and give you wisdom to handle your life God’s way and His way is always better and more fruitful. It is time to submit to Him and allow Him to become Lord of your life. He will make all of your crooked paths straight and help you on this journey through life.

He will never leave you alone without any hope. Even when things seem to stressful or the world seems to be caving in on your He will reassure you that you will be ok. He has your back. But you have to put your life in His hands.

You will see that when you start truly trusting Him and you find favor with him. He will put your enemies at your feet. I just read a scripture the other day that I loved. It is Proverbs 16:7 and it says, “When people’s lives please the Lord, even their enemies are at peace with them.” That is great isn’t it!!??

So seek first the kingdom of God and his way of doing things and you will see that all these others things He will take care of.

I will be praying for you sister.

Be blessed.

Love,

Trophy of Grace

PS - The women of WeUsed2bu love and care about your eternal soul. Therefore, we must tell you that there will be a day when each of us will have to stand before God and be judged for all we have done on this Earth. To find out how you can have right standing with God visit this link

http://weused2bu.blogspot.com/2008/08/salvation.html

My Mom Won't Talk About Dating

Anonymous Question Posted: Im 13 yrs old and my mom won't even tell me about anything like dating. She also wont let me walk around a store with my friends by ourselves! I want to go out with this boy at school and i even know where he lives but if i even mention i know where he lives my mom will kill me! then she'll give like an hr long speech on why i cant date or have guy friends untill im like 20...im so pissed!!!

Trophy of Grace Replied... I'm sorry that you are going through this. I know you may feel like your mom does not understand you and that she's being unreasonable. However, she is being protective over you because thirteen is still quite young to be thinking about dating or having a boyfriend. She wants the best for you.

I have a thirteen year old daughter who is very mature for her age. She is a great kid. She has had her share of crushes, but she is not allowed to have boyfriends either. I want her to focus on her studies and growing into a young woman without the complications of a boyfriend.

There is too much unnecessary temptation that comes with dating and having boyfriends. Why start so young?

I realize that alot of other kids are moving fast doing the whole dating fade and the movie stars as well as the sitcoms make everything look so wonderful, but it isn't all roses. Relationships are alot of work and commitment.

Don't resent your mother for caring for you. She doesn't want to allow you to be in a situation where you are forced to make grown up decisions so young.

Although you may not agree with your mother's rules you still have to trust that she knows what's best for you. She has lived longer and experienced more. She may not really know all that she has been through. Don't despise her wisdom and knowledge.

Obey her and honor because she has your best interest in mind and she is your mother. Most importantly you should obey her because God has commanded that you must. He promises that if obey and honor your parents that you live long life here on earth.

Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right. Honour thy father and mother; which is the first commandment with promise; That it may be well with thee, and thou mayest live long on the earth, EPH 6:1-3.

COL 3:20 says, "Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord."

I know that this may not be what you want to hear but you have to learn to leave things in God's hands when they are out of your control. Your time will come when you will meet the man that God has for you, but until then keep yourself pure so that you can present your body to your future husband and only him.

Forget about the dating scene and don't fight with your mom about it because it's only going to make the situation more.

Also, I wrote an article called 'I Wish I Had A Mom!' Read it when you get a chance. I wrote right after I went through something similar with my own daughter. Here's the link weused2bu.blogspot.com/2008/09/i-wish-i-had-mom.html

I will be praying for both you and your mom. God bless you.

Trophy of Grace

PS - The women of WeUsed2bu love and care about your eternal soul. Therefore, we must tell you that there will be a day when each of us will have to stand before God and be judged for all we have done on this earth. To find out how you can have right standing with God CLICK HERE

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