God's Will For This Long Distance Relationship

Anonymous said... Hi, I'm currently going out with a guy, but we live quite far apart and only see each other every 6-8 weeks for a few days at a time. We're in our twenties. We've been together nearing a year now, most of this time has been long-distance, and will be for the foresee-able future. I think I would like to talk about 'how things are' in terms or our relationship. Should me, as the girl, bring this up? or is it reasonable to want him as the guy to? What does being a spiritual leader look like, and should I hope that he would be that? I'm so aware that I do not want to look at him and judge him. So how do you differentiate between judging/discerning/knowing what's right for you? We do love each other, and he has been amazing in how he responded to my not-so-straightforward past. But I am beginning to wonder at what point it would be wise to start thinking about the future, or how long it is okay to 'see how it goes' - not in a casual way, but in a genuine, 'I don't yet know what the future holds' way. And what if I'm not sure about the future, but he thinks he is sure?
Is it important to have a similar experience of God, ie, some people are quite charismatic, some are traditional- I do not doubt that people in both types have true relationships with God, but how much does it matter whether you share these views/types or not?
Being long-distance means we live quite separate lives, and have different groups of friends. Two ways to look at this are,- If you're going to spend your life with someone, as a couple you will probably be in many places, and the constant will be the other person in the relationship. - On the other hand, is it better to be a couple that functions within a group, rather than mainly just as a couple?
Also, life plans - should these be sacrificed to be with the person, or should you have similar plans? What does the Bible say, because I've heard various ideas on that subject.
I'm afraid of hurting him as he has been So good to me.
This has been a post of several questions, thank-you for taking the time to read it!

Beloved by Him replies...

Hi, it’s Beloved of Him, in for my dear friend Trophy of Grace. I am so thankful that you brought your questions to us. We are so glad that you are willing to seek God’s wisdom and will in this relationship. Building the foundation of our lives on Christ is the only way to have real confidence and success (I Cor. 3:13); only He is the way, the truth, and the life (John 14:6). As long as you keep allowing God to lead and guide you, your life will be like a perpetual treasure hunt, as you uncover the riches of His wisdom, knowledge, and understanding (Col. 2:2-3)!

I know you’re bombarded with questions about your future and especially how this young man fits into it. First of all, the Bible says not to worry about tomorrow (Matt. 6:34). Look at where and who you are today. Are you doing what God has called you to do? Are you drawing closer to Him, putting Him first and purposing to know Him better? When we do this, the Lord promises to add everything else to our lives (Matt. 6:33). If loving and serving the Lord are your first priority, then you can rest and wait patiently for Him to show you the next step in His perfect time (Psalm 18:30).

Drawing closer to God will also give you the perfect example of servant leadership: Jesus Himself. If you look at how He is described in Philippians 2 and Ephesians 5, we see the four characteristics of a Godly man: Humility, obedience, sacrifice, and love. Take those traits and prayerfully consider this person in your life. If he loves the Lord and has these qualities, then he is on the right track, and you can trust that the Lord is working in Him.

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with approaching him with your questions, as long as it’s done with a gentle spirit (I Peter 3:4), and in a positive manner (Eph. 4:29). What you can’t do is force an answer from him. Give him the respect, as the man in your relationship, of allowing him to seek God on his own. Don’t push for resolution, but rather pray that the two of you would be of one mind in Christ (Phil. 2:1-4) and truly would desire the best for each other–whether or not you decide to continue dating.

Seeking each other’s best interests is also a big factor in some of the other issues you raise, such as denominational background. If one person is traditional, will they be comfortable in a Pentecostal church? Or if someone was raised charismatic, would they be happy in an ultra-reverent service? Again, if Christ is the foundation, then nothing is impossible (Matt. 19:26). But it can take a lot of patience and prayer in the process of becoming like-minded (Rom. 12:16). Still, I know that God makes a way where there is no way. He loves to do something new that is a testimony to His grace and power (Is. 43:19). If He brings two people together, He will make a way for them to live in unity.

You also bring up the issue of fellowship with the church, and your respective places in it. Right now, since you are not married, your primary concern should be the things of the Lord (I Cor. 7:32, 35). However, when two people marry, the focus turns away from other believers and more towards each other (v.33-34). Married couples should still maintain fellowship with the church (Heb. 10:25), but never in a way that would strain or compromise their “oneness” (Gen. 2:24). If the decision is made between the two of you to pursue a level of commitment with the intended goal of marriage, then that would also be the time to think about one of you moving to live nearer the other.

This may be why you asked about sacrificing life plans. Will one (or both) of you have to make some changes in the plans you have for your lives? Maybe. But that’s okay, because, “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord. “Plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans to give you a hope and a future.” (Jer. 29:11)

Ultimately, your future is in good hands. So if God calls you to lay down even a part of your life for this relationship, then be thankful that you were called to take part in Christ’s sufferings, for as He put it, “A greater love hath no man than this: That he lay down his life for his friends” (John 15:13). That is a love worth building on. :)

Sincerely,

Beloved by Him

Divide and Conquer

Written by: Daughter of The King

Marriage is a wonderful thing but that doesn’t mean that it’s easy. I’ve been married almost ten years to the funniest, nicest, gentle Christian man I have ever met but it’s still challenging at times because no matter how great he is he’s not perfect and I’m not perfect. Occasionally we make mistakes; we may hurt each others feeling or maybe one of us feels taken for granted but no matter what may temporally divide us there is something much more powerful that brings us back together and that’s our faith.

In John 10:10 the Bible tells us that satan has come to destroy mankind; what better way to do that than to destroy families. Satan knows that when he destroys one marriage he’s destroyed a few people in one shot and what’s the easiest way to destroy a marriage? Cause a division. Satan knows how to find your marriage’s weak spot and when he does he goes to work on it and if you both aren’t rooted and firm in the same faith it’s only a matter of time before he’s got you beat and you find yourself in divorce court.

Marriage is hard and believe me even in the best marriages there is plenty to fight about; couples fight about finances, schedules, chores, how to raise the kids and the list goes on and on. Now imagine marrying someone outside your faith or of no faith at all and adding to that already long list fights more arguments about things like:

Expectations - You may discover yourselves expecting too much of your interfaith relationship because you have the expectation that your love for one another can overcome all obstacles but over time your start to see the cracks forming in your marriage.

Children/Baptism – You and your husband may have definite opinions about baptizing your children, for Catholics it’s something you must do, protestants/evangelicals are completely opposed to that. The Islamic religion requires that children of mixed marriages be raised as Muslims.

Religious Identity – What happens when your children are old enough to ask questions about God and mom and dad give them different answers? What kind of religious identity can they form?

The Bible warns us about this in 2 Corinthians 6:14, I like the way The Message version of the Bible states it:

“Don't become partners with those who reject God. How can you make a partnership out of right and wrong? That's not partnership; that's war.”

Those are pretty strong words but I know that they are true for two reasons; the first is that the Bible is the absolute true word of God and the second reason is that I personally experienced it. I’m currently in my second marriage; I was first married to a man of the Greek Orthodox faith. Even though I was raised as an evangelical Christian I thought that we could work it out, I tried to justify it by saying things like “we are both Christians just two different types of Christians”. But the truth is that the problems began as soon as we got engaged, when we were selecting the church to get married in my fiancé and his family put so much pressure on me to get married in the Greek Orthodox Church that I caved in. Then our first child was born and as an evangelical Christian I had no intention on baptizing my baby but instead I wanted to have a service to dedicate him to the Lord. Well, here came the pressure again from my in-laws to have him baptized because they believe that if you don’t baptize the baby and God forbid something happens to him that he would go to purgatory or maybe even hell. I don’t believe that at all so I asked them to show me were in the Bible does it say to baptize babies and were in the bible does it talk about purgatory, they couldn’t find it in the Bible so they told me that it was church tradition. I don’t follow church tradition I follow the Word of God but because of all the arguing and fighting I caved in again and let them baptize him. Are you starting to see a pattern? I continuously had to give in and turn my back on what I knew to be true just to keep the peace in my family, the Bible calls that being double minded and look at what it says about double minded people:

James 1:8 (NIV) “…a double-minded man is unstable in all he does.”
I was unstable, my marriage was unstable, my children were unstable; Satan saw this and he moved right in and toppled the whole thing over. There were other things that contributed to the divorce but I know that if I had married someone of my faith the marriage would have been more stable and we would’ve had a much better chance at making it work.

If you are contemplating marrying someone of a different faith and he believes in things like infant baptism, purgatory or anything else that you don’t agree with you have to wonder who’s right and who’s wrong. The only way to answer that is for the two of you to pray together and ask God to reveal the truth to you in his word; open the Bible and compare what you believe to the scriptures, I know that God will lead you to the truth.

Once you have found the truth the two of you can go into a marriage that is united and strong in one true faith that can resist satan’s plan to divide and conquer.

I'm Catholic & He's Baptist... We Can't Agree!!

Question… i have been dating this guy and we have been talking about getting married and how we are going to raise our kids if and when we decide to have them...well i am catholic and believe strongly in my faith my boyfriend is baptist and hes not fond of the catholic faith at all but that is me its who i am and as a catholic we are supose to have our kids catholic and get married by a priest ITS A SACRAMENT FOR US but hes angry and throwing a fit about it .... we really do love each other and have everthing in common EXCEPT religion...so what can i do to make this better for both of us.... my aunt was catholic and uncle was baptist up until the day they died... what are my options where everyone is happy please let me know ASAP i have been praying about it.... i need answers/ advice in the worst kinda way MANY THANKS.

Response… Relationships/Marriages couples that don’t share the same religious views are called an inter-faith relationship/marriage. Although this is common practice, the bible frowns upon inter-faith relationships and marriages (Exodus 34:12-16, Deuteronomy 7:1-4, Ezra 10:2-3, Nehemiah 13:25-27, Malachi 2:11, 1 Corinthians 7:39, 2 Corinthians 6:14-15).

To highlight two of the above scriptures:

Malachi 2:11
"Judah has broken faith. A detestable thing has been committed in Israel and in Jerusalem: Judah has desecrated the sanctuary the LORD loves, by marrying the daughter of a foreign god."

Being in a relationship that carries two different religious beliefs is very difficult and usually causes major turmoil, like you’re dealing with now… You don’t agree on the matrimony… You don’t agree on how to raise your children.

Those are major issues to be arguing about and you’re not even married. To have a better chance of having a sound marriage, being with someone that has the same beliefs is very important.

2 Corinthians 6:14-15:
"Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness? What harmony is there between Christ and Belial? What does a believer have in common with an unbeliever?"

According to the gospel, God's people must be marked by a different kind of lifestyle and that lifestyle cannot be mixed with a pagan lifestyle. Being men and women of God, any other worship or ethics should not be mixed with the worship of God.

It is a matter of recognizing that when we are God’s people, His sons and daughters (2 Corinthians 6:18), it means we are in a relationship of love that binds us to His word.
The bible explains the different facets of love, which we should use as a guide for our lives.

Phil 2:12-23

I hope you pray and thing about your decision. As you’ve already heard whispers of doubt in your head, I pray the Lord speaks His word to you for clarity.



Saved By Faith