MySpace Friend Writes..
Hi. I’m almost 19. I have a son with my ex-boyfriend. I live with my son and my new boyfriend, whom I love dearly, but sometimes I wonder how things would have been if me and my ex worked out. You see, there were a lot of problems in our relationship. It practically started out as a problem. When my ex and I first got together, he was with another girl. They had a relationship for 7 or 8 years, and he cheated on her with me on and off for 2 years.
Then he was lying to me, cheating on me, just constantly messing up. I'd catch him in so many lies, but it seemed he always knew what to say to get out of it, or he'd try to explain his way thru. When I was pregnant with our son, he left me for her. I tried to get him to come back, but he wouldn't. He would tell me how he was so against abortion, but when I threatened him and said "if you are going to make me do this alone then I am just getting an abortion" he was okay with it. He actually gave me the money to get the procedure done. I was devastated that he was really leaving, but I was going to have the baby with or without him. Like I said, I was desperate, and it was just a threat.
Anyhow, he chose to be with her. I'd call to talk to him about the baby inside me and he wouldn't get on the phone because she didn’t want him talking to me. What u know...he did it behind her back. After a while, he came back to me. Now, he's cheated on her with me, cheated on me with her, left her for me, left me for her, and now left her again. At the time I was infatuated. I thought he was the guy of my dreams and we'd work things out. He'd tell me how I was the one, and when certain songs would play on the radio he'd say how he's gonna play them at our wedding. When he was with me everything felt perfect. I thought I'd found my prince charming at last. Then he started constantly hanging out with his friends, getting tattoos, and going to the strip club all of the time while I sat at home achy and pregnant.
I'd beg him to stay, but he wouldn't. He'd just tell me to come with. It really agitated me because I hurt so bad and he'd go out 5 or 6 days of the week late at night. He'd work all day then come home around 8, get ready, and leave again. I was pregnant. I wanted to be at home with him. All of this occured between 6 and 9 months of pregnancy. I already hadn't seen him all day. It would have been nice to have spent some time together. I didn't want him leaving again, and I certainly didn't want to be out until 4 a.m. He even did this to me on Valentines Day. Later on I found out that he had been with her.
One day out of the blue while I was 9 months pregnant I asked him to take the towels to the basement to be washed. I had to ask him over and over again, so I got ticked of and said I'd do it myself. He freaked out on me and told me I was being a B and to shut the F up, then he slammed the bathroom door in my face. He had never done anything remotely close to that before. He never spoke to me like that, never fought with me, never got angry. It all happened out of nowhere. When I asked him what was wrong with him he told me he couldn't see me anymore. That there was no one else, he just felt weird coming home to me, that something had changed, that all I do anymore is irritate him. He said that he was only happy when he was at work or with friends, and the moment he had to drive home or when he'd think about me he'd get depressed.
Next thing I knew he moved out and was done with me. I would check up on him and I found him and her together one night. When I asked him about it he claimed he wasn’t with her, that his friend was. So I spoke to his friend. Apparently my ex asked him to lie for him. The friend was supposed to tell me that my ex wasn’t with her, but his friend told me the truth.
It was constant drama. I've heard so many hurtful things from other people that my ex has said. When I caught him cheating on me, he said it was twice. It turned out to be 11 times. When I asked him how much he was spending at the strip club he said he was only paying for drinks, turns out he spent over $400 dollars when our son didn’t even have a crib to sleep in. When I defended him he in turn made me look like an idiot. I was trying to defend his actions of coming back to me to make it right because he loved me and the baby, I looked like a fool. I was told how on his birthday when he blew out his candles that people asked what he wished for and he told them "I wish she would get an abortion."
His ex has even called me to tell me that he has genital warts and that he gave them to her and I should get checked. I did, and I have nothing, but he denies that as well even after he went to a doctor to get treated! I think something is really wrong with him. I got over him and I am with someone else...my current boyfriend.
He is wonderful. He pays all of the baby's expenses. Formula, food, diapers, wipes, clothes, toys...everything. he is very truthful, he doesn’t lie, and he doesn’t cheat on me. He has a bit of a temper, but he treats me well. Now that I am happy with him, my ex is trying to come back into the picture. He doesn't do anything for his son. He doesn’t see him, he's ordered to pay support and is about $3,000 behind, and he doesn’t do a thing. He works 2 jobs, HVAC and construction, but there both under the table so I am not receiving any support. Instead, he is out getting tattoos, going to the strip club, and buying designer clothing. I saw his pictures and he's wearing all Armani and Ed Hardy stuff. It really hurts to know that because we have a hard enough time paying rent, buying food, keeping up with the things the baby needs, and he's out living the life of glamour.
The kiddo is going to need winter clothes, and I need some help. I've said this to my ex via email, and all I get is excuses. He says he's sent all of the checks in, but they were returned to his mother’s boyfriend’s house because they couldn’t read his handwriting. He wrote down that address because he doesn’t want domestic relations to know where he lives. He's shady. I had his sister look thru his check book and she said he only wrote one check to DRS and it was for court costs. Why does he feel the need to lie about everything?
Now, he's trying to come back to me. He tells me he's never stopped loving me, and he wants to try to make it work again. I’m not going back though. I’m happy with my current boyfriend, and one day I would like for us to be married. I know how my ex is. He's a snake and I don’t trust him. But why is it that he keeping playing with my heart. I think the only reason he is trying to come back to me is because he's burned all of his bridges with everyone else. He recently lost the other girl again, and now she is done for good with him. I think he's just lonely and wants anybody.
He's even had the nerve to make out with two of my friends and sleep with another one. He's messed around with even more. It's disgusting. He's turning 21 this month, and he's having sex with girls who are 15-17. He had a threesome with two girls who are 16 and 17, and one of them has Hepatitis C. He doesn’t care what he's doing to his body or how people look at him. He's lost all of his friends, and the only people who want to be around him are young and naive girls. He's taken advantage of everyone he knows, and its making me sick. He's a man whore! He has HPV, Genital warts, Chlamydia, hepatitis, and who knows what else. I’m sure he isn’t telling these girls about it either.
He says he wants to see his boy and work things out with me, but I don’t want either of these. He's already a horrible father. He's told people he wishes I'd have had an abortion...why should he see his son? He wouldn't even sign the paternity papers at the hospital cuz he wasn’t sure if the baby was his, even though he tattooed our sons name on his neck. The baby came out and looks EXACTLY like him. He doesn't even resemble me at all. He signed to have the birth announcement in the paper for me as the mother and him as the father, had this tattoo, and wanted me to give the baby his last name, but made me look like a slut in front of everyone.
He didn’t even spend a single night with me in the hospital. He told me he needed to get some rest, but instead he left the hospital and spent the night with the other girl. Why is he trying to come back to me? I wanted him for soooo long, but it wasn't good enuff. Now that I dont want him, he wants me!!! I need some help. I'm so confused! Please help me!
Response..
Don’t allow yourself to be confused about this situation. It is clear that this young man has been taking advantage of you for quite some time. I know you must have some feelings for him, but don’t allow your heart to deceive you. The father of your child has maturing to do before he can give you the type relationship that you are looking for.
Instead what you need to do is forgive him for all of the hurt that he has caused you. From all that you have shared I feel like you could possibly have unforgiveness and resentment towards him. You also may be harboring anger. The unforgiveness, anger, and resentment that you are carrying around towards him will only hinder you. You have to choose to forgive him so that you can heal and truly move on with your life. As long as you are carrying this burden around he will have power over you.
By constantly remembering all of his offenses you are feeding the anger prolonging forgiveness and healing. You must learn to forgive him daily and leave these offenses and the offender (your ex boyfriend) in God’s hands. Believe me; I know it is easier said than done especially when it hits close to the heart. However, the Word of God tells us that if we do not forgive our offenders than God will not forgive us either. We are also commanded to get rid of all bitterness, rage, and anger in our lives.“Your heavenly Father will forgive you if you forgive those who have sinned against you; but if you refuse to forgive them, he will not forgive you.” (Matthew 6:15)“Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” (Ephesians 4:31-32)
Also, you should start praying for him. Ask God to intercede and touch his life. He is the father of your child and although you have this new boyfriend nothing will change the fact he is the biological father. I’m sure that deep in your heart you want the best for this young man and you would like to see him be the father to your baby that he needs.
Consider your past decisions and where they have led you. We have an Awesome loving God that longs to help us and guide is on our journey through this life. Allow Him to help you make right decisions for you life. I promise if you will let Him in He will change your life and rock your world. All the love that you long for and direction you seek is found in knowing Christ Jesus.
I will be praying for all of you.
** CONTINUED ** Pt2 Cont. from Baby Daddy Drama
Sincerely,
Trophy of Grace
PS - The women of WeUsed2bu love and care about your eternal soul. Therefore, we must tell you that there will be a day when each of us will have to stand before God and be judged for all we have done on this earth. To find out how you can have right standing with God CLICK HERE
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