Pt4 Cont. From I'm Worried He Still Has Feelings For Her

Continued from:
- I'm Worried He Still Has Feelings For Her
- Pt2 Cont. from I'm Worried He Still Has Feelings For Her
- Pt3 Cont. from I'm Worried He Still Has Feelings For Her

Anonymous Responds: you remember my problem with the boyfriend who cheated with the two babies my parents didnt like him rember me asking you for advice well he crys to me everynight on the phone i feel so bad for him its hard watching someone try hard knowing what you know that no matter how bad i feel my parents will never approve of him and He spent 50 dollars on red roses to send to me tommarrow around 3:30 and a bouqet usually cost 12 dollars so spending 50$ i dont know how to handle this anymore................what to do please .....he said that he has been praying more i dunno i feel like super bad but he cheated but yeah i dunno what to do i really really dont i know i still have love for him but its so omgosh i need help badly

Response: For some reason you did not get my response and I can't find it any where in my sent box..

You have to be strong about this. Don't take him back. He is on the rebound and still unsure of what he wants. Even though he seems to be convincing don't fall for it. He is too fresh out a long relationship. Don't get yourself into a situation that you will regret.

Stop communicating with him and let him move on with his life. These are times where you have to draw close to God and trust Him to help you and give you strength. He promises that if you will draw close to Him then He will draw close to you, but you really have to surrender your will to God's will.

You saw your prayer answered, don't doubt what God is showing you. He doesn't want you settling for this relationship.

Don't forget that this young man just recently was initmate with his children's mother. His ex who he was with 5 years. If he didn't have some feelings for her then he would not have been with her recently.

Don't allow yourself to be used and abused. That is not God's will for your life.

Be strong..

Trophy of Grace

Anonymous Replied: thanks :)

Baby Daddy Drama

MySpace Friend Writes..
Hi. I’m almost 19. I have a son with my ex-boyfriend. I live with my son and my new boyfriend, whom I love dearly, but sometimes I wonder how things would have been if me and my ex worked out. You see, there were a lot of problems in our relationship. It practically started out as a problem. When my ex and I first got together, he was with another girl. They had a relationship for 7 or 8 years, and he cheated on her with me on and off for 2 years.

Then he was lying to me, cheating on me, just constantly messing up. I'd catch him in so many lies, but it seemed he always knew what to say to get out of it, or he'd try to explain his way thru. When I was pregnant with our son, he left me for her. I tried to get him to come back, but he wouldn't. He would tell me how he was so against abortion, but when I threatened him and said "if you are going to make me do this alone then I am just getting an abortion" he was okay with it. He actually gave me the money to get the procedure done. I was devastated that he was really leaving, but I was going to have the baby with or without him. Like I said, I was desperate, and it was just a threat.

Anyhow, he chose to be with her. I'd call to talk to him about the baby inside me and he wouldn't get on the phone because she didn’t want him talking to me. What u know...he did it behind her back. After a while, he came back to me. Now, he's cheated on her with me, cheated on me with her, left her for me, left me for her, and now left her again. At the time I was infatuated. I thought he was the guy of my dreams and we'd work things out. He'd tell me how I was the one, and when certain songs would play on the radio he'd say how he's gonna play them at our wedding. When he was with me everything felt perfect. I thought I'd found my prince charming at last. Then he started constantly hanging out with his friends, getting tattoos, and going to the strip club all of the time while I sat at home achy and pregnant.

I'd beg him to stay, but he wouldn't. He'd just tell me to come with. It really agitated me because I hurt so bad and he'd go out 5 or 6 days of the week late at night. He'd work all day then come home around 8, get ready, and leave again. I was pregnant. I wanted to be at home with him. All of this occured between 6 and 9 months of pregnancy. I already hadn't seen him all day. It would have been nice to have spent some time together. I didn't want him leaving again, and I certainly didn't want to be out until 4 a.m. He even did this to me on Valentines Day. Later on I found out that he had been with her.

One day out of the blue while I was 9 months pregnant I asked him to take the towels to the basement to be washed. I had to ask him over and over again, so I got ticked of and said I'd do it myself. He freaked out on me and told me I was being a B and to shut the F up, then he slammed the bathroom door in my face. He had never done anything remotely close to that before. He never spoke to me like that, never fought with me, never got angry. It all happened out of nowhere. When I asked him what was wrong with him he told me he couldn't see me anymore. That there was no one else, he just felt weird coming home to me, that something had changed, that all I do anymore is irritate him. He said that he was only happy when he was at work or with friends, and the moment he had to drive home or when he'd think about me he'd get depressed.
Next thing I knew he moved out and was done with me. I would check up on him and I found him and her together one night. When I asked him about it he claimed he wasn’t with her, that his friend was. So I spoke to his friend. Apparently my ex asked him to lie for him. The friend was supposed to tell me that my ex wasn’t with her, but his friend told me the truth.

It was constant drama. I've heard so many hurtful things from other people that my ex has said. When I caught him cheating on me, he said it was twice. It turned out to be 11 times. When I asked him how much he was spending at the strip club he said he was only paying for drinks, turns out he spent over $400 dollars when our son didn’t even have a crib to sleep in. When I defended him he in turn made me look like an idiot. I was trying to defend his actions of coming back to me to make it right because he loved me and the baby, I looked like a fool. I was told how on his birthday when he blew out his candles that people asked what he wished for and he told them "I wish she would get an abortion."

His ex has even called me to tell me that he has genital warts and that he gave them to her and I should get checked. I did, and I have nothing, but he denies that as well even after he went to a doctor to get treated! I think something is really wrong with him. I got over him and I am with someone else...my current boyfriend.

He is wonderful. He pays all of the baby's expenses. Formula, food, diapers, wipes, clothes, toys...everything. he is very truthful, he doesn’t lie, and he doesn’t cheat on me. He has a bit of a temper, but he treats me well. Now that I am happy with him, my ex is trying to come back into the picture. He doesn't do anything for his son. He doesn’t see him, he's ordered to pay support and is about $3,000 behind, and he doesn’t do a thing. He works 2 jobs, HVAC and construction, but there both under the table so I am not receiving any support. Instead, he is out getting tattoos, going to the strip club, and buying designer clothing. I saw his pictures and he's wearing all Armani and Ed Hardy stuff. It really hurts to know that because we have a hard enough time paying rent, buying food, keeping up with the things the baby needs, and he's out living the life of glamour.

The kiddo is going to need winter clothes, and I need some help. I've said this to my ex via email, and all I get is excuses. He says he's sent all of the checks in, but they were returned to his mother’s boyfriend’s house because they couldn’t read his handwriting. He wrote down that address because he doesn’t want domestic relations to know where he lives. He's shady. I had his sister look thru his check book and she said he only wrote one check to DRS and it was for court costs. Why does he feel the need to lie about everything?

Now, he's trying to come back to me. He tells me he's never stopped loving me, and he wants to try to make it work again. I’m not going back though. I’m happy with my current boyfriend, and one day I would like for us to be married. I know how my ex is. He's a snake and I don’t trust him. But why is it that he keeping playing with my heart. I think the only reason he is trying to come back to me is because he's burned all of his bridges with everyone else. He recently lost the other girl again, and now she is done for good with him. I think he's just lonely and wants anybody.

He's even had the nerve to make out with two of my friends and sleep with another one. He's messed around with even more. It's disgusting. He's turning 21 this month, and he's having sex with girls who are 15-17. He had a threesome with two girls who are 16 and 17, and one of them has Hepatitis C. He doesn’t care what he's doing to his body or how people look at him. He's lost all of his friends, and the only people who want to be around him are young and naive girls. He's taken advantage of everyone he knows, and its making me sick. He's a man whore! He has HPV, Genital warts, Chlamydia, hepatitis, and who knows what else. I’m sure he isn’t telling these girls about it either.

He says he wants to see his boy and work things out with me, but I don’t want either of these. He's already a horrible father. He's told people he wishes I'd have had an abortion...why should he see his son? He wouldn't even sign the paternity papers at the hospital cuz he wasn’t sure if the baby was his, even though he tattooed our sons name on his neck. The baby came out and looks EXACTLY like him. He doesn't even resemble me at all. He signed to have the birth announcement in the paper for me as the mother and him as the father, had this tattoo, and wanted me to give the baby his last name, but made me look like a slut in front of everyone.

He didn’t even spend a single night with me in the hospital. He told me he needed to get some rest, but instead he left the hospital and spent the night with the other girl. Why is he trying to come back to me? I wanted him for soooo long, but it wasn't good enuff. Now that I dont want him, he wants me!!! I need some help. I'm so confused! Please help me!

Response..
Don’t allow yourself to be confused about this situation. It is clear that this young man has been taking advantage of you for quite some time. I know you must have some feelings for him, but don’t allow your heart to deceive you. The father of your child has maturing to do before he can give you the type relationship that you are looking for.

Instead what you need to do is forgive him for all of the hurt that he has caused you. From all that you have shared I feel like you could possibly have unforgiveness and resentment towards him. You also may be harboring anger. The unforgiveness, anger, and resentment that you are carrying around towards him will only hinder you. You have to choose to forgive him so that you can heal and truly move on with your life. As long as you are carrying this burden around he will have power over you.

By constantly remembering all of his offenses you are feeding the anger prolonging forgiveness and healing. You must learn to forgive him daily and leave these offenses and the offender (your ex boyfriend) in God’s hands. Believe me; I know it is easier said than done especially when it hits close to the heart. However, the Word of God tells us that if we do not forgive our offenders than God will not forgive us either. We are also commanded to get rid of all bitterness, rage, and anger in our lives.“Your heavenly Father will forgive you if you forgive those who have sinned against you; but if you refuse to forgive them, he will not forgive you.” (Matthew 6:15)“Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” (Ephesians 4:31-32)

Also, you should start praying for him. Ask God to intercede and touch his life. He is the father of your child and although you have this new boyfriend nothing will change the fact he is the biological father. I’m sure that deep in your heart you want the best for this young man and you would like to see him be the father to your baby that he needs.

Consider your past decisions and where they have led you. We have an Awesome loving God that longs to help us and guide is on our journey through this life. Allow Him to help you make right decisions for you life. I promise if you will let Him in He will change your life and rock your world. All the love that you long for and direction you seek is found in knowing Christ Jesus.

I will be praying for all of you.

** CONTINUED ** Pt2 Cont. from Baby Daddy Drama

Sincerely,

Trophy of Grace

PS - The women of WeUsed2bu love and care about your eternal soul. Therefore, we must tell you that there will be a day when each of us will have to stand before God and be judged for all we have done on this earth. To find out how you can have right standing with God CLICK HERE

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Baby Mama Drama

Anonymous: I have been with my boyfriend for two years. We are both Christians and recently made the decision to be obedient to God and to keep in His word daily. I love the fact that we are growing together and encouraging each other when times get tough.

My boyfriend has a three year old son that we pick-up on the weekends and I love him to death. When it’s us three we have a great time together. The only thing is I feel that my boyfriend is trying to keep me away from his son’s family. He doesn’t like to tell me when he talks to his son’s mother and seems to make calls over there secretly to keep me from finding out.

I want him to be a good father and to be in his sons life as much as possible but I have had a bad first impression of his son’s mother in the beginning of our relationship because she tried to break us up and would tell me lies about them getting back together to chase me away. There isn’t any contact between his mother and I now but I feel like I am left out of the family, I know I can’t take his mothers place but sometimes I feel like a stranger when it comes down to what is going on.

My boyfriend says he wants to marry me and we both agree we need to draw closer to God first but I’m not sure I can be married to him if he can’t include me in his life with his son. I don’t know if I should just back off because I shouldn’t have a say on what’s going on or if I’m entitled to have some say. My boyfriend says I’m a good mother to his son but when it comes down to any decision making he makes me feel that I need to keep my mouth shut. I just know if I’m going to be his wife I don’t want to feel the way I do now. What do I do?

Response: Surrendering your life daily to God is the best choice you can make.. If you will read the bible daily you will see that your mind and your desires will be renewed. Reading the Word and doing what the Word says is the secret to living a successful Christian life.

Now for the baby mama drama..

I know you said that she has done hurtful things in the past so you probably don’t trust her. I understand completely. It also doesn’t help that he seems to be sneaking to talk to her even though it’s probably innocent. He might think that it bothers you that he talks to her. It’s important that he knows that you are secure with your relationship and you trust him. That way he won’t feel like he has to hide. He is always going to have a relationship with her no matter what. Accept it for what it is and start praying about the whole situation if you are going to even think about marrying him.

The bottom line is the one you have to trust is your man. For any relationship to function properly there has to be trust. You have to trust your boyfriend loves you and is working daily to become the godly man that God wants Him to be. If you are confident in your relationship it would not matter to you if he talks to his ex because you know that he is your man and you trust him.

You have to pray about these feelings of insecurity and ask God to give you peace about the situation. If you love the child then you will pursue peace in this situation for his sake. Don’t hold grudges against the ex. Let it go. Forgive her for the past mistakes she’s made. We’re all human and are subject to error. Have mercy on her and try to see things her way also. Pray for her. If you do this you will see that your feelings towards her will begin to change.

Matthew 5:44-48 says “But I say, love your enemies, Pray for those who persecute you! In that way, you will be acting as true children of your Father in heaven. For he gives his sunlight to both the evil and the good, and he sends rain on the just and the unjust alike. If you love only those who love you, what reward is there for that? Even corrupt tax collectors do that much. If you are kind only to your friends, how are you different from anyone else? Even pagans do that. But you are to be perfect, even as your Father in heaven is perfect.”

It may be best that you do not have contact with the ex for now. She may or may not want to have to interaction with you. In the event that you do have to interact with her be patient and remember that you represent Christ. Always pursue peace!!

You are spending time with their child and she may have her guard up for several different reasons. She can be thinking any or all of the following: 1) Is she going to try to take my place. 2) What if my son calls her mommy. 3) What if she tries to take his dad away. 4) Will he still love and care for my son the way he does now when he gets married and has children with her.

There is a lot that could be going on in her mind. Not to mention that she may still have not gotten over the relationship with your boyfriend, the father of her child. The baby is only three. That is isn’t a very long time. So be patient and merciful.

Are you entitled to have some say? To the baby mama no. To your boyfriend you should lovely give him your advice and suggestions regarding the child. It is best not to make him feel caught in the middle between you and his ex. You may have to learn to step back sometimes and leave it between them.

My husband has two children from his previous marriage. I try not to get involved between his ex-wife and him. When I do talk to his ex-wife I am very patient and I keep it very simple. They make decisions for their children and I support my husband. I don’t always agree, however I do not over step my boundaries with her or him regarding his children. When his children visit us they abide by our rules because this is our house. I love them and care for them just like they were my own.

After praying about this whole situation you need to go to your boyfriend and let him know that it bothers you that he seems to feel that he needs to hide from you when he’s talking to his son’s mom. Reassure him that you trust him and that he does not need to sneak around.

Then leave it in God’s hands. Don’t worry and stress out about it. Remember that our Lord works everything out for our good. So let Him.

I will be praying for all of you.

God bless Sister,

Trophy of Grace