I Have Two Questions..My Boyfriend & Autistic Son

Sister writes from workrelease...

My boyfriend asked me to get a breast reduction to satisfy him sexually once we get married. I told him at first that it was very disrespectful to ask me that and he got upset. What do I do? Do what he wants or let him go? Shouldn't be that he loves me for who I am no matter how big I am?

Second question..

My best friend has been taking care of my son since he was two days old. My son is also autistic. She asked me this past weekend if I would let her and her husband adopt him. I don't know if I should or shouldn't. When I get home he would be with them for four years. I mean would I be helping him or harming him. If I let them adopt him or I get him back with me?

Also can you please give me information on autistic children?

Beloved By Him replies...

Dear Sister in Christ,

First I want to thank you for your questions. I can see that you’ve been through a lot, and yet you’ve got a long road ahead of you. I want to encourage you and assure you that the Lord will always be there to love you, give you guidance and wisdom, and give you strength. I’ve enclosed an index card that you can read when you need a good word. On one side is this verse, “Have I not commanded you? Be strong and of good courage; do not be afraid, nor be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.” (Joshua 1:9) On the back is another reminder of His love for you, “For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things to come, nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” (Romans 8:38-39) You can trust in His promises, and if you build your life on Christ, you will have an unshakable foundation, no matter what comes your way (I Cor. 3:11).

In the first part of your letter, you talked about how your boyfriend wants you to get a breast reduction, so that you can satisfy him sexually once you two are married. I don’t see anything in the Bible that supports this line of thinking. If anything, a husband is supposed to have a God-given desire for his wife and her body. God didn’t make you imperfectly, He made you fearfully and wonderfully, to be appreciated and loved by the man who will be proud to say and show that he loves you (Ps. 139:14, Song of Sol. 2:4). Your future husband should have your best interests—your feelings, your self-esteem—in mind, and he should think of your needs as more important than his own. He should actually be reflecting Christ Himself with his behavior, willing to lay down his life for you, and covering you with the Word of God (Eph. 5:25-33). If you go all the way back to the first husband and wife, Adam and Eve, the Bible says that they were “naked and not ashamed.” (Gen. 2:24-25) That’s the way God intended a married man and woman to be able to relate to each other before sin entered the world: Without shame and in full acceptance of how the other person looks as created by God. In the Bible, in the book of Song of Solomon, there are several references to the husband being totally thrilled with his wife’s body, and specifically her breasts (Song of Solomon 4:5, 7: 3, 10:10). In chapter 7 verses 7-8, he refers to her stature (her body) as being like a palm tree, and her breasts like clusters. Hmm...what kind of clusters does a palm tree have? Coconuts! (Lol) It shouldn't matter what size chest you have--the Bible tells a husband to be satisfied with his wife's breasts at all times (Prov. 5:19). Your boyfriend’s thinking is wrong. Real love is not rude or self-seeking (I Cor. 13:5). Before you go any further with this guy, you need to pray for the Lord to show you if this person truly is the one He wants you to marry. Has he accepted Christ as His Savior? Is he committed to living his life for the Lord? It’s not looking right now like his priorities are in the right place, and Matt. 17:16 says that “by their fruits you will know them.” Pray and ask the Lord for His wisdom regarding what you need to do. It might be that Jesus wants you to be only His girl right now. He may want you to be focused on only Him, letting Him show you how much He loves you and what His plans are for your life. It’s a lot easier to give God your attention when you’re single, and not worried about pleasing a husband, especially one who is not a mature Christian (I Cor. 7:32,34-35). Please make sure that you wait for the Lord to give you His wisdom before you move ahead in this relationship (James 1:5-6).

The other question you asked was about your son, and the decision you have to make regarding whether or not to let your best friend adopt him. I honestly don’t know what God’s will is for you regarding this situation, but I will try to scripturally present a view of both sides to help provide some wisdom for you. First of all, children are a blessing and a reward from God (Ps. 127:3). The Lord saw fit in His grace to give you a son, because He knew that you were the one who could love Him the way that He would—by laying your life down for him. It’s a matter of letting Him show you the way He wants you to do that. If you allow your friend to adopt him, then you will have to ask God for the grace and strength to let him go, and if you take custody back, then you will have to sacrifice your life to serve him and the specific needs of his disability. I know how hard this decision is to have to make. I also know that God will show you what to do: “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make straight your paths” (Prov. 3:5-6).

Biblically, adoption was often a blessing to the child. Some examples of successful adoption were Esther, who was adopted by her uncle Mordecai after her parents died. He was a God-fearing man, and the Lord honored him and her by making her queen of Persia and using her to save the Jews under her husband’s rule. Moses was adopted by Pharaoh’s daughter, and made a prince of Egypt, but God didn’t leave him there. He called him away from the palace and used him to free his people and bring them out of Egypt to the edge of the Promised Land. Jesus Himself was adopted by Joseph, fulfilling biblical prophecy as the adoption gave Jesus legal claim to the Davidic throne. Adoption should benefit your child by blessing him with a spiritual and family heritage. You have to know that the family honors God and follows Christ, so that you are confident that they will rear him in His love and by His will. By assuring this for him, you would also be giving him your own godly legacy. In addition, there is his autism to consider. Autistic children can have difficulty with environmental stimulation, and it may be detrimental to him if his surroundings change. You need to consider how much care he will require based on the severity of his disability. Are you in the position to give him both emotional and financial support? Are you prepared and committed to put his needs above your own?

These are tremendous considerations, but we serve a God who is greater than the impossible (Matt. 19:26). If the Lord leads you to keep custody of your son, He is the source of all the love and strength you will need to take care of him ( II Tim. 1:7, I John 4:7). By His Holy Spirit, you can be “strengthened with all might, according to His glorious power, for all patience and longsuffering with joy” (Col. 1:11). He will provide all your needs according to His riches in glory (Phil. 4:19), and will help you and uphold you with His righteous right hand (Is. 41:10). If, however, He asks you to release your child into your friend’s care, He will be your Comforter as you mourn the loss of his presence, and He will restore and heal your heart (Ps. 147:3, Matt. 5:14).

Dear sister,

I pray in the name of Jesus, our Savior and King, that He pours out His love and hope in your heart, by the Holy Spirit Who lives in us, and that He gives you the peace that passes understanding so that you know without any fear that He loves you and will work all of this together for good (Romans 5:3-5, 8:28, Phil. 4:7). I know that it’s difficult to look ahead and really believe that you will be able to walk through this valley. I promise you, God is with you, and He will eventually lead you to a place where the waters are still and you have a quiet place of rest (please read Psalms 23 and 107.) I pray that He gives you faith that overcomes the world and moves mountains (I John 5:4, Mark 11:22-24). I know that you can do all things through Him Who gives us strength, and I’m trusting Him to do it in His faithfulness (Phil. 4:13, I Thess. 5:24).

Much love to you in His name,

Beloved By Him

Autism links below

http://www.ninds.nih.gov/disorders/autism/detail_autism.htm?css=print#133853082

http://www.poac.net/

http://www.aacap.org/cs/root/facts_for_families/the_child_with_autism

My 16-yr-old Daughter is Not Pure Anymore

Anonymous said...
How to handle finding out your 16 yr daughter is partly not pure anymore. I haven't said anything to her yet. But My first reactin is to ground her and make her read verses all day. I'm so hurt by this
I'm having a hard time typin.
Please Help.

Beloved by Him said...
When a son or daughter sacrifices his or her purity, the loss is not just theirs, it’s also the parents’, particularly when it’s a Christian family that’s involved. A parent who walks with the Lord knows and understands more fully what a precious gift sexual purity is, and hopes that their child will guard and keep it for the person that God has chosen as the child’s future spouse. When that doesn’t happen, it’s totally normal for a parent to be angry, grief-stricken, worried, and disappointed (Prov.10:1, 17:25). This is when we have to cry out to Jesus for the help we need, for the child and for us. This is when we really learn about and lean on God’s love and faithfulness.

Make sure that before you confront your daughter, you have committed your spirit into the Lord’s hands. Get into the Word. Pray for the peace that passes understanding. Pour out your heart before Him. You need to do this now, and you’re going to have to do it many more times, because this is no quick-fix situation. Putting her in her room and having her copy Bible verses will not substitute for the loving relationship you can build with her, even if she fights and says she doesn’t want you or your rules. Determine like Paul did in Philippians 2: 17 that you are going to pour yourself out like a drink offering, so that the Lord can fill you and move in you by His Spirit. Pray especially for patience and longsuffering, which will be the ability to “bear up under” the pain and “put fury far off while suffering wrong”. And as difficult as it may be, purpose to be gentle when you talk to her. David said in Psalm 18:35 that “Your gentleness has made me great.” You need to reflect God’s face to her, not the flood of emotions that you are feeling. Ask God to give you the quiet and gentle spirit that is precious to Him (1 Peter 3: 4), and the right and fitting words to say (Prov. 25: 11). I know it may seem impossible! But remember, all things are possible with God (Matt. 19: 26).

You are going to have to find out from her, though it may be difficult for both of you, the extent of her actions. Was this a one-time event, or is she caught up in a cycle of bad behavior? Who else, if anyone, was involved? There are going to be some very uncomfortable moments, because, after all, this is a beloved child that we’re talking about. (Stop…breathe…pray) Don’t be surprised if what you already know is not all there is to know. Hopefully, she will be open to talking to you. Encourage her that the more honest she is, the more helpful it will be. Remind her that the Lord already knows, and has provided all the forgiveness she needs. Share Prov. 28: 13 with her, “Whoever covers his sins will not prosper, but whoever confesses and forsakes them will have mercy.” And you have to be prepared to give her mercy, too. Don’t turn her actions into shame or punish her unjustly. The Lord will show you how to discipline her so that it is profitable for her good (Hebrews 12: 10-11). When her confession is done, make sure that she knows you forgive her (Colossians 3:12-13), and that you will always love her, no matter what (Prov. 10:12, 1 Peter 4:8).

It is so important that even in this difficult time, you keep your eyes, heart, and hope set on Him. If you keep focusing on your daughter’s sin, you will become bitter, and will find it hard to resist the temptations to keep bringing it up, to stop believing the best about her, and possibly even to treat her with less respect. It’s very easy to allow unforgiveness to permeate our thoughts and actions, in the name of discipline or self-righteousness. Romans 3: 10 says, “There is none righteous, no, not one.” We know that we’re all sinners, but when it’s our child, we can incorrectly assume that their wrong actions mean that we’ve failed as a parent. If that were so, then God would be in the same boat, and of course He’s not. Your daughter made a wrong choice, and there will be consequences. Still, she is not her sin. If she is a Christian, then she is the righteousness of Christ (Phil. 3: 9), and God will use this for her good, because she is called to His purpose (Romans 8: 28), and He will be glorified in her. Choose to walk by faith, not by sight, and believe the best about her. Meditate on Scriptures that proclaim God’s promises for our descendants, such as Isaiah 54:13 and Prov. 22: 6. Most importantly, don’t give up. We are promised in Galatians 6:8-9 that if we don’t grow weary or lose heart, we will reap everlasting life. You are sowing seeds of God’s eternal love and faithfulness into this situation. Yes, you may sow in tears, but by God’s grace, you will reap in joy (Psalm 126: 5-6).

Beloved by Him

A Book That Gives Advice On Raising Children

Anonymous said...

I need some help. I'm 22 years old and just returned from working abroad. I was in a relationship with a man while I was away, and got myself pregnant. When I told him this, he didn't want any part of the whole thing. My parents are being very understanding, and even trying to give me books on parenting. The ones on single parenting they have found for me are all referring to divorce, death,or other ways the parents separated but are both in the child's life. I'm trying to find a book, that is not for teenagers, that will give advice on raising a child on your own when the father is never going to be there for the child.

Trophy of Grace responds...

I know the perfect book! It is the best book in the whole entire world. This book will give you all the answers you need for not only raising your beautiful gift from God, but will give you directions for all areas of your life. It is the bible. The infallible Word of God.

You see the bible was inspired by God and is used to teach us what is true and to make us realize what is wrong in our lives. It corrects us when we are wrong and it teaches us to do what is right. God uses it to prepare and equip His people to do every good work. ( 2 Timothy 3:16-17)

I would say that being a parent is a good work. Wouldn’t you?

For me this is my source of wisdom and direction. It has never failed me. You see the Word of God is true and does not lie. It is full of life and hope.

Hebrews 4:12:”For the word of God is quick [alive], and powerful, and sharper than any two edged sword, piercing even to the dividing asunder of soul and spirit, and of the joints and marrow, and is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart.”

Romans 15:13
“I pray that God, the source of hope, will fill you completely with joy and peace because you trust in Him. Then you will overflow with confident hope through the power of the Holy Spirit.”

The bible will teach you to how raise your children, manage your money, about friendship and loving others, marriage, fear, worry, confusion, forgiveness, anger, prayer, enemies, how to be more than a conqueror, and so much more. The most important thing the bible teaches is about having a restored relationship with God through confessing our sins and total faith in Jesus Christ for salvation.

I would suggest that you start reading the book of John first along with a chapter of Proverbs a day.

In the mean time here are some scriptures on raising children:

Proverbs - Chapter 22:6
6. Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it.
Psalm - Chapter 127:3
3. Sons are a heritage from the Lord, children a reward from him.

Proverbs - Chapter 4:1-17
1. Listen , my sons, to a father's instruction; pay attention and gain understanding.2. I give you sound learning, so do not forsake my teaching. 3. When I was a boy in my father's house, still tender, and an only child of my mother,4. he taught me and said, Lay hold of my words with all your heart; keep my commands and you will live.5. Get wisdom, get understanding; do not forget my words or swerve from them.6. Do not forsake wisdom, and she will protect you; love her, and she will watch over you.7. Wisdom is supreme; therefore get wisdom. Though it cost all you have, get understanding. 8. Esteem her, and she will exalt you; embrace her, and she will honor you.9. She will set a garland of grace on your head and present you with a crown of splendor.10. Listen, my son, accept what I say, and the years of your life will be many.11. I guide you in the way of wisdom and lead you along straight paths.12. When you walk, your steps will not be hampered; when you run, you will not stumble.13. Hold on to instruction, do not let it go; guard it well, for it is your life.14. Do not set foot on the path of the wicked or walk in the way of evil men.15. Avoid it, do not travel on it; turn from it and go on your way. 16. For they cannot sleep till they do evil; they are robbed of slumber till they make someone fall.17. They eat the bread of wickedness and drink the wine of violence.18. The path of the righteous is like the first gleam of dawn, shining ever brighter till the full light of day.

Proverbs - Chapter 6:20-23
20. My son, obey your father's commands, and don't neglect your mother's teaching.21. Keep their words always in your heart. Tie them around your neck.22. Wherever you walk, their counsel can lead you. When you sleep, they will protect you. When you wake up in the morning, they will advise you.23. For these commands and this teaching are a lamp to light the way ahead of you. The correction of discipline is the way of life.

Proverbs - Chapter 2:1-6
1. My son, if you accept my words and store up my commands within you,2. turning your ear to wisdom and applying your heart to understanding,3. and if you call out for insight and cry aloud for understanding, 4. and if you look for it as for silver and search for it as for hidden treasure,5. then you will understand the fear of the Lord and find the knowledge of God.6. For the Lord gives wisdom, and from his mouth come knowledge and understanding.

Proverbs - Chapter 3:1-12
1. My son, do not forget my teaching, but keep my commands in your heart,2. for they will prolong your life many years and bring you prosperity.3. Let love and faithfulness never leave you; bind them around your neck, write them on the tablet of your heart.4. then you will win favor and a good name in the sight of God and man.5. Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding;6. in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.7. Do not be wise in your own eyes; fear the Lord and shun evil. 8. This will bring health to your body and nourishment to your bones. 9. Honor the Lord with your wealth, with the firstfruits of all your crops; 10. then your barns will be filled to overflowing, and your vats will brim over with new wine. 11. My son, do not despise the Lord's discipline and do not resent his rebuke,12. because the Lord disciplines those he loves, as a father the son he delights in.

Mark - Chapter 10:13-14
13. People were bringing little children to Jesus to have him touch them, but the disciples rebuked them.14. When Jesus saw this, he was indignant. He said to them, "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these."

Ephesians - Chapter 6:1-4
1.Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. 2. "Honor your father and mother"-which is the first commandment with a promise-3."that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth." 4. Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord."

Colossians - Chapter 3:20
20. Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord.

Love Trophy of Grace

PS - The women of WeUsed2bu love and care about your eternal soul. Therefore, we must tell you that there will be a day when each of us will have to stand before God and be judged for all we have done on this Earth. To find out how you can have right standing with God CLICK HERE

Thankful

Cross posting from Saved by Faith [blog site]

THANKFUL:

FOR THE WIFE
WHO SAYS IT'S HOT DOGS TONIGHT,
BECAUSE SHE IS HOME WITH ME,
AND NOT OUT WITH SOMEONE ELSE.


FOR THE HUSBAND
WHO IS ON THE SOFA
BEING A COUCH POTATO,
BECAUSE HE IS HOME WITH ME
AND NOT OUT AT THE BARS.


FOR THE TEENAGER
WHO IS COMPLAINING ABOUT DOING DISHES
BECAUSE IT MEANS SHE IS AT HOME,
NOT ON THE STREETS.


FOR THE TAXES I PAY
BECAUSE IT MEANS I AM EMPLOYED.


FOR THE MESS TO CLEAN AFTER A PARTY
BECAUSE IT MEANS I HAVE BEEN SURROUNDED BY FAMILY AND FRIENDS.


FOR THE CLOTHES THAT FIT A LITTLE TOO SNUG
BECAUSE IT MEANS I HAVE ENOUGH TO EAT.


FOR MY SHADOW THAT WATCHES ME WORK
BECAUSE IT MEANS I AM OUT IN THE SUNSHINE


FOR A LAWN THAT NEEDS MOWING,
WINDOWS THAT NEED CLEANING, AND GUTTERS THAT NEED FIXING
BECAUSE IT MEANS I HAVE A HOME


FOR ALL THE COMPLAINING I HEAR ABOUT THE GOVERNMENT
BECAUSE IT MEANS WE HAVE FREEDOM OF SPEECH.


FOR THE PARKING SPOT
I FIND AT THE FAR END OF THE PARKING LOT
BECAUSE IT MEANS I AM CAPABLE OF WALKING AND I HAVE BEEN BLESSED WITH TRANSPORTATION


FOR MY HUGE HEATING BILL
BECAUSE IT MEANS I AM WARM.


FOR THE LADY BEHIND ME IN CHURCH
WHO SINGS OFF KEY BECAUSE IT MEANS I CAN HEAR.


FOR THE PILE OF LAUNDRY AND IRONING
BECAUSE IT MEANS WE HAVE PLENTY OF CLOTHES TO WEAR.


FOR WEARINESS AND ACHING MUSCLES
AT THE END OF THE DAY
BECAUSE IT MEANS I HAVE BEEN CAPABLE OF WORKING HARD.


FOR THE ALARM THAT GOES OFF IN THE EARLY MORNING HOURS
BECAUSE IT MEANS I AM ALIVE!!!.

My Ex Left Me With 2 Kids

MySpace Friend Writes... I need ur advise i receantly got out of a 5yr relationship i have 2 kids with this guy. I have nothing i dont want 2 live with my dad ! But i have no were 2 go. And my ex boyfriend broke up with me a week ago and i cant get over him wat should i do? Plz reply

Response... I am sorry that you are going through this. I know how much it hurts, but you can not allow this situation to consume you. You have to allow God to heal you and help you move on with your life.

If this young man as left you and your children and you have no where to go but back home to your dad’s, then you must humble yourself and do that. You have to try to make this situation the least traumatic as possible for the sake of your children. They do not need to be bouncing from place to place. If your dad is willing to take you and his grandchildren in then accept the help until you can stand on your own again. I know that you may not want to go but just thank God that you have somewhere to go.

I remember a time when I had to go back to live with my dad with my boyfriend and two kids. We both worked and saved to get our own place and a better car. This time at my dad’s allowed us to do exactly that. I thank God for my dad’s help.

I would suggest if you have not already, go seek assistance from the state. They will often times help with medical insurance, food stamps, housing, and financial assistance. There are even programs that will help pay for childcare. Make sure that you search out any help that maybe available to you.

Regarding your broken heart and not feeling like you can get over your ex. I have learned in my own life that I can do nothing on my own. I need Jesus to help me deal with every part of my life, especially the difficult and emotionally stressful situations. I am encouraged when I remember what Philippians 4:6-7 in the bible says. It says:

“Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything; tell God your needs and don’t forget to thank him for his answers. If you do this you will experience God’s peace, which is far more wonderful than the human mind can understand. His peace will keep your thoughts and your hearts quiet and at rest as you trust in Christ Jesus.”

I no longer stress out no matter what the situation. I trust God with my life and my problems and I want to encourage you to do the same. Allow this to be your fresh start. You can not face this being a single mother alone. You don’t have to. Jesus wants to help you if you will only trust Him with your life. He will be your Provider and your Comfort. He can heal you from the hurt that this young man and this relationship has caused. He will lead you if you will chose to follow Him.

Go before God and pray in Jesus name for God to forgive you and help you. If you confess your sins to Him he will be faithful to forgive you. If you believe in Jesus and ask Him to take control over your life He will. He can make you a new woman. A new creation in Him with the mind of Christ and the power of His Spirit to help you through this life. It’s all about believing in Jesus.

You will find that you will be able to do all things through Christ Jesus, because He will give you the strength and the power to succeed and overcome. If you want to get over your ex love you will need a new Love. The Love of Christ. The One who has always loved you and wants to help you. He will never leave you nor forsake you. He does not abandons us EVERY! You can put all of your trust in Him and cast all of your cares on Him because He cares for your every need.

Take it from someone who was a mess, an excon, abandoned by her husband, addicted to drugs, with no hope. That is who I was..now I am a his Trophy of Grace because of what Christ Jesus did for me and in me. He can do the same for you, but you must first trust Him. God bless you sister.

Sincerely,

Trophy of Grace

PS - The women of WeUsed2bu love and care about your eternal soul. Therefore, we must tell you that there will be a day when each of us will have to stand before God and be judged for all we have done on this earth.To find out how you can have right standing with God CLICK HERE

MySpace Friend Responds...

Thank you so much for your word they mean so much to me. I belive Jesus can help me.

I'm Gonna Give Her A Piece of My Mind

Anonymous’ Situation: long, long story short. I've been married for over ten years now, together we have four children a one son from his ex-girl. my step-son his 12 1/2 yrs old. for years there have been many situations where his ex has tryied to make life with me & my husband hell, But the most damaging is what she has done to her own son. She tells her son lies about me his father and his half brothers and sisters, so when ever he comes over he would give problems. I hold back a lot of feelings inside and try my very best to be loving towards him but its so hard at times. I have a lot on my plate (we all do) and my husband is just as drained I am. Most time he pretends that everything is fine, but when ever it comes down to the weekend you could see the fustration in his spirit. when will it ever end.

I am sooo upset. As a matter of fact, I stay in a complete state of fustration when ever his son comes to stay for the weekend, There always some horrible after math that follows his stay. the baby mama calls tries despratetly wanting to speak to me (out the side of her face) but i will never allow this, I simply let my boy friend handle her with all her false accusations. This is BAD very bad! I know ! for years now I have taken my fill of all the crap. but the fact remains she will allways be around. Sometimes I really feel like my boyfriend could do more to shut her down but , I guess his is doing the best he can. I just wish she would respect me and mines, I allways maintain my composure but I cant help but to feel that ONE fine day I'm going to give her a piece of my mine. Enough is enough. Somebody please pray for me!

REPLY: Everyday family life is difficult as it is and having family drama outside of the home can make it overwhelming.

I know having step children is difficult at times, especially when the other parent is difficult to deal with. I know someone that’s going through a similar situation and I hear the frustration and despair in her voice sometimes.

I think you’re making a wise choice by handing the phone over to your husband. Considering he and she had the child, it is their responsibility to raise him together. Another words, any issues, events, etc. that involve their son should be discussed between the two of them, not you. I’m not saying that you don’t matter in this situation but you have to remember that the boy’s child care is their responsibility and the final say comes from them.

Being supportive and loving with your husband and your step son is very important, and I applaud you for doing so. Your husband might have an uphill battle with the child’s mother and he should have the reassurance that you are there for him AND his son, regardless of circumstance. It’s also vital that the child know that you love him and are there for him as well. Having parents argue is a harsh reality. If you show and tell him unconditional love, it will make things less pain staking. Let him know that he isn’t just a “step child.” He is just as important in your household as someone that’s there full-time.

In the long run, all this back and forth will affect HIM. He is old enough to see things for himself and draw his own conclusions. It might not be something you see right now but he’s analyzing the situations just as much as you, your husband and the ex are. The only difference is that the 3 of you are ADULTS and he, being a child, will process everything differently. There’s a good possibility that he’ll see the arguments and the complaints as a form of rejection, especially since he only visits on the weekends. This can widen a gap in their relationship.

I know it’s difficult and you feel like you’re on the verge of exploding but stay firm. Pray for the mother… that she and your husband begin communicating on friendly terms. Pray for your step son… that he isn’t affected by these adult problems and sees that he is loved. And pray for yourself… for patience and a continuously open heart.

Psalm 55:22
Cast your cares on the LORD and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous fall.

1 Peter 5:7
Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.

Matthew 5:43-44
But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be sons of your Father in heaven.

Stay strong. I will be praying for you.

Saved By Faith

PS - The women of WeUsed2bu love and care about your eternal soul. Therefore, we must tell you that there will be a day when each of us will have to stand before God and be judged for all we have done on this Earth. To find out how you can have right standing with God CLICK HERE


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Baby Daddy Drama

MySpace Friend Writes..
Hi. I’m almost 19. I have a son with my ex-boyfriend. I live with my son and my new boyfriend, whom I love dearly, but sometimes I wonder how things would have been if me and my ex worked out. You see, there were a lot of problems in our relationship. It practically started out as a problem. When my ex and I first got together, he was with another girl. They had a relationship for 7 or 8 years, and he cheated on her with me on and off for 2 years.

Then he was lying to me, cheating on me, just constantly messing up. I'd catch him in so many lies, but it seemed he always knew what to say to get out of it, or he'd try to explain his way thru. When I was pregnant with our son, he left me for her. I tried to get him to come back, but he wouldn't. He would tell me how he was so against abortion, but when I threatened him and said "if you are going to make me do this alone then I am just getting an abortion" he was okay with it. He actually gave me the money to get the procedure done. I was devastated that he was really leaving, but I was going to have the baby with or without him. Like I said, I was desperate, and it was just a threat.

Anyhow, he chose to be with her. I'd call to talk to him about the baby inside me and he wouldn't get on the phone because she didn’t want him talking to me. What u know...he did it behind her back. After a while, he came back to me. Now, he's cheated on her with me, cheated on me with her, left her for me, left me for her, and now left her again. At the time I was infatuated. I thought he was the guy of my dreams and we'd work things out. He'd tell me how I was the one, and when certain songs would play on the radio he'd say how he's gonna play them at our wedding. When he was with me everything felt perfect. I thought I'd found my prince charming at last. Then he started constantly hanging out with his friends, getting tattoos, and going to the strip club all of the time while I sat at home achy and pregnant.

I'd beg him to stay, but he wouldn't. He'd just tell me to come with. It really agitated me because I hurt so bad and he'd go out 5 or 6 days of the week late at night. He'd work all day then come home around 8, get ready, and leave again. I was pregnant. I wanted to be at home with him. All of this occured between 6 and 9 months of pregnancy. I already hadn't seen him all day. It would have been nice to have spent some time together. I didn't want him leaving again, and I certainly didn't want to be out until 4 a.m. He even did this to me on Valentines Day. Later on I found out that he had been with her.

One day out of the blue while I was 9 months pregnant I asked him to take the towels to the basement to be washed. I had to ask him over and over again, so I got ticked of and said I'd do it myself. He freaked out on me and told me I was being a B and to shut the F up, then he slammed the bathroom door in my face. He had never done anything remotely close to that before. He never spoke to me like that, never fought with me, never got angry. It all happened out of nowhere. When I asked him what was wrong with him he told me he couldn't see me anymore. That there was no one else, he just felt weird coming home to me, that something had changed, that all I do anymore is irritate him. He said that he was only happy when he was at work or with friends, and the moment he had to drive home or when he'd think about me he'd get depressed.
Next thing I knew he moved out and was done with me. I would check up on him and I found him and her together one night. When I asked him about it he claimed he wasn’t with her, that his friend was. So I spoke to his friend. Apparently my ex asked him to lie for him. The friend was supposed to tell me that my ex wasn’t with her, but his friend told me the truth.

It was constant drama. I've heard so many hurtful things from other people that my ex has said. When I caught him cheating on me, he said it was twice. It turned out to be 11 times. When I asked him how much he was spending at the strip club he said he was only paying for drinks, turns out he spent over $400 dollars when our son didn’t even have a crib to sleep in. When I defended him he in turn made me look like an idiot. I was trying to defend his actions of coming back to me to make it right because he loved me and the baby, I looked like a fool. I was told how on his birthday when he blew out his candles that people asked what he wished for and he told them "I wish she would get an abortion."

His ex has even called me to tell me that he has genital warts and that he gave them to her and I should get checked. I did, and I have nothing, but he denies that as well even after he went to a doctor to get treated! I think something is really wrong with him. I got over him and I am with someone else...my current boyfriend.

He is wonderful. He pays all of the baby's expenses. Formula, food, diapers, wipes, clothes, toys...everything. he is very truthful, he doesn’t lie, and he doesn’t cheat on me. He has a bit of a temper, but he treats me well. Now that I am happy with him, my ex is trying to come back into the picture. He doesn't do anything for his son. He doesn’t see him, he's ordered to pay support and is about $3,000 behind, and he doesn’t do a thing. He works 2 jobs, HVAC and construction, but there both under the table so I am not receiving any support. Instead, he is out getting tattoos, going to the strip club, and buying designer clothing. I saw his pictures and he's wearing all Armani and Ed Hardy stuff. It really hurts to know that because we have a hard enough time paying rent, buying food, keeping up with the things the baby needs, and he's out living the life of glamour.

The kiddo is going to need winter clothes, and I need some help. I've said this to my ex via email, and all I get is excuses. He says he's sent all of the checks in, but they were returned to his mother’s boyfriend’s house because they couldn’t read his handwriting. He wrote down that address because he doesn’t want domestic relations to know where he lives. He's shady. I had his sister look thru his check book and she said he only wrote one check to DRS and it was for court costs. Why does he feel the need to lie about everything?

Now, he's trying to come back to me. He tells me he's never stopped loving me, and he wants to try to make it work again. I’m not going back though. I’m happy with my current boyfriend, and one day I would like for us to be married. I know how my ex is. He's a snake and I don’t trust him. But why is it that he keeping playing with my heart. I think the only reason he is trying to come back to me is because he's burned all of his bridges with everyone else. He recently lost the other girl again, and now she is done for good with him. I think he's just lonely and wants anybody.

He's even had the nerve to make out with two of my friends and sleep with another one. He's messed around with even more. It's disgusting. He's turning 21 this month, and he's having sex with girls who are 15-17. He had a threesome with two girls who are 16 and 17, and one of them has Hepatitis C. He doesn’t care what he's doing to his body or how people look at him. He's lost all of his friends, and the only people who want to be around him are young and naive girls. He's taken advantage of everyone he knows, and its making me sick. He's a man whore! He has HPV, Genital warts, Chlamydia, hepatitis, and who knows what else. I’m sure he isn’t telling these girls about it either.

He says he wants to see his boy and work things out with me, but I don’t want either of these. He's already a horrible father. He's told people he wishes I'd have had an abortion...why should he see his son? He wouldn't even sign the paternity papers at the hospital cuz he wasn’t sure if the baby was his, even though he tattooed our sons name on his neck. The baby came out and looks EXACTLY like him. He doesn't even resemble me at all. He signed to have the birth announcement in the paper for me as the mother and him as the father, had this tattoo, and wanted me to give the baby his last name, but made me look like a slut in front of everyone.

He didn’t even spend a single night with me in the hospital. He told me he needed to get some rest, but instead he left the hospital and spent the night with the other girl. Why is he trying to come back to me? I wanted him for soooo long, but it wasn't good enuff. Now that I dont want him, he wants me!!! I need some help. I'm so confused! Please help me!

Response..
Don’t allow yourself to be confused about this situation. It is clear that this young man has been taking advantage of you for quite some time. I know you must have some feelings for him, but don’t allow your heart to deceive you. The father of your child has maturing to do before he can give you the type relationship that you are looking for.

Instead what you need to do is forgive him for all of the hurt that he has caused you. From all that you have shared I feel like you could possibly have unforgiveness and resentment towards him. You also may be harboring anger. The unforgiveness, anger, and resentment that you are carrying around towards him will only hinder you. You have to choose to forgive him so that you can heal and truly move on with your life. As long as you are carrying this burden around he will have power over you.

By constantly remembering all of his offenses you are feeding the anger prolonging forgiveness and healing. You must learn to forgive him daily and leave these offenses and the offender (your ex boyfriend) in God’s hands. Believe me; I know it is easier said than done especially when it hits close to the heart. However, the Word of God tells us that if we do not forgive our offenders than God will not forgive us either. We are also commanded to get rid of all bitterness, rage, and anger in our lives.“Your heavenly Father will forgive you if you forgive those who have sinned against you; but if you refuse to forgive them, he will not forgive you.” (Matthew 6:15)“Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” (Ephesians 4:31-32)

Also, you should start praying for him. Ask God to intercede and touch his life. He is the father of your child and although you have this new boyfriend nothing will change the fact he is the biological father. I’m sure that deep in your heart you want the best for this young man and you would like to see him be the father to your baby that he needs.

Consider your past decisions and where they have led you. We have an Awesome loving God that longs to help us and guide is on our journey through this life. Allow Him to help you make right decisions for you life. I promise if you will let Him in He will change your life and rock your world. All the love that you long for and direction you seek is found in knowing Christ Jesus.

I will be praying for all of you.

** CONTINUED ** Pt2 Cont. from Baby Daddy Drama

Sincerely,

Trophy of Grace

PS - The women of WeUsed2bu love and care about your eternal soul. Therefore, we must tell you that there will be a day when each of us will have to stand before God and be judged for all we have done on this earth. To find out how you can have right standing with God CLICK HERE

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I'm 10 and Like This Boy

Question: I just wanted to tell you something and maybe you could answer it. So I am talking to this boy he is in 5th grade like me and he is 11 years old and I am 10 so I like hem in all but hers a problem because all my friends told hem I like hem and I do it just that in science he moved to a different seat and then a couple days later he sat in his normal seat so I talk to ham know I went to his house today and I just said hi and everything then I talked to his brother and then I left so I just think that hes ok that I like hem but its get uncomfortable around hem but its like when I am by hem it makes me happy but its just not comfortable like he doesnt do anthing nasty it just that I like hem alot but I dont know so I just want you to tell me what to do in this kind of problem....

Answer: I think at 11 years old his main focus is being cool and accepted. It’s okay to think highly of someone but at 10 years old, you shouldn’t worry about really, really liking someone. My daughter is 9 years old and I hear her talk about the boy-girl crushes in her school… but she’s more worried about playing on the computer or playing video games with her brother.

If he’s moving his seat and then moving it back, it’s probably because he’s not ready to “like” a girl yet. He thinks of you as a friend and you should think of him the same way. If you still feel uncomfortable around him then you should try not hanging around him as much.

Love,

Saved By Faith

PS - The women of WeUsed2bu love and care about your eternal soul. Therefore, we must tell you that there will be a day when each of us will have to stand before God and be judged for all we have done on this earth. To find out how you can have right standing with God CLICK HERE

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Scriptures on Children

Genesis 18:19
For I have chosen him, that he may command his children and his household after him to keep the way of the Lord by doing righteousness and justice, so that the Lord may bring to Abraham what he has promised him.”

Psalm 37:25
I have been young, and now am old,yet I have not seen the righteous forsakenor his children begging for bread.

Psalm 127:3-5
Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord,the fruit of the womb a reward.Like arrows in the hand of a warriorare the children of one's youth.Blessed is the manwho fills his quiver with them!He shall not be put to shamewhen he speaks with his enemies in the gate.

Psalm 139:16
Your eyes saw my unformed substance;in your book were written, every one of them,the days that were formed for me,when as yet there was none of them.

Proverbs 10:1
10:1 The proverbs of Solomon.
A wise son makes a glad father,but a foolish son is a sorrow to his mother.

Proverbs 17:6
Grandchildren are the crown of the aged,and the glory of children is their fathers.

Proverbs 17:21
He who sires a fool gets himself sorrow,and the father of a fool has no joy.

Proverbs 17:25
A foolish son is a grief to his fatherand bitterness to her who bore him.

Proverbs 20:7
The righteous who walks in his integrity—blessed are his children after him!

Proverbs 22:6
Train up a child in the way he should go;even when he is old he will not depart from it.

Isaiah 54:13
All your children shall be taught by the Lord,and great shall be the peace of your children.

Matthew 18:1-6
18:1 At that time the disciples came to Jesus, saying, “Who is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven?” And calling to him a child, he put him in the midst of them and said, “Truly, I say to you, unless you turn and become like children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven.
“Whoever receives one such child in my name receives me, but whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in me to sin, it would be better for him to have a great millstone fastened around his neck and to be drowned in the depth of the sea.

Matthew 18:10-14
“See that you do not despise one of these little ones. For I tell you that in heaven their angels always see the face of my Father who is in heaven. What do you think? If a man has a hundred sheep, and one of them has gone astray, does he not leave the ninety-nine on the mountains and go in search of the one that went astray? And if he finds it, truly, I say to you, he rejoices over it more than over the ninety-nine that never went astray. So it is not the will of my Father who is in heaven that one of these little ones should perish.

Mark 10:13-16
And they were bringing children to him that he might touch them, and the disciples rebuked them. But when Jesus saw it, he was indignant and said to them, “Let the children come to me; do not hinder them, for to such belongs the kingdom of God. Truly, I say to you, whoever does not receive the kingdom of God like a child shall not enter it.” And he took them in his arms and blessed them, laying his hands on them.

Luke 1:44
For behold, when the sound of your greeting came to my ears, the baby in my womb leaped for joy.

Ephesians 6:1-3
6:1 Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. “Honor your father and mother” (this is the first commandment with a promise), “that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land.”

Colossians 3:21
Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged.

1 Thessalonians 2:7-8
But we were gentle among you, like a nursing mother taking care of her own children. So, being affectionately desirous of you, we were ready to share with you not only the gospel of God but also our own selves, because you had become very dear to us.

1 Thessalonians 2:11-13
For you know how, like a father with his children, we exhorted each one of you and encouraged you and charged you to walk in a manner worthy of God, who calls you into his own kingdom and glory.
And we also thank God constantly for this, that when you received the word of God, which you heard from us, you accepted it not as the word of men but as what it really is, the word of God, which is at work in you believers.

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