He's Say's He's Not Sure About Our Relationship Anymore

Anonymous says..

I have been dating the loveliest Christian guy for the past 6 months. We are both in our 20's and have always agreed that dating is a prequel to marriage.
Last week he told me that he was no longer sure he was ready to be the man I need. I know we love each other and I've told him to take his time in praying about where our relationship should go (if anywhere). Since then he's not really done much except to try and avoid thinking about it. I understand that it pains him and he's hurting and although I'm hurt I'd like to give him the time he needs. God is using this to highlight old scars from a previous relationship with someone that really didn't love me and consequently messed me around. In dealing with that I find myself reacting not to my boyfriend but to the last man who hurt me and I have to constantly remind myself not to transfer my hurt, anger and insecurities.
I'm still waiting on an answer from my boyfriend, but he seems to be taking his time. He talks to me often and tells me he loves me but hanging in there is so hard. I've given up praying for direction because I can't see through the hurting and yet he expects some sort of answer from me as to whether I want to stay with him. I really don't know what to do?

Trophy of Grace replies..

My Dear Sister,

I feel your pain, hurt, and confusion in both of your messages. I am sorry that you are going through this. I pray that the Lord would give me the words to speak to you that will bring you comfort.

Immediately I feel the need to tell you do not stop praying. In fact I want to tell you pray without ceasing. Not just about this relationship but everything and anything that concerns or troubles your heart. You must not allow the enemy of our soul to convince you that our Lord and Savior Christ Jesus does not care about your prayers. Our Lord has said, “Then when you call upon Me and go and pray to Me, and I will listen to you. And you will seek Me and find Me, when you search for Me with all your heart.” (Jeremiah 29:12-13)

He doesn’t want you to be anxious about anything, including this relationship. He wants you to be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made know to Him; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your heart and mind through Christ Jesus. So you see if you stop praying and seeking the Lord about all of this and any other problem in your life you will not receive His peace about your situation. You need that peace to protect your mind and heart while you wait for the resolution or answer. So don’t stop praying my sweet sister. (I Thessalonians 5:17-18, Philippians 4:6-7)

Now about your relationship…I know you love this young man and he says that he loves you too, but he is not sure about whether or not he can be the man that you need and that God wants him to be for you. He’s not sure about the relationship any more and he wants to know now what you want. I think you should be honest with him and tell him that you want to be in a relationship with someone who is SURE about their commitment to you and your relationship with one another. You don’t want to feel insecure in your relationship and I am sure that you don’t want that for him either.

I believe you need to allow him the time he needs to pray about this and seek God’s face about His will for this relationship. You should do the same for yourself. Ask the Lord to help you accept His will if this relationship is not for you and to help you heal from the hurt. He can help break those emotional ties and bonds that you have made with this young man. If you are meant to be together then the Lord will make that evident to you both.

You said that you feel the Lord is revealing that you still have past hurt and insecurities. I believe He wants to heal you from all of this. Give dating a break for awhile and make the Lord your first true love. Allow Him to be everything you need. Get involved in your church. Serve in ministry. Go to women bible studies and fellowship with other women. Allow your roots to grow down deep in the Word and the love of Christ so that you can be secure in Him knowing that He is directing your steps. Therefore if He chooses to remove certain people from your life or closes certain doors then you will be ok with it because you are rooted in Him. He is your security and hope. Then you will not fall apart. You will accept that some relationships are only for a season.

The Lord knows the desires of your heart and wants to give them to you. He knows that you want a man to love you and be the godly husband you desire, but sometimes we go looking for this before God’s time and end up hurt and broken. Seek first God’s will and His way of doing things and you will that all of these things will be added to you.

Enclosing I want to leave you with two scriptures.

Proverbs 3:5-6 “Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.”

And

Romans 8:28 “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.”

Be encouraged my sister. The Lord is on your side. He has a wonderful plan for your life and although you may be hurting now he will renew your joy and peace as you trust Him with every aspect of your life. He will work this all out for your good. Draw close to Him and allow both you and this young man the time you both need to pray and decide if this relationship is God’s will or your own will. Stop meditating on the relationship and start meditating on God’s Word.

We will be praying for you..blessings..

P.S.

I pray that from His glorious, unlimited resources He will empower you with inner strength through His Spirit. Then Christ will make His home in your heart as you trust in Him. Your roots will grow down into God’s love and keep you strong. And may you have the power to understand, as all God’s people should, how wide, how long, how high, and how deep His love is. May you experience the love of Christ, though it is too great to understand fully. Then you will be made complete with all the fullness of life and power that comes from God. (Ephesians 3: 16-19)

Also..listen to the this song. It encourages me.. I hope it encourages you too. It’s “Shadowfeet” by Brooke Fraser.

We Were Close But Now We're Not Friends

Anonymous said...

I was really close friends w/ this girl. And now we are no longer friends. We're in the same college, we came together and I don't really know anyone. I feel like she purposely ignores and exclude me. I never thought I would have insecurities and self esteem problems. But I know this is what’s causing me to become w/drawn and sometimes depressed because I feel so alone. When my ex-friend is not around I feel like my happy, bubbly self. But if she's whispering and laughs I feel like she's laughing at me. Or if we're in the same room I won't make eye contact with her and feel less like my self. I consider my self to be very confident, strong, and opinionated. But lately I feel so weak, like I have a flaw in my character that makes me unlikable. Can you give me some scripture and advice?

Trophy of Grace replies..

I want to immediately encourage you by saying that you are NOT alone! God is with you and He will never leave you or forsake you. He wants you to be strong and courageous. These are times for you to lean even more on Him. He promises that if you will draw close to Him that He will draw close to you. He hears your prayers and knows that you are hurt.

Don’t allow yourself to sit and try to imagine what your old friend is saying. It doesn’t matter anyways. If she is talking about you what can you really do about it? People are going to talk about us. They talked about Jesus and persecuted Him. They even referred to Him as the devil. Don’t be surprised when you are talked about. We have to learn to pray for those that persecute us.

Jesus said, “But I say to you, love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who spitefully use you and persecute you,” Matthew 5:44

Pray for the Lord to bring you friendships that will be good for you. He will answer your prayer. You will make new friends. Don’t believe the lie that you have some character flaw. God gave us our personalities while He was forming us in our mother’s womb. You are who you are on purpose. God planned it like that. He will bring you friends that are going to love for who you are and they are going to love your character.

Try not to be depressed. Encourage yourself with the Word of God. Whenever I have had to battle depression I read even more of the Bible, listen to good biblical teaching, and to some good praise and worship.

Here are some good scriptures that encourage me.

Psalm 55:16-18 “As for me, I will call upon God, And the LORD shall save me. Evening and morning and at noon I will pray, and cry aloud, And He shall hear my voice. He has redeemed my soul in peace from the battle that was against me, For there were many against me.
Psalm 73:26 “My flesh and my heart fail; But God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.”

Proverbs 3:5-6 “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, And lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He shall direct your paths.”

Whenever you need to read scriptures by subject go to this link. We are working on expanding it further, but there are some good ones there now.

Scriptures by Subject

Please stay in touch we are here for you sister.

God bless you and may our Lord give you His peace which surpasses all understanding as you trust and hope in Him.

Sincerely,

Trophy of Grace

What Do You See When You Look In The Mirror?

Written by Tiffany Stuart
(contributing writer from Tea With Tiffany)

How long does it take you to get ready in the morning? I used to primp for two hours straight. Drove my parents crazy! I felt better about myself after I curled or straightened my hair, put on makeup, and found just the right pair of jeans and t-shirt.

My 120 “mirror-minutes” had nothing to do with hair brushes, mascara, or brand names jeans. It was deeper. I desperately wanted to mask my insecurities.

I didn’t like my blonde eyelashes, fair skin, weight, shoe size, or my small chest. If a friend complimented my eyes, I’d think, Yeah right, you’ve never seen them without mascara. When I compared myself to air-brushed models, movie stars, or even my friends, I never measured up. No amount of makeup, exercise, or dieting transformed me into my ideal image.

Warped View

Have you ever stood in front of one of those funhouse mirrors? You either look like a flamingo—all legs—or you morph into a squatty, box turtle. We laugh at our out-of-proportion self, but the reality is many of us see ourselves this way everyday. And that’s not funny.

For example, instead of seeing my mostly straight teeth, I zoom in on my couple crooked ones. Instead of seeing my hazel eyes, my only pimple stands out like Mount Acne. Whatever I don’t like expands; the rest shrinks. Sound familiar?

Sounds distorted.

Is your mirror your friend or enemy? Answer honestly.

Think about this, not all mirrors are bad. Interior decorators use mirrors to create an illusion of a bigger space. Mirrors can be helpful or even save us from accidents. My car alone has five mirrors. The rear view mirror and two side mirrors are for my safety. A stranded hiker can be rescued by flashing a mirror.

There are even Scriptures about mirrors. The definition of a mirror is a surface capable of reflecting light. Reflecting light? Interesting! Jesus is considered the light of the world.

So how can we change the way we see ourselves in a mirror?

By spending more time looking through God’s mirror. His Word.

God’s Mirror

God’s mirror has no goopy hairspray residue, better known as media influences. The Bible offers the clearest image of me. Without distortion. The more I seek His truth about who I am, the better off I am when I struggle with my reflection.

Genesis 2:27 says we are made in His image. God’s image is truly amazing! His character includes love, joy, kindness, gentleness, self-control, and so much more. As a Christian, we have His Spirit living in us. That’s beautiful.

Reflecting Glory

How do you feel about your face in the mirror? 2 Corinthians 3:18 says “we with unveiled faces all reflect the Lord’s glory are being transformed into his likeness with ever-increasing glory,” Notice the word all. If you’re a believer, you reflect God’s glory. Period.

Wow, I need to focus on that, not my physical flaws.

Notice how Isaiah describes Jesus in Isaiah 53:2b: “He had no beauty or majesty to attract us to him. Nothing in his appearance that we should desire him.” This amazes me. We sing songs about the beauty of the Lord and yet Jesus wasn’t good looking. Hmm? So when we sing we must mean something else. His beauty runs deeper than the surface or skin. His beauty is found in who He is at heart.

Heart Beauty

The best part is His beauty lives inside you! Yes, you! 1 Samuel 16:7b (NIV) says, “The LORD does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart."

When was the last time you looked at your heart?

“But you don’t know my heart. I’m jealous. I’m angry all the time. I’m depressed. I want to hurt someone. Myself included.”

Wait a minute. Please be gentle with yourself. God knows you completely and he doesn’t reject you. He loves you. After all, you are His design.

I love Psalm 139. It reminds me of my real identity. My physical appearance is part of God’s design. He formed me in my mother’s womb. God knows my every thought. I guess that means He can handle my uglies. Yours too.

Am I saying don’t care about your looks? Not at all. I’m suggesting that you focus the beauty of God’s heart living in you more than your face and body.

Ever read an obituary that said, “She had perfect skin and a ‘ten’ figure?”

Me neither.

Obituaries focus on the heart. What did the person contribute to society? What did she love? Who did she serve? Think about Mother Teresa. She lived her life ministering to the poor, orphaned, sick, and dying. But she was ordinary looking. She had a big nose, wrinkles, and she dressed different. Yet her beautiful heart marked history.

Mirror Minutes

Here’s a challenge. The next time you’re getting ready in front of your mirror, reflect on what God sees. No more distorted views, okay? I’ve learned to post Scriptures where I need them most. On my mirror. Gazing at who God says I am has helped me learn to love and accept myself. Even with those extra few pounds.

So grab a pen and a sticky note. Here’s your first mirror message: I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Psalm 139:14
# # #

He Had A Fling & She Got Pregnant Too

Anonymous said...
Ok so..here goes...My boyfriend and I have been together for about 3 years. Not being obedient, we had a daughter, now shes 7 mos. However, now we broke up for about one month, and he had a fling with another woman and she got pregnant as well. Our daughters are 6 weeks apart.I love him a lot, however, even though we were officially not together, I feel betrayed. Not to mention the conviction I feel for not keepin my temple holy. Any who..He's a great father two both girls, and is really considerate of my feelings about the situation, He constantly apologizes. He's saved, and I forgive him..but why do i feel so insecure? I believe he is my husband, however, I don't want to deal wit' the baby mama drama. I feel like I have a choice, take care of me and my daughter, or stick it out with my potential husband. I've prayed, and prayed and prayed...I don't know what God wants me to do...what do you guys think?

Trophy of Grace replies..

This is a tough situation to be in. I’m sure that you are struggling with so many different emotions. The insecurity is most probably coming from the fact that all though you feel like he’s your husband the actual commitment and covenant (promise) has not been made before God yet. I think that there is reason for concern. Your concerns and insecurities will remain there until the day that you both commit to holy matrimony. Even then you will have to pray and ask God to help you both heal from your past experiences before the marriage.

Many people do not realize that marriage is so special. When you make that covenant before God it makes you want to fight for the sake of your family. It gives you a sense of security in your relationship especially when you know that you have married the man that God has for you. Marriage is hard work but when you sow into your marriage seeds of love and determination you reap a wonderful harvest of blessings. These blessings are only bestowed on those couples who have determined to commit their relationship to God by marrying.

If he’s saved and you know that your body is the temple of God, then I am assuming that you both are going to church. If not then that is the first place you both need to be. Going to church will give you both an environment where you can grow in your faith and have accountability, brothers and sisters in the Lord that will help in your walk with God. Besides going to church I hope that you are reading the bible daily so that your faith, trust, and love for the Lord will grow. Reading the Word gives us wisdom, direction, correction, comfort, and confirmation. It prepares us for every good work that God has for us. It is your manual for living life more abundantly.
Prayerfully consider rededicating your life to the Lord.

Go to your boyfriend and discuss with him openly and honestly your concerns and see where he stands on the marriage issue. You may consider seeking godly counsel together for your relationship. My husband and I enjoy talking to our pastor together. We appreciate and value his advice and counsel.

Regarding the baby mama drama.. well..that is something that you both will have to pray about. You have not said what exactly you’re going through with the baby mama, but I suggest that you allow him to deal with her. I know that it may cause you feelings of jealousy or insecurity but she is the mother of his child. For the sake of the child you must pursue peace at all times. Don’t resent the child because the baby did not have a say as to when and to whom she was born. Both babies are here now and deserve to be cherished and treated with love. Ask God to give you a loving heart towards the child and an understanding heart towards the mother. I am sure this is not easy for her either. What woman plans on getting pregnant and then having the man that got her pregnant go back to the woman he loves. That must be hard too.

There is nothing you can do to change what has happened. So there is no point in using negative emotions to deal with the situation. Jealousy, anger, wrath, arguing and fighting will not produce anything positive for any of you. Forgive all parties involved and move on from here trusting God to help you forgive daily and heal from the pain.

It is time to stop doing things your own way and allow God to make all of your crooked paths straight. You have to trust in Him with all of your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your path. I promise that if you will seek Him with all of your heart that you will find Him and your life will be changed. You are a mother now and one day you will be a wife. If you want to be successful at both of these you will need God’s help and guidance. Humble yourself before Him and He will lift you back up. He does have a wonderful plan for your life. Plans to give you a future and a hope, but first you must submit your life to Him and His plan. Then He will give you the desires of your heart. You can never imagine the goods that He has planned for your family.

Go and seek Him and you will find healing…

God bless you sister.

Come back any time we are here for you..

Love,

Trophy of Grace

Baby Mama Drama

Anonymous: I have been with my boyfriend for two years. We are both Christians and recently made the decision to be obedient to God and to keep in His word daily. I love the fact that we are growing together and encouraging each other when times get tough.

My boyfriend has a three year old son that we pick-up on the weekends and I love him to death. When it’s us three we have a great time together. The only thing is I feel that my boyfriend is trying to keep me away from his son’s family. He doesn’t like to tell me when he talks to his son’s mother and seems to make calls over there secretly to keep me from finding out.

I want him to be a good father and to be in his sons life as much as possible but I have had a bad first impression of his son’s mother in the beginning of our relationship because she tried to break us up and would tell me lies about them getting back together to chase me away. There isn’t any contact between his mother and I now but I feel like I am left out of the family, I know I can’t take his mothers place but sometimes I feel like a stranger when it comes down to what is going on.

My boyfriend says he wants to marry me and we both agree we need to draw closer to God first but I’m not sure I can be married to him if he can’t include me in his life with his son. I don’t know if I should just back off because I shouldn’t have a say on what’s going on or if I’m entitled to have some say. My boyfriend says I’m a good mother to his son but when it comes down to any decision making he makes me feel that I need to keep my mouth shut. I just know if I’m going to be his wife I don’t want to feel the way I do now. What do I do?

Response: Surrendering your life daily to God is the best choice you can make.. If you will read the bible daily you will see that your mind and your desires will be renewed. Reading the Word and doing what the Word says is the secret to living a successful Christian life.

Now for the baby mama drama..

I know you said that she has done hurtful things in the past so you probably don’t trust her. I understand completely. It also doesn’t help that he seems to be sneaking to talk to her even though it’s probably innocent. He might think that it bothers you that he talks to her. It’s important that he knows that you are secure with your relationship and you trust him. That way he won’t feel like he has to hide. He is always going to have a relationship with her no matter what. Accept it for what it is and start praying about the whole situation if you are going to even think about marrying him.

The bottom line is the one you have to trust is your man. For any relationship to function properly there has to be trust. You have to trust your boyfriend loves you and is working daily to become the godly man that God wants Him to be. If you are confident in your relationship it would not matter to you if he talks to his ex because you know that he is your man and you trust him.

You have to pray about these feelings of insecurity and ask God to give you peace about the situation. If you love the child then you will pursue peace in this situation for his sake. Don’t hold grudges against the ex. Let it go. Forgive her for the past mistakes she’s made. We’re all human and are subject to error. Have mercy on her and try to see things her way also. Pray for her. If you do this you will see that your feelings towards her will begin to change.

Matthew 5:44-48 says “But I say, love your enemies, Pray for those who persecute you! In that way, you will be acting as true children of your Father in heaven. For he gives his sunlight to both the evil and the good, and he sends rain on the just and the unjust alike. If you love only those who love you, what reward is there for that? Even corrupt tax collectors do that much. If you are kind only to your friends, how are you different from anyone else? Even pagans do that. But you are to be perfect, even as your Father in heaven is perfect.”

It may be best that you do not have contact with the ex for now. She may or may not want to have to interaction with you. In the event that you do have to interact with her be patient and remember that you represent Christ. Always pursue peace!!

You are spending time with their child and she may have her guard up for several different reasons. She can be thinking any or all of the following: 1) Is she going to try to take my place. 2) What if my son calls her mommy. 3) What if she tries to take his dad away. 4) Will he still love and care for my son the way he does now when he gets married and has children with her.

There is a lot that could be going on in her mind. Not to mention that she may still have not gotten over the relationship with your boyfriend, the father of her child. The baby is only three. That is isn’t a very long time. So be patient and merciful.

Are you entitled to have some say? To the baby mama no. To your boyfriend you should lovely give him your advice and suggestions regarding the child. It is best not to make him feel caught in the middle between you and his ex. You may have to learn to step back sometimes and leave it between them.

My husband has two children from his previous marriage. I try not to get involved between his ex-wife and him. When I do talk to his ex-wife I am very patient and I keep it very simple. They make decisions for their children and I support my husband. I don’t always agree, however I do not over step my boundaries with her or him regarding his children. When his children visit us they abide by our rules because this is our house. I love them and care for them just like they were my own.

After praying about this whole situation you need to go to your boyfriend and let him know that it bothers you that he seems to feel that he needs to hide from you when he’s talking to his son’s mom. Reassure him that you trust him and that he does not need to sneak around.

Then leave it in God’s hands. Don’t worry and stress out about it. Remember that our Lord works everything out for our good. So let Him.

I will be praying for all of you.

God bless Sister,

Trophy of Grace

Do You Think I'm Beautiful?

Written by: Trophy of Grace

A friend gave me a book to read called, Do You Think I'm Beautiful? written by Angela Thomas. She said that she thought it would be good since I am doing the WeUsed2bu ministry and so many girls and women ask, “Do you think I’m beautiful”. Since this is a question that I have asked on several occasions I was determined to see what this book had to offer on this frequently asked question. I could never imagine the blessing that was in store for me. I know now that it was most definitely our loving and sweet Lord who put it on her heart to give me this book to read.

Thank you Jen for listening to the Holy Spirit. It is an amazing book! I am renewed and revived in my spirit. I have found freedom in areas that I did not know I was even bound. I feel like I am back on track and heading down the right path to fulfilling my calling.

In this book Angela helps the reader to see that our God thinks that we are beautiful and desires to dance with us. I love how real and vulnerable she was about her insecurities and life experiences. She is clear and to the point, honest, and determined to help the reader find freedom in knowing that our God loves us intimately.

Here is an excerpt from the book:

If there is a question attached to the soul of a woman, maybe it’s “Do you think I’m beautiful?” When God answers from the depth of His great love, it makes some of us feel like the wallflower who is asked to dance. But we can become distracted from His invitation because of the other lovers, whispers of unbelief, noise and clutter, and because we are sometimes the prodigal, sometimes the elder brother. To return to the music and strong embrace of God requires a desperate and pursing heart. And when a woman chooses to remain in His arms of devotion, God gives the only hope we have: His perfect love, and a beautiful crown. God is enthralled by the beauty of a woman and calls her His beloved. He wildly pursues her heart with romance and intimacy to make her His beautiful bride.

This book has encouraged and empowered me. I will not let fear and doubt fill me with insecurities any more. I am determined now more than ever to step out in faith and do what God has called for me to do, knowing that I am dancing with the Lover of My Soul.

I encourage you to buy this book and share it with your friends. If you’re a guy this would be a great gift for that special someone, your sister, friend, mom, any woman that you want to truly bless.

Do not hesitate, buy now!

Click here to buy Do You Think I'm Beautiful?

Insults, Rumors & Gossip

Written by: Saved By Faith

“Did you hear? ...”
“You didn’t hear it from me but…”
“Someone told me that….”

We’ve all been there before, either saying it or listening to it. Gossiping, exchanging stories, talking about someone, whatever you want to call it. But what exactly did you get from it? Do you still see that person the same way, without judging them? Can that information be used to lift them up? Or did it damage their reputation? Hurt them? Or maybe hurt you?

… Sticks and stones may break my bones but names will never hurt me…

We’ve all been here before too but how true is this statement? Let’s break this down:

Sticks and stones may break my bones… very true. That pain fades and the wounds eventually heal.

… but names will never hurt me… not true. Name calling or negative comments affect someone much longer than a cut, scrape or bruise. All it takes is for someone to say something negative, a sarcastic remark, discouraging word for us to be knocked down. It only takes one word to put a hole in your heart. For example, Karen Carpenter (from the popular 1970s duo, the Carpenters) died from anorexia at 32. Her obsession with her weight started after an article called her “Richard’s chubby sister.” 1 word had impacted her life and brought her to an early death.

What a lot of people don’t realize is that speaking badly to/about someone and gossiping, are sins. The bible clearly states that one of the steps we must take in order to stay rooted in His word is watching what or how we speak.

Proverbs 10:19
“Too much talk leads to sin. Be sensible and keep your mouth shut.”

Proverbs 15:4
“Gentle words are a tree of life; a deceitful tongue crushes the spirit.”

Our mouth is a weapon to be used with God’s intention – to uplift one another! To speak the Word, give Him praise, and share our testimonies with others. He did not intend for us to use our words to hurt one another, rather as a sword to cut at the enemy’s attacks. In this time of battle we must choose our words wisely. As Christians it is our responsibility to uplift our brothers and sisters, sharing in the joys that our beloved Father has given us. Rejoice in the Lord! Speak of His goodness! Help bring others to Him, leaving all insecurities, negativity, and problems at His feet.

Proverbs: 16:24
"Pleasant words are as a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones".

Please read: Psalm 34:13, Psalm 39:1, Proverb 13:3, Proverb 15:4, Proverb17:20, Proverb21:23, 2 Timothy 2:16

Insecurities & Low Self Esteem Causing Problems

Anonymous said...
I’m in my mid twenties and have been with my boyfriend a little over two years. When we get along we get along so great! But when we fight (argue) it’s out of control. We both tend to say the most hurtful things to each other and within a day or less we’re over it and happy again. It seems at times that my insecurities and low self-esteem are the cause of our problems but I’ve been this way for so long that I don’t know how to change. I love my boyfriend and I know he loves me but I’m afraid that my insecurities are getting in the way of us being happy together.

Answer..
I remember when my husband and I would fight I was quick to say hurtful words that I would regret once the anger was gone. But once words are said you can not take them back. The damage is already done. With every lash of the tongue respect is lost. The trust starts fading. You must practice self control and try to discuss your problems or disagreements without throwing jabs at each other. The fighting will eventually get old and begin to wear down your relationship. No one wants to constantly be in turmoil and strife.

If you think it's your own insecurities and low self-esteem that are causing the problems then you need to humble your self before God and ask Him to help you. This problem will hinder every relationship that you have. He can show you the root of your insecurities so that you can face them and allow Him to heal you. You do not have to be a slave to them.

I use to have low self-esteem too. I did not think I was pretty enough. I was constantly picking on my self and putting my self down. I may have seemed confident to everyone else but I wasn't. I compared myself to everyone around me. I thought if I just had her hair or this ones lips I would be prettier. It was awful. I'm too fat or too skinny. My hair's too curly so I straighten it. Now it's too straight and I don't know how to style it. I was so insecure in my relationships. I did not trust anyone. It was nuts. That was before I allowed Jesus to heal me.

I learned that God loves me and he made me and formed me just the way I am. I am beautiful because I am His. I am valuable because Jesus died for me. The more time I spend in the Word I don't worry about following anyone. I don't compare myself to anyone else any more. I compare myself to the Word. I long to be all that God has created me to be. I spend more time beautifying and building up my spirit than I do trying to make myself beautiful on the outside.

"Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewellery and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight." (1 Peter 3:3-4)

My husband tells me that this confidence and love that I have for the Lord makes me even more beautiful to him. I have allowed the Word of God to change me and renew my mind. Now I am now longer enslaved to insecurity and low self-esteem. When it tries to come back to attack my mind I remember who I am in Christ Jesus. I meditate on what His Word says.

So I encourage you to pray for God's help and begin renewing your mind with the Word of God (the bible). The battle is in your mind. (Romans 12:2)I wrote an article on Renewing Your Mind that I believe can help you. Check it out..

Sincerely,

Trophy of Grace

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