Anonymous writes..
I've been in prison for going on 4 years. I did most of my time pretty well. But for some reason once I got to work release I allowed myself to get involved with a female and at first all was well, but then times got really rough and she turned her back on me. We even got into a little bit of trouble. She hurt me real bad. But my porblem is that when times was good she showed me what it meant to be loved and what I got from her I never got from any man. Now I feel like I'm infatuated with her. I feel like my preference is now going to be women, I know this is a curse, how do I break out of this curse? How do I let go of this woman? She has moved on but I'm still stuck on her. Why? And do I break it?
Beloved by Him said...
Dear Sister in Christ,
One of the most effective weapons that the enemy has against us is deception. Even though Christ died to set us free from sin and our bondages to it, we can still allow ourselves to believe a lie when what we see or think seems to fill a hole in our lives. Even though you’ve almost finished your sentence, there’s a new and dangerous situation in your life that has already caused you to sacrifice your true liberty in Christ, and has jeopardized you in the legal sense as well. This is definitely not what God wants for your life--He never wants us to be “entangled again by a yoke of bondage” (Gal.5:1) For you to be able to move forward, you are going to have to trust in God’s Word, His will, and His love for you.
Let’s talk first about how much He loves you, because as someone wisely said, “Rules without relationship equal rebellion.” If you don’t truly understand how much Jesus loves you and wants you to have the best life, then why bother caring about what His word and His will are? The fact is that He loved you so much, He died and rose again so that you could be forgiven and have eternal life. Who else would--or could--do that for any of us? Romans 5:7-8 says, “For scarcely for a righteous man will one die; yet perhaps for a good man someone would even dare to die. But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” The Lord loved us even when we were unlovable sinners--and now He has made us like Him and given us His righteousness so that we can live in boldness and victory on this earth (Romans 5:17, I John 4:9-10,17). I hope that you have already accepted Him as Savior and Lord of your life, because once you have, you can be absolutely sure that nothing can separate you from Him or His love (Rom. 8:37-39, John 10:28-29) You’ve become a new creation in Him (II Cor.5:17); everything that you used to be is dead and gone, hidden in Him, and removed as far as east is from west (Rom.6:11, Col.3:3, Ps.103:12). Your life is no longer defined by the world, or the desires of your flesh, or the devil--these are all your enemies that are at war with the Spirit of God living in you (Gal. 5:17, I John 2:16). You are His beloved child, and your true desire is that you want to become more like Him, because now you hold the thoughts and intents of His heart, and you have the mind of Christ (I John 3:1-3, I Cor. 2:16).
So, in order to glorify God and become more like Him, we have to know and apply what His word says regarding our lives (Ps. 119:11, II Tim. 3:16). If we try to make our own rules and decisions about how to live, we will eventually destroy ourselves (Pr.14:12, 16:25). But if we follow God’s laws, they will bring us life and health (Prov.4:22). The Bible promises that “As for God, His way is perfect, His word is proven, and He is a shield for those who trust Him” (Ps.18:30) Building our lives on Jesus Christ is the only foundation that will last (I Cor. 3:11) We can ask Him for wisdom, and He will give us all we need, showing us the path we should take and giving us the power to take it (James 1:5, Phil.2:13, 4:13). He wants us to have an abundant life in and through Him, and will never take something away from us wrongfully (John 10:10).
I want to emphasize this point because I know that you are experiencing the loss of this person in your life, and you’re not sure where to find the love you need. Even though you are hurting, this is a critical time to make some decisions that will mean either heartbreak or healing for you. If you choose to believe the truth of God’s word regarding His intention for creation, His ideal for human relationships, and how He designed you and your sexuality, you will be choosing a life that is pleasing to Him and will bring blessing to you and whatever potential generations may come after you. Otherwise, if you choose to go against God’s word, you will be living a lie, bringing more pain and devastation into your life, and ruining your testimony (Rom.1:24-25, I Tim.4:2).
God never created, nor condones, homosexuality in His people. Aside from the many scriptures that expressly prohibit gay relationships ( Lev.18:22, 20:13, Rom.1:24-27), the original intent of His creation of man and woman has to be understood. Before sin entered the world, God designed man and woman to be completing and complementary, physically, emotionally, and spiritually (Gen 2:20-25). After the fall, man was put in a position of headship over woman, but the Lord’s intent was never to dehumanize women. Rather, His ideal was for the male-female relationship to be symbolic of Christ’s position to the church: He is the head, Who gives Himself sacrificially, while she submits lovingly (Eph. 5:22-33). But because sin is in the world, man-woman relationships have often been maligned, with men abusing their power and women rebelling against male authority. Many people have been erroneously drawn to homosexual relationships in part because they suffered at the hand of a person or persons of the opposite sex.
There is also the issue of the fallen human nature itself, which wants to give itself up to things that are futile, unclean, ignorant, and alienated from God (Eph. 4:17-19) This is the mortal “flesh” in all of us that Jesus Christ crucified on the cross (Rom. 6:6,Gal. 2:20,5:24). Even though it has no eternal power over our lives, our flesh will still battle us until the day we die and give up this body for our new heavenly one (Rom.8:7-8, Gal.5:17). It wants to drag us down, because it can only serve the law of sin (Rom.7:25). It’s in our flesh that we find the desires for all things sinful, including homosexuality (Gal. 5:19-21).
But Hallelujah!--we don’t have to serve it! We can present ourselves to God as being alive to Him through Christ Jesus: a new people who are created according to His will, devoted to righteous and holy lives (Rom.6:11,13,19, 7:20, Eph.4:23). We don’t have to listen to what our flesh says it wants, because it lies. We don’t have to do what it tells us to do, because it doesn’t have power over us (Rom. 6:7,12,14), and God will give us a way to escape any temptation (I Cor.10:13). When we find ourselves contemplating a relationship, either hetero- or homosexual, that we know is not Godly, we have to decide who we are going to serve: Are we going to be slaves to our lying, cheating, unredeemed flesh that wants us to sin and suffer for it (Rom. 6:16), or are we going to be obedient to Jesus Christ, Who set us free from the laws of sin and death, and makes us righteous? (Rom.6:16,8:2) If we are being honest with ourselves, there is only one right answer. We need to choose life (Deut.30:19-20).
Please hold on to God’s promise to give you the desires of your heart if you seek Him first, and make his righteousness your highest priority (Matt.6:33). Pray for the faith to believe that He is, and that He is a rewarder of those who diligently seek Him (Heb.11:6). The Lord loves you more than you can possibly know or understand (Eph.3:18-19), and He has a wonderful plan for your life that you couldn’t even conceive of for yourself if you tried (Is.64:4). Ask Him for the strength to move on, “forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead, I press toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.” (Phil. 3:13-14) There is nothing you will leave behind that can ever compare to the glory that will be revealed in your life through Him (Rom.8:18, Phil.3:8-9).
One of the most effective weapons that the enemy has against us is deception. Even though Christ died to set us free from sin and our bondages to it, we can still allow ourselves to believe a lie when what we see or think seems to fill a hole in our lives. Even though you’ve almost finished your sentence, there’s a new and dangerous situation in your life that has already caused you to sacrifice your true liberty in Christ, and has jeopardized you in the legal sense as well. This is definitely not what God wants for your life--He never wants us to be “entangled again by a yoke of bondage” (Gal.5:1) For you to be able to move forward, you are going to have to trust in God’s Word, His will, and His love for you.
Let’s talk first about how much He loves you, because as someone wisely said, “Rules without relationship equal rebellion.” If you don’t truly understand how much Jesus loves you and wants you to have the best life, then why bother caring about what His word and His will are? The fact is that He loved you so much, He died and rose again so that you could be forgiven and have eternal life. Who else would--or could--do that for any of us? Romans 5:7-8 says, “For scarcely for a righteous man will one die; yet perhaps for a good man someone would even dare to die. But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” The Lord loved us even when we were unlovable sinners--and now He has made us like Him and given us His righteousness so that we can live in boldness and victory on this earth (Romans 5:17, I John 4:9-10,17). I hope that you have already accepted Him as Savior and Lord of your life, because once you have, you can be absolutely sure that nothing can separate you from Him or His love (Rom. 8:37-39, John 10:28-29) You’ve become a new creation in Him (II Cor.5:17); everything that you used to be is dead and gone, hidden in Him, and removed as far as east is from west (Rom.6:11, Col.3:3, Ps.103:12). Your life is no longer defined by the world, or the desires of your flesh, or the devil--these are all your enemies that are at war with the Spirit of God living in you (Gal. 5:17, I John 2:16). You are His beloved child, and your true desire is that you want to become more like Him, because now you hold the thoughts and intents of His heart, and you have the mind of Christ (I John 3:1-3, I Cor. 2:16).
So, in order to glorify God and become more like Him, we have to know and apply what His word says regarding our lives (Ps. 119:11, II Tim. 3:16). If we try to make our own rules and decisions about how to live, we will eventually destroy ourselves (Pr.14:12, 16:25). But if we follow God’s laws, they will bring us life and health (Prov.4:22). The Bible promises that “As for God, His way is perfect, His word is proven, and He is a shield for those who trust Him” (Ps.18:30) Building our lives on Jesus Christ is the only foundation that will last (I Cor. 3:11) We can ask Him for wisdom, and He will give us all we need, showing us the path we should take and giving us the power to take it (James 1:5, Phil.2:13, 4:13). He wants us to have an abundant life in and through Him, and will never take something away from us wrongfully (John 10:10).
I want to emphasize this point because I know that you are experiencing the loss of this person in your life, and you’re not sure where to find the love you need. Even though you are hurting, this is a critical time to make some decisions that will mean either heartbreak or healing for you. If you choose to believe the truth of God’s word regarding His intention for creation, His ideal for human relationships, and how He designed you and your sexuality, you will be choosing a life that is pleasing to Him and will bring blessing to you and whatever potential generations may come after you. Otherwise, if you choose to go against God’s word, you will be living a lie, bringing more pain and devastation into your life, and ruining your testimony (Rom.1:24-25, I Tim.4:2).
God never created, nor condones, homosexuality in His people. Aside from the many scriptures that expressly prohibit gay relationships ( Lev.18:22, 20:13, Rom.1:24-27), the original intent of His creation of man and woman has to be understood. Before sin entered the world, God designed man and woman to be completing and complementary, physically, emotionally, and spiritually (Gen 2:20-25). After the fall, man was put in a position of headship over woman, but the Lord’s intent was never to dehumanize women. Rather, His ideal was for the male-female relationship to be symbolic of Christ’s position to the church: He is the head, Who gives Himself sacrificially, while she submits lovingly (Eph. 5:22-33). But because sin is in the world, man-woman relationships have often been maligned, with men abusing their power and women rebelling against male authority. Many people have been erroneously drawn to homosexual relationships in part because they suffered at the hand of a person or persons of the opposite sex.
There is also the issue of the fallen human nature itself, which wants to give itself up to things that are futile, unclean, ignorant, and alienated from God (Eph. 4:17-19) This is the mortal “flesh” in all of us that Jesus Christ crucified on the cross (Rom. 6:6,Gal. 2:20,5:24). Even though it has no eternal power over our lives, our flesh will still battle us until the day we die and give up this body for our new heavenly one (Rom.8:7-8, Gal.5:17). It wants to drag us down, because it can only serve the law of sin (Rom.7:25). It’s in our flesh that we find the desires for all things sinful, including homosexuality (Gal. 5:19-21).
But Hallelujah!--we don’t have to serve it! We can present ourselves to God as being alive to Him through Christ Jesus: a new people who are created according to His will, devoted to righteous and holy lives (Rom.6:11,13,19, 7:20, Eph.4:23). We don’t have to listen to what our flesh says it wants, because it lies. We don’t have to do what it tells us to do, because it doesn’t have power over us (Rom. 6:7,12,14), and God will give us a way to escape any temptation (I Cor.10:13). When we find ourselves contemplating a relationship, either hetero- or homosexual, that we know is not Godly, we have to decide who we are going to serve: Are we going to be slaves to our lying, cheating, unredeemed flesh that wants us to sin and suffer for it (Rom. 6:16), or are we going to be obedient to Jesus Christ, Who set us free from the laws of sin and death, and makes us righteous? (Rom.6:16,8:2) If we are being honest with ourselves, there is only one right answer. We need to choose life (Deut.30:19-20).
Please hold on to God’s promise to give you the desires of your heart if you seek Him first, and make his righteousness your highest priority (Matt.6:33). Pray for the faith to believe that He is, and that He is a rewarder of those who diligently seek Him (Heb.11:6). The Lord loves you more than you can possibly know or understand (Eph.3:18-19), and He has a wonderful plan for your life that you couldn’t even conceive of for yourself if you tried (Is.64:4). Ask Him for the strength to move on, “forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead, I press toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.” (Phil. 3:13-14) There is nothing you will leave behind that can ever compare to the glory that will be revealed in your life through Him (Rom.8:18, Phil.3:8-9).
Blessings, sister
