I Feel Like He's Never Going To Leave Her But I Can't Walk Away

MySpace Friend writes..

Ok, here is whats going on. I meet the most amazing guy, he loves me I love him. He is a good and honest clean southern gentlemen. He has a stable job and we share similar interest we started out as friends, then we started talking sorta and now I am convinced that I have found my soulmate. There is only one problem.

He's married. He has been unhappy in his marriage for almost four years now. His wife is a selfish blank who has made him believe he is unattractive. He is fine as heck. I can assure you of that. He is 10 years older than me.

Now, he wants to leave his wife. Has wanted to for some time but... they have two kids and he is afraid they will hate him for leaving her. He is to the point now that it doesnt matter what they think but she knows about me. Not that he is in love with me but that we talked. He thinks she will screw him out of custody because he is seeing me, sorta. He hates her entire family and she hates his family. The only reason he married her was because he thought that there wasn't anyone else out there that wanted him. (i'm telling you she is a brain washing blank) The only reason she married him was because she was older and her eggs were timed and she wanted kids. So basically he was a sperm donor. His mother believes this too.

We broke up for about two months so he could work on his marriage and try to make things work for his kids sake. He told his wife that he was unhappy and that she could change and be a better wife (she's a horrible wife. I'm not even going to get started just believe me) Well we stopped all communication for two months and then one day out of the blue he calls me to asked if i had moved. I did but the point is he had gone by my old house. He missed me. Well we slowly started becoming friends again. I was a little hurt that he cut all communication, but i got over it cause i understand his position. Now it is to the point that he tells me about his home life again.

Well.. his wife changed for about a week and then it started to regress again. Now she is back to the same ole crap that caused him to be unhappy in the first place. Before when he told me he was giving her another chance, he told me he was going to leave her if it didn't improve. Well... now it hasn't but he is still scared about the kids and I am scared he'll never leave her.

He says he is getting more and more resentful towards her and can't shake me. God knows I can't shake him. I tried sooooo hard to forget about him but we have an amazing connection deeper than I've ever had with anyone else. He makes me genuinely happy. I mean happy to the core. Nothing bothers me. He completes me and he feels the same way about me. I know I'm tangled up in one hell of a mess but I don't know what to do anymore. I feel like he's never going to leave her but I can't walk away. I don't know what to do.

Trophy of Grace replies..

My Dear Sister,

You said it good when you said you are in one hell of a mess. This relationship that you are having with this married man is hell sent, not God sent. He IS NOT your soul mate. Don’t be deceived my dear sister. Don’t fall for the lies. He is manipulating you. Run far away from this relationship least you find yourself even more entangled in this destructive relationship.

Don’t think for a minute that this relationship is God’s will for your life. God would never tempt you or lead you into sin and that is what this relationship is, a sinful adulterous relationship. Many people foolishly say that God is tempting them when they feel a desire to do something they know is wrong. God never tempts us to do wrong. Temptation comes from our own desires, which entice us and drag us away. These desires give birth to sinful actions. And when sin is allowed to grow, it gives birth to death. (James 1:13-15)

I must show you what God’s Word says about adultery and I pray that as you read the scriptures that your heart would be moved to repentance and you would feel compelled to leave this man alone. I pray that you would see the terrible results and consequences awaiting you if you continue having this relationship. May the Lord remove the blinders that have been placed on your eyes so that you may see. May He give you ears to hear what His Spirit is saying.

“You shall not commit adultery.” Exodus 20:14

For the lips of an immoral woman (or man) are as sweet as honey, and her (or his) mouth is smoother than oil. But in the end she (or he) is as bitter as poison, as dangerous as a double-edged sword. Her (or His) feet go down to death; her (or his) steps lead straight to the grave. For she (or he) cares nothing about the path to life. She (or He) staggers down a crooked trail and doesn’t realize it. Proverbs 5:3-6

So it is with the man (or woman) who sleeps with another man’s (or woman’s) wife (or husband). He (or She) who embraces her (or him) will not go unpunished. Proverbs 6:29

But the man (or woman) who commits adultery is an utter fool, for he (or she) destroys himself (or herself). Proverbs 6:32

Give honor to marriage, and remain faithful to one another in marriage. God will surely judge people who are immoral and those who commit adultery. Hebrews 13:4

This relationship is a trap that you have allowed yourself to fall into. You said that God knows that you can’t shake him and you are right. God does know that you can’t shake this relationship ON YOU OWN, but with Christ on your side you can do anything. You can do all things, everything through Christ Jesus who will strengthen you if you put your trust in Him. He will help you overcome this battle if you will truly surrender your life and your will to Him. Allow Him to have dominion in your life. Allow Him to guide and lead you down the narrow road that always leads to life. If you continue down this path, this broad road of destruction full of selfish and evil desires you will most certainly perish. This is NOT what God wants or ever intended for your life. It is not His will that any should perish but so many reject Him and desire their own will and their own way and unfortunately seal their fate.(Philippians 4:13)

My dear sister God has a wonderful plan for your life. He has a plan to give you a real future and a hope in Him. His plans for your life are good. He wants good things for you. He wants to give you true peace, real love, patience, goodness, faithfulness, joy, faith, hope, freedom, life, and salvation. He sees the desires of your heart and wants to bless you with a man that will love you and only you. He does not give you broken gifts. He gives good gifts. He has the right man for you but it is time that you first seek (aim at and strive after) first of all His kingdom and His righteousness (His way of doing and being right), and then all these things will be given to you. (Jeremiah 29:11-14, Matthew 6:33)

This is not a time for you to be worried about this man and his problems. Let him deal with his own issues and his family. He made a covenant before God to his wife and their family and he is in rebellion against God right now. Stay away from him. Focus on what you need to do to be in right standing with God.

If you have seen through this response and the Word of God provided to you that you have been in sin and you want to truly change then you are in a great position because the Lord wants to forgive you of your sin if you are willing to repent and confess your sin before God. God will never reject a broken and repentant heart. But if we confess our sins to Him, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all wickedness. If we claim that we have not sinned, we are calling God a liar and showing that His word has no place in our hearts. (Psalm 51:17, 1 John 1:8-10)

If you acknowledge and confess with your lips that Jesus is Lord and in your heart believe (adhere to, trust in, and rely on the truth) that God raised Him from the dead, you will be saved. For with the heart a person believes (adheres to, trusts in, and relies on Christ) and so is justified (declared righteous, acceptable to God), and with the mouth he confesses (declares openly and speaks out freely his faith) and confirms [his] salvation. (Romans 10:9-10)

Once you have believed and confessed Jesus as your Lord and Savior you will have become a new creation, the old will be gone and the new will be here. He will give you His Spirit to live in you which will guide you and lead you all the days of your life. He will be your strength and comfort. He will help you to overcome everything and anything by His strength and might power, not by your own strength or power. He will help you to overcome this and shake this relationship off. He will not allow the temptation to be more than you can stand. When you are tempted, he will show you a way out so that you can endure. (2 Corinthians 5:17, 1 Corinthians 10:13)

He has just provided you with a way out right now..Jesus is the Way. The choice is yours. I pray that the Lord will help you to make the right one.

We love you sister!! We are here for you if you need us. We will be praying for you.

Sincerely,

Trophy of Grace

He Gives Hints That He Would Break Up With His Girlfriend For Me

Anonymous says..
Please help...I've been liking this guy for a while now but he has a girlfriend and plus he's not a christian. A lot of my friends say that he likes me and should talk to him about it. Plus he gives hints that he would break up with his girlfriend for me. I really like him but should I settle for someone who's not a christian or wait for the right christian guy to come around?

Beloved by Him replies..

Right now, you are in the middle of a serious temptation. Something about this guy has you seriously considering a)putting yourself between a boyfriend and girlfriend and b) pursuing a guy that’s not a Christian. You are playing with fire, and if you continue down this path, sooner or later you’re going to get burned (Prov. 6:27).

By letting yourself get pulled into this situation, you’re not just allowing yourself to be tempted, but you’re also tempting him. As a Christian, you are supposed to set an example of godliness by your behavior. We are specifically told not to entice someone else to sin, or to put a stumbling block in their way (Prov. 16:20-30, Rom. 14:13). What kind of testimony will you have if you cause the two of them to break up? You won’t be showing your friends what a Christian girl’s life should look like. You have to choose a higher standard: “Let no one despise your youth, but be an example to the believers in word, in conduct, in love, in spirit, in faith, in purity.” (I Tim. 4:12) Remember the story of Adam and Eve? She allowed herself to be tempted by Satan’s lies, and when she sinned, she caused Adam to sin as well (I Tim. 2:14). Do you really want to lead this guy away from the Lord, especially if he’s not a Christian yet?

And that’s the other issue–he’s not saved. II Cor. 6:14 clearly states, “Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers.” This is because while we love God, unbelievers love the world, and God’s love isn’t in them (I John 2:15). This boy can’t love you with real, unconditional love, because God is the only source of true love (I John 4:7-8), and if He hasn’t confessed Jesus as Lord, He doesn’t know God (I John 4:15). The Lord would never tempt you into a relationship with someone who’s not a Christian (James 1:13); He wants to love you through the right Godly man at the right time (John 15:12).

Sweetheart, if you love the Lord, then you need to let this boy go, along with any ideas about a relationship with him. God has promised to make a way for you to escape this temptation (I Cor. 10:13) and when you do, He will bless you with the crown of life (James 1:12). Pray that the Lord will give you the strength to “throw aside every weight, and the sin that so easily ensnares” you (Heb. 12:1) Once you’ve done that, you need to “flee also youthful lusts; but pursue righteousness, faith, love, peace with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart.”(II Tim. 2:22) When you determine to choose God’s best for your life, that’s what’s called “delighting yourself in the Lord,”and that comes with a promise, too–He will give you the desires of your heart (Ps.37:4).

Sincerely,

Beloved by Him

Why Is It So Hard To Do The Right Thing?

Anonymous said...

Why is is so hard to do the right thing, when you know what you doing is wrong. This is the second time that I'm asking for advice. And I know what I have to do but every time I make my mind up to end this friendship w/ this guy I met; I can't. I've moved to a new city and hardly know anyone. I've made some friends w/ ppl that I go to school w/ but don't really hang out w/ them outside school. I met this guy about a month back, I know he's interested in me but I'm not really interested in making him my man- just someone to hang out w/. So I've allowed him to take me around the city and we've been talking on the ph daily. I never asked him if he had a girlfriend bc I just assume he didn't. I have a diamond ring on my middle finger on my left had that my parents gave me a long time ago. And after the 2nd time he asked me if I was engaged, I asked him if he was seeing someone. He told me yes and he was engaged. I was totally confused bc I don't see how he can tell me I'm beautiful and it seems like he's spending all his time w/ me but has a fiance. But I've justify keeping the friendship w/ him bc we were just hanging out. So this wknd we went to the movies and when he took me back home, I usually give him a hug goodnight and this time the hug lasted a little longer, it was more affectionate, and he tried to kiss me- which I didn't allow to happen. I told him that I didn't feel comfortable being affectionate w/ him. But to my surprise I'm still chatting w/ him when I know I shouldn't bc I'm leaving the door open for both of us to sin. One of the post that I read today said something about not allowing the enemy to have something negative to report about ungodly behaviors. Please give me a word so I can stand firm and end this friendship. The truth is I haven't had a boyfriend in like 3 years and I miss the affection and attention that you get when a guy really likes you. I go to church, bible study, read the word, pray every night. But being here alone w/out anybody and just wishing I had that close bond has got me justifying w/ the holy spirit why I'm still even talking to this guy- when I know I shouldn't.


Beloved by Him says..

Dear sister in Christ,

You asked for a word, and you’re going to get it—the holy word of God. We’re going to walk through this together, step by step, so that you can get a real understanding of the deceptions and dangers of your situation, and the remedies that God has for them. If you’re willing to hear, believe, and act on His truth, then you can be set free from this confusion (John 8:32) and get your peace back (John 14:27). I truly hope you do, before a line is crossed and you’ve walked into bondage that is not easily broken. I know you can do it, because you’re already operating under the conviction of the Holy Spirit. That Spirit is the One of a heavenly Father and a wonderful Savior Who loves you more than you can imagine or comprehend! Go get a Bible, open to Ephesians 3, and read verses 14-21. It says that God’s love for us “passes knowledge”! You’re rooted and grounded in it! You are really, truly, unconditionally, and totally loved by God. You’d better believe it, because it’s the truth!

But your enemies, the world, the flesh, and the devil, absolutely do not want you to believe it. The world wants you to be isolated, so that you don’t get the Godly fellowship and support you need (I John 2:16, Hebrews 10:25, Gal. 6:2). Your flesh is at war with your spirit, (Gal. 5:16-18), because as a Christian, you don’t have to be a slave to the sin it craves. So it’s literally hell-bent on dragging you down as much as possible until the day Jesus takes us home. And as if those two weren’t enough, the devil wants to see you eaten alive (I Peter 5:8). Wow! You must have some important God-designed plan for your life to merit all this attention! When you get through this, and you will, because God is faithful to complete the good work He began in us (Phil. 1:6), you are going to be able to reach out and pull someone else out of the fire (Jude 23).

Let’s go back, though, because I know you’re not there yet. It’s so understandable that you’re lonely, not just because you’ve moved to a new place, but because there is a yearning in your heart for the man God will bring you—your beloved. As much as you have tried to imagine what he will be like, the Lord knows you better, and has fashioned your future husband to be just perfect for you (Song of Solomon 2:3). The day will come when you can share your life with that man, a man who will love you like no one else can, because he loves you by the Spirit of God in him. Don’t try to find him on your own, though. God will bring him to you in his perfect time (Psalm 18:30).

Until then, you might need to be reminded that you are very far from alone in this world. In truth, you are already off the market! Your eternal Beloved is none other than Christ Himself (II Cor. 11:2)! Isaiah 54:5 says, “Your Maker is your husband, the Lord of hosts is His name.” He is the one Who will always know your deepest desires, because He gave them to you. He will always forgive and cover over your sins, because He died and rose again for you. And you will never be alone, because He will never leave you or forsake you! You are owned by Christ and sealed by the Holy Spirit as the guarantee (Eph. 1:13-14). You may not always feel loved, but don’t give in to feelings that are contrary to God’s word. The truth is that you are incredibly loved--you always were, always are, and always will be (Jeremiah 31:3, I John 4:16, I Cor. 13:8).

Speaking of not giving in to feelings, it’s time to address what’s going on between you and your friend. If you take an honest look at what God says about who you are to Him and what He has planned for you, how does your relationship with your friend fit in? It doesn’t. First of all, you don’t have a real desire for him; rather, it seems like you’re allowing him to be the substitute for the fullness of relationship that you can find in the Lord, if you are willing to trust and pursue Him. Second, you don’t mention that this friend is a Christian, and you have serious concerns about his integrity. “Can two walk together, except they be agreed?” (Amos 3:3) You definitely shouldn’t be spending so much time with someone who doesn’t honor God or their commitments—particularly when that commitment could be an engagement to another girl! He may be breaking a promise, a vow, to love and cherish someone else. Does God want you to be a part of that? No! And he doesn’t want you to tempt this guy or yourself, either, by giving long hugs and having chatty conversations that keep the door to impurity open.

Sister, you need to close that door and run—don’t walk—in the other direction. Find a good Bible-believing church and get involved. Get an accountability partner who is strong in the Lord and who will lovingly set you straight. Most importantly, pray to your Heavenly Beloved to keep you tight in His arms, and give you His strength when you are weak (Isaiah 40:31, II Cor. 2:10). He is waiting for you to come to Him, so that He can show you how cherished you are in His sight.

Well, what are you waiting for?!? :)