A Baby's Hug

Cross Post from Saved by Faith [blog site]


We were the only family with children in the restaurant. I sat Erik in a high chair and noticed everyone was quietly sitting and talking.

Suddenly, Erik squealed with glee and said, 'Hi.' He pounded his fat baby hands on the high chair tray. His eyes were crinkled in laughter and his mouth was bared in a toothless grin, a s he wriggled and giggled with merriment.

I looked around and saw the source of his merriment. It was a man whose pants were baggy with a zipper at half-mast and his toes poked out of would-be shoes. His shirt was dirty and his hair was uncombed and unwashed. His whiskers were too short to be called a beard and his nose was so varicose it looked like a road map.

We were too far from him to smell, but I was sure he smelled. His hands waved and flapped on loose wrists. 'Hi there, baby; hi there, big boy. I see ya, buster,' the man said to Erik.

My husband and I exchanged looks, 'What do we do?'

Erik continued to laugh and answer, 'Hi.'

Everyone in the restaurant noticed and looked at us and then at the man. The old geezer was creating a nuisance with my beautiful baby. Our meal came and the man began shouting from across the room, 'Do ya patty cake? Do you know peek-a-boo? Hey, look, he knows peek- a-boo.'

Nobody thought the old man was cute. He was obviously drunk.

My husband and I were embarrassed. We ate in silence; all except for Erik, who was running through his repertoire for the admiring skid-row bum, who in turn, reciprocated with his cute comments.

We finally got through the meal and headed for the door. My husband went to pay the check and told me to meet him in the parking lot. The old man sat poised between me and the door. 'Lord, just let me out of here before he speaks to me or Erik,' I prayed. As I drew closer to the man, I turned my back trying to sidestep him and avoid any air he might be breathing. As I did, Erik leaned over my arm, reaching with both arms in a baby's 'pick-me-up' position. Before I could stop him, Erik had
propelled himself from my arms to the man.

Suddenly a very old smelly man and a very young baby consummated their love and kinship. Erik in an act of total trust, love, and submission laid his tiny head upon the man's ragged shoulder. The man's eyes closed, and I saw tears hover beneath his lashes. His aged hands full of grime, pain, and hard labor, cradled my baby's bottom and stroked his back. No two beings have ever loved so deeply for so short a time.

I stood awestruck. The old man rocked and cradled Erik in his arms and his eyes opened and set squarely on mine. He said in a firm commanding voice, 'You take care of this baby.'

Somehow I managed, 'I will,' from a throat that contained a stone.

He pried Erik from his chest, lovingly and longingly, as though he were in pain. I received my baby, and the man said, 'God bless you, ma'am, you've given me my Christmas gift.'

I said nothing more than a muttered thanks. With Erik in my arms, I ran for the car. My husband was wondering why I was crying and holding Erik so tightly, and why I was saying, 'My God, my God, forgive me.'

I had just witnessed Christ's love shown through the innocence of a tiny child who saw no sin, who made no judgment; a child who saw a soul, and a mother who saw a suit of clothes. I was a Christian who was blind, holding a child who was not. I felt it was God asking, 'Are you willing to share your son for a moment?' when He shared His for all eternity.

The ragged old man, unwittingly, had reminded me about Mark 10:15... "I tell you the truth, anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it."

Sometimes, it takes a child to remind us of what is really important. We must always remember who we are, where we came from and, most importantly, how we feel about others. The clothes on your back or the car that you drive or the house that you live in does not define you at all; it is how you treat your fellow man that identifies who you are.

God versus Science

Cross Post from Saved by Faith [blog site]

'Let me explain the problem science has with
religion.' The atheist professor of philosophy
pauses before his class and then asks one of his new students
to stand.

'You're a Christian, aren't you, son?'
'Yes sir,' the student says.
'So you believe in God?'
'Absolutely.'

'Is God good?'
'Sure! God's good.'

'Is God all-powerful? Can God do anything?'
'Yes'

'Are you good or evil?'
'The Bible says I'm evil.'

The professor grins knowingly. 'Aha! The
Bible!' He considers for a moment. 'Here's one for you.
Let's say there's a sick person over here and you can
cure him. You can do it. Would you help him? Would you try?'

'Yes sir, I would.'

'So you're good...!'
'I wouldn't say that.'

'But why not say that? You'd help a sick and maimed
person if you could. Most of us would if we could. But
God doesn't.'

The student does not answer, so the professor continues.
'He doesn't, does he? My brother was a Christian who
died of cancer, even though he prayed to Jesus to heal him.
How is this Jesus good? Hmmm? Can you answer that one?'

The student remains silent.

'No, you can't, can you?' the professor says.
He takes a sip of water from a glass on his desk to
give the student time to relax.

'Let's start again, young fella. Is God good?'
'Er..yes,' the student says.

'Is Satan good?'
The student doesn't hesitate on this one. 'No.'

'Then where does Satan come from?'

The student falters. 'From God'

'That's right. God made Satan, didn't he?
Tell me, son. Is there evil in this world?'

'Yes, sir.'

'Evil's everywhere, isn't it? And God did
make everything correct??'
'Yes'

'So who created evil?' The professor
continued, 'If God created everything, then God created evil,
since evil exists, and according to the principle that our
works define who we are, then God is evil.'

Again, the student has no answer.
'Is there sickness? Immorality?
Hatred? Ugliness? All these terrible
things, do they exist in this world?'

The student squirms on his feet. 'Yes.'

'So who created them?'

The student does not answer again, so the professor
repeats his question. 'Who created them?'

There is still no answer. Suddenly the lecturer
breaks away to pace in front of the classroom.

The class is mesmerized.

'Tell me,' he continues onto another student.

'Do you believe in Jesus Christ, son?

The student's voice betrays him and cracks.
'Yes, professor, I do.'

The old man stops pacing. 'Science says you have
five senses you use to identify and observe the world
around you. Have you ever seen Jesus?'

'No sir. I've never seen Him.'

'Then tell us if you've ever heard your Jesus?'

'No, sir, I have not.'

'Have you ever felt your Jesus,
tasted your Jesus or smelled your Jesus?
Have you ever had any sensoryperception
of Jesus Christ, or God for that matter?'

'No, sir, I'm afraid I haven't.'

'Yet you still believe in him?'

'Yes'

'According to the rules of empirical, testable,
demonstrable protocol, science says your God
doesn't exist. What do you say to that, son?'

'Nothing,' the student replies. 'I only have my faith.'

'Yes, faith,' the professor repeats. 'And that
is the problem science has with God. There is no
evidence, only faith.'

The student stands quietly for a moment, before asking
a question of His own. 'Professor, is there such thing as heat?'

'Yes.'

'And is there such a thing as cold?'

'Yes, son, there's cold too.'

No sir, there isn't.'
The professor turns to face the student, obviously interested.

The room suddenly becomes very quiet. The student
begins to explain.

'You can have lots of heat, even more heat, super-heat,
mega-heat, unlimited heat, white heat, a little heat or no
heat, but we don't have anything called 'cold'.
We can hit up to 458 degrees below zero, which is no
heat, but we can't go any further after that. There is
no such thing as cold; otherwise we would be able to go colder
than the lowest -458 degrees.'

'Every body or object is susceptible to study when it
has or transmits energy, and heat is what makes a body
or matter have or transmit energy. Absolute zero (-458 F)
is the total absence of heat. You see, sir, cold is only
a word we use to describe the absence of
heat. We cannot measure cold. Heat we can measure in
thermal units because heat is energy.
Cold is not the opposite of heat, sir, just the
absence of it.'

Silence across the room. A pen drops somewhere in the
classroom, sounding like a hammer.

'What about darkness, professor. Is there such a
thing as darkness?'

'Yes,' the professor replies without hesitation.
'What is night if it isn't darkness?'

'You're wrong again, sir. Darkness is not
something; it is the absence of something. You can
have low light, normal light, bright light, flashing light, but
if you have no light constantly you have nothing and
it's called darkness, isn't it? That's the meaning
we use to define the word.'

'In reality, darkness isn't. If it were, you would
be able to make darkness darker, wouldn't you?'

The professor begins to smile at the student in front
of him. This will be a good semester.
'So what point are you making, young man?'

'Yes, professor. My point is, your philosophical
premise is flawed to start with, a nd so your
conclusion must also be flawed.'

The professor's face cannot hide his surprise this
time. 'Flawed? Can you explain how?'

'You are working on the premise of duality,' the
student explains.. 'You argue that there is life
and then there's death; a good God and a bad God. You
are viewing the concept of God as something finite,
something we can measure. Sir, science can't even explain a
thought.'

'It uses electricity and magnetism, but has never seen,
much less fully understood either one. To view death
as the opposite of life is to be ignorant of the fact that
death cannot exist as a substantive thing.
Death is not the opposite of life, just the absence of it.'

'Now tell me, professor. Do you teach your students
that they evolved from a monkey?'

'If you are referring to the natural evolutionary
process, young man, yes, of course I do.'

'Have you ever observed evolution with your own eyes, sir?'

The professor begins to shake his head, still smiling,
as a very good semester, indeed.

'Since no one has ever observed the process of
evolution at work and cannot even prove that this
process is an on-going endeavor, are you not teaching your
opinion, sir? Are you now not a scientist, but a preacher?'

The class is in uproar. The student remains silent
until the commotion has subsided.

'To continue the point you were making earlier to the
other student, let me give you an example of what I mean.'

The student looks around the room. 'Is there anyone in
the class who has ever seen the professor's brain?'
The class breaks out into laughter.

'Is there anyone here who has ever heard the
professor's brain, felt the professor's brain,
touched or smelled the professor's brain? No one
appears to have done so. So, according to the established
rules of empirical, stable, demonstrable protocol, science says
that you have no brain, with all due respect, sir.'

'So if science says you have no brain, how can we
trust your lectures, sir?'

Now the room is silent. The professor just stares at
the student, his face unreadable.

Finally, after what seems an eternity, the old man
answers.

'I guess you'll have to take them on faith.'
'Now, you accept that there is faith, and, in fact,
faith exists with life,' the student continues.
'Now, sir, is there such a thing as evil?'

Now uncertain, the professor responds, 'Of course,
there is. We see it everyday It is in the daily
example of man's inhumanity to man. It is in the multitude
of crime and violence everywhere in the world. These
manifestations are nothing else but evil.'

To this the student replied, 'Evil does not exist
sir, or at least it does not exist unto itself. Evil is
simply the absence of God. It is just like darkness and cold,
a word that man has created to describe the absence of God.
God did not create evil.

Evil is the result of what happens when man does not have
God's love present in his heart. It's like the cold
that comes when there is no heat or the darkness that
comes when there is no light.'

The professor sat down.

The student was Albert Einstein. Albert Einstein did
write a book titled God vs. Science in 1921.


"For we walk by faith, not by sight." (2 Corinthians 5:7)

A Six Year Old's Battle

Written by M. Mendonca

Cross Post from Saved by Faith [blog site]

I was six years old, and it was a true battle. A steadfast wind swept over the ocean and ordered an army of waves to storm the beach as if it was Normandy in 1944. The waves crashed and receded; water lurked ever more closely to the castle walls. I had spent the entire afternoon skillfully constructing my masterpiece out of sand, just as Brunelleschi had spent years constructing his Florentine dome, and I refused to acknowledge the fact that the ocean could deliver a sweeping and fatal blow in an instant. There was a large outer wall with towers erected at each corner, a neat bridge made of palms which connected the barbican to the bailey, and a deep that stood majestically at the castle’s center. Surely, this beach had never seen a finer structure.

With futile efforts, I tried to save my castle from the wrath of the sea and began to quickly pile sand into a makeshift wall in an attempt to divert the water. However, each time I reached down to scoop another bucketful of sand onto the wall, the ocean crashed down and dissolved it in an instant. Eventually, the relentless waters reached the castle walls and began to undo the tedious work I had done. Within moments, my castle was gone without a trace, and all that was left was a smooth patch of sand where it once stood.

I felt terrible; all of my hard work was ruined. I looked out onto the ocean as the waves crashed upon the shore and the water wrapped around my feet as if it were mocking my pitiful act of defiance. Rather than giving up and accepting defeat, I resolved to try something new and innovative. I picked up my plastic shovel and began scooping large amounts of dripping wet sand into my plastic bucket. With the bucket full of sand, I walked across the span of the beach to the edge of the dunes and emptied it into a pile. Back and forth, I repeated the tedious work for what seemed like an eternity.

Eventually I had enough sand, and I started to craft a new castle with the same precision I used with the first one. A few more hours went by and a new castle lay in front of me, more majestic and gallant that the first with two towering keeps instead of one. After completing my architectural triumph, I looked at my creation with pride and then over at the treacherous ocean that was sending more waves crashing against the shore. Though the mighty ocean tried, it could not reach my castle walls as I had strategically placed an entire beach between us.

As my family left the beach that day, I looked back at my castle still standing safely distanced from the water’s reach. It was then I realized what determination and persistence could yield. To this day, whenever I feel frustrated and beaten, I remember the day when a headstrong six-year-old conquered the ocean, and thinking of that, nothing seems impossible.

=============================================================
Scriptures That Come to Mind
After Reading This Inspirational Essay...

Romans 2:7
To those who by persistence in doing good seek glory, honor and immortality, he will give eternal life.

Psalm 37:23-24
If the LORD delights in a man's way,
he makes his steps firm;
though he stumble, he will not fall,
for the LORD upholds him with his hand.

Matthew 17:20
"... I tell you the truth, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there' and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you."

Thankful

Cross posting from Saved by Faith [blog site]

THANKFUL:

FOR THE WIFE
WHO SAYS IT'S HOT DOGS TONIGHT,
BECAUSE SHE IS HOME WITH ME,
AND NOT OUT WITH SOMEONE ELSE.


FOR THE HUSBAND
WHO IS ON THE SOFA
BEING A COUCH POTATO,
BECAUSE HE IS HOME WITH ME
AND NOT OUT AT THE BARS.


FOR THE TEENAGER
WHO IS COMPLAINING ABOUT DOING DISHES
BECAUSE IT MEANS SHE IS AT HOME,
NOT ON THE STREETS.


FOR THE TAXES I PAY
BECAUSE IT MEANS I AM EMPLOYED.


FOR THE MESS TO CLEAN AFTER A PARTY
BECAUSE IT MEANS I HAVE BEEN SURROUNDED BY FAMILY AND FRIENDS.


FOR THE CLOTHES THAT FIT A LITTLE TOO SNUG
BECAUSE IT MEANS I HAVE ENOUGH TO EAT.


FOR MY SHADOW THAT WATCHES ME WORK
BECAUSE IT MEANS I AM OUT IN THE SUNSHINE


FOR A LAWN THAT NEEDS MOWING,
WINDOWS THAT NEED CLEANING, AND GUTTERS THAT NEED FIXING
BECAUSE IT MEANS I HAVE A HOME


FOR ALL THE COMPLAINING I HEAR ABOUT THE GOVERNMENT
BECAUSE IT MEANS WE HAVE FREEDOM OF SPEECH.


FOR THE PARKING SPOT
I FIND AT THE FAR END OF THE PARKING LOT
BECAUSE IT MEANS I AM CAPABLE OF WALKING AND I HAVE BEEN BLESSED WITH TRANSPORTATION


FOR MY HUGE HEATING BILL
BECAUSE IT MEANS I AM WARM.


FOR THE LADY BEHIND ME IN CHURCH
WHO SINGS OFF KEY BECAUSE IT MEANS I CAN HEAR.


FOR THE PILE OF LAUNDRY AND IRONING
BECAUSE IT MEANS WE HAVE PLENTY OF CLOTHES TO WEAR.


FOR WEARINESS AND ACHING MUSCLES
AT THE END OF THE DAY
BECAUSE IT MEANS I HAVE BEEN CAPABLE OF WORKING HARD.


FOR THE ALARM THAT GOES OFF IN THE EARLY MORNING HOURS
BECAUSE IT MEANS I AM ALIVE!!!.

Jehovah-Rapha, the Lord our Healer

Written by: Saved By Faith

My daughter has had 6 surgeries on her right ear in 4 years. Within the past year alone, she’s had 3 of them… in Aug, Nov & May. She’s been through a lot physically and yet she hasn’t lost faith. She continues to believe that God will heal her of her ear problems and she will live a joyous, healthy life. During these times, I’ve asked friends and family to pray for her, played a healing CD for her, and asked my church to pray for her as well. Her last surgery was a success!! For the first time ever, Veronica has normal hearing!! Thank you Jesus!!!

… 5 months later we encounter a problem… she has a bad infection in her left ear… in her “good” ear. So far she’s been every week to the doctors, 3 weeks in a row, ear drops and a change of antibiotics. I pray that this doesn’t turn into the trouble she had with her right ear. Although she is brave and full of faith and reassurance, it is very difficult to grasp the fact that she has fallen ill again. And so we continue to pray. And so this article is written.

We know our God to be merciful and compassionate. We’ve read countless stories of His healings and miracles. We know that God is Jehovah-Rapha, the Lord our Healer. So the big question that has been asked is, knowing that He heals, why are some still plagued with illness?

The first thing we have to acknowledge is that God can and does heal. “for I am the LORD, who heals you” (Exodus 15:26). God’s will is to heal our physical body. He doesn’t want us to suffer with sickness and disease. One thing He asks of us is faith… faith in Him; Jehovah-Rapha. We might try to understand why but we must always remember that His ways are higher than ours. And in understanding this, we accept that God has full authority over all sickness and can choose to heal whenever and whomever He chooses. We must also understand that sometimes God allows us to have sickness so that will we look to Him for His strength and power. The sickness can teach us a valuable lesson about our faith.

"To keep me from becoming conceited because of these surpassingly great revelations, there was given me a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong." (2 Corinthians 12:7-10)

Let’s read that again… "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Do you hear how divine that is?! Our Lord is His strongest in our weakest moments. He does not leave us to wallow in our pain. He does not leave us to cower in our affliction. Instead, the Lord says that His grace is sufficient and far more than we can ever hope or imagine. He will free us of our ailments if we fully surrender ourselves to Him.

"It was good for me to be afflicted so that I might learn your decrees." (Psalm 119:71)

"We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they are good for us - they help us learn to endure." (Romans 5:3)

Why are some still plagued with illness? I know for my daughter it is because God uses these medical problems to strengthen her. It has drawn us closer not only to one another but also to God. We have experienced and learned so much in this time and one thing is for certain… we will only receive God’s mercy if we surrender to Him. We pray a little longer. Pray a little louder. Pray more often. We continuously thank God for all He’s given us and for being with us at all times, regardless of circumstance. We thank Him for bringing us through this storm, directing us to safety; steering my precious daughter to a healthier life.

"My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness."
How beautiful these words are. How dear we hold them.

Insults, Rumors & Gossip

Written by: Saved By Faith

“Did you hear? ...”
“You didn’t hear it from me but…”
“Someone told me that….”

We’ve all been there before, either saying it or listening to it. Gossiping, exchanging stories, talking about someone, whatever you want to call it. But what exactly did you get from it? Do you still see that person the same way, without judging them? Can that information be used to lift them up? Or did it damage their reputation? Hurt them? Or maybe hurt you?

… Sticks and stones may break my bones but names will never hurt me…

We’ve all been here before too but how true is this statement? Let’s break this down:

Sticks and stones may break my bones… very true. That pain fades and the wounds eventually heal.

… but names will never hurt me… not true. Name calling or negative comments affect someone much longer than a cut, scrape or bruise. All it takes is for someone to say something negative, a sarcastic remark, discouraging word for us to be knocked down. It only takes one word to put a hole in your heart. For example, Karen Carpenter (from the popular 1970s duo, the Carpenters) died from anorexia at 32. Her obsession with her weight started after an article called her “Richard’s chubby sister.” 1 word had impacted her life and brought her to an early death.

What a lot of people don’t realize is that speaking badly to/about someone and gossiping, are sins. The bible clearly states that one of the steps we must take in order to stay rooted in His word is watching what or how we speak.

Proverbs 10:19
“Too much talk leads to sin. Be sensible and keep your mouth shut.”

Proverbs 15:4
“Gentle words are a tree of life; a deceitful tongue crushes the spirit.”

Our mouth is a weapon to be used with God’s intention – to uplift one another! To speak the Word, give Him praise, and share our testimonies with others. He did not intend for us to use our words to hurt one another, rather as a sword to cut at the enemy’s attacks. In this time of battle we must choose our words wisely. As Christians it is our responsibility to uplift our brothers and sisters, sharing in the joys that our beloved Father has given us. Rejoice in the Lord! Speak of His goodness! Help bring others to Him, leaving all insecurities, negativity, and problems at His feet.

Proverbs: 16:24
"Pleasant words are as a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones".

Please read: Psalm 34:13, Psalm 39:1, Proverb 13:3, Proverb 15:4, Proverb17:20, Proverb21:23, 2 Timothy 2:16

Show Me A Sign!

Just as God created trees, He created us to be rooted too. Rooted in His word. Rooted in His faith and love. Many are quick to question whether or not He's there for them. Many say, "Well, if God was there then why would he let that happen to me?" Sometimes we have to go through certain struggles in order to continue on the righteous path. Sometimes these struggles are used to humble us or remind us of the walk we should be taking as Christians. In order to truly survive these trials, we must be firm in our walk...

Ephesians 3:17
"so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love,"

Colossians 2:6-7
"So then, just as you received Christ Jesus as Lord, continue to live in him, rooted and built up in him, strengthened in the faith as you were taught, and overflowing with thankfulness."

... we must be planted on His rock.

Deuteronomy 32:4
"He is the Rock, his works are perfect, and all his ways are just. A faithful God who does no wrong, upright and just is he."

Are you waiting for a sign to follow Our Heavenly Father? Look around you. See all that our Lord has created for us; all of the beauty and wonderment that surrounds us, from the rising of the sun to the setting of the moon. He is always with us. The Spirit is inside us, placed there by God at the moment of our salvation.

1 Corinthians 3:16
Romans 8:9
Ephesians 2:22
1 John 3:24

(prayer) When we look at your world, mighty God, we see how marvelous it has been created. When we look for your kingdom, we find that we have not lived as you and your Son Jesus have taught. Help us to create a kingdom on earth where unconditional love overcomes. Amen.

Saved by Faith

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You Are Forgiven!

Have you ever beat yourself up for something you’ve done? Ever remember a past experience and say, “I wish I hadn’t done that!” or asked yourself, “What if?” Are you meditating on your past sins (lying, alcohol, drugs, premarital sex, etc.). There may even be people who talk about the old you. I know that hurts. You do not have to be under condemnation. One very important thing we must remember as Christians is that God has forgiven us for our sins when we excepted Jesus Christ as your Savior. Sometimes we may fall but continue to lay your wrongdoings down at His feet and ask for his mercy and our Merciful Lord will give the gift of forgiveness! Look at the scriptures below:

Psalm 79:9
Help us, O God our Savior, for the glory of your name; deliver us and forgive our sins for your name's sake.

Psalm 65:3
When we were overwhelmed by sins, you forgave our transgressions.

Jeremiah 33:8
I will cleanse them from all the sin they have committed against me and will forgive all their sins of rebellion against me.

God gave his only begotten son for us. We are made right with God by Jesus Christ’s suffering and death. And His resurrection was God's seal of approval of the fact that His precious blood was sufficient to pay for our sins. You have peace with your Creator! You have found everlasting life! Always remember, God will never leave you nor forsake you (Deuteronomy 31:6). He has brought you this far and He will complete the wonderful work He has begun in you. God knows your every thought, your every care and your deepest concerns. Your concerns will fade if you believe, trust and honor Him.

Continue your journey with Christian values. Always to live life in a godly manner, making Him #1 in your life. (Titus 2:11-13)


Please take a moment and read Psalm 103:8-18 & 1 Corinthians 10:13

Saved By Faith

Happy moment, Praise God
Difficult moments, Seek God
Quiet moments, Worship God
Painful moments, Trust God
Every moment, Thank God
(excerpt from ‘Company You Keep’)

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Saved by Faith's Testimony

Hi, my name is Saved by Faith and I want to share my story with you. I’m a single mother of 2 children. My teenage years were filled with turmoil. At the age of 12, I met someone in my neighborhood that absolutely intrigued me. I knew he was trouble but pursued him anyway… he was always on the street, drinking, drugging, and committing different crimes (vandalism, stealing cars, dealing drugs & more). We started dating later that year, soon after my 13th birthday. It didn’t take long for me to succumb to his disobedient ways. At 13 yrs old, I lost my virginity. Aside from having unprotected sex, I started sneaking out, stealing my mother’s car, missing school and fighting. I thought I knew everything. I thought nothing bad could or would happen to me. Within 1 year, my boyfriend went from nice and attentive to abusive. He would constantly put me down, calling me all types of derogatory names. He also put his hands on me a few times. Drugs, drinking and jail became his everyday life.

My freshman year of high school was chaotic, dealing with the verbal and physical abuse. Trying to keep it from my family was even harder than before. My mom heard the senseless arguments and saw me in constant tears. I was so disgusted with myself and the lack of love and attention I wasn’t getting that one night I drowned my sorrows with 23 pills. It was a serious cry for help. By the time my mother knew what had happened, I was only a few hours away from death. I was hospitalized for a few days and given a psychiatric evaluation. I needed to talk with someone but didn’t feel like there was anyone that would listen or understand. I felt so alone.

My sophomore year seemed a little better. I didn’t get into trouble at school and my grades improved, but I was still wreckless. I was still with my abusive boyfriend and right around the holidays we found out I was pregnant. 15 and pregnant. I thought it was all going to be fine. We would have a baby and we would live happily ever after. But that wasn’t the case. My mom gave me an ultimatum that really left me no choice but to terminate the pregnancy. I spiraled into a whirlwind of resentment, anger, and depression.

My junior year of high school started out with me finding out I’m pregnant. That was a wake up call for me. I focused on school again, getting my grades back to As & Bs and graduated the next year, ranking 97 out of 800. I also realized that I was worth so much more than the abuse I was enduring and definitely didn’t want my baby to grow up with that… so I finally left my son’s father.

After high school, I took a few semesters of college before deciding that money and partying was more important than my education. My mom practically raised my son for the next 2 yrs, as I filled my days & nights with partying and drugs. At 21, my son’s father got out of prison (again) and we decided to get back together. Within months, I was pregnant again so we decided to move into our own place.

During my pregnancy, my son and I dealt with different kinds of abuse from him… alcoholism, drug abuse, verbal and emotional abuse and neglect. While I dedicated my life to my family, home and work, he indulged in cocaine, marijuana, drinking & affairs. My son was verbally and physically abused by his father. And I, the same. Nothing had changed. Several months after having my daughter, the kids and I moved out on our own. I partied for a few more years, convincing myself that the partying would make me feel better. This brought me to drinking, non-stop partying and promiscuity. All of this was a mask for my insecurities and self-doubt. It consumed me, straying me farther from my children. Finally tired of the guilt, I got my life back on track, went back to school and started going to church.

Working full time, attending school part-time, and trying to bring me & my family closer to God… that’s what my life is about now. I received my Associates degree a few years ago and am working on my Bachelors degree now. The years of rebellion, the times of not having self-worth… that’s behind me now. I’m raising a teenage boy and a young girl on my own and ask the Lord for His guidance everyday. God has shown me that life has so much to offer when you follow His word. Our journeys are never easy. We are tested everyday to make the right decisions, from something as simple as choosing the right words to say or the right reaction to have to something as complex as picking your friends/company wisely or overcoming peer pressure. God did not guarantee an easy road to travel but the fruits of our labor, as long as we trust and follow Him, will be more rewarding than words could ever express.