He Said I Should Lose Weight..I've Been Crying Over This Situation

Anonymous said...

Hi... i just need some advice. im in love with this guy who has been my friend for a few years.
we go to church 2gether and our spiritual lives with God is first. we pray, read the bible, fast, and worship 2gether. weve been praying to see if God wants us 2 get married since we believe we are ready and are old enough to. Bt theres one thing that he has recently told me that has put a bit of doubt in me. He told me that i should lose some weight. Though i am not obese and i dont have self-esteem issues. i take care of myself and present myself well. he says he had a picture of how his wife would look and that he always saw her "fit". im a curvy girl and i accept that. he says its for health issues (which i understand) but i also feel that he should love me for me...
i dont know??? this has caused me to wonder if he TRULY loves me and ive just been crying over this situation. please pray for me and i hope u can give me any advice God reveals 2 u...
thank u!

Beloved by Him replies..

Dear Sister in Christ,

I know how heartbreaking it is to doubt this man’s love for you. One of the worst feelings in the world is when someone that we love makes us feel inadequate, even if they did it unintentionally. We’re hurt by their judgement and lack of appreciation for who we are, and worried about how they will understand and accept us in the future. It’s particularly distressing when the issue is over appearance and weight. The enemy has such a deceptive stronghold over society’s ideal of physical perfection, sometimes it’s all a woman can do to hang on to her self-esteem without giving in to some form of self-loathing. When we’re put on the defensive by remarks from someone close to us, it makes it that much harder to bear.

You, however, need to hold your hear and your heart high, because you are and always will be a glorious daughter of the King of Kings (Ps. 45:13)! He created you fearfully and wonderfully (Ps. 139:14), and you are beautiful to Him. He doesn’t attribute your value to something as finite as your fleshly body; He treasures your spirit and the heart you have for Him. That’s what makes you precious in His eyes (I Peter 3:4). We’re not supposed to tell Him what we think we should look like, or disagree with His design. Who are we to not appreciate and reverence the way that He created us? He took the dust of the earth and made us into the work of His hand (Is. 64:8). We might as well pick apart a sunset or a rainbow! All of His works, including you, were made with wisdom (Ps. 104:24). You are a Masterpiece!

Our bodies and spirits are designed to glorify God (Ps. 108:1, I Cor. 6:20). This is both a privilege and a responsibility, as part of our sanctification process. Caring for the temple of the Holy Spirit (which we are–I Cor.6:19) requires discipline, faithfulness, humility, wisdom, and strength. The Lord wants us to commit to a lifestyle of healthy choices, both physically and spiritually. We see this in 3 John 2, which says, “Beloved, I pray that you would prosper and be in good health, even as your soul prospers.” He wants His people to be an accurate reflection of the work of His Holy Spirit in them. We don’t have to be perfect, but we do need to submit to His leading as HE reveals His good will for our lives. We need to strive to please Him, not to conform to this world or its false ideals and idols (Romans 12:1-2, Gal. 1:10, I John 2:15-17).

You need to be confident and comfortable with who you are in the Lord. Instead of worrying about what this young man is thinking, use this as an opportunity to pray and ask God if there are any areas of your life, spiritually or physically, that you can improve upon. If there is, He will show you, without making you feel ashamed or guilty (James 1:5). This way, you are not making any changes in your life based on the faulty perceptions of human thinking. You already seem to have a devoted walk with him, and until now, you were content with what He has made you to be. These things are so pleasing to Him! (Heb. 13:5) Maybe the Lord has allowed this situation in order for you to draw closer to Him so that HE can reinforce in your spirit all of the good thoughts He has toward you (Ps. 139:17-18, Jer. 29:11). This assurance of His abiding love will make you irresistible for all of the right reasons, as people are drawn to the light of His life in you (Matt. 5:14, John 8:12).

This is where your boyfriend’s focus seems to be askew. If the two of you are seriously considering marriage, then he should be following the example of Christ’s love for the church, building you up with nurturing and caring actions, not comparing you to some ideal he has idolized in his mind (Eph. 5:28-29). He should want you to be in the best health so that you can have a long, joyful life together (Eccl. 9:9), not as a condition of marriage. Real love does not seek its own interests, but also the interests of others (I Cor. 13:5). If he is encouraging you to participate in activities that you enjoy on your own or with him, then that’s honorable. But if he wants a woman who will simply look good on his arm and make him feel a false sense of security or pride, while sacrificing her true happiness, welfare, or identity in Christ, then he has departed from his job as the spiritual leader in the relationship (Eph. 5:25-30). I don’t want to be too hard on him, because men have been fed the same cultural garbage that women have. I hope that if he flaws in his thinking, that the Lord changes his heart and enlightens his eyes. But after having been the recipient of years’ worth of supposedly “helpful” or “innocent” comments about my weight from my parents, I can tell you it was much less about my health and more a reflection of their flawed thinking and the wrong standards it created. Don’t turn aside to the destructive power of those lies (Ps. 40:4). If the Lord has created you to be more fuller-figured, be thankful. King Solomon wrote the Song of Solomon about his beloved, a woman who was adored by him for her rounded navel and curved thighs. This woman had a figure, and he loved it! Your future husband will love your figure, too. He will have a God-given desire for you that positively ravishes him! (Song of Solomon 4:9, 7:1-2) Don’t settle for a lesser relationship; stand firm and trust in God’s perfect timing (Ps.18:30).

Dear sister, find your identity in Christ alone (Gal. 2:19-20). Be a proverbial woman who exercises her body as well as her mind and God-given talents (Prov. 31:10-31). Let the power of the Holy Spirit give you self-control, boldness, and a mind that is at peace and focused on the Lord (Is. 26:3, Gal.5:23-24). Live a well-balanced life and enjoy all that God has blessed you with (Eccl. 5:18). Eat wisely of the good things that He has provided (Ps.103:5, Prov. 13:25), and grow in His grace and knowledge so that you can be spiritually full with His fullness(John 1:16, Eph. 3:19). He loves you so much, and so do the women of WeUsed2bu. :)

I Like Him But He's Not Christian

A MySpace Friend Wrote: I'm writing to you because I've read your bulletines and they've helped me...

but now i have this problem&seems harder than what i really thought.

Almost all my life i was raised in the gospel,i know right from wrong. I know that God is our only true love.

We've always been taught, keep yourself pure until the day you get married, do not set eyes on an unbeliever, watch what you do and say at all times and respresent Christ in everything you do. That never really seemed like a problem until now that I started college. The trials have gotten bigger, the struggles are harder and I've come to a point where I feel as if i can't go on anymore....I am so in need of God. I've gotten so caught up in the things of the world and put God to a side without realizing it until now.

I'm broken and in need of a savior. I've always been one to give advice and live by it until it happened to me....not too long ago i met this guy and things were good and he's nice,funny,sweet,handsome but he is NOT a christian. I didn't realize how much time i was giving him and not God.

I really do like him though,but I know that we can't be together because we don't have to same beliefs but when i'm with him its as if nothing matters and i wouldnt rather be in any other place but i know better, i know better than to set eyes on an unbeliever but i dont know whats happened....

I havent forgotten God, i haven't, but I don't feel Him like before. And my soul yearns for him....but my flesh desires worldy things. Though i haven't done anything wrong with this guy...and everything feels right when i'm with him when i go to church or talk to my pastor for some reason i feel ashamed....i feel dirty and i dont know why. I know i'm wrong,i know that God has promised great things for me, i just feel like i cant let go of this guy because he's good to me and doesn't deserve me to break his heart bc i know what that feels like......so i write to you today, asking you for help...asking you for prayer.
I dont know what to do...?????
Can you help me?

Response: Hi. I’m glad our bulletins have been helpful to you and I pray that God gives me the words to help you with your dilemma.

I understand your situation and have been there. It’s so easy to be consumed with worldly things. And it’s also common for people to say they’re not sure if they’re as close to God because they don’t “feel” Him. As Christians we have to remember that serving our Lord isn’t a feeling. It’s a way of being. God knows that we’re full of human emotions and reactions. And for that reason He gives us certain tangible revelations or situations where we can “feel” His presence. But feeling is not what we should go by…we should go by faith and know that our Heavenly Father is with us at all times. Everyday we have to choose to serve Him.

About your friend… Distractions are placed in our lives to steer us away from God. It’s up to us to decide whether or not to do so. Sometimes these distractions are nice, funny, sweet and even handsome… just as someone we pray for our Lord to bring into our lives. But meeting them might not be for what we think. It could be a test of self control, faith, endurance, humility. When you really dedicate yourself to the Lord you have to sacrifice certain things. And at times sacrificing these worldly things seems tougher than we’ve imagined. But you have to stay strong. Take a couple of steps back, even if it’s difficult. When you take those steps back from your new friend, you will see they are actually steps forward… forward towards God again. You know in your heart that you’ve turned away from your true love and the Holy Spirit is ministering to you from within to look for Him again, as in the story of David (please read Psalm 51).

I will pray for your strength and endurance within Christ to steer you back to Jehovah-Machsi, the Lord my Refuge.

Saved By Faith

PS - The women of WeUsed2bu love and care about your eternal soul. Therefore, we must tell you that there will be a day when each of us will have to stand before God and be judged for all we have done on this earth. To find out how you can have right standing with God CLICK HERE

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Our Appearance

Written by: Blessed and Highly Favored

Am I really trying to be all that?

The other day I was channel surfing with the remote, so bored with what was supposed to entertain me. I decided to peep at MTV real quick. I used to watch it a lot, especially when it first was broadcasting (yes, I am that old). Anyway, about 15 seconds into a video I was so shocked at what I saw. This is NOT the MTV I remember! My goodness, these women, I mean girls were dancing around looking like monkeys, ready to shake their booty and their racks for any dude in baggy pants who happened to cruise by. I had to check the cable, ‘cause maybe I made a mistake and got the Playboy pay-for-view channel, or something. Nope, this is MTV now. So I decided to flip it VH1, and don’t you know I saw the same video playing AGAIN! What are the chances? Flip to BET and there’s the same “artist” supposedly doing a different song, but it looked all the same. I just turned off the TV. I couldn’t watch it anymore.

What kind of culture we have become?If I was from another planet, and had no frame of reference as to the people from earth, except from what I saw on TV, what would my opinion be? First, that females on earth, hardly wear any clothes, are so skinny a cannibal would pass them up, have messed up hair, dance like having sex, booty shake and gyrate on and about usually one or two of the ugliest dudes who need a trip to the store to find some Granimals and a belt. I saw women as entertainment; no different from dancing monkeys. I didn’t see their minds, their hearts, their souls, their education; all I saw was a sacrifice of flesh being laid on the altar of advertising.

See here’s the deal. The people who make the decisions about the videos think you are all pigs. And pigs will eat anything you put in front of them. These producer’s kids go to exclusive private schools in other countries, far from the pig trough they want you to fill up on. They have bodyguards and security details to keep you far from them because you might contaminate them with their own stuff. And it doesn’t stop there. They bring on designers, and fashionistas to shape perceptions directly related to the videos. “Be like Mike” wear his shoes. “Be cool like P Diddy” wear Sean John. “Smell like J-Lo.” Oh for real???? Why is it so important to be like someone else?

Now girls, my head is not in the sand, and I’m not talking about putting burlap sacks on y’all and having you wear boots. God has created in us all the beauty we need; but it comes from inside, not from a bottle or a store. His Holy Spirit who dwells in us is a light, a spiritually dynamic force and is very attractive. As we submit to Jesus Christ, His Spirit develops in us character, and fruit. He wants us to seek His approval, not the approval of MTV, VH1 or BET! We are not pigs, or animals for that fact.

Jesus has a much higher calling for us that does not require us to give ourselves away for the sake of being eye candy. Respect yourself! Be Holy! (Leviticus 11:44, 1 Peter 1:15, 16) It’s okay to wear make-up, and to dress NICELY. Just be modest and remember you are a daughter of the Most High G-d, heavenly royalty, being cultivated into the kind of woman G-d wants you to be from the inside out. Let Him do His work, you be obedient, and TURN OFF THE TV!



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Who Are You Really?

Written by Daughter of The King

Let me start by telling you who I am. I’m a princess, I’m beautiful, I’m the apple of my father’s eye and I’m his cherished treasure.

Before you start thinking I have a big ego let me explain.
When I was a little girl I had a verbally abusive father, he called me every name in the book. By the time I was a teenager I felt worthless because I believed every hurtful word he said to me. Believing my father’s lies led me to make some poor choices and along with those choices came some painful consequences.

It took me a long time to realize that I was listening to the wrong father; maybe you have been too. If we look to our heavenly father for our identity this is what he tells us:

All verses taken from The Message version of the bible.

He shaped us in our mother’s womb, and we are marvelous inside and out! – Psalm 139: 13,14

We are His cherished treasure – Deut. 7:16

He thinks we’re beautiful – Song of Solomon 1:15

We are His child (daughter) – Romans 8:16

The bible even tells us that we are “the apple of His eye…” Zech. 2:8

Ladies don’t spend another minute believing the put downs from those around you. Now, repeat after me: I’m beautiful, I’m the apple of my father’s eye, I’m his cherished treasure and I’m a princess because I am a daughter of the Almighty King.