I Have Two Questions..My Boyfriend & Autistic Son

Sister writes from workrelease...

My boyfriend asked me to get a breast reduction to satisfy him sexually once we get married. I told him at first that it was very disrespectful to ask me that and he got upset. What do I do? Do what he wants or let him go? Shouldn't be that he loves me for who I am no matter how big I am?

Second question..

My best friend has been taking care of my son since he was two days old. My son is also autistic. She asked me this past weekend if I would let her and her husband adopt him. I don't know if I should or shouldn't. When I get home he would be with them for four years. I mean would I be helping him or harming him. If I let them adopt him or I get him back with me?

Also can you please give me information on autistic children?

Beloved By Him replies...

Dear Sister in Christ,

First I want to thank you for your questions. I can see that you’ve been through a lot, and yet you’ve got a long road ahead of you. I want to encourage you and assure you that the Lord will always be there to love you, give you guidance and wisdom, and give you strength. I’ve enclosed an index card that you can read when you need a good word. On one side is this verse, “Have I not commanded you? Be strong and of good courage; do not be afraid, nor be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.” (Joshua 1:9) On the back is another reminder of His love for you, “For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things to come, nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” (Romans 8:38-39) You can trust in His promises, and if you build your life on Christ, you will have an unshakable foundation, no matter what comes your way (I Cor. 3:11).

In the first part of your letter, you talked about how your boyfriend wants you to get a breast reduction, so that you can satisfy him sexually once you two are married. I don’t see anything in the Bible that supports this line of thinking. If anything, a husband is supposed to have a God-given desire for his wife and her body. God didn’t make you imperfectly, He made you fearfully and wonderfully, to be appreciated and loved by the man who will be proud to say and show that he loves you (Ps. 139:14, Song of Sol. 2:4). Your future husband should have your best interests—your feelings, your self-esteem—in mind, and he should think of your needs as more important than his own. He should actually be reflecting Christ Himself with his behavior, willing to lay down his life for you, and covering you with the Word of God (Eph. 5:25-33). If you go all the way back to the first husband and wife, Adam and Eve, the Bible says that they were “naked and not ashamed.” (Gen. 2:24-25) That’s the way God intended a married man and woman to be able to relate to each other before sin entered the world: Without shame and in full acceptance of how the other person looks as created by God. In the Bible, in the book of Song of Solomon, there are several references to the husband being totally thrilled with his wife’s body, and specifically her breasts (Song of Solomon 4:5, 7: 3, 10:10). In chapter 7 verses 7-8, he refers to her stature (her body) as being like a palm tree, and her breasts like clusters. Hmm...what kind of clusters does a palm tree have? Coconuts! (Lol) It shouldn't matter what size chest you have--the Bible tells a husband to be satisfied with his wife's breasts at all times (Prov. 5:19). Your boyfriend’s thinking is wrong. Real love is not rude or self-seeking (I Cor. 13:5). Before you go any further with this guy, you need to pray for the Lord to show you if this person truly is the one He wants you to marry. Has he accepted Christ as His Savior? Is he committed to living his life for the Lord? It’s not looking right now like his priorities are in the right place, and Matt. 17:16 says that “by their fruits you will know them.” Pray and ask the Lord for His wisdom regarding what you need to do. It might be that Jesus wants you to be only His girl right now. He may want you to be focused on only Him, letting Him show you how much He loves you and what His plans are for your life. It’s a lot easier to give God your attention when you’re single, and not worried about pleasing a husband, especially one who is not a mature Christian (I Cor. 7:32,34-35). Please make sure that you wait for the Lord to give you His wisdom before you move ahead in this relationship (James 1:5-6).

The other question you asked was about your son, and the decision you have to make regarding whether or not to let your best friend adopt him. I honestly don’t know what God’s will is for you regarding this situation, but I will try to scripturally present a view of both sides to help provide some wisdom for you. First of all, children are a blessing and a reward from God (Ps. 127:3). The Lord saw fit in His grace to give you a son, because He knew that you were the one who could love Him the way that He would—by laying your life down for him. It’s a matter of letting Him show you the way He wants you to do that. If you allow your friend to adopt him, then you will have to ask God for the grace and strength to let him go, and if you take custody back, then you will have to sacrifice your life to serve him and the specific needs of his disability. I know how hard this decision is to have to make. I also know that God will show you what to do: “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make straight your paths” (Prov. 3:5-6).

Biblically, adoption was often a blessing to the child. Some examples of successful adoption were Esther, who was adopted by her uncle Mordecai after her parents died. He was a God-fearing man, and the Lord honored him and her by making her queen of Persia and using her to save the Jews under her husband’s rule. Moses was adopted by Pharaoh’s daughter, and made a prince of Egypt, but God didn’t leave him there. He called him away from the palace and used him to free his people and bring them out of Egypt to the edge of the Promised Land. Jesus Himself was adopted by Joseph, fulfilling biblical prophecy as the adoption gave Jesus legal claim to the Davidic throne. Adoption should benefit your child by blessing him with a spiritual and family heritage. You have to know that the family honors God and follows Christ, so that you are confident that they will rear him in His love and by His will. By assuring this for him, you would also be giving him your own godly legacy. In addition, there is his autism to consider. Autistic children can have difficulty with environmental stimulation, and it may be detrimental to him if his surroundings change. You need to consider how much care he will require based on the severity of his disability. Are you in the position to give him both emotional and financial support? Are you prepared and committed to put his needs above your own?

These are tremendous considerations, but we serve a God who is greater than the impossible (Matt. 19:26). If the Lord leads you to keep custody of your son, He is the source of all the love and strength you will need to take care of him ( II Tim. 1:7, I John 4:7). By His Holy Spirit, you can be “strengthened with all might, according to His glorious power, for all patience and longsuffering with joy” (Col. 1:11). He will provide all your needs according to His riches in glory (Phil. 4:19), and will help you and uphold you with His righteous right hand (Is. 41:10). If, however, He asks you to release your child into your friend’s care, He will be your Comforter as you mourn the loss of his presence, and He will restore and heal your heart (Ps. 147:3, Matt. 5:14).

Dear sister,

I pray in the name of Jesus, our Savior and King, that He pours out His love and hope in your heart, by the Holy Spirit Who lives in us, and that He gives you the peace that passes understanding so that you know without any fear that He loves you and will work all of this together for good (Romans 5:3-5, 8:28, Phil. 4:7). I know that it’s difficult to look ahead and really believe that you will be able to walk through this valley. I promise you, God is with you, and He will eventually lead you to a place where the waters are still and you have a quiet place of rest (please read Psalms 23 and 107.) I pray that He gives you faith that overcomes the world and moves mountains (I John 5:4, Mark 11:22-24). I know that you can do all things through Him Who gives us strength, and I’m trusting Him to do it in His faithfulness (Phil. 4:13, I Thess. 5:24).

Much love to you in His name,

Beloved By Him

Autism links below

http://www.ninds.nih.gov/disorders/autism/detail_autism.htm?css=print#133853082

http://www.poac.net/

http://www.aacap.org/cs/root/facts_for_families/the_child_with_autism

He Said I Should Lose Weight..I've Been Crying Over This Situation

Anonymous said...

Hi... i just need some advice. im in love with this guy who has been my friend for a few years.
we go to church 2gether and our spiritual lives with God is first. we pray, read the bible, fast, and worship 2gether. weve been praying to see if God wants us 2 get married since we believe we are ready and are old enough to. Bt theres one thing that he has recently told me that has put a bit of doubt in me. He told me that i should lose some weight. Though i am not obese and i dont have self-esteem issues. i take care of myself and present myself well. he says he had a picture of how his wife would look and that he always saw her "fit". im a curvy girl and i accept that. he says its for health issues (which i understand) but i also feel that he should love me for me...
i dont know??? this has caused me to wonder if he TRULY loves me and ive just been crying over this situation. please pray for me and i hope u can give me any advice God reveals 2 u...
thank u!

Beloved by Him replies..

Dear Sister in Christ,

I know how heartbreaking it is to doubt this man’s love for you. One of the worst feelings in the world is when someone that we love makes us feel inadequate, even if they did it unintentionally. We’re hurt by their judgement and lack of appreciation for who we are, and worried about how they will understand and accept us in the future. It’s particularly distressing when the issue is over appearance and weight. The enemy has such a deceptive stronghold over society’s ideal of physical perfection, sometimes it’s all a woman can do to hang on to her self-esteem without giving in to some form of self-loathing. When we’re put on the defensive by remarks from someone close to us, it makes it that much harder to bear.

You, however, need to hold your hear and your heart high, because you are and always will be a glorious daughter of the King of Kings (Ps. 45:13)! He created you fearfully and wonderfully (Ps. 139:14), and you are beautiful to Him. He doesn’t attribute your value to something as finite as your fleshly body; He treasures your spirit and the heart you have for Him. That’s what makes you precious in His eyes (I Peter 3:4). We’re not supposed to tell Him what we think we should look like, or disagree with His design. Who are we to not appreciate and reverence the way that He created us? He took the dust of the earth and made us into the work of His hand (Is. 64:8). We might as well pick apart a sunset or a rainbow! All of His works, including you, were made with wisdom (Ps. 104:24). You are a Masterpiece!

Our bodies and spirits are designed to glorify God (Ps. 108:1, I Cor. 6:20). This is both a privilege and a responsibility, as part of our sanctification process. Caring for the temple of the Holy Spirit (which we are–I Cor.6:19) requires discipline, faithfulness, humility, wisdom, and strength. The Lord wants us to commit to a lifestyle of healthy choices, both physically and spiritually. We see this in 3 John 2, which says, “Beloved, I pray that you would prosper and be in good health, even as your soul prospers.” He wants His people to be an accurate reflection of the work of His Holy Spirit in them. We don’t have to be perfect, but we do need to submit to His leading as HE reveals His good will for our lives. We need to strive to please Him, not to conform to this world or its false ideals and idols (Romans 12:1-2, Gal. 1:10, I John 2:15-17).

You need to be confident and comfortable with who you are in the Lord. Instead of worrying about what this young man is thinking, use this as an opportunity to pray and ask God if there are any areas of your life, spiritually or physically, that you can improve upon. If there is, He will show you, without making you feel ashamed or guilty (James 1:5). This way, you are not making any changes in your life based on the faulty perceptions of human thinking. You already seem to have a devoted walk with him, and until now, you were content with what He has made you to be. These things are so pleasing to Him! (Heb. 13:5) Maybe the Lord has allowed this situation in order for you to draw closer to Him so that HE can reinforce in your spirit all of the good thoughts He has toward you (Ps. 139:17-18, Jer. 29:11). This assurance of His abiding love will make you irresistible for all of the right reasons, as people are drawn to the light of His life in you (Matt. 5:14, John 8:12).

This is where your boyfriend’s focus seems to be askew. If the two of you are seriously considering marriage, then he should be following the example of Christ’s love for the church, building you up with nurturing and caring actions, not comparing you to some ideal he has idolized in his mind (Eph. 5:28-29). He should want you to be in the best health so that you can have a long, joyful life together (Eccl. 9:9), not as a condition of marriage. Real love does not seek its own interests, but also the interests of others (I Cor. 13:5). If he is encouraging you to participate in activities that you enjoy on your own or with him, then that’s honorable. But if he wants a woman who will simply look good on his arm and make him feel a false sense of security or pride, while sacrificing her true happiness, welfare, or identity in Christ, then he has departed from his job as the spiritual leader in the relationship (Eph. 5:25-30). I don’t want to be too hard on him, because men have been fed the same cultural garbage that women have. I hope that if he flaws in his thinking, that the Lord changes his heart and enlightens his eyes. But after having been the recipient of years’ worth of supposedly “helpful” or “innocent” comments about my weight from my parents, I can tell you it was much less about my health and more a reflection of their flawed thinking and the wrong standards it created. Don’t turn aside to the destructive power of those lies (Ps. 40:4). If the Lord has created you to be more fuller-figured, be thankful. King Solomon wrote the Song of Solomon about his beloved, a woman who was adored by him for her rounded navel and curved thighs. This woman had a figure, and he loved it! Your future husband will love your figure, too. He will have a God-given desire for you that positively ravishes him! (Song of Solomon 4:9, 7:1-2) Don’t settle for a lesser relationship; stand firm and trust in God’s perfect timing (Ps.18:30).

Dear sister, find your identity in Christ alone (Gal. 2:19-20). Be a proverbial woman who exercises her body as well as her mind and God-given talents (Prov. 31:10-31). Let the power of the Holy Spirit give you self-control, boldness, and a mind that is at peace and focused on the Lord (Is. 26:3, Gal.5:23-24). Live a well-balanced life and enjoy all that God has blessed you with (Eccl. 5:18). Eat wisely of the good things that He has provided (Ps.103:5, Prov. 13:25), and grow in His grace and knowledge so that you can be spiritually full with His fullness(John 1:16, Eph. 3:19). He loves you so much, and so do the women of WeUsed2bu. :)

I Let Vanity Get To My Head

?????? said...

Hi...I just really need to ask something and in a way blow off some steam!I know this guy from my church and hes a really close friend of mines. But i have a problem. It all started when i recently began to dress more "sexy" and guys began to give me much more notice. Now i believe women should be modest in there appearance, (of course that doesnt mean we should be "frumpie") but there is a limit, and i believe i passed it with my much more tighter and revealing clothes.we go to school together and he noticed that guys started checking me out and flirting with me. he also told me how my whole way of talinkg, acting, and walking became different and that i just became like all the rest of the girls. He admitted to me that it made him upset to know that other guys were flirting with me.I soon realized he was right and that i let vanity get to my head and i turned into a "fashion diva", conforming to the vanity of this world.All thats great but i noticed how he looks at those same "vain" girls and he thinks there pretty. yet when i do it, its SO wrong. Now i do know that i did go overboard and i realize that. But y is it that he not like me 2 do it, but it doesnt matter when other girls do it, and he even thinks there pretty. And whenever a pretty girl walks into the room he looks at them (though he tries not 2, lol)he still does.WHats up with that???

Daughter of The King replies..
Sweetheart, the first thing I want to tell you is that you have a good friend in that young man you’re talking about. He noticed you took a turn in the wrong direction and he cared for you enough to bring it to your attention.

Let me tell you a little bit about men; God created man to be a visually aroused being, he is attracted and excited by the beauty of a woman. He can’t help that, if a pretty girl walks in the room especially if she’s dressed in a sexy manner, believe me he’s going to notice. That does not mean that God allows them to look and stare and create sexual fantasies in their mind, God knows he’ll notice but he does expect him to practice self-control and look away. My husband calls this “bouncing”; once a woman enters the room and catches your attention you bounce you’re eyes somewhere else and you don’t look again. It’s not the first look that gets you into trouble it’s the second and the third look that can start your mind going down the wrong path. You said that he tries not to look at them and let me tell you that girls today make it very difficult for guys to bounce their eyes, it’s great that he’s trying, maybe you can help him by bringing this to his attention the way he did for you. Stop focusing on the pretty girls he notices here and there and realize that he obviously notices you too; he noticed that your clothing changed, he noticed that the way you walked and talked changed, he noticed that you were becoming somebody that you’re not. That’s a lot of noticing if you ask me. He liked you and respected you the way you were; beautiful on the inside and on the outside. Remember there are two types of girls; there’s the type that guys like to look at and “mess around” with and there’s the type they imagine bringing home to meet their mom and marrying one day.

Now I want to get back to you. Why did you start to dress sexy? So sexy that you said you crossed the line? What were your motives? What were you trying to achieve? Did you want to be the center of attention? Were you trying to attract men sexually? It seems to me that you were desperately seeking something or you wouldn’t have gone to such extremes. Pray about it, ask God to reveal to you what is lacking in your life and ask Him to fill that need for you.

One Final thing I want to tell you, did you know that when you dress like that you are helping satan lead the young men that are looking at you astray? As a Christian woman you should be helping the young men around you to focus on God and not help contribute to their impure thoughts. I Corinthians 10:24 (NLT) says:
“Don't think only of your own good. Think of other Christians and what is best for them.”

Sincerely,

Daughter of The King

This Is Not the Life I Want For Myself

A Friend Wrote: Going through some crazy drama and don't even know why. Everything is too much for me that I'm gonna start going to church every sunday starting this sunday coming up, I come to realize that I need god in my life and just need to start my life fresh. This is not the life I want for myself... Been doing a lot of thinking to myself and need to just do and stop thinking so much about it but at times I just feel like given up on myself...

Reply: ... I can understand why you're tired of that way of life. There are so many factors that will rot away at your heart... drinking, sex, surrounding yourself with bad company, to name a few.

I can definitely say that God's made such a big difference in my life and I'm positive He will do the same for you. Knowing that HE loves you unconditionally and accepts you as you are is an incredible feeling! There's no need to feel ashamed or be down on yourself with Christ. Going to church, building a relationship with the Lord is the 1st step towards starting fresh.

I think you have to reconsider how you're spending your free time. Drinking as much as you've been is not good for you. Alcohol may mask your worries, fears & troubles for a little while but it doesn't make them go away. Once you sober up, they are still waiting for you... and you may have a couple of more issues like not remembering what you did while you were drunk. or having to ask other people what you did or didn't do. Or regretting your actions or words.

1 Thessalonians 5:4-8
“You are all children of the light and of the day, and do not belong to darkness and night. So be on your guard not asleep like the others. Watch for his return and stay sober. Night is the time for sleep and the time when people get drunk. But let us who live in the light keep sober..”

About sex... You body is as sacred as a temple. You should preserve it and not give it to whomever gives you the most attention at the time. Men will say what they can in order to fulfill their desires, it doesn't mean that they care for you or will be there for you. Multiple partners (especially in only a few months) is not healthy, physically or emotionally. Do you realize how many diseases/illnesses you're opening yourself up to? You're not sleeping with just that person... in a sense, you're sleeping with everyone they've laid down with. And emotionally, how is that effecting your self esteem? self worth? You are a valuable treasure. YOU are a wonderful person, beautiful inside and out and should be treated with respect and honor.

Psalm 139: 13,14
He shaped us in our mother’s womb, and we are marvelous inside and out!

Deut. 7:16
We are His cherished treasure

Song of Solomon 1:15
He thinks we’re beautiful

I value you as a friend and I pray for you all the time. I pray that you will build a relationship with God and He will direct you down the right path. I pray for your happiness. I pray for you to be blessed 10 times over, as God intended.

I'm glad to hear you say you want to seek God and I'd like to invite you to my church's service on Sunday. But please, whether you make it to service this week or not, please think about your lifestyle. Begin by dropping communication with those that hinder you and stop the drunken partying. It will only widen the darkness in your heart.

I love you and am praying for you.

Saved By Faith


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Teenage Mom

ANONYMOUS WROTE: I think what u girls are doing is really good. Because I never had any guidence there for me when I was growing up. I have made alot of mistakes that I regret to this day and somtimes it still does get to me. I feel If someone was there for me I wouldnt have done half the stuff I done. I ust to be into drugs, drinking, and ust to have some one night stands and really didnt respect myself. I droped out of school at young age I had a baby when I was 18. I always hung around the wrong people and I have been off of drugs for about a year now and Im going back to school and being the best mother I can be. Even thoe I know Im better then that now I sometimes down myself and think alot of negative things. I really just try to stay focused but I have my days. Sorry for just writting all this stuff to u but lately I have been wanting to talk to someone about this cause it does bother me and I havnt found anyone Im comfotable with so I thought maybe try u.
Thank you

RESPONSE: Hi, it's Saved by Faith. Thanks for the compliment! The Lord has laid it on our hearts to reach out to girls & young women. Moments like this is what makes it all worthwhile. :)

As a teenager I didn't feel like I had anyone to talk to because no one understood. I had my son my junior year of HS, at 17, and partied on & off for years after. I think it's great that you've been able to get back on track! I think it's wonderful that you've been clean for a year and are going back to school! Not only will this make a difference for your child but it will make such an impact on you too. I know it's hard to juggle motherhood and school but you'll be successful in reaching your goals! Whenever you're feeling down, try to remember this...

Biblical self esteem is seeing ourselves as God sees us and accepting ourselves as God accepts us. God is responsible for every positive attribute we have. He created us and loves us indefinitely.

Psalm 100:3
Ephesians 2:10

Knowing how great He loves you should help pull you through your bad days.

I'm glad you took the time to email us. And I'm glad I was able to reply... I hope it was helpful in some way. Feel free to email me or the other counselors with any questions or problems you have.

Kindly,

Saved By Faith


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Insecurities & Low Self Esteem Causing Problems

Anonymous said...
I’m in my mid twenties and have been with my boyfriend a little over two years. When we get along we get along so great! But when we fight (argue) it’s out of control. We both tend to say the most hurtful things to each other and within a day or less we’re over it and happy again. It seems at times that my insecurities and low self-esteem are the cause of our problems but I’ve been this way for so long that I don’t know how to change. I love my boyfriend and I know he loves me but I’m afraid that my insecurities are getting in the way of us being happy together.

Answer..
I remember when my husband and I would fight I was quick to say hurtful words that I would regret once the anger was gone. But once words are said you can not take them back. The damage is already done. With every lash of the tongue respect is lost. The trust starts fading. You must practice self control and try to discuss your problems or disagreements without throwing jabs at each other. The fighting will eventually get old and begin to wear down your relationship. No one wants to constantly be in turmoil and strife.

If you think it's your own insecurities and low self-esteem that are causing the problems then you need to humble your self before God and ask Him to help you. This problem will hinder every relationship that you have. He can show you the root of your insecurities so that you can face them and allow Him to heal you. You do not have to be a slave to them.

I use to have low self-esteem too. I did not think I was pretty enough. I was constantly picking on my self and putting my self down. I may have seemed confident to everyone else but I wasn't. I compared myself to everyone around me. I thought if I just had her hair or this ones lips I would be prettier. It was awful. I'm too fat or too skinny. My hair's too curly so I straighten it. Now it's too straight and I don't know how to style it. I was so insecure in my relationships. I did not trust anyone. It was nuts. That was before I allowed Jesus to heal me.

I learned that God loves me and he made me and formed me just the way I am. I am beautiful because I am His. I am valuable because Jesus died for me. The more time I spend in the Word I don't worry about following anyone. I don't compare myself to anyone else any more. I compare myself to the Word. I long to be all that God has created me to be. I spend more time beautifying and building up my spirit than I do trying to make myself beautiful on the outside.

"Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewellery and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight." (1 Peter 3:3-4)

My husband tells me that this confidence and love that I have for the Lord makes me even more beautiful to him. I have allowed the Word of God to change me and renew my mind. Now I am now longer enslaved to insecurity and low self-esteem. When it tries to come back to attack my mind I remember who I am in Christ Jesus. I meditate on what His Word says.

So I encourage you to pray for God's help and begin renewing your mind with the Word of God (the bible). The battle is in your mind. (Romans 12:2)I wrote an article on Renewing Your Mind that I believe can help you. Check it out..

Sincerely,

Trophy of Grace

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