Anonymous said...
Hi... i just need some advice. im in love with this guy who has been my friend for a few years.
we go to church 2gether and our spiritual lives with God is first. we pray, read the bible, fast, and worship 2gether. weve been praying to see if God wants us 2 get married since we believe we are ready and are old enough to. Bt theres one thing that he has recently told me that has put a bit of doubt in me. He told me that i should lose some weight. Though i am not obese and i dont have self-esteem issues. i take care of myself and present myself well. he says he had a picture of how his wife would look and that he always saw her "fit". im a curvy girl and i accept that. he says its for health issues (which i understand) but i also feel that he should love me for me...
i dont know??? this has caused me to wonder if he TRULY loves me and ive just been crying over this situation. please pray for me and i hope u can give me any advice God reveals 2 u...
thank u!
Beloved by Him replies..
we go to church 2gether and our spiritual lives with God is first. we pray, read the bible, fast, and worship 2gether. weve been praying to see if God wants us 2 get married since we believe we are ready and are old enough to. Bt theres one thing that he has recently told me that has put a bit of doubt in me. He told me that i should lose some weight. Though i am not obese and i dont have self-esteem issues. i take care of myself and present myself well. he says he had a picture of how his wife would look and that he always saw her "fit". im a curvy girl and i accept that. he says its for health issues (which i understand) but i also feel that he should love me for me...
i dont know??? this has caused me to wonder if he TRULY loves me and ive just been crying over this situation. please pray for me and i hope u can give me any advice God reveals 2 u...
thank u!
Beloved by Him replies..
Dear Sister in Christ,
I know how heartbreaking it is to doubt this man’s love for you. One of the worst feelings in the world is when someone that we love makes us feel inadequate, even if they did it unintentionally. We’re hurt by their judgement and lack of appreciation for who we are, and worried about how they will understand and accept us in the future. It’s particularly distressing when the issue is over appearance and weight. The enemy has such a deceptive stronghold over society’s ideal of physical perfection, sometimes it’s all a woman can do to hang on to her self-esteem without giving in to some form of self-loathing. When we’re put on the defensive by remarks from someone close to us, it makes it that much harder to bear.
You, however, need to hold your hear and your heart high, because you are and always will be a glorious daughter of the King of Kings (Ps. 45:13)! He created you fearfully and wonderfully (Ps. 139:14), and you are beautiful to Him. He doesn’t attribute your value to something as finite as your fleshly body; He treasures your spirit and the heart you have for Him. That’s what makes you precious in His eyes (I Peter 3:4). We’re not supposed to tell Him what we think we should look like, or disagree with His design. Who are we to not appreciate and reverence the way that He created us? He took the dust of the earth and made us into the work of His hand (Is. 64:8). We might as well pick apart a sunset or a rainbow! All of His works, including you, were made with wisdom (Ps. 104:24). You are a Masterpiece!
Our bodies and spirits are designed to glorify God (Ps. 108:1, I Cor. 6:20). This is both a privilege and a responsibility, as part of our sanctification process. Caring for the temple of the Holy Spirit (which we are–I Cor.6:19) requires discipline, faithfulness, humility, wisdom, and strength. The Lord wants us to commit to a lifestyle of healthy choices, both physically and spiritually. We see this in 3 John 2, which says, “Beloved, I pray that you would prosper and be in good health, even as your soul prospers.” He wants His people to be an accurate reflection of the work of His Holy Spirit in them. We don’t have to be perfect, but we do need to submit to His leading as HE reveals His good will for our lives. We need to strive to please Him, not to conform to this world or its false ideals and idols (Romans 12:1-2, Gal. 1:10, I John 2:15-17).
You need to be confident and comfortable with who you are in the Lord. Instead of worrying about what this young man is thinking, use this as an opportunity to pray and ask God if there are any areas of your life, spiritually or physically, that you can improve upon. If there is, He will show you, without making you feel ashamed or guilty (James 1:5). This way, you are not making any changes in your life based on the faulty perceptions of human thinking. You already seem to have a devoted walk with him, and until now, you were content with what He has made you to be. These things are so pleasing to Him! (Heb. 13:5) Maybe the Lord has allowed this situation in order for you to draw closer to Him so that HE can reinforce in your spirit all of the good thoughts He has toward you (Ps. 139:17-18, Jer. 29:11). This assurance of His abiding love will make you irresistible for all of the right reasons, as people are drawn to the light of His life in you (Matt. 5:14, John 8:12).
This is where your boyfriend’s focus seems to be askew. If the two of you are seriously considering marriage, then he should be following the example of Christ’s love for the church, building you up with nurturing and caring actions, not comparing you to some ideal he has idolized in his mind (Eph. 5:28-29). He should want you to be in the best health so that you can have a long, joyful life together (Eccl. 9:9), not as a condition of marriage. Real love does not seek its own interests, but also the interests of others (I Cor. 13:5). If he is encouraging you to participate in activities that you enjoy on your own or with him, then that’s honorable. But if he wants a woman who will simply look good on his arm and make him feel a false sense of security or pride, while sacrificing her true happiness, welfare, or identity in Christ, then he has departed from his job as the spiritual leader in the relationship (Eph. 5:25-30). I don’t want to be too hard on him, because men have been fed the same cultural garbage that women have. I hope that if he flaws in his thinking, that the Lord changes his heart and enlightens his eyes. But after having been the recipient of years’ worth of supposedly “helpful” or “innocent” comments about my weight from my parents, I can tell you it was much less about my health and more a reflection of their flawed thinking and the wrong standards it created. Don’t turn aside to the destructive power of those lies (Ps. 40:4). If the Lord has created you to be more fuller-figured, be thankful. King Solomon wrote the Song of Solomon about his beloved, a woman who was adored by him for her rounded navel and curved thighs. This woman had a figure, and he loved it! Your future husband will love your figure, too. He will have a God-given desire for you that positively ravishes him! (Song of Solomon 4:9, 7:1-2) Don’t settle for a lesser relationship; stand firm and trust in God’s perfect timing (Ps.18:30).
Dear sister, find your identity in Christ alone (Gal. 2:19-20). Be a proverbial woman who exercises her body as well as her mind and God-given talents (Prov. 31:10-31). Let the power of the Holy Spirit give you self-control, boldness, and a mind that is at peace and focused on the Lord (Is. 26:3, Gal.5:23-24). Live a well-balanced life and enjoy all that God has blessed you with (Eccl. 5:18). Eat wisely of the good things that He has provided (Ps.103:5, Prov. 13:25), and grow in His grace and knowledge so that you can be spiritually full with His fullness(John 1:16, Eph. 3:19). He loves you so much, and so do the women of WeUsed2bu. :)
