Anonymous said...
I’m in my mid twenties and have been with my boyfriend a little over two years. When we get along we get along so great! But when we fight (argue) it’s out of control. We both tend to say the most hurtful things to each other and within a day or less we’re over it and happy again. It seems at times that my insecurities and low self-esteem are the cause of our problems but I’ve been this way for so long that I don’t know how to change. I love my boyfriend and I know he loves me but I’m afraid that my insecurities are getting in the way of us being happy together.
Answer..
I remember when my husband and I would fight I was quick to say hurtful words that I would regret once the anger was gone. But once words are said you can not take them back. The damage is already done. With every lash of the tongue respect is lost. The trust starts fading. You must practice self control and try to discuss your problems or disagreements without throwing jabs at each other. The fighting will eventually get old and begin to wear down your relationship. No one wants to constantly be in turmoil and strife.
If you think it's your own insecurities and low self-esteem that are causing the problems then you need to humble your self before God and ask Him to help you. This problem will hinder every relationship that you have. He can show you the root of your insecurities so that you can face them and allow Him to heal you. You do not have to be a slave to them.
I use to have low self-esteem too. I did not think I was pretty enough. I was constantly picking on my self and putting my self down. I may have seemed confident to everyone else but I wasn't. I compared myself to everyone around me. I thought if I just had her hair or this ones lips I would be prettier. It was awful. I'm too fat or too skinny. My hair's too curly so I straighten it. Now it's too straight and I don't know how to style it. I was so insecure in my relationships. I did not trust anyone. It was nuts. That was before I allowed Jesus to heal me.
I learned that God loves me and he made me and formed me just the way I am. I am beautiful because I am His. I am valuable because Jesus died for me. The more time I spend in the Word I don't worry about following anyone. I don't compare myself to anyone else any more. I compare myself to the Word. I long to be all that God has created me to be. I spend more time beautifying and building up my spirit than I do trying to make myself beautiful on the outside.
"Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewellery and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight." (1 Peter 3:3-4)
My husband tells me that this confidence and love that I have for the Lord makes me even more beautiful to him. I have allowed the Word of God to change me and renew my mind. Now I am now longer enslaved to insecurity and low self-esteem. When it tries to come back to attack my mind I remember who I am in Christ Jesus. I meditate on what His Word says.
So I encourage you to pray for God's help and begin renewing your mind with the Word of God (the bible). The battle is in your mind. (Romans 12:2)I wrote an article on Renewing Your Mind that I believe can help you. Check it out..
Sincerely,
Trophy of Grace
