My boyfriend asked me to get a breast reduction to satisfy him sexually once we get married. I told him at first that it was very disrespectful to ask me that and he got upset. What do I do? Do what he wants or let him go? Shouldn't be that he loves me for who I am no matter how big I am?
Second question..
My best friend has been taking care of my son since he was two days old. My son is also autistic. She asked me this past weekend if I would let her and her husband adopt him. I don't know if I should or shouldn't. When I get home he would be with them for four years. I mean would I be helping him or harming him. If I let them adopt him or I get him back with me?
Also can you please give me information on autistic children?
Beloved By Him replies...
Dear Sister in Christ,
First I want to thank you for your questions. I can see that you’ve been through a lot, and yet you’ve got a long road ahead of you. I want to encourage you and assure you that the Lord will always be there to love you, give you guidance and wisdom, and give you strength. I’ve enclosed an index card that you can read when you need a good word. On one side is this verse, “Have I not commanded you? Be strong and of good courage; do not be afraid, nor be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.” (Joshua 1:9) On the back is another reminder of His love for you, “For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things to come, nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” (Romans 8:38-39) You can trust in His promises, and if you build your life on Christ, you will have an unshakable foundation, no matter what comes your way (I Cor. 3:11).
In the first part of your letter, you talked about how your boyfriend wants you to get a breast reduction, so that you can satisfy him sexually once you two are married. I don’t see anything in the Bible that supports this line of thinking. If anything, a husband is supposed to have a God-given desire for his wife and her body. God didn’t make you imperfectly, He made you fearfully and wonderfully, to be appreciated and loved by the man who will be proud to say and show that he loves you (Ps. 139:14, Song of Sol. 2:4). Your future husband should have your best interests—your feelings, your self-esteem—in mind, and he should think of your needs as more important than his own. He should actually be reflecting Christ Himself with his behavior, willing to lay down his life for you, and covering you with the Word of God (Eph. 5:25-33). If you go all the way back to the first husband and wife, Adam and Eve, the Bible says that they were “naked and not ashamed.” (Gen. 2:24-25) That’s the way God intended a married man and woman to be able to relate to each other before sin entered the world: Without shame and in full acceptance of how the other person looks as created by God. In the Bible, in the book of Song of Solomon, there are several references to the husband being totally thrilled with his wife’s body, and specifically her breasts (Song of Solomon 4:5, 7: 3, 10:10). In chapter 7 verses 7-8, he refers to her stature (her body) as being like a palm tree, and her breasts like clusters. Hmm...what kind of clusters does a palm tree have? Coconuts! (Lol) It shouldn't matter what size chest you have--the Bible tells a husband to be satisfied with his wife's breasts at all times (Prov. 5:19). Your boyfriend’s thinking is wrong. Real love is not rude or self-seeking (I Cor. 13:5). Before you go any further with this guy, you need to pray for the Lord to show you if this person truly is the one He wants you to marry. Has he accepted Christ as His Savior? Is he committed to living his life for the Lord? It’s not looking right now like his priorities are in the right place, and Matt. 17:16 says that “by their fruits you will know them.” Pray and ask the Lord for His wisdom regarding what you need to do. It might be that Jesus wants you to be only His girl right now. He may want you to be focused on only Him, letting Him show you how much He loves you and what His plans are for your life. It’s a lot easier to give God your attention when you’re single, and not worried about pleasing a husband, especially one who is not a mature Christian (I Cor. 7:32,34-35). Please make sure that you wait for the Lord to give you His wisdom before you move ahead in this relationship (James 1:5-6).
The other question you asked was about your son, and the decision you have to make regarding whether or not to let your best friend adopt him. I honestly don’t know what God’s will is for you regarding this situation, but I will try to scripturally present a view of both sides to help provide some wisdom for you. First of all, children are a blessing and a reward from God (Ps. 127:3). The Lord saw fit in His grace to give you a son, because He knew that you were the one who could love Him the way that He would—by laying your life down for him. It’s a matter of letting Him show you the way He wants you to do that. If you allow your friend to adopt him, then you will have to ask God for the grace and strength to let him go, and if you take custody back, then you will have to sacrifice your life to serve him and the specific needs of his disability. I know how hard this decision is to have to make. I also know that God will show you what to do: “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make straight your paths” (Prov. 3:5-6).
Biblically, adoption was often a blessing to the child. Some examples of successful adoption were Esther, who was adopted by her uncle Mordecai after her parents died. He was a God-fearing man, and the Lord honored him and her by making her queen of Persia and using her to save the Jews under her husband’s rule. Moses was adopted by Pharaoh’s daughter, and made a prince of Egypt, but God didn’t leave him there. He called him away from the palace and used him to free his people and bring them out of Egypt to the edge of the Promised Land. Jesus Himself was adopted by Joseph, fulfilling biblical prophecy as the adoption gave Jesus legal claim to the Davidic throne. Adoption should benefit your child by blessing him with a spiritual and family heritage. You have to know that the family honors God and follows Christ, so that you are confident that they will rear him in His love and by His will. By assuring this for him, you would also be giving him your own godly legacy. In addition, there is his autism to consider. Autistic children can have difficulty with environmental stimulation, and it may be detrimental to him if his surroundings change. You need to consider how much care he will require based on the severity of his disability. Are you in the position to give him both emotional and financial support? Are you prepared and committed to put his needs above your own?
These are tremendous considerations, but we serve a God who is greater than the impossible (Matt. 19:26). If the Lord leads you to keep custody of your son, He is the source of all the love and strength you will need to take care of him ( II Tim. 1:7, I John 4:7). By His Holy Spirit, you can be “strengthened with all might, according to His glorious power, for all patience and longsuffering with joy” (Col. 1:11). He will provide all your needs according to His riches in glory (Phil. 4:19), and will help you and uphold you with His righteous right hand (Is. 41:10). If, however, He asks you to release your child into your friend’s care, He will be your Comforter as you mourn the loss of his presence, and He will restore and heal your heart (Ps. 147:3, Matt. 5:14).
These are tremendous considerations, but we serve a God who is greater than the impossible (Matt. 19:26). If the Lord leads you to keep custody of your son, He is the source of all the love and strength you will need to take care of him ( II Tim. 1:7, I John 4:7). By His Holy Spirit, you can be “strengthened with all might, according to His glorious power, for all patience and longsuffering with joy” (Col. 1:11). He will provide all your needs according to His riches in glory (Phil. 4:19), and will help you and uphold you with His righteous right hand (Is. 41:10). If, however, He asks you to release your child into your friend’s care, He will be your Comforter as you mourn the loss of his presence, and He will restore and heal your heart (Ps. 147:3, Matt. 5:14).
Dear sister,
I pray in the name of Jesus, our Savior and King, that He pours out His love and hope in your heart, by the Holy Spirit Who lives in us, and that He gives you the peace that passes understanding so that you know without any fear that He loves you and will work all of this together for good (Romans 5:3-5, 8:28, Phil. 4:7). I know that it’s difficult to look ahead and really believe that you will be able to walk through this valley. I promise you, God is with you, and He will eventually lead you to a place where the waters are still and you have a quiet place of rest (please read Psalms 23 and 107.) I pray that He gives you faith that overcomes the world and moves mountains (I John 5:4, Mark 11:22-24). I know that you can do all things through Him Who gives us strength, and I’m trusting Him to do it in His faithfulness (Phil. 4:13, I Thess. 5:24).
Much love to you in His name,
Autism links below
http://www.ninds.nih.gov/disorders/autism/detail_autism.htm?css=print#133853082
http://www.poac.net/
http://www.aacap.org/cs/root/facts_for_families/the_child_with_autism
http://www.poac.net/
http://www.aacap.org/cs/root/facts_for_families/the_child_with_autism
