He Said I Should Lose Weight..I've Been Crying Over This Situation

Anonymous said...

Hi... i just need some advice. im in love with this guy who has been my friend for a few years.
we go to church 2gether and our spiritual lives with God is first. we pray, read the bible, fast, and worship 2gether. weve been praying to see if God wants us 2 get married since we believe we are ready and are old enough to. Bt theres one thing that he has recently told me that has put a bit of doubt in me. He told me that i should lose some weight. Though i am not obese and i dont have self-esteem issues. i take care of myself and present myself well. he says he had a picture of how his wife would look and that he always saw her "fit". im a curvy girl and i accept that. he says its for health issues (which i understand) but i also feel that he should love me for me...
i dont know??? this has caused me to wonder if he TRULY loves me and ive just been crying over this situation. please pray for me and i hope u can give me any advice God reveals 2 u...
thank u!

Beloved by Him replies..

Dear Sister in Christ,

I know how heartbreaking it is to doubt this man’s love for you. One of the worst feelings in the world is when someone that we love makes us feel inadequate, even if they did it unintentionally. We’re hurt by their judgement and lack of appreciation for who we are, and worried about how they will understand and accept us in the future. It’s particularly distressing when the issue is over appearance and weight. The enemy has such a deceptive stronghold over society’s ideal of physical perfection, sometimes it’s all a woman can do to hang on to her self-esteem without giving in to some form of self-loathing. When we’re put on the defensive by remarks from someone close to us, it makes it that much harder to bear.

You, however, need to hold your hear and your heart high, because you are and always will be a glorious daughter of the King of Kings (Ps. 45:13)! He created you fearfully and wonderfully (Ps. 139:14), and you are beautiful to Him. He doesn’t attribute your value to something as finite as your fleshly body; He treasures your spirit and the heart you have for Him. That’s what makes you precious in His eyes (I Peter 3:4). We’re not supposed to tell Him what we think we should look like, or disagree with His design. Who are we to not appreciate and reverence the way that He created us? He took the dust of the earth and made us into the work of His hand (Is. 64:8). We might as well pick apart a sunset or a rainbow! All of His works, including you, were made with wisdom (Ps. 104:24). You are a Masterpiece!

Our bodies and spirits are designed to glorify God (Ps. 108:1, I Cor. 6:20). This is both a privilege and a responsibility, as part of our sanctification process. Caring for the temple of the Holy Spirit (which we are–I Cor.6:19) requires discipline, faithfulness, humility, wisdom, and strength. The Lord wants us to commit to a lifestyle of healthy choices, both physically and spiritually. We see this in 3 John 2, which says, “Beloved, I pray that you would prosper and be in good health, even as your soul prospers.” He wants His people to be an accurate reflection of the work of His Holy Spirit in them. We don’t have to be perfect, but we do need to submit to His leading as HE reveals His good will for our lives. We need to strive to please Him, not to conform to this world or its false ideals and idols (Romans 12:1-2, Gal. 1:10, I John 2:15-17).

You need to be confident and comfortable with who you are in the Lord. Instead of worrying about what this young man is thinking, use this as an opportunity to pray and ask God if there are any areas of your life, spiritually or physically, that you can improve upon. If there is, He will show you, without making you feel ashamed or guilty (James 1:5). This way, you are not making any changes in your life based on the faulty perceptions of human thinking. You already seem to have a devoted walk with him, and until now, you were content with what He has made you to be. These things are so pleasing to Him! (Heb. 13:5) Maybe the Lord has allowed this situation in order for you to draw closer to Him so that HE can reinforce in your spirit all of the good thoughts He has toward you (Ps. 139:17-18, Jer. 29:11). This assurance of His abiding love will make you irresistible for all of the right reasons, as people are drawn to the light of His life in you (Matt. 5:14, John 8:12).

This is where your boyfriend’s focus seems to be askew. If the two of you are seriously considering marriage, then he should be following the example of Christ’s love for the church, building you up with nurturing and caring actions, not comparing you to some ideal he has idolized in his mind (Eph. 5:28-29). He should want you to be in the best health so that you can have a long, joyful life together (Eccl. 9:9), not as a condition of marriage. Real love does not seek its own interests, but also the interests of others (I Cor. 13:5). If he is encouraging you to participate in activities that you enjoy on your own or with him, then that’s honorable. But if he wants a woman who will simply look good on his arm and make him feel a false sense of security or pride, while sacrificing her true happiness, welfare, or identity in Christ, then he has departed from his job as the spiritual leader in the relationship (Eph. 5:25-30). I don’t want to be too hard on him, because men have been fed the same cultural garbage that women have. I hope that if he flaws in his thinking, that the Lord changes his heart and enlightens his eyes. But after having been the recipient of years’ worth of supposedly “helpful” or “innocent” comments about my weight from my parents, I can tell you it was much less about my health and more a reflection of their flawed thinking and the wrong standards it created. Don’t turn aside to the destructive power of those lies (Ps. 40:4). If the Lord has created you to be more fuller-figured, be thankful. King Solomon wrote the Song of Solomon about his beloved, a woman who was adored by him for her rounded navel and curved thighs. This woman had a figure, and he loved it! Your future husband will love your figure, too. He will have a God-given desire for you that positively ravishes him! (Song of Solomon 4:9, 7:1-2) Don’t settle for a lesser relationship; stand firm and trust in God’s perfect timing (Ps.18:30).

Dear sister, find your identity in Christ alone (Gal. 2:19-20). Be a proverbial woman who exercises her body as well as her mind and God-given talents (Prov. 31:10-31). Let the power of the Holy Spirit give you self-control, boldness, and a mind that is at peace and focused on the Lord (Is. 26:3, Gal.5:23-24). Live a well-balanced life and enjoy all that God has blessed you with (Eccl. 5:18). Eat wisely of the good things that He has provided (Ps.103:5, Prov. 13:25), and grow in His grace and knowledge so that you can be spiritually full with His fullness(John 1:16, Eph. 3:19). He loves you so much, and so do the women of WeUsed2bu. :)

I Don't Know How To Sort It All Out

Blogger Friend writes..
I've asked for your advice before, and it really helped! :). But I have a lot going on right now, and it isn't helping my stress factor. I'm a freshman in high school and this is pretty much my list:
• I'm trying out for pom at my high school, and I'm not getting the kind of support I'd like
• There's a lot of pressure from my mom for me to lose weight for my sister's wedding that is in May
• My best friend almost lost her purity to someone who was just using her, and I don't what to tell her
• and finally, my feelings for my best guy friend are so strong that I don't even know what to classify it as. My parents told me I'm too young to feel like I'm in love, but I really feel like I am.

I know that's a lot, and that there are people so much worse off than I am, and God has blessed me so much, but I don't know how to sort all of this stuff out that I'm going through.

Trophy of Grace replies..
I am so glad that our advice helped you and that you are back for more counsel. Thank God for this help because it is His Word that gives us the ability to give you wise counsel. May the Lord give me the Words to speak to you this evening. In Jesus name…Amen.

I can see why you feel overwhelmed. You seem to have a lot of things going on. The first thing I would do is remember that it is not God’s will for you to feel bogged down under all of these concerns. He doesn’t want you being anxious, worried, and confused. I am sure of this because the following scriptures say:

“Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4:6-7

“Casting the whole of your care [all your anxieties, all your worries, all your concerns, once and for all] on Him, for He cares for you affectionately and cares about you watchfully.” 1 Peter 5:7

The LORD says, “I will guide you along the best pathway for your life. I will advise you and watch over you.” Psalm 32:8

The first thing that I suggest that you do when you are starting to feel overwhelmed by your problems is remember the Word of God and speak the Word out loud. Confess what the Word says, “I will not be anxious for anything. I do not have to worry because I know that you will work everything out Lord for my good. I don’t need to worry because you care for all of my needs. You are helping me and directing my steps. You are leading me down the right path for my life. I will not stress out. Help Lord to make wise decisions all areas of my life. I trust Your Word. In Jesus name..Amen.”

Then I would suggest listening to some good Christian music to lift your spirit. Once you have gotten your mind under control and you have that peace which surpasses all understanding protecting your mind and heart; you can better deal with your problems. Some things the Lord will help you go through and others you will just have to leave in the Lords hands and allow Him to deal with it.

About your specific issues:

• Perhaps you can talk to one of your guidance counselors regarding what you are trying to accomplish in school. Before you go in to speak with them pray and ask our Lord to give you the words to speak and favor with the counselor. Remember to pray that His will be done and trust Him.
• I’m sure your mom means well. If you are over weight then you should ask the Lord to help you to lose weight. If you are overweight, you are more likely to develop health problems, such as heart disease, stroke, diabetes, and the list goes on. Do some research online and check out weight charts to see where about your weight should be based on your height and age. Don’t allow yourself to be overwhelmed with this issue. You may just need to develop better eating habits and start an exercise routine. From now until May you have time some weight. Just be disciplined. I think you should do it for yourself though. Allow the wedding to just be a motivator. You may also consider talking to your mom and letting her know that you feel pressure. Maybe she thinks that she is supporting you and does not mean to pressure you. Try talking to her. Maybe she will work out with you.

On the other hand if your weight is where it should be then don’t allow yourself to be told that you need to lose weight. Too many girls do awful things to lose weight because they feel that they need to be skinner. If you are not overweight and you are healthy then be happy. Let your mom know that you are comfortable with your weight. Pray before going to speak with her.
• I most certainly think you should talk with your girlfriend about your concern and of course pray for her. Be honest with her. Her purity is a precious gift that she will live to regret giving away to anyone except her husband. She will decide for herself what she will want to do. We all have to make our own decisions and we will most certainly reap whatever it is we sow. Pray for her without ceasing. But if you say nothing then you are doing her an injustice. We all need accountability.
• I don’t think that you are too young to have these feelings. I believe that you probably are feeling like you’re in love. However, you have to learn to not allow yourself to be lead by your feelings. Boys at this point in your life will just serve as distractions. Focus on your schooling. Focus on your relationship with the Lord. He is the Lover of your soul. Allow Him to be your source of joy and happiness. One day you will meet the man for you and if it is your best friend then only time will tell. Don’t ignore your feelings you just need to make them submit to the Word of God and run from anything that would cause you to sin. 2 Timothy 2:22 says “Shun youthful lusts and flee from them, and aim at and pursue righteousness (all that is virtuous and good, right living, conformity to the will of God in thought, word, and deed); [and aim at and pursue] faith, love, [and] peace (harmony and concord with others) in fellowship with all [Christians], who call upon the Lord out of a pure heart. 2 Timothy 2:22 (Amplified Bible)

If this relationship is going to cause you to have impure or lustful thoughts then you may need to spend some time apart from him until you can get your emotions under control. Trying a time of prayer and fasting about it. Let the Lord know that you do not want to be consumed by your emotions. You will see that He will help you practice self control. If you think that you can keep on like this you are deceiving yourself. Don’t fool yourself. You have to throw anything off that will hinder your relationship with the Lord.

I hope this helped..We are here for you no matter what. You can come back as many times as you want, as often as you’d like. We are here to serve you sister.

May God be glorified in your life.

In Christ Jesus love,

Trophy of Grace