"I Am Proud To Have Sex Before Marriage"

Anonymous from the posting 'Sex Is About Waiting Till You And Your Partner Are Ready' replies...

Dear beloved by him I appreciate you taking the time to write me back I am a Christian and have had sex before marriage I am 20 years old. I am proud to have had sex before marriage because men look down on you if you are not experienced or skilled in this area. I don't think purity is important at all and I don't think I have ever met anyone who has waited until marriage. If God wanted us to wait he would not have made it possible for us to have sex before marriage. I think women and men who are in stable relationships should be able to have sex whenever they are ready. Sex is a very important part of a relationship. And how can you marry someone and not have ever been sexual with them. In order to marry someone you need to know if you are actually sexually attracted to them. And you need to know what youre getting yourself into. Sex can be done at all ages (obviously not under 13) But I know a lot of women who would agree with me. Remember beloved by him you only live once so you should enjoy your life to the fullest :) And my opinion sex is a fun thing between you and your partner. No one should let the bible tell them that they cannot have sex to me thats immoral.

Daughter of The King replies..

Dear Friend,

Your opinions are based on three false concepts; the first false concept you have is that you believe that if God wanted us to wait until marriage for sex He would not have made it possible for us to have sex before marriage. Well, if what you say is true then that must mean that God is okay with us stealing, murdering and raping because if He didn’t want us to do those things either He would not have made it possible for us to do them. I think it’s obvious to everyone that God is definitely opposed to those things, He is opposed to all sin, including sexual sin, yet He still allow us to do them. Why? Because we have free will, God did not create people to have to obey Him, He wants us to want to obey Him out of love not because we have to. In the Bible God tells us what is right and what is wrong then He leaves it up to us to decide if we will listen and obey or if we will think that we are smarter than God and do whatever we want. God will allow you to have all the sex you want with all the men you want, the same way He will allow you to steal, kill and rape all you want (you’ve heard of serial killers and rapist, right?) BUT in the end you will suffer the consequences of your choices.

Psalm 119:137-144 (The Message)

You are right and you do right, GOD; your decisions are right on target. You rightly instruct us in how to live ever faithful to you…
I’m too young to be important, but I don't forget what you tell me… The way you tell me to live is always right; help me understand it so I can live to the fullest.

The second false concept you have is that you think that being sexually “skilled” and “experienced” is admirable and that you would be looked down on you if you weren’t. Let me ask you something; do you think your dad and/or mom is proud of your sexual skills? Do you think that on your honeymoon night your husband is going to feel lucky that you slept with “x” amount of guys and have tons of sexual experience? The only men who admire your sexual experience are men who want to use you. A man who truly loves and respects you would be thrilled and proud to have a wife that no other man has used before and if the two of you are virgins you will get your experience and skill from each other. I know you said you never met anyone who has waited until marriage, I believe you. But just because no one in your family, neighborhood, church or even your state waited it does not make it acceptable by God.

1 Thessalonians 4:3-5, 7-8 (New Living Translation)

3 God’s will is for you to be holy, so stay away from all sexual sin. 4 Then each of you will control his own body and live in holiness and honor—5 not in lustful passion like the pagans who do not know God and his ways...7 God has called us to live holy lives, not impure lives. 8 Therefore, anyone who refuses to live by these rules is not disobeying human teaching but is rejecting God, who gives his Holy Spirit to you.

The third false concept is that you think that you (not God) decides what is moral and what is not, my friend you couldn’t be further from the truth. The truth is that your opinion (or mine) does not matter. It’s not about what you think or feel; it’s about what God says in His word the Bible, He is the authority over what is right and wrong.

2 Timothy 3:16 (NLT)

All Scripture is inspired by God and is useful to teach us what is true and to make us realize what is wrong in our lives. It corrects us when we are wrong and teaches us to do what is right

Dear friend, as you read the verses in this response I pray that His Word would touch your heart and open your eyes to the truth. I pray for your sake that you would recognizes the authority of the Word of God and that you would truly understand what it means to be a follower of Jesus Christ. In Jesus name, Amen.

I John 2: 3-7 (NLT)

If someone claims, “I know God,” but doesn’t obey God’s commandments, that person is a liar and is not living in the truth. 5 But those who obey God’s word truly show how completely they love him. That is how we know we are living in him. 6 Those who say they live in God should live their lives as Jesus did.

Ephesians 4:17-25 (NLT)

With the Lord’s authority I say this: Live no longer as the [heathens] do, for they are hopelessly confused. 18 Their minds are full of darkness; they wander far from the life God gives because they have closed their minds and hardened their hearts against him. 19 They have no sense of shame. They live for lustful pleasure and eagerly practice every kind of impurity. 20 But that isn’t what you learned about Christ. 21 Since you have heard about Jesus and have learned the truth that comes from him, 22 throw off your old sinful nature and your former way of life, which is corrupted by lust and deception. 23 Instead, let the Spirit renew your thoughts and attitudes. 24 Put on your new nature, created to be like God—truly righteous and holy.

Proverbs 12: 15 (NIV)

The way of a fool seems right to him, but a wise man listens to advice.

I Feel Like He's Never Going To Leave Her But I Can't Walk Away

MySpace Friend writes..

Ok, here is whats going on. I meet the most amazing guy, he loves me I love him. He is a good and honest clean southern gentlemen. He has a stable job and we share similar interest we started out as friends, then we started talking sorta and now I am convinced that I have found my soulmate. There is only one problem.

He's married. He has been unhappy in his marriage for almost four years now. His wife is a selfish blank who has made him believe he is unattractive. He is fine as heck. I can assure you of that. He is 10 years older than me.

Now, he wants to leave his wife. Has wanted to for some time but... they have two kids and he is afraid they will hate him for leaving her. He is to the point now that it doesnt matter what they think but she knows about me. Not that he is in love with me but that we talked. He thinks she will screw him out of custody because he is seeing me, sorta. He hates her entire family and she hates his family. The only reason he married her was because he thought that there wasn't anyone else out there that wanted him. (i'm telling you she is a brain washing blank) The only reason she married him was because she was older and her eggs were timed and she wanted kids. So basically he was a sperm donor. His mother believes this too.

We broke up for about two months so he could work on his marriage and try to make things work for his kids sake. He told his wife that he was unhappy and that she could change and be a better wife (she's a horrible wife. I'm not even going to get started just believe me) Well we stopped all communication for two months and then one day out of the blue he calls me to asked if i had moved. I did but the point is he had gone by my old house. He missed me. Well we slowly started becoming friends again. I was a little hurt that he cut all communication, but i got over it cause i understand his position. Now it is to the point that he tells me about his home life again.

Well.. his wife changed for about a week and then it started to regress again. Now she is back to the same ole crap that caused him to be unhappy in the first place. Before when he told me he was giving her another chance, he told me he was going to leave her if it didn't improve. Well... now it hasn't but he is still scared about the kids and I am scared he'll never leave her.

He says he is getting more and more resentful towards her and can't shake me. God knows I can't shake him. I tried sooooo hard to forget about him but we have an amazing connection deeper than I've ever had with anyone else. He makes me genuinely happy. I mean happy to the core. Nothing bothers me. He completes me and he feels the same way about me. I know I'm tangled up in one hell of a mess but I don't know what to do anymore. I feel like he's never going to leave her but I can't walk away. I don't know what to do.

Trophy of Grace replies..

My Dear Sister,

You said it good when you said you are in one hell of a mess. This relationship that you are having with this married man is hell sent, not God sent. He IS NOT your soul mate. Don’t be deceived my dear sister. Don’t fall for the lies. He is manipulating you. Run far away from this relationship least you find yourself even more entangled in this destructive relationship.

Don’t think for a minute that this relationship is God’s will for your life. God would never tempt you or lead you into sin and that is what this relationship is, a sinful adulterous relationship. Many people foolishly say that God is tempting them when they feel a desire to do something they know is wrong. God never tempts us to do wrong. Temptation comes from our own desires, which entice us and drag us away. These desires give birth to sinful actions. And when sin is allowed to grow, it gives birth to death. (James 1:13-15)

I must show you what God’s Word says about adultery and I pray that as you read the scriptures that your heart would be moved to repentance and you would feel compelled to leave this man alone. I pray that you would see the terrible results and consequences awaiting you if you continue having this relationship. May the Lord remove the blinders that have been placed on your eyes so that you may see. May He give you ears to hear what His Spirit is saying.

“You shall not commit adultery.” Exodus 20:14

For the lips of an immoral woman (or man) are as sweet as honey, and her (or his) mouth is smoother than oil. But in the end she (or he) is as bitter as poison, as dangerous as a double-edged sword. Her (or His) feet go down to death; her (or his) steps lead straight to the grave. For she (or he) cares nothing about the path to life. She (or He) staggers down a crooked trail and doesn’t realize it. Proverbs 5:3-6

So it is with the man (or woman) who sleeps with another man’s (or woman’s) wife (or husband). He (or She) who embraces her (or him) will not go unpunished. Proverbs 6:29

But the man (or woman) who commits adultery is an utter fool, for he (or she) destroys himself (or herself). Proverbs 6:32

Give honor to marriage, and remain faithful to one another in marriage. God will surely judge people who are immoral and those who commit adultery. Hebrews 13:4

This relationship is a trap that you have allowed yourself to fall into. You said that God knows that you can’t shake him and you are right. God does know that you can’t shake this relationship ON YOU OWN, but with Christ on your side you can do anything. You can do all things, everything through Christ Jesus who will strengthen you if you put your trust in Him. He will help you overcome this battle if you will truly surrender your life and your will to Him. Allow Him to have dominion in your life. Allow Him to guide and lead you down the narrow road that always leads to life. If you continue down this path, this broad road of destruction full of selfish and evil desires you will most certainly perish. This is NOT what God wants or ever intended for your life. It is not His will that any should perish but so many reject Him and desire their own will and their own way and unfortunately seal their fate.(Philippians 4:13)

My dear sister God has a wonderful plan for your life. He has a plan to give you a real future and a hope in Him. His plans for your life are good. He wants good things for you. He wants to give you true peace, real love, patience, goodness, faithfulness, joy, faith, hope, freedom, life, and salvation. He sees the desires of your heart and wants to bless you with a man that will love you and only you. He does not give you broken gifts. He gives good gifts. He has the right man for you but it is time that you first seek (aim at and strive after) first of all His kingdom and His righteousness (His way of doing and being right), and then all these things will be given to you. (Jeremiah 29:11-14, Matthew 6:33)

This is not a time for you to be worried about this man and his problems. Let him deal with his own issues and his family. He made a covenant before God to his wife and their family and he is in rebellion against God right now. Stay away from him. Focus on what you need to do to be in right standing with God.

If you have seen through this response and the Word of God provided to you that you have been in sin and you want to truly change then you are in a great position because the Lord wants to forgive you of your sin if you are willing to repent and confess your sin before God. God will never reject a broken and repentant heart. But if we confess our sins to Him, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all wickedness. If we claim that we have not sinned, we are calling God a liar and showing that His word has no place in our hearts. (Psalm 51:17, 1 John 1:8-10)

If you acknowledge and confess with your lips that Jesus is Lord and in your heart believe (adhere to, trust in, and rely on the truth) that God raised Him from the dead, you will be saved. For with the heart a person believes (adheres to, trusts in, and relies on Christ) and so is justified (declared righteous, acceptable to God), and with the mouth he confesses (declares openly and speaks out freely his faith) and confirms [his] salvation. (Romans 10:9-10)

Once you have believed and confessed Jesus as your Lord and Savior you will have become a new creation, the old will be gone and the new will be here. He will give you His Spirit to live in you which will guide you and lead you all the days of your life. He will be your strength and comfort. He will help you to overcome everything and anything by His strength and might power, not by your own strength or power. He will help you to overcome this and shake this relationship off. He will not allow the temptation to be more than you can stand. When you are tempted, he will show you a way out so that you can endure. (2 Corinthians 5:17, 1 Corinthians 10:13)

He has just provided you with a way out right now..Jesus is the Way. The choice is yours. I pray that the Lord will help you to make the right one.

We love you sister!! We are here for you if you need us. We will be praying for you.

Sincerely,

Trophy of Grace

My Friend Might Be Pregnant..How Do I Help Her

Anonymous said...

Hi, I love the advice y'all give, and I'm coming back for more! You may remember that my friend was involved in some pretty risky stuff. Maybe you don't remember! Haha. Anyway, my best friend and I are really close and we tell each other EVERYTHING. But lately, ever since she and her boyfriend went too far she hasn't really been talking to me as much. I know what she and her boyfriend is doing has gone on multiple times, and I'm afraid that she'll wind up pregnant. What's worse is my fear that she may already be, and it scares me. I know that the guy will leave her if she gets pregnant, and her parents wouldn't be very supportive if she did, and she would most likely get an abortion if she did get pregnant. So my questions are:1. If she's not pregnant, how do I talk to her about what she's doing?2. If she is pregnant/does get pregnant, how do I talk to her about it?3. And, how do I help her through whatever decision she makes, regardless of whether or not she's pregnant?

Daughter of The King said...

There are a lot of excellent articles and questions posted on our site that relate to sex outside of marriage. I suggest that you read up on the topic and pray before you speak to your friend; maybe you can print them out for her so she can read them on her own. Tell her that you care about her and that you know that what she is doing is only going to hurt her and you don't want to see her end up a mess.

If she is pregnant she's going to need a good friend to help her through the tough times. You can help influence her to choose life for her baby by letting her know that you will be there for her; you can share some simple facts about the baby in her womb, facts like:

- A baby hearts starts beating at 21 days after conception; that means that by the time she misses her first period there's a good chance her baby has a beating heart.

-At 6 weeks after conception the baby already has brain activity.

-At 8 weeks after conception (only 2 months) the stomach, liver, kidneys, and brain are functioning . At this point everything is already present that would be found in a person that is already born; The baby even has fingerprints!

-At 12 week (3months) the baby is the size of your thumb.

Sharing those facts with your friend may help her see the baby as a real person and not just some blob that she can get rid of. If she is pregnant I recommend that you take her to a pregnancy resource center; that's a place that will counsel your friend on the consequences of abortion. They will encourage her to choose life and many times they can help her with any needs she may have. You can find a pregnancy resource center near you by calling this toll free number 1-800-395-HELP (4357). All the services at a pregnancy resource center are free and confidential. I know that you are worried about your friend and you want to help her but please if your friend rejects your advice and decides to get an abortion do not support her in that decision; if you do you will be as guilty as she is for the murder of that baby. Do not go with her to the abortion clinic and do not lend her money for it; tell her that you care too much for her to help her do something so sinful and devastating to herself.

What I'm going to tell you next is going to be tough because I can tell that you care deeply about your friend but If she decides to continue with her destructive and sinful behavior you have to decide what kind of friend you're going to be. Are you going to be the kind of friend that just accepts what she does and just goes along with it? If you do that you are actually helping her sin. Or are you going to be the friend that says "Hey, I really care about you but I can't hang around with you and watch you hurt yourself. When you're ready for some changes let me know and I'll be here for you". I know that would be hard to do especially when you really care about someone but sometimes the best thing you can do for someone you love is walk away, keep her in prayer and leave her in the Lord's hands.

Sincerely,

Daughter of The King