Update from the posting Letting Her Down Easy on January 31st, 2009Anonymous says..
So I am the girl who had the problem about the singing group (not choir)with the girl that couldn't sing well at all. I did just as you suggested. We prayed hard, and because we couldn't get together with the girl, we called her and said pretty much "We love you, but we will honestly tell you that you can not sing on tune." We even told her we would be willing to let her sing with us as long as she got some singing instruction first...even though we know there is no way to teach someone to sing when they are that bad. She promptly hung up. She will only communicate with one girl in the group (I am surprised she does) and pretty much says "Oh I forgave you" even though when we walked up to her she walked away and said we all suck at singing anyway. She said Christians don't do that to thier friends, and we kicked her out of her own group-(and she claims she sounds fine). She said she told ALL her friends and family about it and they were expecting her to sing (none of the other girls told anyone becuase we didn't think the whole world should know ahead of time) and they asked why she didn't...and she said her great bunch of friends kicked her out. She makes us sound as if we are murderers. How do we respond because this is getting to be way too big of a deal and people are taking sides, asking what we did to her, and we have truly acted like Christians the whole time. How do we respond to her and other people?? The truth has definitely not set us free...:-(
Trophy of Grace replies..
You did the right thing by praying and seeking God’s face about this situation. I am sorry that you feel discouraged, confused, and hurt by what’s going on. There will be times when we will pray and our Lord removes whatever obstacle or problem it is that we are facing. Then there are other times where we have to walk through the trial and face the problem. However, we can’t stop doing what’s right. Keep praying and loving your friend no matter what. Love covers a multitude of offenses and sins.
You knew this would hurt her and you were concerned about what her reaction would be. Be patient and understanding with her, even though you may not feel she is handling this appropriately. She is hurt and is retaliating by going around and telling others her version of what has happened. This will not be the last time that you will have to tell someone something that they don’t want to hear. You can not control how others handle their disappointments and hurts. This will not be the last time that others won’t agree with you and spread rumors about you. Each of us is accountable for our own acts and reactions. Consider this training and learn from the experience.
I think you should all sit down face to face, NOT over the phone, and try to talk through the hurt and offenses. Try to reconcile and repair the friendship. Don’t allow this to keep going like this. She is hurt and you ladies are hurt too. Now others are asking and involving their selves. There is a lot of drama and I can see why you may feel the truth has not set you free. But perhaps the truth is not the fact that she can not sing. Maybe the truth is the attitudes, pride, and emotions that are being revealed through all of this. Sometimes trials bring out some of the ugly stuff we have not yet dealt with. So ask the Lord to help all of you see whatever it is He is trying to show you through all of this.
If you feel that trying to speak to her alone will not work then perhaps you should prayerfully consider having a godly mediator sit in to help. This person should be mature in the Word of God and full of godly wisdom, perhaps a youth pastor or leader. Be sure you pray together before starting the conversation. Just let them know that you have hurt one another and now there is gossip going around and that you want to stop the strife. Once you walk out of that meeting you should promise each other to leave what is said there and not involve other people. Be willing to forgive and ask forgiveness for any offenses.
“Take heed to yourselves. If your brother sins against you, rebuke him; and if he repents forgive him. And if he sins against you seven times in a day, and seven times in a day returns to you , saying, ‘I repent,’ you shall forgive him.” Luke 17:3-4
“See that no one renders evil for evil to anyone, but always pursue what is good both for yourselves and for all.” 1 Thessalonians 5:15
Regardless of her reaction you need to leave this alone in God’s hands. Allow the Lord to work in her heart and in yours. If others come to you trying to find out what happened just tell them, “Nothing much. Just our Lord teaching and training us. That’s all..” Don’t start talking with anyone else about this because it’s just going to keep gossip going.
“A perverse man sows strife, And a whisperer separates the best of friends.” Proverbs 16:28
“He who covers a transgression seeks love, But he who repeats a matter separates friends.” Proverbs 17:9
Keep us posted. We will be praying for all of you.
Sincerely,
Trophy of Grace
