Anonymous’ Situation: long, long story short. I've been married for over ten years now, together we have four children a one son from his ex-girl. my step-son his 12 1/2 yrs old. for years there have been many situations where his ex has tryied to make life with me & my husband hell, But the most damaging is what she has done to her own son. She tells her son lies about me his father and his half brothers and sisters, so when ever he comes over he would give problems. I hold back a lot of feelings inside and try my very best to be loving towards him but its so hard at times. I have a lot on my plate (we all do) and my husband is just as drained I am. Most time he pretends that everything is fine, but when ever it comes down to the weekend you could see the fustration in his spirit. when will it ever end.
I am sooo upset. As a matter of fact, I stay in a complete state of fustration when ever his son comes to stay for the weekend, There always some horrible after math that follows his stay. the baby mama calls tries despratetly wanting to speak to me (out the side of her face) but i will never allow this, I simply let my boy friend handle her with all her false accusations. This is BAD very bad! I know ! for years now I have taken my fill of all the crap. but the fact remains she will allways be around. Sometimes I really feel like my boyfriend could do more to shut her down but , I guess his is doing the best he can. I just wish she would respect me and mines, I allways maintain my composure but I cant help but to feel that ONE fine day I'm going to give her a piece of my mine. Enough is enough. Somebody please pray for me!
REPLY: Everyday family life is difficult as it is and having family drama outside of the home can make it overwhelming.
I know having step children is difficult at times, especially when the other parent is difficult to deal with. I know someone that’s going through a similar situation and I hear the frustration and despair in her voice sometimes.
I think you’re making a wise choice by handing the phone over to your husband. Considering he and she had the child, it is their responsibility to raise him together. Another words, any issues, events, etc. that involve their son should be discussed between the two of them, not you. I’m not saying that you don’t matter in this situation but you have to remember that the boy’s child care is their responsibility and the final say comes from them.
Being supportive and loving with your husband and your step son is very important, and I applaud you for doing so. Your husband might have an uphill battle with the child’s mother and he should have the reassurance that you are there for him AND his son, regardless of circumstance. It’s also vital that the child know that you love him and are there for him as well. Having parents argue is a harsh reality. If you show and tell him unconditional love, it will make things less pain staking. Let him know that he isn’t just a “step child.” He is just as important in your household as someone that’s there full-time.
In the long run, all this back and forth will affect HIM. He is old enough to see things for himself and draw his own conclusions. It might not be something you see right now but he’s analyzing the situations just as much as you, your husband and the ex are. The only difference is that the 3 of you are ADULTS and he, being a child, will process everything differently. There’s a good possibility that he’ll see the arguments and the complaints as a form of rejection, especially since he only visits on the weekends. This can widen a gap in their relationship.
I know it’s difficult and you feel like you’re on the verge of exploding but stay firm. Pray for the mother… that she and your husband begin communicating on friendly terms. Pray for your step son… that he isn’t affected by these adult problems and sees that he is loved. And pray for yourself… for patience and a continuously open heart.
Psalm 55:22
Cast your cares on the LORD and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous fall.
1 Peter 5:7
Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.
Matthew 5:43-44
But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be sons of your Father in heaven.
Stay strong. I will be praying for you.
Saved By Faith
PS - The women of WeUsed2bu love and care about your eternal soul. Therefore, we must tell you that there will be a day when each of us will have to stand before God and be judged for all we have done on this Earth. To find out how you can have right standing with God CLICK HERE
Have a question or topic idea?
Read Scriptures by Subject
Read our counselors' testimonies
