Anonymous says...
Hi,
Well I'm 18 years old and i found your blog so I just thought i'd write and ask you my questions. Anyhow
basically for the last 7 months I've been dating this guy on and off. The first three months everything was great and I really loved being with him but now I've been feeling so torn up inside over my relationship with him. I mean he's a great guy but I've had to make a lot of compromises to be with him. I've been lying to my parents about going to see him. It makes me feel so guilty every time I make up a story about where I'm going
but I just can't seem to stop. I've tried leaving him but everytime I try, he always convinces me to stay with him. He just has this way of getting the best of my emotions. I'm really really scared that I'm gonna slip up and end up sleeping with him. Like whenever this guy kisses me, I can never pull away and even though we've never talked about sex, I know that if he ever wanted to, I wouldn't be strong enough to say no. I'm just really scared right now. I just feel so far from God right now. i attend my church every week and I feel like a total hypocrite. I'm suppossed to be a christian but I feel like I've let God down so many times. i can't even pray anymore. Sometimes I wonder If god will ever take me back.
Beloved By Him replies...
Hi,
Well I'm 18 years old and i found your blog so I just thought i'd write and ask you my questions. Anyhow
basically for the last 7 months I've been dating this guy on and off. The first three months everything was great and I really loved being with him but now I've been feeling so torn up inside over my relationship with him. I mean he's a great guy but I've had to make a lot of compromises to be with him. I've been lying to my parents about going to see him. It makes me feel so guilty every time I make up a story about where I'm going
but I just can't seem to stop. I've tried leaving him but everytime I try, he always convinces me to stay with him. He just has this way of getting the best of my emotions. I'm really really scared that I'm gonna slip up and end up sleeping with him. Like whenever this guy kisses me, I can never pull away and even though we've never talked about sex, I know that if he ever wanted to, I wouldn't be strong enough to say no. I'm just really scared right now. I just feel so far from God right now. i attend my church every week and I feel like a total hypocrite. I'm suppossed to be a christian but I feel like I've let God down so many times. i can't even pray anymore. Sometimes I wonder If god will ever take me back.
Beloved By Him replies...
Dearest sister in Christ,
When Trophy of Grace and I read your question, both our hearts immediately went out to you. We are so glad that the Lord brought you to the blog just at the right time! That definitely wasn’t a coincidence (Rom. 8:28); it was your Lord Jesus leading you to a place where you can hear His voice. He is always calling out to His children, and will go looking for even one sheep who is astray, like the Good Shepherd that He is (John 10:15-16). There will never be anything that will permanently separate us from God and His love for us--not our sins, our problems, or even if we go through a time of unbelief and unfaithfulness (Rom. 8:31, II Tim. 2:13). The devil wants you to believe the opposite, because then He can draw you further away from God. Don’t believe his lies! Instead, please keep reading and pray to “receive the implanted word, which is able to save your souls” (James 1:21).
This guy is not the one for you. Period. I know a part of you reads that and is probably upset or defensive or even angry that I can say that without really knowing him, or you, right? But in reality, people don’t have to be seen to be known; the Bible says that “by their fruits you will know them.” (Matt. 7:16,20). The two of you have been planting seeds with your behavior over the last several months, and the results are starting to show up in your life. You shared how you’ve compromised your integrity to be with him, and that you’re at the point where you can’t control your emotions around him, and are afraid that you can’t control your behavior either. This is a perfect example of temptation the way it is described in James 1:14-15,
“But each one is tempted when he is drawn away by his own desires and enticed. Then, when desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, brings forth death.”
This is not necessarily talking about physical death, although certainly some sin can lead to that kind of destruction ( I John 5:16). Right now, you’re experiencing a kind of spiritual death, where the life and light of the Holy Spirit in you is being hidden and a sinful lifestyle is taking its place, making you completely powerless and miserable. You can’t ever find true happiness down this path, because Christians can’t live a lie and not have it keep us in darkness. We are called to walk away from sin and into the light of Christ, where we find fellowship and forgiveness (I John 1:7).
Please, don’t wait for this situation to bring you in to even more bondage, to the point where your actions put you in a place where you become a prisoner of the consequences (Ps. 107:10-16). The Lord will break our chains and free us by His grace eventually, but that doesn’t mean we won’t have to walk through the valley of the shadow of death first. You need to follow God’s plan for this to work, and then trust Him for the strength to work His plan:
First and foremost, turn back to your heavenly Father, Savior, and King Who loves you so much, he suffered and died for you so that you would never have to be ashamed of your sins (Hebrews 12:2). He is waiting for you to come back to Him, and even if you feel like you can’t pray, just humble yourself before Him and let the Holy Spirit pray for you, with “groanings that can’t be uttered.” (Rom. 8:26). You have to confess your sins to Him (He knows what you’ve been doing anyways), and He will be faithful and just to forgive your sins and cleanse you from all unrighteousness (I John 1:9). You may not feel like it right away, but His forgiveness is complete and total and covers and removes all of our sin (Ps. 32:1-2,5). Also be aware that the enemy is going to try and convince you that you’re not worthy of God and His forgiveness, and try to make you ashamed about what you’ve done. Don’t believe those lies, either. II Corinthians 7: 10-11 talks about the difference between Godly sorrow, which leads to repentance, and the sorrow of the world (including shame), which leads to death. Embrace the Lord’s forgiveness and mercy with Godly sorrow, which will produce in you diligence, zeal, and a burning desire for God and His will in your life. Plus, you will open yourself back up to receiving His love and strength and power in your life again, and you can be rid of the fear that is keeping you from Him (II Tim. 1:7).
Second, you are going to need that power and love of the Holy Spirit, because you need the strength to leave this guy alone, as well as the assurance of God’s love for you, which will carry you through whatever feelings of loneliness or sadness that may come. God will give you the strength to walk away from this guy if you are willing to trust and cling to Him (Phil 4:13, Deut. 30:20). Ask Him to give you wisdom and His perspective about this relationship (James 1: 5-6), and believe what He shows you. I know that if you seek Him with a true heart, He will help you understand how dangerous this situation is, and that it’s not what he wants for you, His beloved daughter. Jesus died and rose again so that we would have abundant life, fullness of joy, and freedom from sin (John 10:10,15:11,Gal. 5:1). When we consider the sacrifice He made for us, why would we want to allow ourselves to be entangled by a yoke of bondage? Nothing compares to the goodness that God has stored up for those who love Him (I Cor. 2:9).
Thirdly, trust in God’s goodness and recommit your relationship to Him. He really does have a wonderful plan for your life, and He rewards those who diligently seek Him (Jer. 29:11,Heb. 11:6). Wait on Him to renew your strength, so that you can “rise up on wings like eagles, run and not be weary, and walk and not faint: (Is. 40:31). If you have been letting your emotions and feelings control your life and dictate your choices, it is critical that you learn to take your thoughts captive and make them obedient to Christ (II Cor. 10:5). That way, when a thought enters your mind that you know doesn’t line up with God’s Word, you can immediately check it and say, “No! God’s Word says that His will for me is sanctification! He doesn’t want me messing around with this guy! He wants me to stay pure, and He’ll help me do it!” (I Thess. 4:4-5, Phil. 2:13) It takes discipline to read and apply God’s Word, but it’s impossible to have a successful life as a Christian if we don’t really know the God we serve, and His Word that gives us wisdom. What’s the alternative? Do we want to be the author of our own mess, living defeated in sin and never giving God glory? Or do we want to become more and more like Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith, Who willingly laid down His life for us? (Heb. 12:1-2, John 10:18). Besides, it’s impossible to argue with God and win. We’re only the clay; He’s the one Who lovingly created us and has the perfect plan for us (Is. 64:8, Jer. 31:3). He’s the only one with the words of life (John 6:68).
Be strong, sister. Pray for the ability to “strengthen the hands which hang down, and the feeble knees, and make straight paths for your feet, so that what is lame may not be dislocated, but rather be healed.” (Heb. 12:12-13). The Lord wants you to know the truth, so that the truth will set you free (John 8:32). And remember, “If the Son sets you free, then you are free, free indeed” (John 8:36). He died so that you can have that freedom; you just need to make the choice to live in it. You truly can do all things through Him Who gives you strength (Phil. 4:13). Please come back and let us know how you are doing.
Love,
When Trophy of Grace and I read your question, both our hearts immediately went out to you. We are so glad that the Lord brought you to the blog just at the right time! That definitely wasn’t a coincidence (Rom. 8:28); it was your Lord Jesus leading you to a place where you can hear His voice. He is always calling out to His children, and will go looking for even one sheep who is astray, like the Good Shepherd that He is (John 10:15-16). There will never be anything that will permanently separate us from God and His love for us--not our sins, our problems, or even if we go through a time of unbelief and unfaithfulness (Rom. 8:31, II Tim. 2:13). The devil wants you to believe the opposite, because then He can draw you further away from God. Don’t believe his lies! Instead, please keep reading and pray to “receive the implanted word, which is able to save your souls” (James 1:21).
This guy is not the one for you. Period. I know a part of you reads that and is probably upset or defensive or even angry that I can say that without really knowing him, or you, right? But in reality, people don’t have to be seen to be known; the Bible says that “by their fruits you will know them.” (Matt. 7:16,20). The two of you have been planting seeds with your behavior over the last several months, and the results are starting to show up in your life. You shared how you’ve compromised your integrity to be with him, and that you’re at the point where you can’t control your emotions around him, and are afraid that you can’t control your behavior either. This is a perfect example of temptation the way it is described in James 1:14-15,
“But each one is tempted when he is drawn away by his own desires and enticed. Then, when desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, brings forth death.”
This is not necessarily talking about physical death, although certainly some sin can lead to that kind of destruction ( I John 5:16). Right now, you’re experiencing a kind of spiritual death, where the life and light of the Holy Spirit in you is being hidden and a sinful lifestyle is taking its place, making you completely powerless and miserable. You can’t ever find true happiness down this path, because Christians can’t live a lie and not have it keep us in darkness. We are called to walk away from sin and into the light of Christ, where we find fellowship and forgiveness (I John 1:7).
Please, don’t wait for this situation to bring you in to even more bondage, to the point where your actions put you in a place where you become a prisoner of the consequences (Ps. 107:10-16). The Lord will break our chains and free us by His grace eventually, but that doesn’t mean we won’t have to walk through the valley of the shadow of death first. You need to follow God’s plan for this to work, and then trust Him for the strength to work His plan:
First and foremost, turn back to your heavenly Father, Savior, and King Who loves you so much, he suffered and died for you so that you would never have to be ashamed of your sins (Hebrews 12:2). He is waiting for you to come back to Him, and even if you feel like you can’t pray, just humble yourself before Him and let the Holy Spirit pray for you, with “groanings that can’t be uttered.” (Rom. 8:26). You have to confess your sins to Him (He knows what you’ve been doing anyways), and He will be faithful and just to forgive your sins and cleanse you from all unrighteousness (I John 1:9). You may not feel like it right away, but His forgiveness is complete and total and covers and removes all of our sin (Ps. 32:1-2,5). Also be aware that the enemy is going to try and convince you that you’re not worthy of God and His forgiveness, and try to make you ashamed about what you’ve done. Don’t believe those lies, either. II Corinthians 7: 10-11 talks about the difference between Godly sorrow, which leads to repentance, and the sorrow of the world (including shame), which leads to death. Embrace the Lord’s forgiveness and mercy with Godly sorrow, which will produce in you diligence, zeal, and a burning desire for God and His will in your life. Plus, you will open yourself back up to receiving His love and strength and power in your life again, and you can be rid of the fear that is keeping you from Him (II Tim. 1:7).
Second, you are going to need that power and love of the Holy Spirit, because you need the strength to leave this guy alone, as well as the assurance of God’s love for you, which will carry you through whatever feelings of loneliness or sadness that may come. God will give you the strength to walk away from this guy if you are willing to trust and cling to Him (Phil 4:13, Deut. 30:20). Ask Him to give you wisdom and His perspective about this relationship (James 1: 5-6), and believe what He shows you. I know that if you seek Him with a true heart, He will help you understand how dangerous this situation is, and that it’s not what he wants for you, His beloved daughter. Jesus died and rose again so that we would have abundant life, fullness of joy, and freedom from sin (John 10:10,15:11,Gal. 5:1). When we consider the sacrifice He made for us, why would we want to allow ourselves to be entangled by a yoke of bondage? Nothing compares to the goodness that God has stored up for those who love Him (I Cor. 2:9).
Thirdly, trust in God’s goodness and recommit your relationship to Him. He really does have a wonderful plan for your life, and He rewards those who diligently seek Him (Jer. 29:11,Heb. 11:6). Wait on Him to renew your strength, so that you can “rise up on wings like eagles, run and not be weary, and walk and not faint: (Is. 40:31). If you have been letting your emotions and feelings control your life and dictate your choices, it is critical that you learn to take your thoughts captive and make them obedient to Christ (II Cor. 10:5). That way, when a thought enters your mind that you know doesn’t line up with God’s Word, you can immediately check it and say, “No! God’s Word says that His will for me is sanctification! He doesn’t want me messing around with this guy! He wants me to stay pure, and He’ll help me do it!” (I Thess. 4:4-5, Phil. 2:13) It takes discipline to read and apply God’s Word, but it’s impossible to have a successful life as a Christian if we don’t really know the God we serve, and His Word that gives us wisdom. What’s the alternative? Do we want to be the author of our own mess, living defeated in sin and never giving God glory? Or do we want to become more and more like Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith, Who willingly laid down His life for us? (Heb. 12:1-2, John 10:18). Besides, it’s impossible to argue with God and win. We’re only the clay; He’s the one Who lovingly created us and has the perfect plan for us (Is. 64:8, Jer. 31:3). He’s the only one with the words of life (John 6:68).
Be strong, sister. Pray for the ability to “strengthen the hands which hang down, and the feeble knees, and make straight paths for your feet, so that what is lame may not be dislocated, but rather be healed.” (Heb. 12:12-13). The Lord wants you to know the truth, so that the truth will set you free (John 8:32). And remember, “If the Son sets you free, then you are free, free indeed” (John 8:36). He died so that you can have that freedom; you just need to make the choice to live in it. You truly can do all things through Him Who gives you strength (Phil. 4:13). Please come back and let us know how you are doing.
Love,
