ANONYMOUS WROTE: (names are changed for anonymity) I was best friends with Noah for 3 yrs. We dated for awhile but things didn’t work out. Noah & I broke things off because he did some really stupid things at his ex’s and he scared everyone. my brother stopped a lot of bad things from happening that night. Another reason why it didn’t work out is because I still had feelings for my ex, Andrew, and he & I would hang out once in awhile. Even though Andrew calls me b/c he wants to see me, we end up arguing. He’s even called his ex to come over before I would leave his house! Well it was Andrew’s birthday and he wanted me to go out to the lake with him so I did... and he ended up ditching me to go with some other girls. So I was hanging out with everyone, enjoying myself when this really gorgeous guy Darren comes up and I looked into his eyes and we connected. We had a great weekend and exchanged numbers. We’ve had some deep talks on the phone. We write each other and he is worried that I love another guy... I do... I think. I told Darren that I love someone else and that didn’t go to well.. I think I messed that up and I really like him.... but I think he will stick with me and work this out. But there’s still Andrew... he keeps calling. He wants me to go out to his farm with him during harvest to keep him company... and I can’t say no.... I’m lost... fer reals
ANSWER: I read your email a couple of times to make sure I fully understand your situation. I think the first thing you should take into consideration is respect… respect given and respect received. Respect given is self respect and the respect you give others. Self respect is very important because it sets a foundation on how you will and will not allow others to treat you. God created you out of His undying love for you. Before you were in your mother’s womb He set forth a life and love for you that you must cherish. “He shaped us in our mother’s womb, and we are marvelous inside and out!” (Psalm 139: 13,14) God’s love combined with prayer should inspire you, give you the insight and self-respect and love you need in order to make sound decisions in every area.
Deut. 7:16; Song of Solomon 1:15; Zech. 2:8
The drama with Noah sounds like he lacks self control. Although you built a friendship with him originally, he seems a little unstable. God wants His children to be stable… to be rooted. The bible uses the analogy of building your house on rock or sand (Matthew 7:24-27). Let me briefly explain:
If you build a house on sand and a terrible storm comes, you’re house is going to fall apart because it wasn’t built on a strong foundation. But if you build your house on the rock, it will last through the storm.
For Noah, his careless ways are like building his house on sand. Eventually, it’s going to fall apart. Situations like this are when you really have to evaluate your friendships. I suggest that you pray for him. His being out of control at his ex’s house shows that he’s allowed the enemy to work in his life, taking full control. Pray that Noah finds love in the Lord and is able to settle his ways in order to better provide for his children and himself. Be positive, stay focused, and pray for his salvation. It is very important that we pray for not only our friends and family, but also for those who have hurt us.
The best gift anyone can give to another is to pray for him or her. We live in a sinful world where bad things happen to people and people are tempted to sin. Praying for another person not only helps that person find God in the midst of trouble, but also helps us recognize the blessings that God gives us daily!
1 Timothy 2:1-5; James 1:13-15
Andrew and you seem to be caught in a yo-yo effect, going up and down. This is also not a healthy situation and is like you building on sand too. His blatant lack of respect should serve as a reminder for you… God intended you to be with someone that is respectful, that loves you wholeheartedly, and has a growing relationship with the Lord. I would suggest you not go to the farm to visit Andrew. Take some time to yourself. Meditate in the Word. Read and really try to understand the good things our Heavenly Father has planned for you. He will bring you someone that does not cause so much despair.
"May the Lord direct your hearts into God's love and Christ's perseverance?" (2 Thessalonians 3:5)
Darren is new and exciting. New and exciting should still be taken at a slow pace. Love is something very serious and isn’t shared with just anyone. It takes time to build your relationship with God so why wouldn’t the same apply to a guy?? Develop a friendship with Darren, don’t rush into anything. Always work on your relationship with the Lord first, making sure you are rooted in your faith. God will bring your mate in your life in His due time. Be patient.
We just wrote an article that might help you… My Heart Skipped A Beat
Sincerely,
