MySpace friend writes...
Okay....I have this friend who is way different to me in so many ways. Even though I'm older, shes "done" a lot more things than I ever thought possible. It's weird when she talks to me and tells me stuff. But the biggest problem is that she's had SEX over, or around, 17 time, and she goes out with men way older than her. She's only 14, and she's going with guys 17-19. And the worst part is, these guys are actually good guys, but I don't under stand why there going with a 14 year old girl. How do I talk to my friend, without making it ackward, about being pure?
Beloved By Him replies...
It’s so great to see that you want to help your friend; that kind of willing heart brings glory and honor to the Lord. I’m very concerned about your friend’s behavior, and I pray that the Holy Spirit gives you the right words to speak so that she can be turned from this very destructive path she’s on. Proverbs 24:11 tells us to “Deliver those who are drawn toward death, and hold back those who are stumbling to the slaughter.” A promiscuous lifestyle is extremely dangerous, both physically and mentally. The best thing you can do for her, besides pray for her, is to share with her what the Bible says about purity. God’s word is living and powerful; it will cut right through her excuses and convict her about what she’s been doing (Heb. 4:12), and she probably won’t like to hear it. I know that you don’t want it to be an awkward conversation, but that might be unavoidable. You have to ask yourself what’s more important, telling her the truth, and maybe helping save her from serious trouble and heartache, or not offending her, and watching her suffer the consequences. You are going to have to give her some tough love, and not accept any justifications from her about her actions. Whether she admits it or not, she will have heard the truth, and you can have peace that you did right by her (Ez. 33:7-9).
That being said, it’s also important to pray and act in a spirit of humility and gentleness toward her. You’re going to have to be patient and not argue with her (II Tim. 2:25-26). Keep in mind that if it’s true that she has been involved with boys on an intimate level, she’s actually showing by her behavior that somewhere inside of her, something’s broken. Spiritually healthy 14-year-old girls do not seek out to have sex with boys or men. Whether something has happened to her in her past, or if she has not had the kind of upbringing that teaches about real love, self-control, and purity, it has caused her to give away the part of her that is so precious, it was only meant for her future husband (Gen. 2:24). If she does not receive the Lord’s forgiveness and healing, then she will always have that emptiness in her, and it may drive her into a vicious cycle as she keeps looking for something she won’t be able to find apart from God’s blessing in marriage. When you talk to her, purpose in your heart that you’re going to be firm in the truth, but that you’re going to speak with a gentle tongue, which the Bible says can break a bone (Prov. 25:15). If, while you’re sharing with her, she becomes defensive, remember that “a soft answer turns away wrath” (Prov.15:1). You don’t have to prove that God’s word is true, it is whether she believes it or not (John 17:17). You’re His messenger, and she may not realize right now that you’re there to help pull her away from the fire she’s messing with (Jude 23).
Tell her the truth: You care about her, you want what’s best for her, and you don’t want to see anything bad happen to her. Share with her the passages in I Thess. 4:3-8 and I Cor. 6:13-20, where it talks about how we are supposed to honor God and ourselves by staying pure. Let her know that God has a perfect man waiting for her, one who will love and cherish and desire only her, if she is willing to wait for the Lord to bring him to her (Song of Solomon 6:3, Ps. 18:30). This will be the person that the Lord wants her to live with joyfully for the rest of her life (Eccl. 9:9), a real fairy tale in a world full of happily-never-afters.
If she doesn’t know Jesus Christ as her Lord and Savior, then she may not receive anything you say (John 14:17). But don’t let that stop you from sharing with her the truth of God’s word, and particularly the plan of salvation if she’s not saved. There can’t be any lasting change in her unless she surrenders her life to Jesus. It’s His life in us that causes us to live by faith in God and the power of the Holy Spirit (Gal. 2:19-20). You can’t ever be more of a friend to someone than when you lay down your life for them (John 15:13), and if you are willing to put yourself out there, and not worry about what she will say or how she will react, then that’s a great example of laying down your life, because you love her and want to see her saved. That is what a real friend does.
I hope that you have those kinds of friends in your life, whether it is several people, or even just one or two. Christians need friends in their lives who will stick close to us, walk the extra mile, and help bear our burdens (Prov. 18:24, Matt. 5:41, Gal. 6:2). This girl may have her good qualities, but she should not be the kind of friend that you turn to for wisdom or support. You need someone in your life that will make you stronger in the Lord. The Bible describes that as iron sharpening iron (Prov. 27:17). You need good fellowship with godly brothers and sisters, not guys who are 17-19 and looking to take advantage of a 14-year-old girl. Please be careful about the people you allow to be close to you, because it’s true that bad company corrupts good morals (I Cor. 15:33). Many of the women of WeUsed2bu have had times in our lives where we’ve allowed our friends to drag us down to places where we shouldn’t have been. It’s only by the grace, mercy, and love of Christ Jesus that we’re here to say “Don’t do it!” Follow the Lord with your whole heart, let Him be your best friend, and walk out your life with people who share your love for Him (John 15:15). That’s why we’re here—to be your friends and walk with you in His name. Remember that we’re here for you.
Sincerely,
Beloved By Him
Okay....I have this friend who is way different to me in so many ways. Even though I'm older, shes "done" a lot more things than I ever thought possible. It's weird when she talks to me and tells me stuff. But the biggest problem is that she's had SEX over, or around, 17 time, and she goes out with men way older than her. She's only 14, and she's going with guys 17-19. And the worst part is, these guys are actually good guys, but I don't under stand why there going with a 14 year old girl. How do I talk to my friend, without making it ackward, about being pure?
Beloved By Him replies...
It’s so great to see that you want to help your friend; that kind of willing heart brings glory and honor to the Lord. I’m very concerned about your friend’s behavior, and I pray that the Holy Spirit gives you the right words to speak so that she can be turned from this very destructive path she’s on. Proverbs 24:11 tells us to “Deliver those who are drawn toward death, and hold back those who are stumbling to the slaughter.” A promiscuous lifestyle is extremely dangerous, both physically and mentally. The best thing you can do for her, besides pray for her, is to share with her what the Bible says about purity. God’s word is living and powerful; it will cut right through her excuses and convict her about what she’s been doing (Heb. 4:12), and she probably won’t like to hear it. I know that you don’t want it to be an awkward conversation, but that might be unavoidable. You have to ask yourself what’s more important, telling her the truth, and maybe helping save her from serious trouble and heartache, or not offending her, and watching her suffer the consequences. You are going to have to give her some tough love, and not accept any justifications from her about her actions. Whether she admits it or not, she will have heard the truth, and you can have peace that you did right by her (Ez. 33:7-9).
That being said, it’s also important to pray and act in a spirit of humility and gentleness toward her. You’re going to have to be patient and not argue with her (II Tim. 2:25-26). Keep in mind that if it’s true that she has been involved with boys on an intimate level, she’s actually showing by her behavior that somewhere inside of her, something’s broken. Spiritually healthy 14-year-old girls do not seek out to have sex with boys or men. Whether something has happened to her in her past, or if she has not had the kind of upbringing that teaches about real love, self-control, and purity, it has caused her to give away the part of her that is so precious, it was only meant for her future husband (Gen. 2:24). If she does not receive the Lord’s forgiveness and healing, then she will always have that emptiness in her, and it may drive her into a vicious cycle as she keeps looking for something she won’t be able to find apart from God’s blessing in marriage. When you talk to her, purpose in your heart that you’re going to be firm in the truth, but that you’re going to speak with a gentle tongue, which the Bible says can break a bone (Prov. 25:15). If, while you’re sharing with her, she becomes defensive, remember that “a soft answer turns away wrath” (Prov.15:1). You don’t have to prove that God’s word is true, it is whether she believes it or not (John 17:17). You’re His messenger, and she may not realize right now that you’re there to help pull her away from the fire she’s messing with (Jude 23).
Tell her the truth: You care about her, you want what’s best for her, and you don’t want to see anything bad happen to her. Share with her the passages in I Thess. 4:3-8 and I Cor. 6:13-20, where it talks about how we are supposed to honor God and ourselves by staying pure. Let her know that God has a perfect man waiting for her, one who will love and cherish and desire only her, if she is willing to wait for the Lord to bring him to her (Song of Solomon 6:3, Ps. 18:30). This will be the person that the Lord wants her to live with joyfully for the rest of her life (Eccl. 9:9), a real fairy tale in a world full of happily-never-afters.
If she doesn’t know Jesus Christ as her Lord and Savior, then she may not receive anything you say (John 14:17). But don’t let that stop you from sharing with her the truth of God’s word, and particularly the plan of salvation if she’s not saved. There can’t be any lasting change in her unless she surrenders her life to Jesus. It’s His life in us that causes us to live by faith in God and the power of the Holy Spirit (Gal. 2:19-20). You can’t ever be more of a friend to someone than when you lay down your life for them (John 15:13), and if you are willing to put yourself out there, and not worry about what she will say or how she will react, then that’s a great example of laying down your life, because you love her and want to see her saved. That is what a real friend does.
I hope that you have those kinds of friends in your life, whether it is several people, or even just one or two. Christians need friends in their lives who will stick close to us, walk the extra mile, and help bear our burdens (Prov. 18:24, Matt. 5:41, Gal. 6:2). This girl may have her good qualities, but she should not be the kind of friend that you turn to for wisdom or support. You need someone in your life that will make you stronger in the Lord. The Bible describes that as iron sharpening iron (Prov. 27:17). You need good fellowship with godly brothers and sisters, not guys who are 17-19 and looking to take advantage of a 14-year-old girl. Please be careful about the people you allow to be close to you, because it’s true that bad company corrupts good morals (I Cor. 15:33). Many of the women of WeUsed2bu have had times in our lives where we’ve allowed our friends to drag us down to places where we shouldn’t have been. It’s only by the grace, mercy, and love of Christ Jesus that we’re here to say “Don’t do it!” Follow the Lord with your whole heart, let Him be your best friend, and walk out your life with people who share your love for Him (John 15:15). That’s why we’re here—to be your friends and walk with you in His name. Remember that we’re here for you.
Sincerely,
Beloved By Him
