Anonymous says..
I am in need of advice. My best friend has recently become engaged. She only dated her boyfriend for two weeks after first meeting him. She accepted when he proposed. It was then that I met him for the first time when they came to visit my home. But I was not impressed.
There was something about him that I didn't trust. Maybe it was his eyes. But it turns out that my friend's brother does not like his sister's fiance at all.
My friend's fiance has been defined as a liar, manipulative, dishonest, and using my friend. There are stories where he would say one thing and turns out it was another. He's lied about so much. He's disrespectful to church members and my friend. He's way too rough with my friend, though he says he is playing. It's been said that he's told others before he met my friend that he "needed to get me a wife". Almost everyone thinks he is using her. Some are saying they don't even think he is a Christian but is using that to get what he wants.
My friend knows all this. She knows that he lies, is rough with her, disrespectful, etc. This is the first man she has dated and a lot of people are afraid she is "falling for the first guy".
He has no job (can't ever keep one), no education (doesn't want to get one), and never seems to take anything seriously. I'm so afraid she'll spend the rest of her life supporting him while he uses her. I don't want this to happen to my best friend!!!
I want her to break off the engagement but I have yet to tell her how I feel. What should I say? Should I even tell her? Is it my place? I'm scared for her...scared she'll marry him to "prove to everyone" that they can make it work and be miserable for the rest of her life. (She doesn't believe in divorce...only under certain circumstances.) What should I do??
Trophy of Grace replies...
I am in need of advice. My best friend has recently become engaged. She only dated her boyfriend for two weeks after first meeting him. She accepted when he proposed. It was then that I met him for the first time when they came to visit my home. But I was not impressed.
There was something about him that I didn't trust. Maybe it was his eyes. But it turns out that my friend's brother does not like his sister's fiance at all.
My friend's fiance has been defined as a liar, manipulative, dishonest, and using my friend. There are stories where he would say one thing and turns out it was another. He's lied about so much. He's disrespectful to church members and my friend. He's way too rough with my friend, though he says he is playing. It's been said that he's told others before he met my friend that he "needed to get me a wife". Almost everyone thinks he is using her. Some are saying they don't even think he is a Christian but is using that to get what he wants.
My friend knows all this. She knows that he lies, is rough with her, disrespectful, etc. This is the first man she has dated and a lot of people are afraid she is "falling for the first guy".
He has no job (can't ever keep one), no education (doesn't want to get one), and never seems to take anything seriously. I'm so afraid she'll spend the rest of her life supporting him while he uses her. I don't want this to happen to my best friend!!!
I want her to break off the engagement but I have yet to tell her how I feel. What should I say? Should I even tell her? Is it my place? I'm scared for her...scared she'll marry him to "prove to everyone" that they can make it work and be miserable for the rest of her life. (She doesn't believe in divorce...only under certain circumstances.) What should I do??
Trophy of Grace replies...
“The godly give good advice to their friends; the wicked lead them astray.” Proverbs 12:26
My Dear Sister yes you most certainly should tell your friend. It is most definitely your place to tell her. Your love for her causes you to want to protect and keep her from harm. When we see that our friends are in trouble or headed down the wrong path we are to warn them. When we see our friends are under attack we must sound the alarm before they fall into the trap of the enemy. That is our duty. The enemy and the world want to get us to ‘mind our own business’ but our brothers and sisters in the Lord are our business and lost souls are our business.
I think you should take a day of fasting, prayer, and reading His Word. Just draw close to Him and seek His face about this situation. Intercede on her behalf. Take this time and ask the Lord to search your heart and to give you His Words to speak to her in love. Ask Him to prepare your heart to have the right attitude. Ask Him to prepare her heart to receive what you are saying and to not be completely closed to it. The Lord will give you the prayer direction, you’ll see. He will also give you the words to speak to her when the time comes. Pray that He would use you to give her confirmation of things that He has already been laying on her heart. Remember that you both have the same Holy Spirit and He has been talking to her too about this relationship and His concerns regarding it. May the Lord give her eyes to see and ears to hear what the Spirit is saying.
She may or may not receive what you have to say. Sometimes when people are in error or sin they do not want to hear what those closest to them have to say. If that is the case then you will just have to step back and allow her to make her choices. Keep praying and interceding on her behalf. You have to trust the Lord when He says that He works EVERYTHING out for our good. (Romans 8:28) If she is a believer, then she is His child. Believe me when I tell you that she is in Good hands. Trust your friend to our Lord He will not ever leave her or forsake her.
I know this hurts you but cast all of your cares on Him because He cares for you. Don’t be anxious about this situation instead do as I have said above and present your requests to God and make your supplications on behalf of your friend to our Lord. I promise that if you will trust the Lord and meditate on His Word about this situation the peace of God which surpasses all understanding will protect your mind and heart as you trust Him to care for your dear friend. (Philippians 4:6-7)
“ A friend is always loyal, and a brother is born to help in time of need.” Proverbs 17: 17
It seems to be that you are truly a loyal friend to this girl and a sister in time of need. She is blessed to have you.
I love you sister.. and we will be praying for you and your friend.
P.S.
Here’s an article that I think may help you.
Will You Be Obedient & Tell Them?
My Dear Sister yes you most certainly should tell your friend. It is most definitely your place to tell her. Your love for her causes you to want to protect and keep her from harm. When we see that our friends are in trouble or headed down the wrong path we are to warn them. When we see our friends are under attack we must sound the alarm before they fall into the trap of the enemy. That is our duty. The enemy and the world want to get us to ‘mind our own business’ but our brothers and sisters in the Lord are our business and lost souls are our business.
I think you should take a day of fasting, prayer, and reading His Word. Just draw close to Him and seek His face about this situation. Intercede on her behalf. Take this time and ask the Lord to search your heart and to give you His Words to speak to her in love. Ask Him to prepare your heart to have the right attitude. Ask Him to prepare her heart to receive what you are saying and to not be completely closed to it. The Lord will give you the prayer direction, you’ll see. He will also give you the words to speak to her when the time comes. Pray that He would use you to give her confirmation of things that He has already been laying on her heart. Remember that you both have the same Holy Spirit and He has been talking to her too about this relationship and His concerns regarding it. May the Lord give her eyes to see and ears to hear what the Spirit is saying.
She may or may not receive what you have to say. Sometimes when people are in error or sin they do not want to hear what those closest to them have to say. If that is the case then you will just have to step back and allow her to make her choices. Keep praying and interceding on her behalf. You have to trust the Lord when He says that He works EVERYTHING out for our good. (Romans 8:28) If she is a believer, then she is His child. Believe me when I tell you that she is in Good hands. Trust your friend to our Lord He will not ever leave her or forsake her.
I know this hurts you but cast all of your cares on Him because He cares for you. Don’t be anxious about this situation instead do as I have said above and present your requests to God and make your supplications on behalf of your friend to our Lord. I promise that if you will trust the Lord and meditate on His Word about this situation the peace of God which surpasses all understanding will protect your mind and heart as you trust Him to care for your dear friend. (Philippians 4:6-7)
“ A friend is always loyal, and a brother is born to help in time of need.” Proverbs 17: 17
It seems to be that you are truly a loyal friend to this girl and a sister in time of need. She is blessed to have you.
I love you sister.. and we will be praying for you and your friend.
P.S.
Here’s an article that I think may help you.
Will You Be Obedient & Tell Them?
