Anonymous says...
I got a ??. My best friend & me are Christian. Im new and shes been in church for a long time. For a while now shes been judgin me or questionin if Im really into church. I am into church n stuff but Im not 'in ur face' about it like she is. Im not doin n e thing wrong but she swears I am cuz we dont see each other allot so she decided not to be my friend. Shes my bff and I love her I dont wanna lose her but I dont like how shes judgin me. I cant talk to her cuz she wont listen. she already made up her mind bout me so what I say dont matter.what should I do? I thought Christians werent supposed to judge people?
Beloved by Him said...
Hi, it’s Beloved by Him, in for Trophy of Grace, and I want to encourage you regarding your situation, because two Christian best friends have a common ground that friends in the world don’t have–the love of Jesus Christ. There’s a Michael W. Smith song that says “A friend’s a friend forever if the Lord’s the Lord of them.” That’s the perspective you are going to have to keep until things are resolved and your relationship is healed, which I know is God’s will for the two of you (Ps. 133:1, Eph. 4:2-3). It may require a lot of work, spiritually and emotionally, but there are times that the Lord calls us to lay down our lives for our friends (John 15:13). In His eyes, there is no greater love we can show them, and if she means that much to you, then I pray that He pours His love for her into your heart, and gives you hope for this relationship (Rom. 5:5).
Unconditional love is going to be a critical part of the healing process, because “love covers a multitude of sins” (I Peter 4:8). If she has been harsh or faulty in her judgment of you, then you have to forgive her, not just for her sake, but for your own as well. God’s Word says that if we don’t forgive someone who sins against us, then He won’t forgive our sins (Matt. 6:14-15). You need to give her the same grace He gives you, which will bring you peace, and prevent bitterness towards her from taking root in your heart (Heb. 12:4-5). This also means being careful not to complain about her to your other friends (James 5:9), and not gossiping about her or the situation between the two of you (Prov. 26:22, James 4:11). Remember, love bears, believes, hopes, and endures all things (I Cor. 13:7). Talking badly about her may make you feel better for a time, but ultimately poisons both your attitude towards her and the future of your friendship. Instead, give your hurt feelings and your frustrations over to the Lord, Who judges righteously, and yet found a way through Christ to give us His righteousness and heal us by the stripes He received (I Peter 2:23-24).
Once you have submitted your feelings about her to the Lord, it’s time to humble yourself before Him and ask Him to show you if you have done something to cause or contribute to this rift between you and her. Sometimes, we are not even aware of the sin in our lives, and we need to ask the Lord to help us understand where we are wrong (Psalm 19:13). This can be an unpleasant process, because most of us (myself included) don’t like to admit that we have let God and others down. But when we humble ourselves under His mighty hand, He will lift us up and even exalt us in due time (James 4:10, I Peter 5:6), as He mercifully makes us into “vessels for honor, sanctified, useful for the Master, prepared for every good work” (II Tim. 2:21). Go boldly to God and ask for His wisdom about where you might be missing the mark, and He will give you both the wisdom and the grace to make it right, without condemnation (Heb. 4:16, James 1:5). He will honor your willingness to be obedient, and you will have the confidence that you have allowed Him to search your heart and change anything that might not be pleasing to Him (Ps. 139:23-24).
The next step probably won’t be easy: You need to talk to try and talk to her, even if you think she won’t listen. We are commanded by Scripture to pursue peace with others, and that if we know someone has something against us, then we are to go to them and try to make it right ( Matt. 5:23-24, Rom. 12:18). This means that in addition to sharing your thoughts and feelings in a spirit of gentleness, you will have to afford her the opportunity to share hers as well. When this happens, pray for the mind of Christ to be active in you, so that you will be able to receive and discern any truth in what she is saying (I Cor. 2:15-16). If there is, remember that “faithful are the wounds of a friend” (Prov. 27: 5-6). It is a true friend that tells us how things really are, and not just what we want to hear.
This could be especially difficult for you, because you already feel that she is improperly judging your Christian walk. This may be true, especially if she is currently doing what she is accusing you of. That is the unrighteous judgment the Apostle Paul warned against in Romans 2:1-4. However, Christians are called to judge righteous judgment (John 7:24), which is using our God-given discernment that is in line with the will of God. Jesus used this type of judgment when He was here on earth (John 5:30, 8:16). It’s not a condemning attitude, intending to cause hurt or shame to a person. It’s the knowledge of God, applied by understanding and governed by the wisdom of His word. Without it, we couldn’t tell right from wrong. The purpose of this kind of judgment is loving correction, salvation, and restoration (Prov. 9:8, II Cor. 2:5-8, Jude 22-23). When another Christian rebukes us for something in our lives that is unrighteous, then it is our responsibility to receive it and not refuse it, because we know it’s for our own good (Ps. 141:5). If she is trying to get you to see something in your life that could be detrimental to your well-being and your Christian walk, then even if she doesn’t approach you perfectly, she still may truly be trying to help you.
It is my sincere hope that the two of you can be of one mind again, and enjoy a new level of closeness in your relationship. You both may have to accept things about the other person’s life that you don’t necessarily agree with, as long as those things don’t cause either one of you to stumble into sin (Rom. 14:13). Ultimately, though, the issue of your faith is between you and God (v.22). If the two of you decide that you can no longer be in fellowship, don’t give up praying for her and hoping that things will change in the future, because “a friend loves at all times” (Prov. 17:17) Here’s a powerful word for you to pray from the book of Romans,
“Now may the God of patience and comfort grant you to be like-minded toward one another, according to Christ Jesus, that you may with one mind and one mouth glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ.” (Rom. 15:5-6)
I pray that the Lord will give you His peace, and the faith to persevere, as you seek Him in this situation. Much love, sister.
P.S. Here's the song--
Michael W Smith- Friends
I got a ??. My best friend & me are Christian. Im new and shes been in church for a long time. For a while now shes been judgin me or questionin if Im really into church. I am into church n stuff but Im not 'in ur face' about it like she is. Im not doin n e thing wrong but she swears I am cuz we dont see each other allot so she decided not to be my friend. Shes my bff and I love her I dont wanna lose her but I dont like how shes judgin me. I cant talk to her cuz she wont listen. she already made up her mind bout me so what I say dont matter.what should I do? I thought Christians werent supposed to judge people?
Beloved by Him said...
Hi, it’s Beloved by Him, in for Trophy of Grace, and I want to encourage you regarding your situation, because two Christian best friends have a common ground that friends in the world don’t have–the love of Jesus Christ. There’s a Michael W. Smith song that says “A friend’s a friend forever if the Lord’s the Lord of them.” That’s the perspective you are going to have to keep until things are resolved and your relationship is healed, which I know is God’s will for the two of you (Ps. 133:1, Eph. 4:2-3). It may require a lot of work, spiritually and emotionally, but there are times that the Lord calls us to lay down our lives for our friends (John 15:13). In His eyes, there is no greater love we can show them, and if she means that much to you, then I pray that He pours His love for her into your heart, and gives you hope for this relationship (Rom. 5:5).
Unconditional love is going to be a critical part of the healing process, because “love covers a multitude of sins” (I Peter 4:8). If she has been harsh or faulty in her judgment of you, then you have to forgive her, not just for her sake, but for your own as well. God’s Word says that if we don’t forgive someone who sins against us, then He won’t forgive our sins (Matt. 6:14-15). You need to give her the same grace He gives you, which will bring you peace, and prevent bitterness towards her from taking root in your heart (Heb. 12:4-5). This also means being careful not to complain about her to your other friends (James 5:9), and not gossiping about her or the situation between the two of you (Prov. 26:22, James 4:11). Remember, love bears, believes, hopes, and endures all things (I Cor. 13:7). Talking badly about her may make you feel better for a time, but ultimately poisons both your attitude towards her and the future of your friendship. Instead, give your hurt feelings and your frustrations over to the Lord, Who judges righteously, and yet found a way through Christ to give us His righteousness and heal us by the stripes He received (I Peter 2:23-24).
Once you have submitted your feelings about her to the Lord, it’s time to humble yourself before Him and ask Him to show you if you have done something to cause or contribute to this rift between you and her. Sometimes, we are not even aware of the sin in our lives, and we need to ask the Lord to help us understand where we are wrong (Psalm 19:13). This can be an unpleasant process, because most of us (myself included) don’t like to admit that we have let God and others down. But when we humble ourselves under His mighty hand, He will lift us up and even exalt us in due time (James 4:10, I Peter 5:6), as He mercifully makes us into “vessels for honor, sanctified, useful for the Master, prepared for every good work” (II Tim. 2:21). Go boldly to God and ask for His wisdom about where you might be missing the mark, and He will give you both the wisdom and the grace to make it right, without condemnation (Heb. 4:16, James 1:5). He will honor your willingness to be obedient, and you will have the confidence that you have allowed Him to search your heart and change anything that might not be pleasing to Him (Ps. 139:23-24).
The next step probably won’t be easy: You need to talk to try and talk to her, even if you think she won’t listen. We are commanded by Scripture to pursue peace with others, and that if we know someone has something against us, then we are to go to them and try to make it right ( Matt. 5:23-24, Rom. 12:18). This means that in addition to sharing your thoughts and feelings in a spirit of gentleness, you will have to afford her the opportunity to share hers as well. When this happens, pray for the mind of Christ to be active in you, so that you will be able to receive and discern any truth in what she is saying (I Cor. 2:15-16). If there is, remember that “faithful are the wounds of a friend” (Prov. 27: 5-6). It is a true friend that tells us how things really are, and not just what we want to hear.
This could be especially difficult for you, because you already feel that she is improperly judging your Christian walk. This may be true, especially if she is currently doing what she is accusing you of. That is the unrighteous judgment the Apostle Paul warned against in Romans 2:1-4. However, Christians are called to judge righteous judgment (John 7:24), which is using our God-given discernment that is in line with the will of God. Jesus used this type of judgment when He was here on earth (John 5:30, 8:16). It’s not a condemning attitude, intending to cause hurt or shame to a person. It’s the knowledge of God, applied by understanding and governed by the wisdom of His word. Without it, we couldn’t tell right from wrong. The purpose of this kind of judgment is loving correction, salvation, and restoration (Prov. 9:8, II Cor. 2:5-8, Jude 22-23). When another Christian rebukes us for something in our lives that is unrighteous, then it is our responsibility to receive it and not refuse it, because we know it’s for our own good (Ps. 141:5). If she is trying to get you to see something in your life that could be detrimental to your well-being and your Christian walk, then even if she doesn’t approach you perfectly, she still may truly be trying to help you.
It is my sincere hope that the two of you can be of one mind again, and enjoy a new level of closeness in your relationship. You both may have to accept things about the other person’s life that you don’t necessarily agree with, as long as those things don’t cause either one of you to stumble into sin (Rom. 14:13). Ultimately, though, the issue of your faith is between you and God (v.22). If the two of you decide that you can no longer be in fellowship, don’t give up praying for her and hoping that things will change in the future, because “a friend loves at all times” (Prov. 17:17) Here’s a powerful word for you to pray from the book of Romans,
“Now may the God of patience and comfort grant you to be like-minded toward one another, according to Christ Jesus, that you may with one mind and one mouth glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ.” (Rom. 15:5-6)
I pray that the Lord will give you His peace, and the faith to persevere, as you seek Him in this situation. Much love, sister.
P.S. Here's the song--
Michael W Smith- Friends
