Anonymous says..
Hi guys, i just came across this sight, not sure if this is the right place to ask but i need some advice.
Im 21, have been a christian since i was 6 years old, when i was 18 i met a guy at youth club in church, he was a christian but wasn't living his life right, we got to know eachother for six months and he sorted himself out with God then we started dating. We fell in love and had a great relationship. My family loved him and everything was perfect.
during this time he developed as a christian and a person, getting himself a job and sorting out his life. A year and a half into the relationship i made a stupid decision and ended things cuz he got quite suffocating. We are part of the same church/youth group etc and saw eachother regularly. I broke his heart and he struggled to cope being around me, on the other hand i ignored things including my feeling. About two months later we where talking one night and both admitted we still had feelings for eachother (mine where as strong as ever) so we met up again and discussed going back out with eachother - in fact we practically where. This was the summer and holidays and missions teams meant we didn't get to speak to eachother for a couple of weeks but i thought about him 24/7 and it felt just like when we had first met.
However when i came back from holiday, he ignored my texts and then we where due to go to a mission team together (with others from church) and he didnt speak the whole journey there...My initial reaction was to think that someone else was involved so one of my friends made him come speak to me and he said no-one else was involved he just needed to be single to concentrate on his reltionship with God...no mention of his feelings not being there anymore. I was devistated but didnt challenge him as i tried to use the time apart to do the same. From that point we still saw eachother regularly at church etc and he never spoke to me or made any effort. I tried on various ocassions to meet up to sort things out as i felt there was no closure and it wasn't right for us as christians to have issues with eachother.
About two months after he told me he wanted to be single e approached me after a church prayer metting to tell me he was now going out with my big sisters best friend!! i walked off with tears rolling down my cheeks, this was three months ago and i have to see him at least once or twice a week and my heart breaks every time. I feel sad, low and cry regularly because i still love him so much, we talked about marriage and i always thought he would be the person i spent my life with. I have prayed continuiously and my feelings won't go away. We both attend the same church and youth group while his new girlfriend goes to another one. I know God is soverign in all things and everything works together for the good of those who love him, however I can't help but ask why i am still feeling this way and why the connection in church is still there. It is so hard to deal with this and when im around him i just want things to go back to the way they where, i miss him sooo much and can never imagine being with anyone else.Also i am constantly comparing myself to his new girlfriend who i sort off know, cuz of the connection with my sister (who i am very close too) I am terrified of seeing them together! things have been better recently and he makes some effort to talk to me and when we look at eachother i still feel this immense connection which i dont know if i am imagining. any help/advice would be much appreciated we have been broken up for a year and i have not been the same person since then, everyone says so i just want to be able to not have these feelings for him and get back to my old self or for us to get back together, whatever Gods will is! thank you =)
oh and he has been my only boyfriend so it took a lot for me to enter a relationship with him in the first place
Beloved by Him responds..
I know you’re hurting and I can see why. You had great expectations for this relationship, especially because both of you are Christians and you wanted to honor God’s will for your lives. Now that he’s moved on, you’re dealing with the loss of the hopes you had, and the Bible says that can literally make your heart sick (Prov. 13:12). The pain of a broken heart can be felt in so many ways—spiritually, physically, and emotionally. God wants to heal you in each of these areas, so that you can grow stronger in Him and have your joy be full again (John 15:11).
Hi guys, i just came across this sight, not sure if this is the right place to ask but i need some advice.
Im 21, have been a christian since i was 6 years old, when i was 18 i met a guy at youth club in church, he was a christian but wasn't living his life right, we got to know eachother for six months and he sorted himself out with God then we started dating. We fell in love and had a great relationship. My family loved him and everything was perfect.
during this time he developed as a christian and a person, getting himself a job and sorting out his life. A year and a half into the relationship i made a stupid decision and ended things cuz he got quite suffocating. We are part of the same church/youth group etc and saw eachother regularly. I broke his heart and he struggled to cope being around me, on the other hand i ignored things including my feeling. About two months later we where talking one night and both admitted we still had feelings for eachother (mine where as strong as ever) so we met up again and discussed going back out with eachother - in fact we practically where. This was the summer and holidays and missions teams meant we didn't get to speak to eachother for a couple of weeks but i thought about him 24/7 and it felt just like when we had first met.
However when i came back from holiday, he ignored my texts and then we where due to go to a mission team together (with others from church) and he didnt speak the whole journey there...My initial reaction was to think that someone else was involved so one of my friends made him come speak to me and he said no-one else was involved he just needed to be single to concentrate on his reltionship with God...no mention of his feelings not being there anymore. I was devistated but didnt challenge him as i tried to use the time apart to do the same. From that point we still saw eachother regularly at church etc and he never spoke to me or made any effort. I tried on various ocassions to meet up to sort things out as i felt there was no closure and it wasn't right for us as christians to have issues with eachother.
About two months after he told me he wanted to be single e approached me after a church prayer metting to tell me he was now going out with my big sisters best friend!! i walked off with tears rolling down my cheeks, this was three months ago and i have to see him at least once or twice a week and my heart breaks every time. I feel sad, low and cry regularly because i still love him so much, we talked about marriage and i always thought he would be the person i spent my life with. I have prayed continuiously and my feelings won't go away. We both attend the same church and youth group while his new girlfriend goes to another one. I know God is soverign in all things and everything works together for the good of those who love him, however I can't help but ask why i am still feeling this way and why the connection in church is still there. It is so hard to deal with this and when im around him i just want things to go back to the way they where, i miss him sooo much and can never imagine being with anyone else.Also i am constantly comparing myself to his new girlfriend who i sort off know, cuz of the connection with my sister (who i am very close too) I am terrified of seeing them together! things have been better recently and he makes some effort to talk to me and when we look at eachother i still feel this immense connection which i dont know if i am imagining. any help/advice would be much appreciated we have been broken up for a year and i have not been the same person since then, everyone says so i just want to be able to not have these feelings for him and get back to my old self or for us to get back together, whatever Gods will is! thank you =)
oh and he has been my only boyfriend so it took a lot for me to enter a relationship with him in the first place
Beloved by Him responds..
I know you’re hurting and I can see why. You had great expectations for this relationship, especially because both of you are Christians and you wanted to honor God’s will for your lives. Now that he’s moved on, you’re dealing with the loss of the hopes you had, and the Bible says that can literally make your heart sick (Prov. 13:12). The pain of a broken heart can be felt in so many ways—spiritually, physically, and emotionally. God wants to heal you in each of these areas, so that you can grow stronger in Him and have your joy be full again (John 15:11).
The most important thing to build on right now is your spiritual foundation. You were lovingly created by God (Jer. 31:3) for His pleasure (Eph. 1:5). He is the lover of your soul, and your friend that sticks closer than a brother (Prov. 18:24). You’re never not on His mind! (Ps. 139:17). The Lord wants you to be filled with His fullness (Eph.3:19), and someday, He will bring along the perfect person who will be another extension, not a replacement, of His love for you. God will put a fire in this man that burns for you and never goes out! (Song of Solomon 8:7) He knows exactly when you’ll be ready for your future husband (Ps. 18:30). Keep asking the Lord to give you patience and faithfulness to wait on His will and His perfect timing, and to prepare your heart for when that day comes.
Part of preparing your heart is learning to not be controlled by your emotions. Right now, it’s especially hard because your feelings have been so hurt, and God will be faithful to comfort you (II Cor. 1:4). As Christians, though, we also have to use the power of the Holy Spirit to move past what we are feeling (or seeing, or thinking) and walk by faith (II Cor. 5:7). If we don’t learn to filter our thoughts and feelings through the light of God’s wisdom and word (Heb. 4:12), then we can be led into mindsets, decisions, and actions that can deceive and destroy. The Lord wants you to be strong in this area, because it will bring you peace and rest in your spirit (Isaiah 26:3), as well as make your life a solid testimony to others.
That testimony will be so precious as people see the Lord working in your life, healing your heart and bringing you back into His service (II Thess. 2:16-17). It’s not healthy to despair over your situation. That’s why God calls us to fellowship with other believers: so that they can bear and share our burdens (Gal. 6:2). Find ways to actively serve God. You have a heart for missions—maybe He has a new thing planned for you (Is. 43:19)! Also, take care of your body, the temple of the Holy Spirit (I Cor. 6:19). Get outside and exercise, which will help your state of mind as you enjoy the blessings of your health and God’s creation. This is different from just working out so that you can be more appealing to a guy, or look better than another girl. Don’t fall into the comparison trap with his new girlfriend. You are fearfully and wonderfully made (Ps. 139:14), and when the Lord brings you the right guy, His desire will only be for you! (Song of Solomon 7:10)
The only true connection between you and the other young man is that you two are brother and sister in Christ. God’s word calls us to be at peace with all men as much as depends on us (Rom. 12:18). This might mean that you need to separate yourself from seeing him, even platonically, until you can spend time together without being tempted to stir up old feelings. I think that the Lord is calling you to come away—to Him. Find your soul’s rest in Him, and let Him restore you, and your hope (Psalm 62:5).
Love you,
Sister Beloved by Him
