Written by: Blessed & Highly Favored
A Continuation of Blessed & Highly Favored's Testimony: Locked Up Memories
As I wrote the other week, the beginning of the healing from my past was to forgive the person who abused me. I want to clarify a couple of points.
#1. Why I didn’t tell my mother before she died?
Really, what would be the point? She was going through chemo, radiation and every known treatment for leukemia. I never wrestled with the decision. The Lord led me to be merciful to her. It was more important for her to be in a recovery frame of mind, rather than burden her again with the bad choices she had made in the past. It would be like beating a dead horse. And besides, the love of our Lord Jesus Christ had already removed the pain and stigma of being sexually and physically abused. Had she not been sick, perhaps I would have talked to her about it, but I would have definitely prayed hard about how to approach her.
#2. Once The Lord showed you to forgive your father, why didn’t you just do it?
Being loved without condition, no strings attached was new to me. Sometimes, people just do it and get over it. I had to read and read and read about forgiveness. I had to process with my mind what my heart didn’t want to do. For years, I had built up walls to protect myself, and it was only by the Holy Spirit that I was able to achieve this important milestone. Again, my flesh did not want to forgive, but my spirit was willing. And what you feed, will lead.
#3. So how do you know that you’re all over it?
It is my greatest wish, desire, that when I meet Jesus He says, “Well done, good and faithful servant. Your Mom…And your Dad have been waiting for this moment.” That’s when I knew I was healed and I could move on.
#4. Did you ever tell your husband?
I told him everything; every last detail between me and my family. And, he is still the only person to who I am completely, totally, brutally honest with. I NEVER lie to him or even try to shade the truth. To make him pay for the actions of another would be infantile and destructive. I don’t live in the land of woulda, coulda, shoulda. He is the best thing to happen to me and after 21 years of marriage, I adore him more every day. He’s a real man, who knows who he is and showers his affections on me without restraint. He is the husband other women wish they had, and I know it.
#5. I need help and I’m so ashamed of what I’ve done, what has been done to me, and I’ve been silent all these years, never trusting anyone with this mega-personal information.
There are a lot of Christian Counselors who deal with this all the time. I’m afraid most churches are ill equipped with counselors who know how this affects an individual and every aspect of their life. But, that is also why we are here http://www.weused2bu.com/. We won’t try to give you some “feel good” answer and leave you hanging. We search The Word and pray about our posts and articles. We know you have come here to see real life, up close and personal things that never get talked about. We’re here because G-d has called us. We understand the heavy responsibility He has given us, and we NEVER want to EVER take it lightly. We have Him to answer to daily.
