Anonymous says..
Hey ladies, I need some advice. About 3-4 months ago I had a falling out w/ a close friend. She completely ignores me and I don't know why we aren't friends anymore. I tried talking to her but she said nothing was wrong. So I left her alone but it hurted so bad. Since we both came from the same city and started college together far away from home. I've given it to Jesus because I know that I didn't do anything to her. I believe that she just didn't want to be friends w/ me anymore because I don't like to show when I'm hurting or stressed out. I just keep it balled away and deal w/ it privately. That's the only thing I can think of. Casue at the end of last semester I was so stressed out that I just kept to myself and really didn't talk to anyone. But I digress. When we came back to school she wouldn't even acknowledge my greetings. Which was really harsh bc she was the only friend I had here. I've prayed about it so much bc I was feeling so lonely and not cared about. And by the grace of Jesus I have new friends and a better relationship w/ Him. But I've notice that I haven't really forgiven her like I should as a christain. I don't hate her, if she ever needed me I would be there, I still greet her even though sometimes I get a muffled response but I notice that if she's around I don't want to be in the same area. Even if I'm among friends, I will make an excuse to go. Its just that when she's around I feel uncomfortable because she talks around me, like I'm not present. With God's help I want to be the better pereson that He wants me to be but I know that I have some undealt w/ feelings and if I've given it to God and I know that I have his favor and He's taking care of all my needs. Why do her presence take me back to a weak state- where all I can think about is the hurt.
Trophy of Grace replies..
Hey ladies, I need some advice. About 3-4 months ago I had a falling out w/ a close friend. She completely ignores me and I don't know why we aren't friends anymore. I tried talking to her but she said nothing was wrong. So I left her alone but it hurted so bad. Since we both came from the same city and started college together far away from home. I've given it to Jesus because I know that I didn't do anything to her. I believe that she just didn't want to be friends w/ me anymore because I don't like to show when I'm hurting or stressed out. I just keep it balled away and deal w/ it privately. That's the only thing I can think of. Casue at the end of last semester I was so stressed out that I just kept to myself and really didn't talk to anyone. But I digress. When we came back to school she wouldn't even acknowledge my greetings. Which was really harsh bc she was the only friend I had here. I've prayed about it so much bc I was feeling so lonely and not cared about. And by the grace of Jesus I have new friends and a better relationship w/ Him. But I've notice that I haven't really forgiven her like I should as a christain. I don't hate her, if she ever needed me I would be there, I still greet her even though sometimes I get a muffled response but I notice that if she's around I don't want to be in the same area. Even if I'm among friends, I will make an excuse to go. Its just that when she's around I feel uncomfortable because she talks around me, like I'm not present. With God's help I want to be the better pereson that He wants me to be but I know that I have some undealt w/ feelings and if I've given it to God and I know that I have his favor and He's taking care of all my needs. Why do her presence take me back to a weak state- where all I can think about is the hurt.
Trophy of Grace replies..
There seems to be a lot of hurt feelings from each you. It seems from what you’ve said that last semester when you were stressing out your friend was trying to reach out to you and you just kept to yourself and maybe unintentionally rejected and pushed her away. She is obviously still carrying that hurt around. I know you said you tried to talk to her already, but I am thinking that you should probably go to her again and ask her to forgive you. Strife and unforgiveness is not healthy for either of you spiritually or emotionally.
Let her know that you did not intentionally mean to hurt her last semester that you were going through your own thing and should have been more sensitive to her feelings. Remind her that you do care for and love her and value your friendship. Be sure to pray before you go to her and ask the Lord to give you the words to speak in love with patience and understanding. Also pray for her too. Pray that her heart would be willing to forgive and willing to ask forgiveness. May the Lord help you both to see the errors in your ways so that you may confess your sins one to another. Then you both can be healed. (James 5:16)
Hopefully all goes well and this relationship can be restored. However, if your friend refuses to forgive you and continues to harbor bitterness and resentment then you have to leave her alone for awhile. Allow the Lord to work in her heart and pray for her. Do not stop praying for her! You never know what else is really bothering her. So try to be long suffering with her. (1 Corinthians 13:4)
Also, forgive her whether she forgives you or not. Even if she still ignores you, choose to forgive her anyways. The only one that you will be affecting if you do not forgive is yourself. You are the one who will be carrying around the extra baggage and you don’t need that. Forgiveness is a choice that you will have to choose to make every time the hurt or the offense pops back up in your mind. Forgive over and over again. After all how often does the Lord forgive us when we mess up? Every time we ask for forgiveness He forgives and so we must follow this example. (Matthew 28:21-22, Colossians 3:12-13)
I know it will be uncomfortable when she is around especially if she is going to ignore you, but pray for strength during those times. I know it will hurt and there will be times that you will need to walk away to avoid further strife and offenses. Don’t allow this situation to cause you to become more anger or hurt. Just leave it in the Lord’s hands and allow Him to carry this burden for you. Cast all of your cares on Him because He cares for you. Don’t allow anything or anyone to steal your peace. (1 Peter 5:7)
Let her know that you did not intentionally mean to hurt her last semester that you were going through your own thing and should have been more sensitive to her feelings. Remind her that you do care for and love her and value your friendship. Be sure to pray before you go to her and ask the Lord to give you the words to speak in love with patience and understanding. Also pray for her too. Pray that her heart would be willing to forgive and willing to ask forgiveness. May the Lord help you both to see the errors in your ways so that you may confess your sins one to another. Then you both can be healed. (James 5:16)
Hopefully all goes well and this relationship can be restored. However, if your friend refuses to forgive you and continues to harbor bitterness and resentment then you have to leave her alone for awhile. Allow the Lord to work in her heart and pray for her. Do not stop praying for her! You never know what else is really bothering her. So try to be long suffering with her. (1 Corinthians 13:4)
Also, forgive her whether she forgives you or not. Even if she still ignores you, choose to forgive her anyways. The only one that you will be affecting if you do not forgive is yourself. You are the one who will be carrying around the extra baggage and you don’t need that. Forgiveness is a choice that you will have to choose to make every time the hurt or the offense pops back up in your mind. Forgive over and over again. After all how often does the Lord forgive us when we mess up? Every time we ask for forgiveness He forgives and so we must follow this example. (Matthew 28:21-22, Colossians 3:12-13)
I know it will be uncomfortable when she is around especially if she is going to ignore you, but pray for strength during those times. I know it will hurt and there will be times that you will need to walk away to avoid further strife and offenses. Don’t allow this situation to cause you to become more anger or hurt. Just leave it in the Lord’s hands and allow Him to carry this burden for you. Cast all of your cares on Him because He cares for you. Don’t allow anything or anyone to steal your peace. (1 Peter 5:7)
Click here for more scriptures on forgiveness.
Blessings to you sister and a big hug in Christ Jesus name
Trophy of Grace
