Anonymous said... Hey there, I'm in a tough situation, needing some advice.
My boyfriend and I have been together about 4 or 5 months. We love each other very very much and want to get to know everything about each other. We both grew up in Christian homes and still go to church. I have grown in my faith a lot; I'm a youth leader for grade 8 girls at my youth group and he has volunteered with children's ministry and is taking over the whole thing this fall! We haven't started doing devotions together but have agreed that we ought to start doing them together.
I'm very much in love with him, that is why I was concerned with how far he has gone in previous relationships. I found out VERY recently, like 2 days ago!! that he is not a virgin.
As a Christian girl I try my best to think of the man I'll marry and not to make mistakes that I'll regret later on. Part of me feels betrayed because I took such care in doing so, why didn't he?
Also I thought I knew him better than that. I figured he was pure and thought pretty much the same way I do.
I know for sure that I don't want to break up. The love I have for him is like nothing I've felt for anybody, and I don't want something like this to be the end of us.
Now I feel like I need time and space to get over it, but don't feel like he is willing to give it to me. He seems to not understand at all, and very closed off about it as far as, "It was my past, I'm over it, why aren't you?" It doesn't work that way for me. I do know that in general guys just want to get it overwith. I just wish he'd realize if he really means what he says (that he just wants me to be okay and get past this) then he'll have to wait for me to heal. This is a pretty big thing to me.
Everytime I look at him or he touches me I think of him doing something to another girl and it really hurts. If we ever do get married, which I sincerely hope we do, because he just seems so much like the one, then I don't want to have to deal with thinking of him doing stuff with another girl instead of staying pure for the girl he'll marry (he says he wants it to be me).
How can I get over this, I really want to but sincerely can't think of where and how to start.
Trophy of Gracesaid...
My dear sister you have to let this go. If you want to be with him and you see a future with this young man then leave the past alone. If he is trying to live a righteous, pure, and holy life now then don’t continue to chastise him for his past mistakes. If he has confessed his sins and repented of his ways then you have to forgive him just as God has forgiven you. Our Lord has pardoned his sin and forgiven his transgression. He has not stayed angry with him but has shown him mercy and compassion. He has treaded all of our sins underfoot and hurled our iniquities into the depths of the sea. We have to leave them there, not go fishing for them. You too have to be merciful and remember his sins no more. Remember that love covers a multitude of sins. (Micah 7:18-19, 1 Peter 4:8, Colossians 3:13)
The only way you can get over it is by choosing daily to let it go. Don’t meditate on the past, especially if you see that he is growing into a godly man. I totally understand that you feel betrayed and hurt because he has been with someone else. That’s tough..This is something that you have to take to the Lord. Ask Him to give you confirmation if this is the relationship that He wants you to be in. Is this the man for you? He will answer you I promise. You just have to listen to the Holy Spirit and don’t doubt that He will give you clear responses and direction. (James 1: 5-8)
I believe that you may be right to take a couple of days to meditate on the Word of God and seek God’s face about what you are feeling. Perhaps you both should take a couple of days to pray for one another about this. Take three days of just praying, reading the Word, and singing praises to the Lord without communicating with one another. Also, consider fasting during some of that time. Write and journal your prayers and supplications, see what the Spirit of God ministers to you. Afterwards meet up and share your experiences and what you learned.
Enclosing let me tell you that our biggest battles are usually in the mind. We have to battle all types of thoughts that the enemy will flood our minds with. It is our choice if we are going to listen to the tormenting thoughts or if we are going to listen to the Holy Spirit. If after praying and seeking the Lord you feel lead to be with this young man then you will need to bring every thought captive. Don’t allow yourself to start imagining all types of things. Meditate on the Word of God. (2 Corinthians 10:5)
You will be in my prayers sister..
My boyfriend and I have been together about 4 or 5 months. We love each other very very much and want to get to know everything about each other. We both grew up in Christian homes and still go to church. I have grown in my faith a lot; I'm a youth leader for grade 8 girls at my youth group and he has volunteered with children's ministry and is taking over the whole thing this fall! We haven't started doing devotions together but have agreed that we ought to start doing them together.
I'm very much in love with him, that is why I was concerned with how far he has gone in previous relationships. I found out VERY recently, like 2 days ago!! that he is not a virgin.
As a Christian girl I try my best to think of the man I'll marry and not to make mistakes that I'll regret later on. Part of me feels betrayed because I took such care in doing so, why didn't he?
Also I thought I knew him better than that. I figured he was pure and thought pretty much the same way I do.
I know for sure that I don't want to break up. The love I have for him is like nothing I've felt for anybody, and I don't want something like this to be the end of us.
Now I feel like I need time and space to get over it, but don't feel like he is willing to give it to me. He seems to not understand at all, and very closed off about it as far as, "It was my past, I'm over it, why aren't you?" It doesn't work that way for me. I do know that in general guys just want to get it overwith. I just wish he'd realize if he really means what he says (that he just wants me to be okay and get past this) then he'll have to wait for me to heal. This is a pretty big thing to me.
Everytime I look at him or he touches me I think of him doing something to another girl and it really hurts. If we ever do get married, which I sincerely hope we do, because he just seems so much like the one, then I don't want to have to deal with thinking of him doing stuff with another girl instead of staying pure for the girl he'll marry (he says he wants it to be me).
How can I get over this, I really want to but sincerely can't think of where and how to start.
Trophy of Gracesaid...
My dear sister you have to let this go. If you want to be with him and you see a future with this young man then leave the past alone. If he is trying to live a righteous, pure, and holy life now then don’t continue to chastise him for his past mistakes. If he has confessed his sins and repented of his ways then you have to forgive him just as God has forgiven you. Our Lord has pardoned his sin and forgiven his transgression. He has not stayed angry with him but has shown him mercy and compassion. He has treaded all of our sins underfoot and hurled our iniquities into the depths of the sea. We have to leave them there, not go fishing for them. You too have to be merciful and remember his sins no more. Remember that love covers a multitude of sins. (Micah 7:18-19, 1 Peter 4:8, Colossians 3:13)
The only way you can get over it is by choosing daily to let it go. Don’t meditate on the past, especially if you see that he is growing into a godly man. I totally understand that you feel betrayed and hurt because he has been with someone else. That’s tough..This is something that you have to take to the Lord. Ask Him to give you confirmation if this is the relationship that He wants you to be in. Is this the man for you? He will answer you I promise. You just have to listen to the Holy Spirit and don’t doubt that He will give you clear responses and direction. (James 1: 5-8)
I believe that you may be right to take a couple of days to meditate on the Word of God and seek God’s face about what you are feeling. Perhaps you both should take a couple of days to pray for one another about this. Take three days of just praying, reading the Word, and singing praises to the Lord without communicating with one another. Also, consider fasting during some of that time. Write and journal your prayers and supplications, see what the Spirit of God ministers to you. Afterwards meet up and share your experiences and what you learned.
Enclosing let me tell you that our biggest battles are usually in the mind. We have to battle all types of thoughts that the enemy will flood our minds with. It is our choice if we are going to listen to the tormenting thoughts or if we are going to listen to the Holy Spirit. If after praying and seeking the Lord you feel lead to be with this young man then you will need to bring every thought captive. Don’t allow yourself to start imagining all types of things. Meditate on the Word of God. (2 Corinthians 10:5)
You will be in my prayers sister..
