Anonymous says..
I have been dating the loveliest Christian guy for the past 6 months. We are both in our 20's and have always agreed that dating is a prequel to marriage.
Last week he told me that he was no longer sure he was ready to be the man I need. I know we love each other and I've told him to take his time in praying about where our relationship should go (if anywhere). Since then he's not really done much except to try and avoid thinking about it. I understand that it pains him and he's hurting and although I'm hurt I'd like to give him the time he needs. God is using this to highlight old scars from a previous relationship with someone that really didn't love me and consequently messed me around. In dealing with that I find myself reacting not to my boyfriend but to the last man who hurt me and I have to constantly remind myself not to transfer my hurt, anger and insecurities.
I'm still waiting on an answer from my boyfriend, but he seems to be taking his time. He talks to me often and tells me he loves me but hanging in there is so hard. I've given up praying for direction because I can't see through the hurting and yet he expects some sort of answer from me as to whether I want to stay with him. I really don't know what to do?
Trophy of Grace replies..
I have been dating the loveliest Christian guy for the past 6 months. We are both in our 20's and have always agreed that dating is a prequel to marriage.
Last week he told me that he was no longer sure he was ready to be the man I need. I know we love each other and I've told him to take his time in praying about where our relationship should go (if anywhere). Since then he's not really done much except to try and avoid thinking about it. I understand that it pains him and he's hurting and although I'm hurt I'd like to give him the time he needs. God is using this to highlight old scars from a previous relationship with someone that really didn't love me and consequently messed me around. In dealing with that I find myself reacting not to my boyfriend but to the last man who hurt me and I have to constantly remind myself not to transfer my hurt, anger and insecurities.
I'm still waiting on an answer from my boyfriend, but he seems to be taking his time. He talks to me often and tells me he loves me but hanging in there is so hard. I've given up praying for direction because I can't see through the hurting and yet he expects some sort of answer from me as to whether I want to stay with him. I really don't know what to do?
Trophy of Grace replies..
My Dear Sister,
I feel your pain, hurt, and confusion in both of your messages. I am sorry that you are going through this. I pray that the Lord would give me the words to speak to you that will bring you comfort.
Immediately I feel the need to tell you do not stop praying. In fact I want to tell you pray without ceasing. Not just about this relationship but everything and anything that concerns or troubles your heart. You must not allow the enemy of our soul to convince you that our Lord and Savior Christ Jesus does not care about your prayers. Our Lord has said, “Then when you call upon Me and go and pray to Me, and I will listen to you. And you will seek Me and find Me, when you search for Me with all your heart.” (Jeremiah 29:12-13)
He doesn’t want you to be anxious about anything, including this relationship. He wants you to be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made know to Him; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your heart and mind through Christ Jesus. So you see if you stop praying and seeking the Lord about all of this and any other problem in your life you will not receive His peace about your situation. You need that peace to protect your mind and heart while you wait for the resolution or answer. So don’t stop praying my sweet sister. (I Thessalonians 5:17-18, Philippians 4:6-7)
Now about your relationship…I know you love this young man and he says that he loves you too, but he is not sure about whether or not he can be the man that you need and that God wants him to be for you. He’s not sure about the relationship any more and he wants to know now what you want. I think you should be honest with him and tell him that you want to be in a relationship with someone who is SURE about their commitment to you and your relationship with one another. You don’t want to feel insecure in your relationship and I am sure that you don’t want that for him either.
I believe you need to allow him the time he needs to pray about this and seek God’s face about His will for this relationship. You should do the same for yourself. Ask the Lord to help you accept His will if this relationship is not for you and to help you heal from the hurt. He can help break those emotional ties and bonds that you have made with this young man. If you are meant to be together then the Lord will make that evident to you both.
You said that you feel the Lord is revealing that you still have past hurt and insecurities. I believe He wants to heal you from all of this. Give dating a break for awhile and make the Lord your first true love. Allow Him to be everything you need. Get involved in your church. Serve in ministry. Go to women bible studies and fellowship with other women. Allow your roots to grow down deep in the Word and the love of Christ so that you can be secure in Him knowing that He is directing your steps. Therefore if He chooses to remove certain people from your life or closes certain doors then you will be ok with it because you are rooted in Him. He is your security and hope. Then you will not fall apart. You will accept that some relationships are only for a season.
The Lord knows the desires of your heart and wants to give them to you. He knows that you want a man to love you and be the godly husband you desire, but sometimes we go looking for this before God’s time and end up hurt and broken. Seek first God’s will and His way of doing things and you will that all of these things will be added to you.
Enclosing I want to leave you with two scriptures.
Proverbs 3:5-6 “Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.”
And
Romans 8:28 “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.”
Be encouraged my sister. The Lord is on your side. He has a wonderful plan for your life and although you may be hurting now he will renew your joy and peace as you trust Him with every aspect of your life. He will work this all out for your good. Draw close to Him and allow both you and this young man the time you both need to pray and decide if this relationship is God’s will or your own will. Stop meditating on the relationship and start meditating on God’s Word.
We will be praying for you..blessings..
P.S.
I pray that from His glorious, unlimited resources He will empower you with inner strength through His Spirit. Then Christ will make His home in your heart as you trust in Him. Your roots will grow down into God’s love and keep you strong. And may you have the power to understand, as all God’s people should, how wide, how long, how high, and how deep His love is. May you experience the love of Christ, though it is too great to understand fully. Then you will be made complete with all the fullness of life and power that comes from God. (Ephesians 3: 16-19)
Also..listen to the this song. It encourages me.. I hope it encourages you too. It’s “Shadowfeet” by Brooke Fraser.
