Anonymous said...
Ok so..here goes...My boyfriend and I have been together for about 3 years. Not being obedient, we had a daughter, now shes 7 mos. However, now we broke up for about one month, and he had a fling with another woman and she got pregnant as well. Our daughters are 6 weeks apart.I love him a lot, however, even though we were officially not together, I feel betrayed. Not to mention the conviction I feel for not keepin my temple holy. Any who..He's a great father two both girls, and is really considerate of my feelings about the situation, He constantly apologizes. He's saved, and I forgive him..but why do i feel so insecure? I believe he is my husband, however, I don't want to deal wit' the baby mama drama. I feel like I have a choice, take care of me and my daughter, or stick it out with my potential husband. I've prayed, and prayed and prayed...I don't know what God wants me to do...what do you guys think?
Trophy of Grace replies..
This is a tough situation to be in. I’m sure that you are struggling with so many different emotions. The insecurity is most probably coming from the fact that all though you feel like he’s your husband the actual commitment and covenant (promise) has not been made before God yet. I think that there is reason for concern. Your concerns and insecurities will remain there until the day that you both commit to holy matrimony. Even then you will have to pray and ask God to help you both heal from your past experiences before the marriage.
Many people do not realize that marriage is so special. When you make that covenant before God it makes you want to fight for the sake of your family. It gives you a sense of security in your relationship especially when you know that you have married the man that God has for you. Marriage is hard work but when you sow into your marriage seeds of love and determination you reap a wonderful harvest of blessings. These blessings are only bestowed on those couples who have determined to commit their relationship to God by marrying.
If he’s saved and you know that your body is the temple of God, then I am assuming that you both are going to church. If not then that is the first place you both need to be. Going to church will give you both an environment where you can grow in your faith and have accountability, brothers and sisters in the Lord that will help in your walk with God. Besides going to church I hope that you are reading the bible daily so that your faith, trust, and love for the Lord will grow. Reading the Word gives us wisdom, direction, correction, comfort, and confirmation. It prepares us for every good work that God has for us. It is your manual for living life more abundantly.
Prayerfully consider rededicating your life to the Lord.
Go to your boyfriend and discuss with him openly and honestly your concerns and see where he stands on the marriage issue. You may consider seeking godly counsel together for your relationship. My husband and I enjoy talking to our pastor together. We appreciate and value his advice and counsel.
Regarding the baby mama drama.. well..that is something that you both will have to pray about. You have not said what exactly you’re going through with the baby mama, but I suggest that you allow him to deal with her. I know that it may cause you feelings of jealousy or insecurity but she is the mother of his child. For the sake of the child you must pursue peace at all times. Don’t resent the child because the baby did not have a say as to when and to whom she was born. Both babies are here now and deserve to be cherished and treated with love. Ask God to give you a loving heart towards the child and an understanding heart towards the mother. I am sure this is not easy for her either. What woman plans on getting pregnant and then having the man that got her pregnant go back to the woman he loves. That must be hard too.
There is nothing you can do to change what has happened. So there is no point in using negative emotions to deal with the situation. Jealousy, anger, wrath, arguing and fighting will not produce anything positive for any of you. Forgive all parties involved and move on from here trusting God to help you forgive daily and heal from the pain.
It is time to stop doing things your own way and allow God to make all of your crooked paths straight. You have to trust in Him with all of your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your path. I promise that if you will seek Him with all of your heart that you will find Him and your life will be changed. You are a mother now and one day you will be a wife. If you want to be successful at both of these you will need God’s help and guidance. Humble yourself before Him and He will lift you back up. He does have a wonderful plan for your life. Plans to give you a future and a hope, but first you must submit your life to Him and His plan. Then He will give you the desires of your heart. You can never imagine the goods that He has planned for your family.
Go and seek Him and you will find healing…
God bless you sister.
Come back any time we are here for you..
Love,
Trophy of Grace
