Christian Girl Advice - WeUsed2bu

WeUsed2bu Has Moved!

2009-05-04T14:49:00.008-04:00

To all of our WeUsed2bu regulars and visitors,

We are so blessed to be able to announce our new web address, http://www.weusedtobeyou.com/! We have just finished the transition to our new Wordpress blog, which allows us the capacity to expand, and increases our ability to serve you, our readers. Along with all of the regular content and past postings, you will find new offerings such as articles written by “A New Me”, who has joined our ministry team to provide biblical wisdom from a guy’s perspective. Also..coming soon! “Christian Beats” Our expanded music and entertainment section where you listen to inspired music that will move you and make you want to get up and praise! And of course, you can still ask your questions anonymously, and get answers based in the truth of God’s word. The new site is better organized, easier to search, and, dare we say it—it looks hot! We are so excited to have you be a part of this new phase of our ministry, so come on over to Weusedtobeyou.com and join us as we give glory to God for all that He continues to do in our lives!

All the links on this page have been redirected to the new site. We are still in the process moving over our followers and updating our newsletter for those who have subscribed to email postings. So please bear with us during this transition.

“Then He Who sat on the throne said, “Behold, I make all things new.” And He said to me, “Write, for these words are true and faithful.” Revelation 21:5

Visit http://www.weusedtobeyou.com/ now!!

How Does Your Life’s Garden Grow?

2009-05-04T08:00:00.008-04:00

Written by Lynn Mosher from Heading Home

Spring has sprung! The month of May brings visions of clear skies, puffy clouds, sunshine, and, for many, plots of fertile soil for growing plants of all kinds.

Have you ever watched someone take care of a garden? A gardener is one who loves to see things grow, so he or she incorporates all the necessary elements for planting seeds, like planting for the best sun, providing water, critter repellent, bug spray, and tossing in some fertilizer and plant food, all in order to have strong, healthy plants.

No matter what size the garden, whether it’s a pot on the balcony, a small plot in the backyard, or a farm-size field, the harvest depends on the choice of seeds. And after the proper care, in time, the fruits of one’s labor, the product of what one has sown, will be evident.
One of the most important things a gardener can do is…weed! If a gardener does not remove the weeds, all his or her efforts to produce a great harvest will be dashed, for the weeds will choke out and kill the desired growing plants.

So, what does this have to do with you? Well, I’ll tell you. Here’s the comparison: Your everyday life is your garden. Your emotions are planted here. If you don’t keep them in check, they will grow and rule your life, just like the weeds, eventually becoming a threat to your life.

Keeping those emotions weed-free is up to you and no one else. What you sow is what you will reap, as the Bible says, “For whatever a man sows, that and that only is what he will reap.” (Gal. 6:7 AMP) This does not apply merely to physical gardens but to emotional gardens as well.

So, you have a choice: you can either grow beautiful, fragrant blossoms or nasty stink weeds in your emotions.

Solomon warned, “Keep your heart with all diligence, for out of it spring the issues of life.” (Prov. 4:23 NKJV) Another version says, “Be careful what you think, because your thoughts run your life.” (NCV)

What you think becomes what you say and how you react to things, so if you dwell on negative thoughts, they become negative words and emotions, which become negative actions and will become negative habits.

If you allow your negative thoughts, as seeds, to take root, they will cause your emotions to grow in that direction. Do you say the same old negative things to yourself, keeping yourself bound by your own words and feelings?

If you live by your feelings, it is like constantly beating yourself up. You will always end up black and blue emotionally, making yourself a victim of your own doing.

If you drag all this baggage around with you every day, it’s like pulling them as dead weight behind you in a little red wagon or maybe in a U-haul. Your life cannot take this self- abuse.

Whatever your negative emotions…anger, self-pity, grief, depression, unforgiveness, bitterness, doubt, shame, insecurity…all these stand in the way of living a normal, healthy life. They restrain us from having that special relationship with the Lord.

So….how do you fix it? You start by filling your mind with positive thoughts, which will produce positive words, then positive emotions, and then positive actions. When you begin to state the positive, especially the promises of God’s Word, you can move on to the good things God has in store for your life.

The apostle Paul said, “So let’s not allow ourselves to get fatigued doing good. At the right time we will harvest a good crop if we don’t give up, or quit.” (Gal. 6:9 Msg)

What emotions will you plant in your life’s garden today? Will you plant nasty, stink weeds or beautiful, fragrant blossoms of good things?

Robert Louis Stevenson once said, “Don’t judge each day by the harvest you reap, but by the seeds you plant.” So, plant those good seeds not only in your thoughts, words, and deeds but also in your emotions.

~~Blessings, Lynn~~

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Lynn Mosher

From Heading Home

Read Her Story
Read articles written by Lynn

Emotions--breakdown or breakthrough?

2009-05-04T07:50:00.001-04:00

Are your emotions causing you to breakdown, or helping you to breakthrough? This month on WeUsed2bu, we’ll learn about the importance of not being led astray by our emotions. We’ll see how we can take control of our thinking through the power of God’s word, and press past our feelings and on to victory! Whether it’s anger, fear, jealousy, or bitterness, let us show you how God can heal the hurt and restore your peace.

Articles:

How Does Your Life Garden Grow?
by Lynn Mosher from Heading Home

I Have Never Been With A Younger Guy

2009-05-01T21:26:00.010-04:00

Anonymous asks..

Question is okay for okay for a woman like me to like a guy younger than me?? He is 26 his birthday is Feb 12 and I am 26 also my birthday is Oct 11. I will be turning 27 this year and I have never been with a younger guy. Is that okay?

Trophy of Grace replies...

The age difference is not something I think you need to be so concerned about. He is not but months younger than you are. Perhaps some other things you should be considering though are..

1) Does he have a relationship with Jesus Christ? Anybody could say that they believe in Jesus but a tree is known by its fruit and in the same way you can see where a person’s faith lies by the type of fruit they produce in their life. (Matthew 6:43-45, Galatians 5:19-23) 1 John 2:4-6 says it best.. “If someone claims, “I know God,” but doesn’t obey God’s commandments, that person is a liar and is not living in the truth. But those who obey God’s word truly show how completely they love him. That is how we know we are living in him. Those who say they live in God should live their lives as Jesus did.”

2) Would he be a good spiritual leader? The husband is ordained by God to be the spiritual leader of the home. To guide, protect, pray over, and serve his family. To set an example for the children of a godly man. You want a man that is going to be in constant communication with God. Then you will be confident in him because you know where his source of strength and wisdom comes from. Trust me the more he loves Christ the better he will love you because he knows how much you mean to the Lord and He desires to please God. (Ephesians 5:21-33)

3) Is he a hard worker who takes care of his responsibilities? Look at how long he has been at his job. Does he pay his bills? You don’t want a lazy, broke guy that you will have to support. I’m not saying to be a gold digger. But you most definitely want your husband to be a provider. (1 Timothy 5:8)

4) Most importantly is this relationship God’s will for your life? God is all knowing and He see’s the future. Who better to ask? He never leads us wrong and has promised that if we need wisdom to ask Him and He will give it to us, we just have to be sure that our faith is in Him alone. (James 1:5-8) Be sure of this one thing my sister. God has a wonderful plan for your life. Plans for good not for evil. He wants to give you a future and a hope, but you have to seek His will so that He can fulfill His plan in your life. Trust me His plan will be better than yours. (Jeremiah 29:11, Isaiah 55:8-9)

The first 3 questions above should be like a criteria before even dating a guy. If a woman doesn’t set high moral standards that line up with the Word of God she could end up in a messy relationship without a lot heartache that could have been avoided had she of sought God’s will instead of her own.

I leave with these final words..

Matthew 6:33 But seek (aim at and strive after) first of all His kingdom and His righteousness (His way of doing and being right), and then all these things taken together will be given you besides.

Psalms 37:4 Delight yourself also in the Lord, and He will give you the desires and secret petitions of your heart.

Sincerely,

Trophy of Grace

I Would Rather Be With Edward Cullen Than Be With Some Church Person

2009-04-29T08:00:00.003-04:00

Fellow Blogger writes... in response to Twilight's Blood Soaked Romance

Are you serious i dont aprove of this article at all no ok first of all twilight is alsome i would read that faster than i wll read the bible please and dont give me a response about your believes ok please you say that kids should be themselves and read now that im reading ALOT your going to tell me to read something more good for my spirit well NO! i agree on every single word that Karen had said ok i would rather be with edward cullen than be with someone thats a church person. thanks for reading..

Jasmin J. Cullen

Bye

Beloved By Him replies...

We’re not surprised that people are offended by the truth of the Word of God, or that you see us as the bad guys trying to take something away from you that you enjoy. It would be easy to flatter people and justify sin in order to be popular, but that would make us enemies of God. We love Him and respect and fear Him and His word too much to compromise how we share His truth. And hopefully you will believe me when I say that we also love you, too, or we wouldn’t be in this ministry. We aren’t here to put you down, or to be critical of your feelings. We want you to have a great life that’s full of joy and happiness! So when we speak out against something that is deceptive, such as the Twilight series, it’s to help our readers understand that even though something comes in a good-looking package, it can still be rotten at its core. I know you don’t like when I say that, but stay with me a little longer, and keep reading…

I can see that you feel really strongly about the character of Edward. It’s awesome to think about having a powerful, handsome guy be totally in love with us. Every woman wants that. God gave us that desire to love and be loved, and He wants it to be permanent. Eccl. 9:9 says that a man is supposed to live joyfully with his wife all the days of his vain life under the sun, because that’s God’s will for him. And God wants our man to be strong, to pursue us, and to make a statement to the world about how much he loves us. He needs to be a one-woman guy, who appreciates our beauty and wants to take care of us. Most importantly, he’s supposed to love us with Christ’s love, a love that comes from God and is centered in His word, so that he can help us draw closer to God in our own lives. All of these qualities are described in the Bible, and they are not fictional. They are real, just as God is real, and I can tell you that because I have blessed to be married to a real flesh-and-blood man who has walked through the fire with me and for me. There is the perfect guy out there for you, too, one who will be willing to lay down his life for you, not the way it happens in some story that was created by people in the world who don’t know the love of Jesus Christ. True love and desire come from God; it’s a love that’s stronger than death, it can’t be bought or bargained for, and it can’t be quenched or drowned out by what comes against it. That’s the kind of love that Jesus has for us, that caused Him to die a gory, bloody death on the cross for us, so that we could live with Him forever in paradise (references from Song of Solomon, John 15, I Corinthians 13, Ephesians 6, Hebrews 9 & 10).

The world wants to put a dark spin on love, to make it more dramatic and more sensual, so that it can pull on our feelings and keep us in turmoil. That way, we stay oblivious to the fact that we can’t find God’s love in what the world has to offer. God is the source of love, and in Him is no darkness at all (I John 1:5, 4:7). If we belong to Christ, and are children of God, we are supposed to walk in the light and have no fellowship with the darkness of sin, including the occult, demonic forces, and vampirism (II Cor. 6:14-18). That means not reading books that don’t accurately portray the love of Christ or the importance of receiving His salvation so that our eternal life will be in heaven with Him. (That’s another important point to make: Eternal life does not begin here on this earth, as it does for the vampires of Twilight; it begins after we die and are judged by God. See Hebrews 9:27)

Don’t allow yourself to be fooled into buying the cheap imitation of love that the world is offering through the Twilight books. Instead, I would challenge you to read and learn about the One Who loves you since before the beginning of this world, Who wants to bring you into His kingdom, and wants to give you real eternal life. The book of Revelation describes what He will look like when we see Him:

“Now I saw heaven opened, and behold, a white horse. And He who sat on him was called Faithful and True, and in righteousness He judges and makes war. His eyes were like a flame of fire, and on His head were many crowns. He had a name written that no one knew except Himself. He was clothed with a robe dipped in blood, and His name is called The Word of God. And the armies in heaven, clothed in fine linen, white and clean, followed Him on white horses. Now out of His mouth goes a sharp sword, that with it He should strike the nations. And He Himself will rule them with a rod of iron. He Himself treads the winepress of the fierceness and wrath of Almighty God. And He has on His robe and on His thigh a name written: King of Kings and Lord of Lords”. (Rev. 19:11-16).

That’s my eternal Beloved, my Savior, and He wants to be yours, too. I truly hope and pray that you will open your heart to Him, and everything He wants to give you. He wants you to hunger and thirst for righteousness, not for blood (Matt. 5:6). He already shed His for you. Think about it.

Sincerely,

Beloved By Him

Purity… From a Guy’s Perspective

2009-04-27T08:00:00.006-04:00

Written by: Mike C aka 'A New Me'

Purity—does it really matter to guys? Wouldn’t a guy want a girl with more experience? Isn’t purity just being prude? Well, let me please clarify this subject from the male perspective. The shocking reality is… Purity matters big time. Regardless of what we might say or how we may react, no guy wants to build a relationship with an “easy” girl. The idea of a girl that we would respect and love fits the image many times of what we would want as a wife. No man wants a cigarette smoking, beer drinking, club hopper as a wife. That type of woman is just not trustworthy, and that is why many guys treat women disrespectfully. I mean, come on, do you really expect a man to respect you for the beautiful gift from God that you are when your clothing, attitude and demeanor show otherwise? How can you expect respect when you don’t respect yourselves?

Now don’t get me wrong, we (guys) by far are not perfect and there are many times when we just fall short. That is why it is so important when you’re seeking love and relationship, that you seek God first. Build your relationship with the Lord Almighty first, and He will place the man in your life He planned for you; He already has a plan for you (Jeremiah 29:11). Don’t jeopardize your purity and integrity to “fit in”. That wild, crazy party girl for most guys is good for only one thing, and we all know what that is. When a man is truly looking to love and respect a woman, we are looking for a trustworthy, kind hearted, honest woman. And when a Christian man is looking for a woman to love, he is looking for a woman who first loves God and respects herself.

Wouldn’t it be awesome to have a relationship built on a mutual foundation of faith and love, respect and admiration? It’s not a fairy tale and it’s very real, but it starts with purity for both men and women. Let me let you in on a long-running male secret (sshhh don’t tell)… we often, no, pretty much always EXAGERATE, especially when it comes down to our “experiences,” so don’t be another locker room conversation piece or another name in the little black book. Instead, be sure that your name is in the only book that counts, the Lamb’s Book of Life, so you may enter the Kingdom (Revelations 3:5, 21:27). Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understandings, in all ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight (Proverbs 3:5-6). The unfortunate reality is that society has made it okay to be sexually impure, but the Word of God tells otherwise. Don't let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith and in purity (1 Timothy 4:12). Please keep your purity close to heart because it does matter to men, but most importantly to God, and it should to you. Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and He will give you everything you need (Matt 6:33).

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Read articles written by A New Me
Read A New Me’s Testimony

How do I talk to my friend, without making it ackward, about being pure?

2009-04-25T11:19:00.003-04:00

MySpace friend writes...

Okay....I have this friend who is way different to me in so many ways. Even though I'm older, shes "done" a lot more things than I ever thought possible. It's weird when she talks to me and tells me stuff. But the biggest problem is that she's had SEX over, or around, 17 time, and she goes out with men way older than her. She's only 14, and she's going with guys 17-19. And the worst part is, these guys are actually good guys, but I don't under stand why there going with a 14 year old girl. How do I talk to my friend, without making it ackward, about being pure?

Beloved By Him replies...

It’s so great to see that you want to help your friend; that kind of willing heart brings glory and honor to the Lord. I’m very concerned about your friend’s behavior, and I pray that the Holy Spirit gives you the right words to speak so that she can be turned from this very destructive path she’s on. Proverbs 24:11 tells us to “Deliver those who are drawn toward death, and hold back those who are stumbling to the slaughter.” A promiscuous lifestyle is extremely dangerous, both physically and mentally. The best thing you can do for her, besides pray for her, is to share with her what the Bible says about purity. God’s word is living and powerful; it will cut right through her excuses and convict her about what she’s been doing (Heb. 4:12), and she probably won’t like to hear it. I know that you don’t want it to be an awkward conversation, but that might be unavoidable. You have to ask yourself what’s more important, telling her the truth, and maybe helping save her from serious trouble and heartache, or not offending her, and watching her suffer the consequences. You are going to have to give her some tough love, and not accept any justifications from her about her actions. Whether she admits it or not, she will have heard the truth, and you can have peace that you did right by her (Ez. 33:7-9).

That being said, it’s also important to pray and act in a spirit of humility and gentleness toward her. You’re going to have to be patient and not argue with her (II Tim. 2:25-26). Keep in mind that if it’s true that she has been involved with boys on an intimate level, she’s actually showing by her behavior that somewhere inside of her, something’s broken. Spiritually healthy 14-year-old girls do not seek out to have sex with boys or men. Whether something has happened to her in her past, or if she has not had the kind of upbringing that teaches about real love, self-control, and purity, it has caused her to give away the part of her that is so precious, it was only meant for her future husband (Gen. 2:24). If she does not receive the Lord’s forgiveness and healing, then she will always have that emptiness in her, and it may drive her into a vicious cycle as she keeps looking for something she won’t be able to find apart from God’s blessing in marriage. When you talk to her, purpose in your heart that you’re going to be firm in the truth, but that you’re going to speak with a gentle tongue, which the Bible says can break a bone (Prov. 25:15). If, while you’re sharing with her, she becomes defensive, remember that “a soft answer turns away wrath” (Prov.15:1). You don’t have to prove that God’s word is true, it is whether she believes it or not (John 17:17). You’re His messenger, and she may not realize right now that you’re there to help pull her away from the fire she’s messing with (Jude 23).

Tell her the truth: You care about her, you want what’s best for her, and you don’t want to see anything bad happen to her. Share with her the passages in I Thess. 4:3-8 and I Cor. 6:13-20, where it talks about how we are supposed to honor God and ourselves by staying pure. Let her know that God has a perfect man waiting for her, one who will love and cherish and desire only her, if she is willing to wait for the Lord to bring him to her (Song of Solomon 6:3, Ps. 18:30). This will be the person that the Lord wants her to live with joyfully for the rest of her life (Eccl. 9:9), a real fairy tale in a world full of happily-never-afters.

If she doesn’t know Jesus Christ as her Lord and Savior, then she may not receive anything you say (John 14:17). But don’t let that stop you from sharing with her the truth of God’s word, and particularly the plan of salvation if she’s not saved. There can’t be any lasting change in her unless she surrenders her life to Jesus. It’s His life in us that causes us to live by faith in God and the power of the Holy Spirit (Gal. 2:19-20). You can’t ever be more of a friend to someone than when you lay down your life for them (John 15:13), and if you are willing to put yourself out there, and not worry about what she will say or how she will react, then that’s a great example of laying down your life, because you love her and want to see her saved. That is what a real friend does.

I hope that you have those kinds of friends in your life, whether it is several people, or even just one or two. Christians need friends in their lives who will stick close to us, walk the extra mile, and help bear our burdens (Prov. 18:24, Matt. 5:41, Gal. 6:2). This girl may have her good qualities, but she should not be the kind of friend that you turn to for wisdom or support. You need someone in your life that will make you stronger in the Lord. The Bible describes that as iron sharpening iron (Prov. 27:17). You need good fellowship with godly brothers and sisters, not guys who are 17-19 and looking to take advantage of a 14-year-old girl. Please be careful about the people you allow to be close to you, because it’s true that bad company corrupts good morals (I Cor. 15:33). Many of the women of WeUsed2bu have had times in our lives where we’ve allowed our friends to drag us down to places where we shouldn’t have been. It’s only by the grace, mercy, and love of Christ Jesus that we’re here to say “Don’t do it!” Follow the Lord with your whole heart, let Him be your best friend, and walk out your life with people who share your love for Him (John 15:15). That’s why we’re here—to be your friends and walk with you in His name. Remember that we’re here for you.

Sincerely,

Beloved By Him

Are Vampires Real?

2009-04-24T16:13:00.006-04:00

Anonymous writes...

Hey I'm a Christian girl and I'm 13 I read Twilight but I wanted to know if vampires were real?

Trophy of Grace replies..

Vampires are not real but demons and evil spirits are real. I personally see vampires and these other creatures as glorified demons on the big screen. The vampire series (Twilight), new moon werewolves, hellboy, witchcraft movies (HarryPotter), and all the other so called ‘good’ evil heros and characters portrayed in Hollywood are all demonically inspired. They are meant to desensitize people making their spirits less sensitive and unaware of the evil influence that truly lies behind the creation of these books and movies. They are meant to open us up to accept the evil as harmless and even good. How can evil be good?

The devil and his demons (fallen angels) want people to think that they do not exist, but they do. They are the influence behind the scenes feeding some novelists, musicians, actors, screen writers, and politician’s with devil inspired visions and dreams that are ultimately destined to keep humans in bondage to sin and rebellion against God. These people are just puppets in the hands of satan.

Satan, the evil one, is the ruler of this present world. The world around us is under his control. (1 John 5:19) He is the father of lies. He is crafty, slanderous, deceitful, vicious, murderous, devious, mighty, conceited, cowardly, and wicked. His demons are fallen angels who oppose God and follow satan, serving the kingdom of darkness. Their goal is to tempt men to curse God’s name, keep men from faith in God, betray Christ, and receive worship. He has blinded the minds of those who don’t believe in Christ Jesus so they are unable to see the glorious light of the Good News that Jesus Christ died for our sins and that we no longer have to be slaves to sin. (2 Corinthians 4:4)

There is a battle raging in the spiritual world for the souls of men. Satan knows that he was defeated when Jesus paid the price for all of our sins by laying his life down for us. He also knows that Jesus will be coming back for His true followers soon and that his time is short. So the devil is going around wreaking havoc all over. That is why there is such an increase in evil. Don’t you see more and more evil around you? Death, cursing of God, abuse, drugs, rap, murder, fornication, perversion, and corruption is every where. We are in the end days and it is only getting worse.

But thank God that believers of Christ Jesus have the Holy Spirit who lives in them and who is more powerful than satan and any of his demons. Followers of Christ have been given authority in Jesus name over the forces of darkness. We are told to put on the armor of God so that we will be able to stand firm against all strategies of the devil because we are not fighting against flesh and blood enemies, but against evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world, against mighty powers in this dark world, and against evil spirits in the heavenly places. (Ephesians 6:10-12)

This may be hard to understand if you are not a believer or if you do not know what the Word of God says about spiritual warfare. If you like reading the Twilight series then I believe that you would like fiction books written by Frank Peretti. I just read two of his books called This Present Darkness and Piercing the Darkness. I really enjoyed them. They are truly interesting and help people better understand how the forces of darkness operate.

Here's a link to his site Frank Peretti

Sorry for the long response..I just couldn’t answer plainly “no there are no vampires” because WeUsed2bu’s mission is to unveil the lies of the enemy. I pray that you have eyes to see the Truth. Many blessing to you sister..

Sincerely,

Trophy of Grace

I Have Two Questions..My Boyfriend & Autistic Son

2009-04-22T08:00:00.009-04:00

Sister writes from workrelease...

My boyfriend asked me to get a breast reduction to satisfy him sexually once we get married. I told him at first that it was very disrespectful to ask me that and he got upset. What do I do? Do what he wants or let him go? Shouldn't be that he loves me for who I am no matter how big I am?

Second question..

My best friend has been taking care of my son since he was two days old. My son is also autistic. She asked me this past weekend if I would let her and her husband adopt him. I don't know if I should or shouldn't. When I get home he would be with them for four years. I mean would I be helping him or harming him. If I let them adopt him or I get him back with me?

Also can you please give me information on autistic children?

Beloved By Him replies...

Dear Sister in Christ,

First I want to thank you for your questions. I can see that you’ve been through a lot, and yet you’ve got a long road ahead of you. I want to encourage you and assure you that the Lord will always be there to love you, give you guidance and wisdom, and give you strength. I’ve enclosed an index card that you can read when you need a good word. On one side is this verse, “Have I not commanded you? Be strong and of good courage; do not be afraid, nor be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.” (Joshua 1:9) On the back is another reminder of His love for you, “For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things to come, nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” (Romans 8:38-39) You can trust in His promises, and if you build your life on Christ, you will have an unshakable foundation, no matter what comes your way (I Cor. 3:11).

In the first part of your letter, you talked about how your boyfriend wants you to get a breast reduction, so that you can satisfy him sexually once you two are married. I don’t see anything in the Bible that supports this line of thinking. If anything, a husband is supposed to have a God-given desire for his wife and her body. God didn’t make you imperfectly, He made you fearfully and wonderfully, to be appreciated and loved by the man who will be proud to say and show that he loves you (Ps. 139:14, Song of Sol. 2:4). Your future husband should have your best interests—your feelings, your self-esteem—in mind, and he should think of your needs as more important than his own. He should actually be reflecting Christ Himself with his behavior, willing to lay down his life for you, and covering you with the Word of God (Eph. 5:25-33). If you go all the way back to the first husband and wife, Adam and Eve, the Bible says that they were “naked and not ashamed.” (Gen. 2:24-25) That’s the way God intended a married man and woman to be able to relate to each other before sin entered the world: Without shame and in full acceptance of how the other person looks as created by God. In the Bible, in the book of Song of Solomon, there are several references to the husband being totally thrilled with his wife’s body, and specifically her breasts (Song of Solomon 4:5, 7: 3, 10:10). In chapter 7 verses 7-8, he refers to her stature (her body) as being like a palm tree, and her breasts like clusters. Hmm...what kind of clusters does a palm tree have? Coconuts! (Lol) It shouldn't matter what size chest you have--the Bible tells a husband to be satisfied with his wife's breasts at all times (Prov. 5:19). Your boyfriend’s thinking is wrong. Real love is not rude or self-seeking (I Cor. 13:5). Before you go any further with this guy, you need to pray for the Lord to show you if this person truly is the one He wants you to marry. Has he accepted Christ as His Savior? Is he committed to living his life for the Lord? It’s not looking right now like his priorities are in the right place, and Matt. 17:16 says that “by their fruits you will know them.” Pray and ask the Lord for His wisdom regarding what you need to do. It might be that Jesus wants you to be only His girl right now. He may want you to be focused on only Him, letting Him show you how much He loves you and what His plans are for your life. It’s a lot easier to give God your attention when you’re single, and not worried about pleasing a husband, especially one who is not a mature Christian (I Cor. 7:32,34-35). Please make sure that you wait for the Lord to give you His wisdom before you move ahead in this relationship (James 1:5-6).

The other question you asked was about your son, and the decision you have to make regarding whether or not to let your best friend adopt him. I honestly don’t know what God’s will is for you regarding this situation, but I will try to scripturally present a view of both sides to help provide some wisdom for you. First of all, children are a blessing and a reward from God (Ps. 127:3). The Lord saw fit in His grace to give you a son, because He knew that you were the one who could love Him the way that He would—by laying your life down for him. It’s a matter of letting Him show you the way He wants you to do that. If you allow your friend to adopt him, then you will have to ask God for the grace and strength to let him go, and if you take custody back, then you will have to sacrifice your life to serve him and the specific needs of his disability. I know how hard this decision is to have to make. I also know that God will show you what to do: “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make straight your paths” (Prov. 3:5-6).

Biblically, adoption was often a blessing to the child. Some examples of successful adoption were Esther, who was adopted by her uncle Mordecai after her parents died. He was a God-fearing man, and the Lord honored him and her by making her queen of Persia and using her to save the Jews under her husband’s rule. Moses was adopted by Pharaoh’s daughter, and made a prince of Egypt, but God didn’t leave him there. He called him away from the palace and used him to free his people and bring them out of Egypt to the edge of the Promised Land. Jesus Himself was adopted by Joseph, fulfilling biblical prophecy as the adoption gave Jesus legal claim to the Davidic throne. Adoption should benefit your child by blessing him with a spiritual and family heritage. You have to know that the family honors God and follows Christ, so that you are confident that they will rear him in His love and by His will. By assuring this for him, you would also be giving him your own godly legacy. In addition, there is his autism to consider. Autistic children can have difficulty with environmental stimulation, and it may be detrimental to him if his surroundings change. You need to consider how much care he will require based on the severity of his disability. Are you in the position to give him both emotional and financial support? Are you prepared and committed to put his needs above your own?

These are tremendous considerations, but we serve a God who is greater than the impossible (Matt. 19:26). If the Lord leads you to keep custody of your son, He is the source of all the love and strength you will need to take care of him ( II Tim. 1:7, I John 4:7). By His Holy Spirit, you can be “strengthened with all might, according to His glorious power, for all patience and longsuffering with joy” (Col. 1:11). He will provide all your needs according to His riches in glory (Phil. 4:19), and will help you and uphold you with His righteous right hand (Is. 41:10). If, however, He asks you to release your child into your friend’s care, He will be your Comforter as you mourn the loss of his presence, and He will restore and heal your heart (Ps. 147:3, Matt. 5:14).

Dear sister,

I pray in the name of Jesus, our Savior and King, that He pours out His love and hope in your heart, by the Holy Spirit Who lives in us, and that He gives you the peace that passes understanding so that you know without any fear that He loves you and will work all of this together for good (Romans 5:3-5, 8:28, Phil. 4:7). I know that it’s difficult to look ahead and really believe that you will be able to walk through this valley. I promise you, God is with you, and He will eventually lead you to a place where the waters are still and you have a quiet place of rest (please read Psalms 23 and 107.) I pray that He gives you faith that overcomes the world and moves mountains (I John 5:4, Mark 11:22-24). I know that you can do all things through Him Who gives us strength, and I’m trusting Him to do it in His faithfulness (Phil. 4:13, I Thess. 5:24).

Much love to you in His name,

Beloved By Him

Autism links below

http://www.ninds.nih.gov/disorders/autism/detail_autism.htm?css=print#133853082

http://www.poac.net/

http://www.aacap.org/cs/root/facts_for_families/the_child_with_autism

He Dominates My Thoughts

2009-04-22T08:00:00.008-04:00

Anonymous says...

Hi Guys, I posted a couple of months ago about my ex-boyfriend now going out with my sisters best friend. Thanks for the advice it helped me a lot :)

But I have another dilema, recently me and my ex have been getting on better when we're in a group being able to talk to eachother and have a laugh. His new girlfriend is never around (she attends a different church) and he's openly admitted they are very busy & don't see eachother much. I still love him - as much as I ever did (we've been split a year) and I still find myself crying over him, wanting to text him & dreaming about him! I have tried so hard & prayed a lot about the situation but things aren't getting any easier. Recently I have been thinking about maybe telling him how I feel as he doesnt no i still love him...Ive been praying for my feelings to be removed or for patience if we are meant to be together but I'm not getting either. I feel life is to short to chance wasting the relationship with the person I love. If he was single i would have no hesistation telling him, but is it selfish of me to tell him, or even just stupid? He dominates my thoughts everyday & I don't know how to get over it! I could never imagine myself with someone else and when i think of his relationship with another girl I feel sick! Do you think its possible that we are meant to be together and he's ignoring his feelings? If God meant for us to be together would we be apart for this time, I no God's ways are above ours and he has everything in his control but I just don't know whats going on anymore. Any advice would be much appreciated!

Thank - you.

Beloved By Him replies...

You can’t expect your feelings to change when all you are thinking about is him! Proverbs 23:7 says, “As he thinks in his heart, so is he.” You are allowing yourself to be consumed with thoughts and questions about him, which will never give you peace or the right perspective you need to make wise decisions. Instead of asking God to reveal His will and then waiting and trusting Him to do it, you’re like a wave tossed around by the sea of your emotions! (James 1:6) Allowing your emotions, instead of your faith in God, to become the focus of your life is idolatry, which is covetousness (Col. 3:5, Heb. 13:5).

That’s one of the key issues in this situation. You want what you don’t have; you’re not satisfied with what the Lord has given you. Do you really believe that the Lord would keep something (or someone) from you if it (or he) was good for you? No! The Lord knows how to give good gifts to those who ask Him (Matt. 7:11). If the Lord has not blessed this relationship, it’s because He has something else in mind for you that right now you won’t see or understand (Is. 55:8, 64:4, I Cor. 2:9), but has your best interests in mind (Rom. 8:28). He is perfectly trustworthy to do the right thing at the right time in your life, and you would be wise to trust in Him, instead of being like the clay who told the potter, “What are you doing?” (Ps. 18:30, Is. 45:9).

Please turn your heart, and your focus, back to the Lord. When we have our minds focused on Him, He keeps us in perfect peace (Is. 26:3). You need to change your thinking from “What if?” to what you know is true, noble, virtuous, and right (Phil. 4:8). When you’re tempted to let your mind wander into the unknown, take those thoughts captive and make them obedient to Christ and His word (II Cor. 10:4-5). You don’t ever want a man or a relationship in your life to take precedence over your desire to serve the Lord and be about His business, especially as a single young woman. Singleness is a special time in life when you should have your heart set on the things of the Lord (I Cor. 7:32-34). The Bible says that those who are faithful in the small things will be faithful in the big things as well (Luke 16:10). If you will be faithful to honor God with your thoughts and desires, your hopes and your dreams, then I know that He will reward you greatly with the desire of your heart (Ps. 37:4, Heb. 11:6).

Sincerely,

Beloved By Him

A Test Of Faith-Carrie Prejean

2009-04-21T12:11:00.010-04:00

Written By Beloved By Him

The Miss USA pageant was in its final event as Carrie Prejean, Miss California 2009, faced the judges and prepared herself for her question on Saturday night. But did she have any idea that she was actually entering into a spiritual battle of great significance? The judge who presented the question, Perez Hilton, asked her if she thought that all the United States should follow Vermont’s example and legalize homosexual marriage. In response, while she did say that she was proud to live in a country that supported freedom of choice, she went on to assert that she believes that marriage should be between a man and woman, and that was the standard by which she was raised. The crowd roared, whether in support or disagreement, and Carrie, who seemed to be the front-runner, lost the competition and became first runner-up, partially due to the fact that Hilton apparently gave her a score of “zero” for her response. Hilton later went on to his weblog and, in an outrageous example of disrespect, called her by an obscene name and ranted against her personally. She was also criticized by people from both the Miss USA and Miss California pageants for not being supportive of gay marriage. Without question, Carrie paid a price for taking a stand for the righteousness of God.

Carrie will get much more than she paid for, however. Not just the negativity and criticism from those who hate God’s ways. Besides the outpouring of support from others who share her beliefs, and the opportunity to speak to various media sources and continue to talk about her faith, Carrie has also invested in the kingdom of God, which the Bible likens to a pearl of great price. Matthew 13 explains how her sacrifice is ultimately her reward:

“Again, the kingdom of heaven is like treasure hidden in a field, which a man found and hid, and for joy over it he goes and sells all that he has and buys that field. Again, the kingdom of heaven is like a merchant seeking beautiful pearls, who, when he had found one pearl of great price, went and sold all that he had and bought it.” (Matt. 13:44-46)

Carrie shared with Fox news that she believed that the Lord was testing her character and her faith. In her heart, Carrie knew that there was nothing, no title, no earthly crown, that could ever compare to her Lord and her place in His kingdom. She could have sold out her beliefs and given a more politically correct answer, and maybe she would have gone on to win. But as she told Matt Lauer on the Today show the following Tuesday morning, then she wouldn’t be there with him. She knows that she has been given an opportunity by her testimony to show that God, and her faith in Him, is more important to her than anything she might temporarily gain here on earth.

On a platform that was viewed by millions of people, Carrie Prejean showed the world an example of a woman who is beautiful not just because she is pretty and poised, but because she is strong and fearless, gentle and wise. She may be attacked by those who would see God’s laws trampled underfoot, but their words will not stand—His will. Instead, because of God’s faithfulness to use for good what the enemy means for harm, Carrie and her testimony are like the kingdom she represents—a priceless pearl.

“All flesh is grass, and all its loveliness is like the flower of the field. The grass withers, the flower fades, because the breath of the Lord blows upon it; surely the people are grass. The grass withers, the flower fades, but the word of our God stands forever.” (Is. 40:6-8)

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Beloved By Him

Pray For Your Haters

2009-04-21T08:00:00.006-04:00

MySpace friend writes...

Hi Trophy of Grace,

I haven't talked to u in a while. I need some words of encouragement. School hasn't been going too good. Lately I've been feeling down, but i don't know why. I also feel like there are people or a person that suppose to be my friend but actually would rather see me fail.

Trophy of Grace replies..

Good to hear from you my sister. I am sorry that you are feeling down. I can understand that. Sometimes there are times were I find myself feeling a little down and I don’t know why either, but I shake it off by running to God’s presence. I put on my ipod or turn on the tv to the Christian music station and I start encouraging myself in the Spirit. I am telling you have to put on the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness. (Isaiah 61:3)

Regarding the haters that want to see you fail..well honey there will always be haters. Don’t worry about them. Leave them in God’s hands. Pray for those that hate you, curse you, or hurt you. Just turn the other cheek and keep moving. There is no point in even responding a lot of times. A wise woman just told me recently it is better to let the fire go out. So don’t fan the flame. (Matthew 5:43-47) Pray for them remember that every one has their issues, even though it doesn’t give them a right to treat others badly. Just pray for them..

Recently some the women of WeUsed2bu have experienced persecution also. You can imagine what we encounter. Not everyone wants to hear the truth of God’s Word. (John 3:19) You just have to let it roll off of your back. Jesus was persecuted, talked about, lied about, and even called the prince of demons. He said that we will be called even worse names. (Matthew 10:25)

He also said “11 “God blesses you when people mock you and persecute you and lie about you and say all sorts of evil things against you because you are my followers. 12 Be happy about it! Be very glad! For a great reward awaits you in heaven. And remember, the ancient prophets were persecuted in the same way.” (Matthew 5:11-12

So take heart sister..forgive your offenders and let it go. Don’t meditate on the offenses or you will become a slave to unforgiveness and bitterness.

I will be praying for you..

Here’s some articles I thought could help.

Garment Of Praise For The Spirit Of Heaviness
Pray For THem & Leave It In God's Hands

Sincerely.

Trophy of Grace

Tainted Love

2009-04-20T08:00:00.004-04:00

Written By: Daughter of The King

Imagine being in a relationship with a man that tells you that he loves you with all his heart, that your are the most important thing in the world to him and that he is committed to spending the rest of his life with you, sounds like pure love, right? Now imagine that the relationship started off great but now that same man barely calls you, and when he does he only talks to you for a couple of minutes and then he rushes off somewhere. Imagine that instead of spending time with you he rather wash and wax his car or play video games with his friends. Imagine that when he does finally takes you out you notice that he’s checking out other women. Then to top it all off he never listens to you or respects your opinion, does this still sound like pure love to you? I’m sure it doesn’t; it sounds like a love that has been tainted (polluted) with selfishness and disrespect.

Now think about your relationship with God, is it tainted? Do you spend time with Him everyday or do you spend most of your time hanging with the girls or getting your hair and nails done? When you read His Word do you believe it, trust it and do what it says or do you pick and choose what you’re going to believe and then live your life anyway you want? You can’t say your relationship with God is pure if you are letting worldly things such as sex and vanity into your life; anything that we put before God becomes an idol, anything.

The good new is that God’s love for us is the purest love imaginable; the bible tells us that God is love (I John 4:16), that nothing can separate us from His love (Romans 8:39), it tells us that His love is everlasting (Jeremiah 31:3) and my favorite is Ephesians 5:1 (MSG) were it uses the word extravagant to describe how God loves us.

Ephesians 5:1
… Observe how Christ loved us. His love was not cautious but extravagant. He didn't love in order to get something from us but to give everything of himself to us…

An extravagant love is a love that exceeds the bounds of reason, a love that goes beyond what is deserved or justifiable, it’s unrestrained, fantastic, wild and reckless; God loves you like that. He wants to spend so much time with you that He sent His Son Jesus to die on the cross to pay for your sin so that you can spend eternity with Him in heaven. WOW! That’s pure love.

So, does God expect you to love Him like He loves you? No, He knows we can’t love like that, only He can. To demonstrate our love for him He only wants two things from us – the first one is time.
He wants to talk with you everyday, He wants you to get to know Him intimately through prayer and reading your bible. The second thing He wants is obedience, in John 14:15 Jesus says, "If you love me, you will obey what I command.” When Jesus said this He was being very direct. He didn’t want anyone to misunderstand Him, He said it plain and simple; “if you love me, you will do what I command”. That’s why He wants you to spend time reading His word, because you have to know what His commands are before you can be obedient and follow them.

Jesus’ death on the cross shows us the extravagance of His love; now let our obedience show him ours

Psalm 119:137-144 (MSG)

You are right and you do right, GOD;
your decisions are right on target.
You rightly instruct us in how to live
ever faithful to you…
I'm too young to be important,
but I don't forget what you tell me…
The way you tell me to live is always right;
help me understand it so I can live to the fullest.

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Read articles written by Daugther of the King

I Feel Left Out Of My Family

2009-04-18T08:00:00.002-04:00

A Sister in the Lord writes from prison…

I haven’t had any contact with my family since before I got locked up and it’s really taking a toll on me. It’s been a year now. It’s really hard and my birthday is this month, April 29th and I just don’t feel happy at all. I see everyone else getting mail and making phone calls to their family and I haven’t even gotten not one letter. I feel left out of the family.

Please help me. I’m saved but I can’t figure out why this is happening to me. I’m doing my best to change.

Thank you,

God bless!

Trophy of Grace replies..

My Sweet Sister,

I am so sorry to hear that you have not had contact with your family. I know that is rough feeling left out. I want to immediately encourage you with God’s Word.

“Even if my father and mother abandon me, the Lord will hold me close.” Psalm 27:10

Footnote from my bible:

By the end of his days, David’s family had seen its share of troubles. Fussing with his brothers (1 Samuel 17:28) was the least of his worries. His wife had been torn away from him (1 Samuel 25:44), then returned, only to turn against him (2 Samuel 25:44). David had sons die prematurely (2 Samuel 12:15-19) and one attempted to kill him (2 Samuel 18). Perhaps people, even your own relatives, have discarded you. God has a message for you-He will hold you close. He will never, ever reject you. Nothing can separate God’s people from His love (Romans 8:31-39)

“Never! Can a mother forget her nursing child? Can she feel no love for the child she has borne? But even if that were possible, I would not forget you!” (Isaiah 49:15)

Even though it may seem that your family has forgotten or abandoned don’t fret because God will never forget you. He will never abandon you. He will be the strength you need to get through this.

Regarding your family keep praying for them. I know that when I went to prison there were certain family members that seemed to have forsaken me too, but I later found out it was just their way of showing tough love. They didn’t know what to say to me. They did know if they should believe if I had truly been changed. When I came home I had to give them time to see that I was different. Then after time they saw that our Lord had created in me a new heart and attitude. I had been transformed and anyone who knew the old me saw it.

The scripture verses of Psalm 40:1-3 are some of my life verses and if you will seek first the Lord and His way of doing things then they will also be yours.

Psalm 40:1-3

1 I waited patiently for the LORD;
he turned to me and heard my cry.
2 He lifted me out of the slimy pit,
out of the mud and mire;
he set my feet on a rock
and gave me a firm place to stand.
3 He put a new song in my mouth,
a hymn of praise to our God.
Many will see and fear
and put their trust in the LORD.

Try not to meditate on what you don’t have right now. Focus on what you do have and be thankful. Be thankful that the Lord saved you and allowed you to have this time to be consecrated to Him. Your prison sentence doesn’t have to be your destruction or undoing. Let it be the end of the old you and the beginning of the new you in Christ Jesus.

Pray for your family. You will see that this is just a temporary season. You will have a family again. Our Lord will restore your family and give you back what you lost in your years of disobedience and rebellion. Take delight in the Lord, and He WILL give you your heart’s desires. Commit everything you do to the Lord. Trust Him, and He will help you. (Psalm 37:4-5)

I will be praying for you and so will the women of WeUsed2bu. We love you!

P.S.

One last scripture..

"I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten—
the great locust and the young locust,
the other locusts and the locust swarm—
my great army that I sent among you. (Joel 2:25)

Sincerely,

Trophy of Grace

"I Am Proud To Have Sex Before Marriage"

2009-04-17T12:43:00.002-04:00

Anonymous from the posting 'Sex Is About Waiting Till You And Your Partner Are Ready' replies...

Dear beloved by him I appreciate you taking the time to write me back I am a Christian and have had sex before marriage I am 20 years old. I am proud to have had sex before marriage because men look down on you if you are not experienced or skilled in this area. I don't think purity is important at all and I don't think I have ever met anyone who has waited until marriage. If God wanted us to wait he would not have made it possible for us to have sex before marriage. I think women and men who are in stable relationships should be able to have sex whenever they are ready. Sex is a very important part of a relationship. And how can you marry someone and not have ever been sexual with them. In order to marry someone you need to know if you are actually sexually attracted to them. And you need to know what youre getting yourself into. Sex can be done at all ages (obviously not under 13) But I know a lot of women who would agree with me. Remember beloved by him you only live once so you should enjoy your life to the fullest :) And my opinion sex is a fun thing between you and your partner. No one should let the bible tell them that they cannot have sex to me thats immoral.

Daughter of The King replies..

Dear Friend,

Your opinions are based on three false concepts; the first false concept you have is that you believe that if God wanted us to wait until marriage for sex He would not have made it possible for us to have sex before marriage. Well, if what you say is true then that must mean that God is okay with us stealing, murdering and raping because if He didn’t want us to do those things either He would not have made it possible for us to do them. I think it’s obvious to everyone that God is definitely opposed to those things, He is opposed to all sin, including sexual sin, yet He still allow us to do them. Why? Because we have free will, God did not create people to have to obey Him, He wants us to want to obey Him out of love not because we have to. In the Bible God tells us what is right and what is wrong then He leaves it up to us to decide if we will listen and obey or if we will think that we are smarter than God and do whatever we want. God will allow you to have all the sex you want with all the men you want, the same way He will allow you to steal, kill and rape all you want (you’ve heard of serial killers and rapist, right?) BUT in the end you will suffer the consequences of your choices.

Psalm 119:137-144 (The Message)

You are right and you do right, GOD; your decisions are right on target. You rightly instruct us in how to live ever faithful to you…
I’m too young to be important, but I don't forget what you tell me… The way you tell me to live is always right; help me understand it so I can live to the fullest.

The second false concept you have is that you think that being sexually “skilled” and “experienced” is admirable and that you would be looked down on you if you weren’t. Let me ask you something; do you think your dad and/or mom is proud of your sexual skills? Do you think that on your honeymoon night your husband is going to feel lucky that you slept with “x” amount of guys and have tons of sexual experience? The only men who admire your sexual experience are men who want to use you. A man who truly loves and respects you would be thrilled and proud to have a wife that no other man has used before and if the two of you are virgins you will get your experience and skill from each other. I know you said you never met anyone who has waited until marriage, I believe you. But just because no one in your family, neighborhood, church or even your state waited it does not make it acceptable by God.

1 Thessalonians 4:3-5, 7-8 (New Living Translation)

3 God’s will is for you to be holy, so stay away from all sexual sin. 4 Then each of you will control his own body and live in holiness and honor—5 not in lustful passion like the pagans who do not know God and his ways...7 God has called us to live holy lives, not impure lives. 8 Therefore, anyone who refuses to live by these rules is not disobeying human teaching but is rejecting God, who gives his Holy Spirit to you.

The third false concept is that you think that you (not God) decides what is moral and what is not, my friend you couldn’t be further from the truth. The truth is that your opinion (or mine) does not matter. It’s not about what you think or feel; it’s about what God says in His word the Bible, He is the authority over what is right and wrong.

2 Timothy 3:16 (NLT)

All Scripture is inspired by God and is useful to teach us what is true and to make us realize what is wrong in our lives. It corrects us when we are wrong and teaches us to do what is right

Dear friend, as you read the verses in this response I pray that His Word would touch your heart and open your eyes to the truth. I pray for your sake that you would recognizes the authority of the Word of God and that you would truly understand what it means to be a follower of Jesus Christ. In Jesus name, Amen.

I John 2: 3-7 (NLT)

If someone claims, “I know God,” but doesn’t obey God’s commandments, that person is a liar and is not living in the truth. 5 But those who obey God’s word truly show how completely they love him. That is how we know we are living in him. 6 Those who say they live in God should live their lives as Jesus did.

Ephesians 4:17-25 (NLT)

With the Lord’s authority I say this: Live no longer as the [heathens] do, for they are hopelessly confused. 18 Their minds are full of darkness; they wander far from the life God gives because they have closed their minds and hardened their hearts against him. 19 They have no sense of shame. They live for lustful pleasure and eagerly practice every kind of impurity. 20 But that isn’t what you learned about Christ. 21 Since you have heard about Jesus and have learned the truth that comes from him, 22 throw off your old sinful nature and your former way of life, which is corrupted by lust and deception. 23 Instead, let the Spirit renew your thoughts and attitudes. 24 Put on your new nature, created to be like God—truly righteous and holy.

Proverbs 12: 15 (NIV)

The way of a fool seems right to him, but a wise man listens to advice.

Pray For My Mother

2009-04-17T11:08:00.007-04:00

Dear WeUsed2bu Readers,

We want to encourage you to send in any prayer request or praise reports that you have. We are here to pray for you and will post your prayer request so that the WeUsed2bu women and readers can also intercede for you.

Of course we love hearing about what God has been doing in your life. Feel free to send in your praise reports and let the world know how Great God is in your life.

Click here to submit prayer request
Click here to submit praise report

Here is a recent prayer request that came in from one of our sisters. Please let all who read this take a moment and go before the throne room on her behalf and on behalf of her family. We thank you in advance!

"I have a prayer request for my mother. She has been diagnosed with cancer again and she really needs strength. Her name is Lorraine K. Also for my daughter Alida L to have a peaceful heart and mind. "

Thank you,

S.B.

Why Would God Bring Him Into My Life Just To Tear Him Away?

2009-04-16T08:00:00.002-04:00

MySpace Friend says...

Hi.
I'm a freshmen, 15 years old.
I've never done anything with a boy. Never kissed one. Never dated one.
I've hugged guy friends but that's it.
I prayed to god that i wanted a real friend I could talk to that would make me happier cause sometimes i get depressed for no reason.
But when i'm happy, life's amazing.
So i did meet this boy a little bit later.
He's nice and when i'm down he always cheers me up and he's just a great friend.
then I got a crush on him.
And i have had one for a long time.
Sometimes he did things that made me think he likes me back.
But when i looked at who he really was, he's so popular.
All these girls in my school like him...ALOTTA girls.
He's only been in 2 relationships.
But now i look at it and i'm like...how would i ever have a chance with him. He doesn't like me back.
So i went to friends for advice. My christian best friend told me that i should just take it slow and give it time.
And i prayed to god about it, and that's something just came to me, that i need to give it more time.
But..it's so hard.
now i don't know.
i don't think he likes me...i think were getting further...andi think i'm just another friend that's a chick he knows.
I really like him
Why would god bring him into my life..if he was just planning to rip him out?
That happened once before with the first boy i pretty much ever knew.
I got close, then he just kinda left my life, and i was broken. it took me half a year to get over him.
now when i see him i think he's annoying, he's a good guy and i feel bad saying that, but its true.
Is there hope....do you think? i'll get taken somewhere with this guy?
I think there's hope..but i'm looking for reassurance and that's something i know probibly only god can give me..
but why's it so hard....why am I hurting..
Time hurts and i pray every night that god leads me somewhere.
and i don't know.
There's in's and out's of things.
And recently it's been out after out after out..
i wanna stay faithful...but its hard..
hah. geez.
Any advice?

Trophy of Grace replies..

My advice is to stop looking for a guy take you some where. Stop looking for a relationship. When the time is right the Lord will bring the right guy to you. You will see. Focus instead on growing and maturing into the woman of God that He wants you to be. He has such wonderful plans for your life. You truly have no idea. He is the One that desires to have a relationship with like none of these boys have ever desired. Our God is faithful, loving, patient, kind, and understanding. He wants you to know just how special you are to Him. (Jeremiah 29:11, 1 Corinthians 2:9)

He thinks about us day and night. I love sharing this scripture with many readers because I think it’s important that we realize just how much we are really on His mind. If we could really get this then we would trust Him with EVERYTHING in our lives.

King David said..

“ How precious are your thoughts about me,[O God.
They cannot be numbered!
I can’t even count them;
they outnumber the grains of sand!
And when I wake up,
you are still with me!” Psalm 139:17-18

He is not putting these guys in your life to tear them away. Sometimes guys are a distraction put there to keep us further away from God. One girl wrote in once that ever since she had a boyfriend that she felt that her relationship with God got distant. Anything that pulls us away from God is not of God. Here’s her Q & A http://weused2bu.blogspot.com/2009/03/when-i-had-boyfriend-my-relationship.html in case you want to read it.

Put your focus on building your relationship with the Lord. Get to know Him and His will for your life and you will not go wrong. He will direct your every step and guide you all the days of your life. (Psalm 37:23) But you have to desire to truly believe in Christ Jesus, His Word, and His Will. Once we come to accept that our way is no good and that God is on our side trying to lead us down the right path for our life, then it is not as hard to be faithful to Him. We still will make mistakes. We will fall down. But our hearts’ desire will be to follow Him and serve Him. He sees our hearts’ desires and is merciful to help us and not lose His patience with us. His kindness is always meant to lead us to repentance. (Romans 2:4)

So draw closer to the Lord and He will draw closer to you. (James 4:8) He will give you strength to overcome temptation. He will provide a way out when you feel like you can’t take it any more. (1 Corinthians 10:13) He will comfort you and give you His peace as you trust His Word. (Philippians 4:6-7) He will renew your mind when you read and meditate on His Word. (Romans 12:2) He promises that He will always hear your prayers, that when you call out to Him that you will find Him if you seek Him with all of your heart. (Jeremiah 29:12-13) You are not alone my friend many of us have been through similar circumstances. Many of us have learned that when we’ve put Jesus first in our lives everything else falls into place. Our lives are not perfect but we know that He is faithful to help us in our times of need. He never leaves us or forsakes us. (Hebrews 13:5)

Let your heart’s desires be to have a loving relationship with your Creator, the One who would die for you all over again. We will be praying for you my sweet sister.

With Love,

Trophy of Grace

I Feel Guilty..I Feel Like A Total Hypocrite

2009-04-15T08:00:00.003-04:00

Anonymous says...

Hi,
Well I'm 18 years old and i found your blog so I just thought i'd write and ask you my questions. Anyhow
basically for the last 7 months I've been dating this guy on and off. The first three months everything was great and I really loved being with him but now I've been feeling so torn up inside over my relationship with him. I mean he's a great guy but I've had to make a lot of compromises to be with him. I've been lying to my parents about going to see him. It makes me feel so guilty every time I make up a story about where I'm going
but I just can't seem to stop. I've tried leaving him but everytime I try, he always convinces me to stay with him. He just has this way of getting the best of my emotions. I'm really really scared that I'm gonna slip up and end up sleeping with him. Like whenever this guy kisses me, I can never pull away and even though we've never talked about sex, I know that if he ever wanted to, I wouldn't be strong enough to say no. I'm just really scared right now. I just feel so far from God right now. i attend my church every week and I feel like a total hypocrite. I'm suppossed to be a christian but I feel like I've let God down so many times. i can't even pray anymore. Sometimes I wonder If god will ever take me back.

Beloved By Him replies...

Dearest sister in Christ,

When Trophy of Grace and I read your question, both our hearts immediately went out to you. We are so glad that the Lord brought you to the blog just at the right time! That definitely wasn’t a coincidence (Rom. 8:28); it was your Lord Jesus leading you to a place where you can hear His voice. He is always calling out to His children, and will go looking for even one sheep who is astray, like the Good Shepherd that He is (John 10:15-16). There will never be anything that will permanently separate us from God and His love for us--not our sins, our problems, or even if we go through a time of unbelief and unfaithfulness (Rom. 8:31, II Tim. 2:13). The devil wants you to believe the opposite, because then He can draw you further away from God. Don’t believe his lies! Instead, please keep reading and pray to “receive the implanted word, which is able to save your souls” (James 1:21).

This guy is not the one for you. Period. I know a part of you reads that and is probably upset or defensive or even angry that I can say that without really knowing him, or you, right? But in reality, people don’t have to be seen to be known; the Bible says that “by their fruits you will know them.” (Matt. 7:16,20). The two of you have been planting seeds with your behavior over the last several months, and the results are starting to show up in your life. You shared how you’ve compromised your integrity to be with him, and that you’re at the point where you can’t control your emotions around him, and are afraid that you can’t control your behavior either. This is a perfect example of temptation the way it is described in James 1:14-15,
“But each one is tempted when he is drawn away by his own desires and enticed. Then, when desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, brings forth death.”

This is not necessarily talking about physical death, although certainly some sin can lead to that kind of destruction ( I John 5:16). Right now, you’re experiencing a kind of spiritual death, where the life and light of the Holy Spirit in you is being hidden and a sinful lifestyle is taking its place, making you completely powerless and miserable. You can’t ever find true happiness down this path, because Christians can’t live a lie and not have it keep us in darkness. We are called to walk away from sin and into the light of Christ, where we find fellowship and forgiveness (I John 1:7).

Please, don’t wait for this situation to bring you in to even more bondage, to the point where your actions put you in a place where you become a prisoner of the consequences (Ps. 107:10-16). The Lord will break our chains and free us by His grace eventually, but that doesn’t mean we won’t have to walk through the valley of the shadow of death first. You need to follow God’s plan for this to work, and then trust Him for the strength to work His plan:

First and foremost, turn back to your heavenly Father, Savior, and King Who loves you so much, he suffered and died for you so that you would never have to be ashamed of your sins (Hebrews 12:2). He is waiting for you to come back to Him, and even if you feel like you can’t pray, just humble yourself before Him and let the Holy Spirit pray for you, with “groanings that can’t be uttered.” (Rom. 8:26). You have to confess your sins to Him (He knows what you’ve been doing anyways), and He will be faithful and just to forgive your sins and cleanse you from all unrighteousness (I John 1:9). You may not feel like it right away, but His forgiveness is complete and total and covers and removes all of our sin (Ps. 32:1-2,5). Also be aware that the enemy is going to try and convince you that you’re not worthy of God and His forgiveness, and try to make you ashamed about what you’ve done. Don’t believe those lies, either. II Corinthians 7: 10-11 talks about the difference between Godly sorrow, which leads to repentance, and the sorrow of the world (including shame), which leads to death. Embrace the Lord’s forgiveness and mercy with Godly sorrow, which will produce in you diligence, zeal, and a burning desire for God and His will in your life. Plus, you will open yourself back up to receiving His love and strength and power in your life again, and you can be rid of the fear that is keeping you from Him (II Tim. 1:7).

Second, you are going to need that power and love of the Holy Spirit, because you need the strength to leave this guy alone, as well as the assurance of God’s love for you, which will carry you through whatever feelings of loneliness or sadness that may come. God will give you the strength to walk away from this guy if you are willing to trust and cling to Him (Phil 4:13, Deut. 30:20). Ask Him to give you wisdom and His perspective about this relationship (James 1: 5-6), and believe what He shows you. I know that if you seek Him with a true heart, He will help you understand how dangerous this situation is, and that it’s not what he wants for you, His beloved daughter. Jesus died and rose again so that we would have abundant life, fullness of joy, and freedom from sin (John 10:10,15:11,Gal. 5:1). When we consider the sacrifice He made for us, why would we want to allow ourselves to be entangled by a yoke of bondage? Nothing compares to the goodness that God has stored up for those who love Him (I Cor. 2:9).

Thirdly, trust in God’s goodness and recommit your relationship to Him. He really does have a wonderful plan for your life, and He rewards those who diligently seek Him (Jer. 29:11,Heb. 11:6). Wait on Him to renew your strength, so that you can “rise up on wings like eagles, run and not be weary, and walk and not faint: (Is. 40:31). If you have been letting your emotions and feelings control your life and dictate your choices, it is critical that you learn to take your thoughts captive and make them obedient to Christ (II Cor. 10:5). That way, when a thought enters your mind that you know doesn’t line up with God’s Word, you can immediately check it and say, “No! God’s Word says that His will for me is sanctification! He doesn’t want me messing around with this guy! He wants me to stay pure, and He’ll help me do it!” (I Thess. 4:4-5, Phil. 2:13) It takes discipline to read and apply God’s Word, but it’s impossible to have a successful life as a Christian if we don’t really know the God we serve, and His Word that gives us wisdom. What’s the alternative? Do we want to be the author of our own mess, living defeated in sin and never giving God glory? Or do we want to become more and more like Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith, Who willingly laid down His life for us? (Heb. 12:1-2, John 10:18). Besides, it’s impossible to argue with God and win. We’re only the clay; He’s the one Who lovingly created us and has the perfect plan for us (Is. 64:8, Jer. 31:3). He’s the only one with the words of life (John 6:68).

Be strong, sister. Pray for the ability to “strengthen the hands which hang down, and the feeble knees, and make straight paths for your feet, so that what is lame may not be dislocated, but rather be healed.” (Heb. 12:12-13). The Lord wants you to know the truth, so that the truth will set you free (John 8:32). And remember, “If the Son sets you free, then you are free, free indeed” (John 8:36). He died so that you can have that freedom; you just need to make the choice to live in it. You truly can do all things through Him Who gives you strength (Phil. 4:13). Please come back and let us know how you are doing.

Love,

Beloved By Him

What Does It Mean To Submit To Your Husband?

2009-04-14T12:16:00.002-04:00

Anonymous said...

I have a question about (Christian) marriage. What does it mean to submit to your husband? How do you do it?

Trophy of Grace replies...

Submitting to your husband is an act of love, a willingness to honor and affirm his position as head of the home. I believe us as wives we must understand that God has placed our husbands as the authority in our home and we are their helpmates. We are to come along side of them encouraging them with loving words of affirmation, helping to achieve God’s will in our family’s lives.

How do you submit? By trusting God to help you every day and by remembering that we are to submit to our husbands just as we submit to Christ Jesus, with love and reverence.

This does not mean that we are to follow them into sin. It does not mean that they are better than us. It does not mean that we do not have a say or that what we say doesn’t matter, because the Word says that we are to submit one to another out of reverence for Christ. (Ephesians 5:21) We are not inferior to our husbands or man. Women are a very powerful ministry tool that the Lord will use to help husbands achieve many great successes. Just read about the proverb 31 woman. She is my hero.

I have to share this with you because I believe it is no coincident that you wrote in this question and that it fell on my turn to answer. I had the rest of what you are about to read prewritten because the Lord laid it on my heart to share this with my readers on www.consecratedtohim.com. I pray that it helps you..

I just recently read Ephesians again for the umpteenth time and when I got to chapter 5 where Paul teaches on Spirit guided relationships between husband and wives verses 22-24 seemed to be illuminating before my eyes.

“For wives, this means submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For a husband is the head of his wife as Christ is the head of the church. He is the Savior of his body, the church. As the church submits to Christ, so you wives should submit to your husbands in everything.”

Our Lord has tried for many years to get me to really sit down and read these verses and allow Him to teach me about submitting to my husband. Like I said earlier I have read Ephesians over and over again, but when I would read these verses a spirit of rebellion would remind me of all my past hurts and immediately I would shut down and become inaccessible to the Spirit. My heart was just not willing to receive these instructions. My mind also was not willing to meditate on what the Spirit of God is truly saying here to us wives.

You see for as far back as I can remember all the men in our family were unfaithful to their wives and girlfriends. Some of the women were emotionally and physically abused by their husbands. Divorce was common in our family. I saw women I loved left raising their children on their own, abandoned by the men, boyfriends, or husbands that promised to love them. Then I became one of those women. I was married to my first husband at just seventeen. Our lust filled marriage didn’t last long. A month before our daughter’s first birthday I woke up and he was gone. No note. No good bye. No reason until many years later.

After he left us I vowed that I would never truly give myself completely to any man. I put a wall up around my heart and tried to move on with life. Little did I know that when I made that vow I had invited this ‘independent woman’ spirit to come and influence my life. I even had theme songs to help remind me that I didn’t need a man, Destiny Child’s Independent Women. Anyone ever heard it? I had so many man hating songs it was unbelievable. It is no wonder my mind was battling being renewed in this area I was still listening to all that crap music.

Now today is different. I truly love the Lord and I long to please Him. I hear what the Spirit of God is saying now. He has given me eyes to see and ears to hear. I trust the Lord with my life and I know that His will and His ways are perfect. Through His healing power I realize now that submission is a willing act of trust and love. I know now that submission to my husband does not mean that I become his footstool or maid. Submitting to my husband is to be an expression of my love for him. When we are submissive to our husbands it shows our respect and reverence for him. That reverence means to respect, defer to, to honor, esteem, appreciate, prize, and, in the human sense, to adore him, that is, to admire, praise, be devoted to, deeply love, and enjoy him. Imagine what this type of submission will do for our marriages.

He has ordained that the head of woman is man. Although we will often times desire to control our husbands he is to rule over us. We are to have a voluntary attitude of giving in, cooperating, and obeying our husbands. Even when we are not sure we have to remember that when we submit to our husbands we are actually submitting to Christ Jesus. If we are rebellious and refuse to give in to our husbands then we are actually rejecting God’s order and will. (1 Corinthians 11:3, Genesis 3:16)

There has to be order and structure in every home, business, ministry and organization in order for things to function in an organized fashion. If not there will be chaos and confusion. We must trust the Lord and be obedient to our husband who was put as the head of our home to keep the order. We should obey as long we do not have to disobey our Lord or deny God. Submit in everything without fear and anxiety trusting the Lord. (1 Peter 3:6)

I wasted all those years being afraid to submit. I did not want to allow my husband to lead me. I did not trust him right off the bat because of all of my past hurts and experiences. We can not allow our past hurts whether before the marriage or during our marriage to become hindrances. We have to forgive and move on; leaving the past behind us and looking ahead submitting to our husbands as we submit to Christ because we love them.

Sincerely,

Trophy of Grace

Purity in Media Part Two

2009-04-14T08:00:00.005-04:00

Continued from Purity In Media PT1.

Written By Beloved By Him

When I was a teen, I was into horror novels. One scared me so badly, I had to put it out on my front porch because I couldn’t keep it in my house. I allowed books to fill my mind with page after page of polluted stories that contained ungodly characters, obscene language, demonic influences—stories written by a famous author whose books were turned into movies that I would then go see. (Movies that wouldn’t have made the first cut a few paragraphs ago.) For today’s teens, it’s no different, as books such as the Twilight series portray vampirism as a desirable alternative lifestyle, coupled with the lie that eternal life can be achieved by any means other than through Jesus Christ (check out this link to learn more: Twilight Blood-Soaked Romance). Books like these try to tug on our emotional strings and convince us that it’s possible to find love by embracing darkness, and that it’s okay to set our own standards of good, as long as there’s evil in the world that’s worse than us. This is a complete departure from the Bible, which contains page after page of incredible stories of God’s redemption of His people, as well as the greatest love story ever told: How Jesus Christ loved the world so much that He came to earth and died a horrific death to save us from our sins, then miraculously rose from the dead and was taken up into heaven, where He is waiting for His bride (His people) to spend an eternity in perfect bliss with us. Is there really any book (or magazine—remember how I started this article) that could compare to the written truth of God’s inspired Word? His words are living and active and bring us life when we read them (Heb. 4:12); can the other books in our personal libraries and backpacks do that? If they can’t, then they’re worth less than the paper they’re printed on.

Maybe, though, you don’t watch movies, or have time for TV, and you hate to read a long book. There’s something else that can bombard your brain, and when it does, it’s often literally a few inches from it—coming through your headphones. Music plays a huge part in the spectrum of our lives, from how we relax and have fun, to how we perceive ourselves and our circumstances. The kind of music we listen to tells a lot about where our “head” is, or what ideas we allow to shape our thoughts, and ultimately our behavior (Pr.23:7). A lot of hip hop contains lyrics that degrade women, encourage drinking, and promote violence and a gangster lifestyle. Rock and metal, whether from today or the last several decades, often contains references to sex, drugs, depression, or the occult. Even some country music, which often embraces the values of a good work ethic and a belief in God, can include the suggestion of drinking as a normal part of life to be practiced with regularity and enthusiasm. So am I suggesting that you erase the entire contents of your mp3 player? That depends on what’s on it. Probably not, but if we don’t want the world to tell us how we should be living, then we have to stop letting its music bang our mental drum and start walking to a different beat.

There’s one more place to visit on this virtual tour of your entertainment choices, and you’re already there. The computer is the gateway that gives us access to anything and everything this world can offer, and it needs to be guarded accordingly. One wrong turn, one bad decision, and we open the door to any variety of sins and their bondage. It’s not just the x-rated stuff, either; it’s also the overload of images and information that can be warped and driven into our minds, teaching us to accept, imitate, and assimilate into a society that doesn’t know God. It’s our responsibility to make sure that this doesn’t happen, by using godly wisdom to discern whether or not our entertainment choices are pleasing to Him. Proverbs 8:32-36 shows us the role wisdom should play in making these kinds of decisions:

“Now therefore, listen to me, my children, for blessed are those who keep my (wisdom’s) ways. Hear instruction and be wise, and do not disdain it. Blessed is the man who listens to me, watching daily at my gate, waiting at the posts of my doors. For whoever finds me finds life, and obtains favor from the Lord; but he who sins against me wrongs his own soul; all those who hate me love death.”

We need to listen to and watch those things that will bring us wisdom and life, and wait on the Lord to give us positive choices, instead of rushing headlong into the world’s web of lies and destructive influences. I know I want peaceful seeds of righteousness planted in my mind, not scary books lying in wait on my doorstep.
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Beloved By Him
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Purity in Media Part One

2009-04-13T08:01:00.004-04:00

Written By Beloved By Him

Do you ever find yourself tempted in the grocery store? Not by the food, but by the checkout stand--or more specifically, the magazine racks? All the gossip…the rows of airbrushed models and actresses with designer clothes and perfect teeth…throw in a few whacked out headlines from the tabloids, like “Man gives birth to bat baby” or “Loch Ness monster visits Hudson River”, and you’ve got a buffet full of what the world wants us to eat--garbage. Junk food for the mind that will rot our self-esteem and give us fat, covetous hearts that can’t be satisfied with what God gave us. Two minutes in front of the magazine rack can do more damage than what’s in our carts; at least food takes time to digest and our stomachs let us know when we’re full. When it comes to the way we consume media, however, we have to be careful to know when we’ve had enough--or when we need to change our diet altogether. The Bible tells us in Philippians 4:8 to think about whatever things are true, noble, just, pure, lovely, of good report, virtuous, and praiseworthy. With that in mind, let’s take stock of what we’ve already allowed into our lives and minds, and pray about what needs to go!

First, head to the place in your home where you keep your DVD and VHS movies. Start separating them by rating. Be honest--how many R-rated movies do you have access to? These are the easiest to cut out of our entertainment diet, because their R-rating is almost always an indication of objectionable content. It’s not about being “old enough” to watch them; it’s about not allowing graphic depictions of sex, violence, drug use, or other ungodly behaviors to be a part of what we consider entertainment at any age. Continue going through your other movies. It’s highly probable that many with the PG-13 rating are not much different than their R-rated cousins. But what about the ones that aren’t “so bad”? There’s several in this category, plus a number of PG-rated movies, that may not seem to be a problem at first glance. But just because something’s not in-your-face offensive doesn’t mean it’s good for you. How do the themes of the movie line up with the standards of God’s Word? Is there a lot of crude humor and language? Do the main characters treat themselves (their bodies, their attitudes about life) and others (parents, peers, authority figures) with respect? Does the plot contain references to magic and sorcery, portray risky behavior (clubbing, drinking, inappropriate relationships), or does it glorify greed and materialism? These things might be accepted by the world, but they’re not going to teach us how to walk closer with God. And a steady diet of questionable movies is going to weigh us down and ensnare us with a dangerous attitude of complacency towards sin and its consequences (Hebrews 12:1-2).

While you’re at your movie cabinet, you’re probably in close proximity to your TV. This is one place you can easily find cheap material that looks good enough, but in reality, is so bad for you! In that way, TV is like a fast food restaurant: It’s a lot more difficult to find and choose the healthy things on the menu when they’re surrounded by all the tasty junk! Grab your remote and do a drive-thru of your program choices. Television shows with potentially objectionable material are no longer limited to cable or prime time programming. Instead, we have 24-hour access to talk shows that both mock and glorify people’s personal conflicts, soap operas (day and evening, and yes, Gossip Girl counts--check the title) that romanticize emotional and sexual infidelity, style and home improvement programs that teach us to want the bigger and the better, and reality shows that take all of the above and put it out there for the world to see in unedited and unapologetic brashness. (Don‘t even get me started on MTV). Once we remove all of the shows that have a negative influence, we’re left with very few choices to enjoy that won’t compromise our integrity. More than likely, if we find that we have been allowing TV to mindlessly amuse us, then we probably need to unplug and find a better way to fill our free time.

Speaking of free time, a lot of us enjoy reading a good book; after all, parents love to see their kids reading, right? But would your parents approve if they really knew what was in that book? Tomorrow, we’re going to take a heavy look at some of our not-so-light reading, as well as what else we might have in our media mix.

Read Media Pt 2 now
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Beloved By Him
Read more articles written by Beloved By Him

Is It My Place To Tell Her?

2009-04-13T08:00:00.006-04:00

Anonymous says..

I am in need of advice. My best friend has recently become engaged. She only dated her boyfriend for two weeks after first meeting him. She accepted when he proposed. It was then that I met him for the first time when they came to visit my home. But I was not impressed.

There was something about him that I didn't trust. Maybe it was his eyes. But it turns out that my friend's brother does not like his sister's fiance at all.

My friend's fiance has been defined as a liar, manipulative, dishonest, and using my friend. There are stories where he would say one thing and turns out it was another. He's lied about so much. He's disrespectful to church members and my friend. He's way too rough with my friend, though he says he is playing. It's been said that he's told others before he met my friend that he "needed to get me a wife". Almost everyone thinks he is using her. Some are saying they don't even think he is a Christian but is using that to get what he wants.

My friend knows all this. She knows that he lies, is rough with her, disrespectful, etc. This is the first man she has dated and a lot of people are afraid she is "falling for the first guy".

He has no job (can't ever keep one), no education (doesn't want to get one), and never seems to take anything seriously. I'm so afraid she'll spend the rest of her life supporting him while he uses her. I don't want this to happen to my best friend!!!

I want her to break off the engagement but I have yet to tell her how I feel. What should I say? Should I even tell her? Is it my place? I'm scared for her...scared she'll marry him to "prove to everyone" that they can make it work and be miserable for the rest of her life. (She doesn't believe in divorce...only under certain circumstances.) What should I do??

Trophy of Grace replies...

“The godly give good advice to their friends; the wicked lead them astray.” Proverbs 12:26

My Dear Sister yes you most certainly should tell your friend. It is most definitely your place to tell her. Your love for her causes you to want to protect and keep her from harm. When we see that our friends are in trouble or headed down the wrong path we are to warn them. When we see our friends are under attack we must sound the alarm before they fall into the trap of the enemy. That is our duty. The enemy and the world want to get us to ‘mind our own business’ but our brothers and sisters in the Lord are our business and lost souls are our business.

I think you should take a day of fasting, prayer, and reading His Word. Just draw close to Him and seek His face about this situation. Intercede on her behalf. Take this time and ask the Lord to search your heart and to give you His Words to speak to her in love. Ask Him to prepare your heart to have the right attitude. Ask Him to prepare her heart to receive what you are saying and to not be completely closed to it. The Lord will give you the prayer direction, you’ll see. He will also give you the words to speak to her when the time comes. Pray that He would use you to give her confirmation of things that He has already been laying on her heart. Remember that you both have the same Holy Spirit and He has been talking to her too about this relationship and His concerns regarding it. May the Lord give her eyes to see and ears to hear what the Spirit is saying.

She may or may not receive what you have to say. Sometimes when people are in error or sin they do not want to hear what those closest to them have to say. If that is the case then you will just have to step back and allow her to make her choices. Keep praying and interceding on her behalf. You have to trust the Lord when He says that He works EVERYTHING out for our good. (Romans 8:28) If she is a believer, then she is His child. Believe me when I tell you that she is in Good hands. Trust your friend to our Lord He will not ever leave her or forsake her.

I know this hurts you but cast all of your cares on Him because He cares for you. Don’t be anxious about this situation instead do as I have said above and present your requests to God and make your supplications on behalf of your friend to our Lord. I promise that if you will trust the Lord and meditate on His Word about this situation the peace of God which surpasses all understanding will protect your mind and heart as you trust Him to care for your dear friend. (Philippians 4:6-7)

“ A friend is always loyal, and a brother is born to help in time of need.” Proverbs 17: 17

It seems to be that you are truly a loyal friend to this girl and a sister in time of need. She is blessed to have you.

I love you sister.. and we will be praying for you and your friend.

P.S.

Here’s an article that I think may help you.

Will You Be Obedient & Tell Them?

Stay Out Of The Love Triangle

2009-04-11T16:44:00.003-04:00

MySpace friend writes..

Hey seeking advice again um I like this boy but he like one of my friends but they have went out before and she keeps "breaking" his heart but he keeps dating her and they've recently gone out and he dumped him for another guy *which was his friend* What do I do I'm so confused but I've never felt this way about a guy before and I really like him!

Beloved By Him says..

This is not a good situation for you to be involved in--even though you’re not one of the points of this love triangle, you’re still in the middle of the mess. You need to take a step back and let this fire go out, without you adding your feelings in and getting burned (Prov. 26:17).

You may be attracted to this guy, but he is apparently very interested in your friend. This isn’t the way you want a potential relationship to start. The right guy for you is going to be interested in only you (Song of Sol.7:10). God will bring Him to you in His perfect time (Ps. 18:30), without putting you in a position to be hurt (Prov. 10:22) or causing a lot of confusion (I Cor.14:33). Don’t settle for less than the person He is preparing for you.

Another thing to consider is your friendship with this girl. Being a true friend requires love, loyalty and sacrifice (John 15:13). If you really love your friend, you are going to love her at all times (Prov.17:7), even if she’s acting badly. You are going to have to stand by her, regardless of what relationship she might be in, and especially in the aftermath of a bad one, when she need you the most (Prov. 18:24). A true friend seeks the other person’s best interests, not her own (I Cor. 13:5). This means you can’t be dating someone that she used to be involved with--that’s a serious conflict of interest. Even if your friend and the guy are broken up, if she sees you going after him, she may question your friendship and your motives (I Thess.5:22). You have to choose: Are you going to show her true sacrificial love that puts her needs before your own, or are you going to go after what she had, potentially harming your friendship? (John 15:13, Heb. 13:5).

Something else to consider is how other people are going to view you if you pursue this guy. As a teenager, I didn’t care enough about my friends to stay away from guys they liked. I was more interested in getting attention and proving that I was the better choice. This resulted in a lot of hurt feelings on the part of my friends, and a total loss of self-identity on my part. I lost the person God intended me to be and became anything that I thought a certain guy might like. This just reinforced in my mind the lie that I could never be liked for who I really was. I lost myself, friends, the respect of peers, and years of the peace and happiness God would have given me if I had only asked for Him to show me who and what He wanted me to be. But everything changed when I truly chose to trust God’s plan for my life. It took almost losing my marriage, and then learning to let my husband see me for all of my mistakes, shortcomings, and just plain old imperfections, for me to experience what true love really looks and feels like. Love is truly a gift from God; it can’t be created by our lame human attempts to make someone want to be with us.

You need to know how much the Lord really loves you, and that He has a wonderful plan for your life that will bring you more fulfillment than you can ever imagine (Jer. 29:11, Eph. 3:19, I John 3:1, John 15:11). Don’t ever let your temporary feelings become more important than your relationship with Him, and don’t take the friends He has given you for granted. You won’t be sorry when you’re the one in need, and you find them ready to be there for you.

Sincerely,

Beloved By Him

How Do I Break This?

2009-04-10T08:00:00.003-04:00

Anonymous writes..

I've been in prison for going on 4 years. I did most of my time pretty well. But for some reason once I got to work release I allowed myself to get involved with a female and at first all was well, but then times got really rough and she turned her back on me. We even got into a little bit of trouble. She hurt me real bad. But my porblem is that when times was good she showed me what it meant to be loved and what I got from her I never got from any man. Now I feel like I'm infatuated with her. I feel like my preference is now going to be women, I know this is a curse, how do I break out of this curse? How do I let go of this woman? She has moved on but I'm still stuck on her. Why? And do I break it?

Beloved by Him said...

Dear Sister in Christ,

One of the most effective weapons that the enemy has against us is deception. Even though Christ died to set us free from sin and our bondages to it, we can still allow ourselves to believe a lie when what we see or think seems to fill a hole in our lives. Even though you’ve almost finished your sentence, there’s a new and dangerous situation in your life that has already caused you to sacrifice your true liberty in Christ, and has jeopardized you in the legal sense as well. This is definitely not what God wants for your life--He never wants us to be “entangled again by a yoke of bondage” (Gal.5:1) For you to be able to move forward, you are going to have to trust in God’s Word, His will, and His love for you.

Let’s talk first about how much He loves you, because as someone wisely said, “Rules without relationship equal rebellion.” If you don’t truly understand how much Jesus loves you and wants you to have the best life, then why bother caring about what His word and His will are? The fact is that He loved you so much, He died and rose again so that you could be forgiven and have eternal life. Who else would--or could--do that for any of us? Romans 5:7-8 says, “For scarcely for a righteous man will one die; yet perhaps for a good man someone would even dare to die. But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” The Lord loved us even when we were unlovable sinners--and now He has made us like Him and given us His righteousness so that we can live in boldness and victory on this earth (Romans 5:17, I John 4:9-10,17). I hope that you have already accepted Him as Savior and Lord of your life, because once you have, you can be absolutely sure that nothing can separate you from Him or His love (Rom. 8:37-39, John 10:28-29) You’ve become a new creation in Him (II Cor.5:17); everything that you used to be is dead and gone, hidden in Him, and removed as far as east is from west (Rom.6:11, Col.3:3, Ps.103:12). Your life is no longer defined by the world, or the desires of your flesh, or the devil--these are all your enemies that are at war with the Spirit of God living in you (Gal. 5:17, I John 2:16). You are His beloved child, and your true desire is that you want to become more like Him, because now you hold the thoughts and intents of His heart, and you have the mind of Christ (I John 3:1-3, I Cor. 2:16).

So, in order to glorify God and become more like Him, we have to know and apply what His word says regarding our lives (Ps. 119:11, II Tim. 3:16). If we try to make our own rules and decisions about how to live, we will eventually destroy ourselves (Pr.14:12, 16:25). But if we follow God’s laws, they will bring us life and health (Prov.4:22). The Bible promises that “As for God, His way is perfect, His word is proven, and He is a shield for those who trust Him” (Ps.18:30) Building our lives on Jesus Christ is the only foundation that will last (I Cor. 3:11) We can ask Him for wisdom, and He will give us all we need, showing us the path we should take and giving us the power to take it (James 1:5, Phil.2:13, 4:13). He wants us to have an abundant life in and through Him, and will never take something away from us wrongfully (John 10:10).

I want to emphasize this point because I know that you are experiencing the loss of this person in your life, and you’re not sure where to find the love you need. Even though you are hurting, this is a critical time to make some decisions that will mean either heartbreak or healing for you. If you choose to believe the truth of God’s word regarding His intention for creation, His ideal for human relationships, and how He designed you and your sexuality, you will be choosing a life that is pleasing to Him and will bring blessing to you and whatever potential generations may come after you. Otherwise, if you choose to go against God’s word, you will be living a lie, bringing more pain and devastation into your life, and ruining your testimony (Rom.1:24-25, I Tim.4:2).

God never created, nor condones, homosexuality in His people. Aside from the many scriptures that expressly prohibit gay relationships ( Lev.18:22, 20:13, Rom.1:24-27), the original intent of His creation of man and woman has to be understood. Before sin entered the world, God designed man and woman to be completing and complementary, physically, emotionally, and spiritually (Gen 2:20-25). After the fall, man was put in a position of headship over woman, but the Lord’s intent was never to dehumanize women. Rather, His ideal was for the male-female relationship to be symbolic of Christ’s position to the church: He is the head, Who gives Himself sacrificially, while she submits lovingly (Eph. 5:22-33). But because sin is in the world, man-woman relationships have often been maligned, with men abusing their power and women rebelling against male authority. Many people have been erroneously drawn to homosexual relationships in part because they suffered at the hand of a person or persons of the opposite sex.

There is also the issue of the fallen human nature itself, which wants to give itself up to things that are futile, unclean, ignorant, and alienated from God (Eph. 4:17-19) This is the mortal “flesh” in all of us that Jesus Christ crucified on the cross (Rom. 6:6,Gal. 2:20,5:24). Even though it has no eternal power over our lives, our flesh will still battle us until the day we die and give up this body for our new heavenly one (Rom.8:7-8, Gal.5:17). It wants to drag us down, because it can only serve the law of sin (Rom.7:25). It’s in our flesh that we find the desires for all things sinful, including homosexuality (Gal. 5:19-21).

But Hallelujah!--we don’t have to serve it! We can present ourselves to God as being alive to Him through Christ Jesus: a new people who are created according to His will, devoted to righteous and holy lives (Rom.6:11,13,19, 7:20, Eph.4:23). We don’t have to listen to what our flesh says it wants, because it lies. We don’t have to do what it tells us to do, because it doesn’t have power over us (Rom. 6:7,12,14), and God will give us a way to escape any temptation (I Cor.10:13). When we find ourselves contemplating a relationship, either hetero- or homosexual, that we know is not Godly, we have to decide who we are going to serve: Are we going to be slaves to our lying, cheating, unredeemed flesh that wants us to sin and suffer for it (Rom. 6:16), or are we going to be obedient to Jesus Christ, Who set us free from the laws of sin and death, and makes us righteous? (Rom.6:16,8:2) If we are being honest with ourselves, there is only one right answer. We need to choose life (Deut.30:19-20).

Please hold on to God’s promise to give you the desires of your heart if you seek Him first, and make his righteousness your highest priority (Matt.6:33). Pray for the faith to believe that He is, and that He is a rewarder of those who diligently seek Him (Heb.11:6). The Lord loves you more than you can possibly know or understand (Eph.3:18-19), and He has a wonderful plan for your life that you couldn’t even conceive of for yourself if you tried (Is.64:4). Ask Him for the strength to move on, “forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead, I press toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.” (Phil. 3:13-14) There is nothing you will leave behind that can ever compare to the glory that will be revealed in your life through Him (Rom.8:18, Phil.3:8-9).

Blessings, sister

Beloved by Him

I Feel Like He's Never Going To Leave Her But I Can't Walk Away

2009-04-09T08:00:00.002-04:00

MySpace Friend writes..

Ok, here is whats going on. I meet the most amazing guy, he loves me I love him. He is a good and honest clean southern gentlemen. He has a stable job and we share similar interest we started out as friends, then we started talking sorta and now I am convinced that I have found my soulmate. There is only one problem.

He's married. He has been unhappy in his marriage for almost four years now. His wife is a selfish blank who has made him believe he is unattractive. He is fine as heck. I can assure you of that. He is 10 years older than me.

Now, he wants to leave his wife. Has wanted to for some time but... they have two kids and he is afraid they will hate him for leaving her. He is to the point now that it doesnt matter what they think but she knows about me. Not that he is in love with me but that we talked. He thinks she will screw him out of custody because he is seeing me, sorta. He hates her entire family and she hates his family. The only reason he married her was because he thought that there wasn't anyone else out there that wanted him. (i'm telling you she is a brain washing blank) The only reason she married him was because she was older and her eggs were timed and she wanted kids. So basically he was a sperm donor. His mother believes this too.

We broke up for about two months so he could work on his marriage and try to make things work for his kids sake. He told his wife that he was unhappy and that she could change and be a better wife (she's a horrible wife. I'm not even going to get started just believe me) Well we stopped all communication for two months and then one day out of the blue he calls me to asked if i had moved. I did but the point is he had gone by my old house. He missed me. Well we slowly started becoming friends again. I was a little hurt that he cut all communication, but i got over it cause i understand his position. Now it is to the point that he tells me about his home life again.

Well.. his wife changed for about a week and then it started to regress again. Now she is back to the same ole crap that caused him to be unhappy in the first place. Before when he told me he was giving her another chance, he told me he was going to leave her if it didn't improve. Well... now it hasn't but he is still scared about the kids and I am scared he'll never leave her.

He says he is getting more and more resentful towards her and can't shake me. God knows I can't shake him. I tried sooooo hard to forget about him but we have an amazing connection deeper than I've ever had with anyone else. He makes me genuinely happy. I mean happy to the core. Nothing bothers me. He completes me and he feels the same way about me. I know I'm tangled up in one hell of a mess but I don't know what to do anymore. I feel like he's never going to leave her but I can't walk away. I don't know what to do.

Trophy of Grace replies..

My Dear Sister,

You said it good when you said you are in one hell of a mess. This relationship that you are having with this married man is hell sent, not God sent. He IS NOT your soul mate. Don’t be deceived my dear sister. Don’t fall for the lies. He is manipulating you. Run far away from this relationship least you find yourself even more entangled in this destructive relationship.

Don’t think for a minute that this relationship is God’s will for your life. God would never tempt you or lead you into sin and that is what this relationship is, a sinful adulterous relationship. Many people foolishly say that God is tempting them when they feel a desire to do something they know is wrong. God never tempts us to do wrong. Temptation comes from our own desires, which entice us and drag us away. These desires give birth to sinful actions. And when sin is allowed to grow, it gives birth to death. (James 1:13-15)

I must show you what God’s Word says about adultery and I pray that as you read the scriptures that your heart would be moved to repentance and you would feel compelled to leave this man alone. I pray that you would see the terrible results and consequences awaiting you if you continue having this relationship. May the Lord remove the blinders that have been placed on your eyes so that you may see. May He give you ears to hear what His Spirit is saying.

“You shall not commit adultery.” Exodus 20:14

For the lips of an immoral woman (or man) are as sweet as honey, and her (or his) mouth is smoother than oil. But in the end she (or he) is as bitter as poison, as dangerous as a double-edged sword. Her (or His) feet go down to death; her (or his) steps lead straight to the grave. For she (or he) cares nothing about the path to life. She (or He) staggers down a crooked trail and doesn’t realize it. Proverbs 5:3-6

So it is with the man (or woman) who sleeps with another man’s (or woman’s) wife (or husband). He (or She) who embraces her (or him) will not go unpunished. Proverbs 6:29

But the man (or woman) who commits adultery is an utter fool, for he (or she) destroys himself (or herself). Proverbs 6:32

Give honor to marriage, and remain faithful to one another in marriage. God will surely judge people who are immoral and those who commit adultery. Hebrews 13:4

This relationship is a trap that you have allowed yourself to fall into. You said that God knows that you can’t shake him and you are right. God does know that you can’t shake this relationship ON YOU OWN, but with Christ on your side you can do anything. You can do all things, everything through Christ Jesus who will strengthen you if you put your trust in Him. He will help you overcome this battle if you will truly surrender your life and your will to Him. Allow Him to have dominion in your life. Allow Him to guide and lead you down the narrow road that always leads to life. If you continue down this path, this broad road of destruction full of selfish and evil desires you will most certainly perish. This is NOT what God wants or ever intended for your life. It is not His will that any should perish but so many reject Him and desire their own will and their own way and unfortunately seal their fate.(Philippians 4:13)

My dear sister God has a wonderful plan for your life. He has a plan to give you a real future and a hope in Him. His plans for your life are good. He wants good things for you. He wants to give you true peace, real love, patience, goodness, faithfulness, joy, faith, hope, freedom, life, and salvation. He sees the desires of your heart and wants to bless you with a man that will love you and only you. He does not give you broken gifts. He gives good gifts. He has the right man for you but it is time that you first seek (aim at and strive after) first of all His kingdom and His righteousness (His way of doing and being right), and then all these things will be given to you. (Jeremiah 29:11-14, Matthew 6:33)

This is not a time for you to be worried about this man and his problems. Let him deal with his own issues and his family. He made a covenant before God to his wife and their family and he is in rebellion against God right now. Stay away from him. Focus on what you need to do to be in right standing with God.

If you have seen through this response and the Word of God provided to you that you have been in sin and you want to truly change then you are in a great position because the Lord wants to forgive you of your sin if you are willing to repent and confess your sin before God. God will never reject a broken and repentant heart. But if we confess our sins to Him, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all wickedness. If we claim that we have not sinned, we are calling God a liar and showing that His word has no place in our hearts. (Psalm 51:17, 1 John 1:8-10)

If you acknowledge and confess with your lips that Jesus is Lord and in your heart believe (adhere to, trust in, and rely on the truth) that God raised Him from the dead, you will be saved. For with the heart a person believes (adheres to, trusts in, and relies on Christ) and so is justified (declared righteous, acceptable to God), and with the mouth he confesses (declares openly and speaks out freely his faith) and confirms [his] salvation. (Romans 10:9-10)

Once you have believed and confessed Jesus as your Lord and Savior you will have become a new creation, the old will be gone and the new will be here. He will give you His Spirit to live in you which will guide you and lead you all the days of your life. He will be your strength and comfort. He will help you to overcome everything and anything by His strength and might power, not by your own strength or power. He will help you to overcome this and shake this relationship off. He will not allow the temptation to be more than you can stand. When you are tempted, he will show you a way out so that you can endure. (2 Corinthians 5:17, 1 Corinthians 10:13)

He has just provided you with a way out right now..Jesus is the Way. The choice is yours. I pray that the Lord will help you to make the right one.

We love you sister!! We are here for you if you need us. We will be praying for you.

Sincerely,

Trophy of Grace

Emotional Rollercoaster

2009-04-08T08:00:00.004-04:00

MySpace friend sends update to You Are Not Alone

My day was an emotional rollercoaster. I Woke Up. Felt Perfect. Felt Happy and Good Enough I Prayed I Asked For the Holy Spirt To Be with me. I Went To School And It Seemed Like God Didn’t care, Didn’t care on how I felt ….girls were mean, My friends Became My enemies because “Im Different”I Was Alone, I Know God is always with me, But Today,Well Everyday since Ive been trying to accept the Lord, I've Felt Alone And My heart Isn't happy, :/ I Don’t know what to do, what to feel,I used to Cut myself;; But then I started hanging out with the girls Who Don’t love God and stuff, I stoped cutting myself. Now I feel like cutting like skipping meals And Uhh I don’t even know anymore :/I need help, God isn’t helping and no one is ever there, I try to talk to my mom but she doesn't understand, Help?

In His Hands replies..

I want you to truly know that we here at WeUsed2bu are very concerned for you and have been praying for you. The reality is, NOTHING is worth hurting yourself over. I know how tough it is to be the outcast. I know how hard it is to try and fit in and can't. As believers in Christ Jesus we need to understand that He too was an outcast and was persecuted for being different. I wish I could tell you that when you accept Jesus in your life that all your problems disappear, but that would be a lie. The difference is that we can take our concerns, sadness, frustrations, anxieties and everything to God and he will be there to comfort us.

Psalm 9:9- the LORD is a refuge for the oppressed, a stronghold in times of trouble.

Lean on God and he will bring you through it. You are still very young and have a long life ahead of you with a lot of great times and unfortunately some bad ones, try to release your anger more constructively. When I find myself overwhelmed I will sometimes blast my music and cry my eyes out, other times I'll put on my running shoes and just go. I recently started going to a gym and the amount of stress you can release there is awesome. Anything is better than cutting, so try other outlets. But most importantly NEVER EVER give up trusting God. The Lord places situations in our life to strengthen us, it is His way of evaluating our faith and strength. Be strong and DO NOT GIVE UP!

James 1:12- God blesses those who patiently endure testing and temptation. Afterward they will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him.

In Christ's love,

"In His Hands"

A True Friend Seeks Wisdom On Behalf of Another

2009-04-07T08:00:00.002-04:00

Anonymous says...

Hi...Im having a little trouble with giving my bestfriend advice and the comfort she needs...Her boyfriend taking her throught alot of changes and trials...1) she's pregnant and one top of that she found out she has Chlamydia, so can u help with some aspiring words of advice. Thank YOU

Beloved by Him said...

It’s a true friend that seeks wisdom on behalf of another. I am glad to see your care and concern for her, because she is going to need a lot of support. Being pregnant can be difficult enough under the best of circumstances; when there’s physical and emotional complications, it can sometimes feel overwhelming. If you can encourage your friend to lean on and trust God’s promises for her life, you’ll be helping her build a strong foundation that will bless her now, and in the future.

The most important thing you can let her know is that Jesus Christ loves her, and He died and rose again to save her from her sins and give her eternal life. Hopefully, she’s already a Christian, but if she hasn’t accepted Christ as her Savior yet, share with her ABC’s of salvation: That all have sinned in God‘s eyes, that she needs to believe in her heart that Jesus died for her sins, and that she has to confess her sins and accept His righteousness as her own. She may not be ready to give her life to the Lord right now, and that’s okay--God is merciful to whomever He chooses (Rom. 9:18), and you can continue to pray that He takes good care of her, and His goodness will lead her to repentance (Romans 2:4). Remind her of the truth of God’s love for her, no matter what she’s done and regardless of her situation (Rom. 5:8).

There‘s also a specific section of Scripture you can show her that addresses a lot of the issues she’s dealing with, and how the Lord will take care of her. Psalm 103 is full of examples of God’s goodness to His children, specifically His healing power in her body, His merciful forgiveness of her sins, and His eternal salvation for those who love Him.

Let her know that her heavenly Father covers her with loving-kindness and tender mercies, and rescues her life from destruction--even the problems that we’ve caused by our own mistakes (Ps. 103:4). He can heal any disease that she is afflicted with (v.3), and is skillfully at work forming the unborn child in her womb (Ps. 139:13-16). He is not angry with her, and will not punish her according to what she’s done (v.9-10). Yes, things may be difficult, but they are definitely not hopeless. The Lord will be sympathetic to her situation if she is willing to turn from her mistakes and walk with Him (v.13). He doesn’t expect us to be perfect; but He does want us to follow His word and His will for our lives. Show her how He promises to give her and her children, and even generations after them, His mercy and righteousness if she will choose to give Him her trusting obedience (v.17-18).

She has already found favor in God’s eyes by not having an abortion. The Lord has given her this child as a reward (Ps. 127:3), and He will use even these difficult circumstances for good in her life (Rom. 8:28). I’m not sure of the nature of the relationship between her and her boyfriend, but if she is pregnant and not married, she has some serious decisions to make. Encourage her to make the Lord her first love and priority, and to make godly choices regarding her boyfriend so that the Lord will be able to bless and protect her and her child (Matt. 6:33). See if they will consider attending a good Bible-believing church and utilizing some of their support and/or resources so that she can get good spiritual and emotional care. If he’s not interested, then hopefully you can go with her. Also, try to keep an awareness of her physical state, if she’s keeping doctor’s appointments, if she’s eating right, and trying to keep her stress levels down. I know it’s a lot of responsibility for you, but we are told in Matt. 5:41 to not just go one mile with our friend, but two. You will be putting feet to your faith and doing a wonderful work on her behalf (James 2:16).

God may well have put you into her life “for such a time as this”, to give her support, lend a hand to help and a shoulder to cry on, and help bear this burden that she literally has to carry (Esther 4:14, Gal.6:2). By being a true friend to her, you are showing her Christ’s love and fulfilling His law, and you will both be blessed because of it.

Sincerely,

Beloved by Him

Girls Gone Mild

2009-04-06T08:00:00.008-04:00

Written By: Daughter of The King

I was up late one night and I was watching TV when a commercial came on for one of those “Girls Gone Wild” videos, I had heard about them but I have never seen them. Even though the commercial doesn’t show everything I was shocked at what I saw, I couldn’t believe that these beautiful young women would allow anyone to film them doing outrages things for the whole world to see. My heart broke for them because I knew that they were spiritually lost and I knew that even though they were smiling and flaunting their bodies that they lacked self-esteem and self-respect.

But you know you don’t have to be on “Girls Gone Wild” to lack self-esteem and self-respect; look in your closet, what are you wearing? Is your clothes too short, too tight or just not enough of it? What you choose to wear tells people a lot about you and did you know that it also tells people how to treat you. Look at the definitions of the words “sex object” and “sexy”

Sex Object: A person viewed as being of little interest or merit beyond the potential for providing sexual gratification.

Sexy: Arousing or tending to arouse sexual desire or interest.

If you leave your house in a skimpy outfit you are telling the world “hey look at me, I’m easy, come take advantage of me” and guess what, men will look at you and that may make you feel good but the problem is that the men who will approach you and talk to you only want one thing and that thing is your body. They don’t care about your personality, they don’t care about your mind they don’t care about you; the only thing they care about is getting some sex and you happen to look like an easy target. You might think that you like to dress sexy but your not easy, so I want to ask you why dress like something your not because what you’re doing is sending men mixed signals.

If you are a Christian woman you have to remember that you must honor God with your body that means anything you put in it or on it.

1 Corinthians 6:19-20 (NIV)
19Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; 20you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body.

Remember that you are a daughter of God, you’re His princess; how should a princess dress? How does she walk and talk? A woman who says she’s a Christian should dress in a way not to call attention to herself but to bring attention to Christ. That does not mean your have to look frumpy and old fashioned; you can dress in a trendy or stylish fashion and still bring honor to God, it’s when we dress in a way that draws sexual attention to ourselves that we dishonor God and ourselves.

Look at what 1 Timothy 2:9 MSG says:

…I want women to get in [prayer] with the men in humility before God, not primping before a mirror or chasing the latest fashions but doing something beautiful for God and becoming beautiful doing it.

When we focus on the Lord and focus on serving Him we become beautiful on the inside and on the outside and believe me this kind of beauty gets noticed but only by men who are looking for someone to love for a lifetime, someone to have a family with, someone he could be proud to call his wife.

God expects us to be leaders in this world and not followers, so when everyone else is losing their dignity and self respect “going wild”, we who are God’s princess’ are to be beautiful and dignified women who don’t have to “go wild” to get noticed.

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Read articles written by Daugther of the King

I Thought Christians Weren't Supposed To Judge People

2009-04-03T08:00:00.001-04:00

Anonymous says...

I got a ??. My best friend & me are Christian. Im new and shes been in church for a long time. For a while now shes been judgin me or questionin if Im really into church. I am into church n stuff but Im not 'in ur face' about it like she is. Im not doin n e thing wrong but she swears I am cuz we dont see each other allot so she decided not to be my friend. Shes my bff and I love her I dont wanna lose her but I dont like how shes judgin me. I cant talk to her cuz she wont listen. she already made up her mind bout me so what I say dont matter.what should I do? I thought Christians werent supposed to judge people?

Beloved by Him said...

Hi, it’s Beloved by Him, in for Trophy of Grace, and I want to encourage you regarding your situation, because two Christian best friends have a common ground that friends in the world don’t have–the love of Jesus Christ. There’s a Michael W. Smith song that says “A friend’s a friend forever if the Lord’s the Lord of them.” That’s the perspective you are going to have to keep until things are resolved and your relationship is healed, which I know is God’s will for the two of you (Ps. 133:1, Eph. 4:2-3). It may require a lot of work, spiritually and emotionally, but there are times that the Lord calls us to lay down our lives for our friends (John 15:13). In His eyes, there is no greater love we can show them, and if she means that much to you, then I pray that He pours His love for her into your heart, and gives you hope for this relationship (Rom. 5:5).

Unconditional love is going to be a critical part of the healing process, because “love covers a multitude of sins” (I Peter 4:8). If she has been harsh or faulty in her judgment of you, then you have to forgive her, not just for her sake, but for your own as well. God’s Word says that if we don’t forgive someone who sins against us, then He won’t forgive our sins (Matt. 6:14-15). You need to give her the same grace He gives you, which will bring you peace, and prevent bitterness towards her from taking root in your heart (Heb. 12:4-5). This also means being careful not to complain about her to your other friends (James 5:9), and not gossiping about her or the situation between the two of you (Prov. 26:22, James 4:11). Remember, love bears, believes, hopes, and endures all things (I Cor. 13:7). Talking badly about her may make you feel better for a time, but ultimately poisons both your attitude towards her and the future of your friendship. Instead, give your hurt feelings and your frustrations over to the Lord, Who judges righteously, and yet found a way through Christ to give us His righteousness and heal us by the stripes He received (I Peter 2:23-24).

Once you have submitted your feelings about her to the Lord, it’s time to humble yourself before Him and ask Him to show you if you have done something to cause or contribute to this rift between you and her. Sometimes, we are not even aware of the sin in our lives, and we need to ask the Lord to help us understand where we are wrong (Psalm 19:13). This can be an unpleasant process, because most of us (myself included) don’t like to admit that we have let God and others down. But when we humble ourselves under His mighty hand, He will lift us up and even exalt us in due time (James 4:10, I Peter 5:6), as He mercifully makes us into “vessels for honor, sanctified, useful for the Master, prepared for every good work” (II Tim. 2:21). Go boldly to God and ask for His wisdom about where you might be missing the mark, and He will give you both the wisdom and the grace to make it right, without condemnation (Heb. 4:16, James 1:5). He will honor your willingness to be obedient, and you will have the confidence that you have allowed Him to search your heart and change anything that might not be pleasing to Him (Ps. 139:23-24).

The next step probably won’t be easy: You need to talk to try and talk to her, even if you think she won’t listen. We are commanded by Scripture to pursue peace with others, and that if we know someone has something against us, then we are to go to them and try to make it right ( Matt. 5:23-24, Rom. 12:18). This means that in addition to sharing your thoughts and feelings in a spirit of gentleness, you will have to afford her the opportunity to share hers as well. When this happens, pray for the mind of Christ to be active in you, so that you will be able to receive and discern any truth in what she is saying (I Cor. 2:15-16). If there is, remember that “faithful are the wounds of a friend” (Prov. 27: 5-6). It is a true friend that tells us how things really are, and not just what we want to hear.

This could be especially difficult for you, because you already feel that she is improperly judging your Christian walk. This may be true, especially if she is currently doing what she is accusing you of. That is the unrighteous judgment the Apostle Paul warned against in Romans 2:1-4. However, Christians are called to judge righteous judgment (John 7:24), which is using our God-given discernment that is in line with the will of God. Jesus used this type of judgment when He was here on earth (John 5:30, 8:16). It’s not a condemning attitude, intending to cause hurt or shame to a person. It’s the knowledge of God, applied by understanding and governed by the wisdom of His word. Without it, we couldn’t tell right from wrong. The purpose of this kind of judgment is loving correction, salvation, and restoration (Prov. 9:8, II Cor. 2:5-8, Jude 22-23). When another Christian rebukes us for something in our lives that is unrighteous, then it is our responsibility to receive it and not refuse it, because we know it’s for our own good (Ps. 141:5). If she is trying to get you to see something in your life that could be detrimental to your well-being and your Christian walk, then even if she doesn’t approach you perfectly, she still may truly be trying to help you.

It is my sincere hope that the two of you can be of one mind again, and enjoy a new level of closeness in your relationship. You both may have to accept things about the other person’s life that you don’t necessarily agree with, as long as those things don’t cause either one of you to stumble into sin (Rom. 14:13). Ultimately, though, the issue of your faith is between you and God (v.22). If the two of you decide that you can no longer be in fellowship, don’t give up praying for her and hoping that things will change in the future, because “a friend loves at all times” (Prov. 17:17) Here’s a powerful word for you to pray from the book of Romans,
“Now may the God of patience and comfort grant you to be like-minded toward one another, according to Christ Jesus, that you may with one mind and one mouth glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ.” (Rom. 15:5-6)
I pray that the Lord will give you His peace, and the faith to persevere, as you seek Him in this situation. Much love, sister.

P.S. Here's the song--

Michael W Smith- Friends

You Are Not Alone

2009-04-02T08:00:00.002-04:00

MySpace Friend says..

So I went to church last night, and I haven't been going for a while. I prayed and prayed, begged him for forgivness, and if he would come into my heart... last night I didnt feel it he still wasnt there in my heart.. and I want it more then anything at this moment of time. I need it. I don't know what to do anymore, please tell me something? ♥

Daugther of Destiny replies..

My dear sister in Christ,

I know what its like not having any friends. When I was first saved a lot of my friends started to separate themselves from me. Some told me I had a "too good for you attitude" I didnt mind at first because I was a "new creation in Christ". The old me did just die and a new creation was born. I was truly comforted by John 15:18. Jesus tells his disciples that if the world hates you, remember that it hated me first.

But awhile back I did stumble. It was only last Easter that I re-dedicated myself to the Lord. And like you at first I didnt feel any miraculous transformation. But then again the Lord gave me another word. It was Matthew 17:20. Jesus again tells them if you have the faith as small as a mustard seed you can move mountains. All around me I saw Him. In my children. The change in my husband. When I was having a bad day strangers showed kindness. I believe that the Lord was letting me know in his own way that He loves me. He is always thinking of me.

It was only when i truly, I mean with my whole heart, asked Him for forgiveness that I started to feel Him. When I would go to church and worship Him, I felt Him with me. When my 4 year old daughter prays to Him I feel Him. Even now my sister as I type this to you, He guides my hands with the words to comfort while He consoles you. I believe that.

So I tell you, if you truly repented for your sins you are a new creation. Paul writes in 2 Corinthians 5:7, We live by faith not by sight. You are not alone. You belong to the most high God. You are His child now. He can help you and He will. After all he lead you to us...

You are never alone. You have us and the Lord will bring along others.

P.S.

Visit this link 10 Principles for New Christians

Beloved by Him's Testimony

2009-04-01T08:00:00.012-04:00

Hello, I’m Aimee, also known as Beloved by Him. I chose this pseudonym for several reasons: Because my name means “beloved”, because my husband and I are each other’s beloved, and because God works in and through me to bring the counsel of His word to other people--He‘s the real author of my work. But it took the first thirty years of my life for me to really surrender to God, and another six to finally put feet to my faith. Now I’m 37, and I am still amazed at how faithful He is to love and bless me regardless of the mistakes in my past, present, or future. He knows everything about me, and loves me anyway!

That’s a real miracle, considering the person I used to be. I was emotionally scarred by my natural father, who abused drugs, alcohol, my mother, me, and other members of my family. After he and my mother divorced when I was six, I spent years going back and forth between two extremes: Living with my mother and stepfather, with very little money and under very strict rules and discipline, and visiting my father, who was loaded, both financially and with drugs and booze. When we were at his house, I was a parent to my brothers as he partied first with my stepmother, and once she left him because of the abuse, a line of women who took her place. His abuse got worse, and by the time the court stepped in to order supervised visitation, the damage was done. The last time I spoke to my father, I was nineteen and pregnant, and I knew that he could never be around my child.

I had already been abusing alcohol and pot for years by that time. Much of my last two years of high school were spent partying, sneaking out, and fighting constantly with my parents. The day after I graduated, I moved out of my home and into a friend’s house, where they lived a drugging lifestyle. I spent the next several months living off my friends, until one day, I met the man who would become my husband and the father of my children. The Lord in His great grace pulled me out of where I was living, put me with this good man, and eventually brought us both to Himself--me as I recommitted my life (I had gotten saved when I was seven), and him for the first time. I had my second child at 20, a third at 24, and things improved, except that I never truly confessed to the Lord or shared with my husband many of my past sins, or that I was still consumed with the bulimia that had begun for me in middle school. Instead of those behaviors and mindsets just going away, they began to control my life, and by the time I was 30, I had thrown my marriage, and my life, away. After suffering a nervous breakdown, I had to truly repent and cry out to God to save me, and then choose to cling to Him and His plan for my life. The only other alternative was to let myself die. Praise Jesus, I chose life. I remember the night I was on my knees, in His presence, and said, “Ok, God, I’ll do it your way.” It was the best decision I ever made.

Coming out of that dark time was not easy. I spent months in what I call my “harvest of horrors”, as years of denied behavior surfaced and had to be confessed and repented of. During that time, the Lord truly gave my husband “amazing grace” and mercy for me, as he forgave me and allowed the Lord to redeem our marriage. In the years since, I have watched as God has made our marriage into something more special than I ever could have hoped to be a part of. Through Jesus Christ, we as a couple have “become as a wonder to many” (Ps. 71:7), and He continues to draw us closer to Him and to each other. We attend Calvary Chapel Fort Lauderdale, which is a great place for us, because of our different backgrounds (I was raised Presbyterian and then charismatic, and he is a Messianic Jew.) I also have a wonderful stepfather with an incredible testimony and an amazing walk with the Lord, and a huge extended family that I love dearly.

My life is blessed, but it’s not perfect. I had a second bout with depression, and I still struggle with anxiety. I am filled with the Word, but my flesh seems to revel in trying to make me ineffective by attacking me with doubt, shame, and fear. But I stand firmly on the Rock of my life, Jesus Christ. He is my salvation, my fortress, my strong tower, and His banner over me is love. I am still learning to believe and trust in that love, which “for the joy set before Him, (He) endured the cross, despising the shame” (Heb. 12:2), so that He could forgive my sins and spend eternity with me. There is nothing more I could ever ask for Him to do to prove to me that I am Beloved by Him.

“But God forbid that I should boast except in the cross of our Lord Jesus Christ, by Whom the world has been crucified to me, and I to the world.” Galatians 6:14

Feel free to message me with any questions or advice that you would like.

Purity In Personal Habits

2009-04-01T08:00:00.007-04:00

Written By: Didi Zayas

When I really committed my life to Christ at 15, a few lingering sins followed me as I attempted to grow in my faith: listening to music that obviously didn’t glorify God, running my mouth about anything and everything, disrespecting my parents, and most of all, a general interest in doing whatever it took to be popular.

What I didn’t realize was that all those things were distractions with deadly results. Those lingering sins beckoned me to follow after the world instead of my relationship with Jesus.
Yet, I liked them. I liked watching “Dawson’s Creek,” even though most of the story lines were centered on the main characters jumping into bed with their best friends. (Believe me, it was the “Gossip Girl” of my day.) I liked listening to Y100, even though most of the music didn’t just contain bad lyrics; some of it was in direct opposition to my faith. And my favorite pet sin was gossip. I enjoyed gossiping about other people, especially when it made me feel better about myself. It didn’t matter to me if my assumptions about people were nowhere near the truth. I looked – and sounded – just like someone who didn’t believe in Jesus.

I actually enjoyed doing things I knew God disapproved of because I had an impure heart. In fact, my heart still isn’t perfect, but God has begun the process of fixing it up. In Matthew 12:34-35, Jesus said, “… For out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks. The good man brings good things out of the good stored up in him, and the evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in him.” I had allowed those sins in my life for three reasons. First of all, I had an impure heart. Secondly, I hadn’t practiced “storing up” good things from God’s Word in my heart. And, lastly, I was focused on myself and temporary pleasures instead of eternal life.

The purification process

But, the good news is that God didn’t leave me where I was at. He had a plan for me, just like He has a plan for you. He tells us in His Word how to keep our hearts pure. Psalm 119:9-11 says, “How can a young man keep his way pure? By living according to your word. I seek you with all my heart; do not let me stray from your commands. I have hidden your word in my heart that I might not sin against you.” We see from these verses that the good things we’re supposed to store up in our hearts are actually commands from His Word! It even says that we’re supposed to “hide” Bible verses in our hearts, so that they’ll be there to show us the right way when we’re tempted by lingering sins.

The Bible says that we cannot love God if we don’t obey Him. And how can we obey God if we don’t know His commands? It’s all about His Word. Even though His commands sometimes aren’t convenient or popular, believe me, they are a blessing. His Word kept me from following so many paths that seemed great for the moment, but would’ve left me lost and confused in the long run. It got easier and easier to let go of my favorite sins as I learned to seek God and to love His will more than my own. I’m not perfect, but He is in the process of perfecting me. (But, the process won’t be over until I meet Him in heaven.)

Tunnel vision

Another reason I didn’t want to let go of my pet sins was that I had tunnel vision. I was focused on me, myself and I, and the here and now. Instead of trying to purify my heart so I could make an impact on people’s lives for eternity, I was focused on being popular, masterfully winning every argument with my parents, and watching whatever movies piqued my interest. Even though I believed in it myself, I wasn’t focused on God’s big picture plan for freely giving salvation to everyone through Jesus’ death the cross and His resurrection three days later.
If I had cared about the fact that God’s plan was bigger than me, I would have wanted to purify my heart so that others could see Him in me.

Proverbs 11:22 says, “Like a gold ring in a pig’s snout is a beautiful woman who shows no discretion.” Did you get that one? A woman who has an impure heart – and therefore an impure lifestyle – is like a hefty pig with an expensive nose ring. In other words, when I let my pet sins take over my life, I was about as useless in representing Christ as a nose ring is to a pig on the day the butcher comes calling.

Refocusing on Him

The truth is that Jesus is coming back soon, to give the people who believe in Him here on earth an eternal life in heaven. It’s written about throughout the Old and New Testaments. What everyone else is left with isn’t so pretty: It’s judgment. If we really believed this to be true, we would be getting rid of every pet sin that hinders our relationship with Jesus Christ so we could be ready for Him on that day, and so we could lead others to get their hearts ready for His return as well. When I was 15, I cared more about the homecoming dance and getting invited to the latest party than I did about choosing not to gossip about someone, so that I could share the Gospel with her instead. Yet, God worked in my heart, just like He can work in yours.

When we give our lives to Him so He can change and transform our hearts – and therefore our lives – He does a wonderful, wonderful work in us.

I have a challenge for you and for me, because my fixer-upper heart that Jesus gave His life for still needs a lot of work. I challenge us to pray that God will look at our lives today and point out any area that might be hindering our relationship with Him. Then I challenge us to pick up the Bible and look for verses to store up in our hearts so God can begin to clean it out. And, lastly, I challenge us to tell someone else about what Jesus is cleaning out of our hearts so that He can start working on his or her heart as well. That way, the sometimes-uncomfortable-but-always-beneficial process of purification can inspire others to deepen their relationship with Jesus too.

If you haven’t placed your faith in Jesus yet, I also challenge you to pick up the Bible and read through Matthew or Romans. You are in for an adventure that is sure to touch your heart and make it squeaky clean.

“Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is – his good, pleasing and perfect will.” – Romans 12:2.

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Didi Zayas
Visit her personal blog Click Here

Read articles written by Didi
Read here story

I Tried Talking To Her But She Says Nothing Is Wrong

2009-04-01T08:00:00.006-04:00

Anonymous says..
Hey ladies, I need some advice. About 3-4 months ago I had a falling out w/ a close friend. She completely ignores me and I don't know why we aren't friends anymore. I tried talking to her but she said nothing was wrong. So I left her alone but it hurted so bad. Since we both came from the same city and started college together far away from home. I've given it to Jesus because I know that I didn't do anything to her. I believe that she just didn't want to be friends w/ me anymore because I don't like to show when I'm hurting or stressed out. I just keep it balled away and deal w/ it privately. That's the only thing I can think of. Casue at the end of last semester I was so stressed out that I just kept to myself and really didn't talk to anyone. But I digress. When we came back to school she wouldn't even acknowledge my greetings. Which was really harsh bc she was the only friend I had here. I've prayed about it so much bc I was feeling so lonely and not cared about. And by the grace of Jesus I have new friends and a better relationship w/ Him. But I've notice that I haven't really forgiven her like I should as a christain. I don't hate her, if she ever needed me I would be there, I still greet her even though sometimes I get a muffled response but I notice that if she's around I don't want to be in the same area. Even if I'm among friends, I will make an excuse to go. Its just that when she's around I feel uncomfortable because she talks around me, like I'm not present. With God's help I want to be the better pereson that He wants me to be but I know that I have some undealt w/ feelings and if I've given it to God and I know that I have his favor and He's taking care of all my needs. Why do her presence take me back to a weak state- where all I can think about is the hurt.

Trophy of Grace replies..

There seems to be a lot of hurt feelings from each you. It seems from what you’ve said that last semester when you were stressing out your friend was trying to reach out to you and you just kept to yourself and maybe unintentionally rejected and pushed her away. She is obviously still carrying that hurt around. I know you said you tried to talk to her already, but I am thinking that you should probably go to her again and ask her to forgive you. Strife and unforgiveness is not healthy for either of you spiritually or emotionally.

Let her know that you did not intentionally mean to hurt her last semester that you were going through your own thing and should have been more sensitive to her feelings. Remind her that you do care for and love her and value your friendship. Be sure to pray before you go to her and ask the Lord to give you the words to speak in love with patience and understanding. Also pray for her too. Pray that her heart would be willing to forgive and willing to ask forgiveness. May the Lord help you both to see the errors in your ways so that you may confess your sins one to another. Then you both can be healed. (James 5:16)

Hopefully all goes well and this relationship can be restored. However, if your friend refuses to forgive you and continues to harbor bitterness and resentment then you have to leave her alone for awhile. Allow the Lord to work in her heart and pray for her. Do not stop praying for her! You never know what else is really bothering her. So try to be long suffering with her. (1 Corinthians 13:4)

Also, forgive her whether she forgives you or not. Even if she still ignores you, choose to forgive her anyways. The only one that you will be affecting if you do not forgive is yourself. You are the one who will be carrying around the extra baggage and you don’t need that. Forgiveness is a choice that you will have to choose to make every time the hurt or the offense pops back up in your mind. Forgive over and over again. After all how often does the Lord forgive us when we mess up? Every time we ask for forgiveness He forgives and so we must follow this example. (Matthew 28:21-22, Colossians 3:12-13)

I know it will be uncomfortable when she is around especially if she is going to ignore you, but pray for strength during those times. I know it will hurt and there will be times that you will need to walk away to avoid further strife and offenses. Don’t allow this situation to cause you to become more anger or hurt. Just leave it in the Lord’s hands and allow Him to carry this burden for you. Cast all of your cares on Him because He cares for you. Don’t allow anything or anyone to steal your peace. (1 Peter 5:7)

Click here for more scriptures on forgiveness.

Blessings to you sister and a big hug in Christ Jesus name

Trophy of Grace

Purity Month on WeUsed2bu

2009-03-31T23:23:00.011-04:00

To all of our WeUsed2bu friends,

This month we will be addressing the topic of purity in our lives. We will be talking about a variety of issues, from how we dress and act, to what we watch and read, and definitely how we interact with other people, both guys and girls. We will be looking at the standards of purity as outlined in God’s word, and how to apply it in our daily lives. Over the next few weeks, we will feature articles on purity and:

• conduct and clothing
• speech
• media (TV, movies, and books)
• relationships with guys
• relationships with friends
• How purity can start now.

It should be our hearts’ desire to glorify God with all that we are and all that we have. Come take this journey with us, and learn how to become more of the Godly young woman He created you to be.

Sincerely,

The women of WeUsed2bu

Purity Month Articles

Why Purity?
By Lynn Mosher from Heading Home

Purity In Personal Habits by Didi Zaya

Girls Gone Mild by Daughter of The King

Tainted Love Written by Daughter of the King

Purity In Media PT1. by Beloved By Him

Purity in Media PT2. by Beloved By Him

Purity...From A Guy's Perspective by Mike C aka A New Me

He Gives Hints That He Would Break Up With His Girlfriend For Me

2009-03-31T08:00:00.000-04:00

Anonymous says..
Please help...I've been liking this guy for a while now but he has a girlfriend and plus he's not a christian. A lot of my friends say that he likes me and should talk to him about it. Plus he gives hints that he would break up with his girlfriend for me. I really like him but should I settle for someone who's not a christian or wait for the right christian guy to come around?

Beloved by Him replies..

Right now, you are in the middle of a serious temptation. Something about this guy has you seriously considering a)putting yourself between a boyfriend and girlfriend and b) pursuing a guy that’s not a Christian. You are playing with fire, and if you continue down this path, sooner or later you’re going to get burned (Prov. 6:27).

By letting yourself get pulled into this situation, you’re not just allowing yourself to be tempted, but you’re also tempting him. As a Christian, you are supposed to set an example of godliness by your behavior. We are specifically told not to entice someone else to sin, or to put a stumbling block in their way (Prov. 16:20-30, Rom. 14:13). What kind of testimony will you have if you cause the two of them to break up? You won’t be showing your friends what a Christian girl’s life should look like. You have to choose a higher standard: “Let no one despise your youth, but be an example to the believers in word, in conduct, in love, in spirit, in faith, in purity.” (I Tim. 4:12) Remember the story of Adam and Eve? She allowed herself to be tempted by Satan’s lies, and when she sinned, she caused Adam to sin as well (I Tim. 2:14). Do you really want to lead this guy away from the Lord, especially if he’s not a Christian yet?

And that’s the other issue–he’s not saved. II Cor. 6:14 clearly states, “Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers.” This is because while we love God, unbelievers love the world, and God’s love isn’t in them (I John 2:15). This boy can’t love you with real, unconditional love, because God is the only source of true love (I John 4:7-8), and if He hasn’t confessed Jesus as Lord, He doesn’t know God (I John 4:15). The Lord would never tempt you into a relationship with someone who’s not a Christian (James 1:13); He wants to love you through the right Godly man at the right time (John 15:12).

Sweetheart, if you love the Lord, then you need to let this boy go, along with any ideas about a relationship with him. God has promised to make a way for you to escape this temptation (I Cor. 10:13) and when you do, He will bless you with the crown of life (James 1:12). Pray that the Lord will give you the strength to “throw aside every weight, and the sin that so easily ensnares” you (Heb. 12:1) Once you’ve done that, you need to “flee also youthful lusts; but pursue righteousness, faith, love, peace with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart.”(II Tim. 2:22) When you determine to choose God’s best for your life, that’s what’s called “delighting yourself in the Lord,”and that comes with a promise, too–He will give you the desires of your heart (Ps.37:4).

Sincerely,

Beloved by Him

He's Say's He's Not Sure About Our Relationship Anymore

2009-03-30T12:01:00.001-04:00

Anonymous says..

I have been dating the loveliest Christian guy for the past 6 months. We are both in our 20's and have always agreed that dating is a prequel to marriage.
Last week he told me that he was no longer sure he was ready to be the man I need. I know we love each other and I've told him to take his time in praying about where our relationship should go (if anywhere). Since then he's not really done much except to try and avoid thinking about it. I understand that it pains him and he's hurting and although I'm hurt I'd like to give him the time he needs. God is using this to highlight old scars from a previous relationship with someone that really didn't love me and consequently messed me around. In dealing with that I find myself reacting not to my boyfriend but to the last man who hurt me and I have to constantly remind myself not to transfer my hurt, anger and insecurities.
I'm still waiting on an answer from my boyfriend, but he seems to be taking his time. He talks to me often and tells me he loves me but hanging in there is so hard. I've given up praying for direction because I can't see through the hurting and yet he expects some sort of answer from me as to whether I want to stay with him. I really don't know what to do?

Trophy of Grace replies..

My Dear Sister,

I feel your pain, hurt, and confusion in both of your messages. I am sorry that you are going through this. I pray that the Lord would give me the words to speak to you that will bring you comfort.

Immediately I feel the need to tell you do not stop praying. In fact I want to tell you pray without ceasing. Not just about this relationship but everything and anything that concerns or troubles your heart. You must not allow the enemy of our soul to convince you that our Lord and Savior Christ Jesus does not care about your prayers. Our Lord has said, “Then when you call upon Me and go and pray to Me, and I will listen to you. And you will seek Me and find Me, when you search for Me with all your heart.” (Jeremiah 29:12-13)

He doesn’t want you to be anxious about anything, including this relationship. He wants you to be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made know to Him; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your heart and mind through Christ Jesus. So you see if you stop praying and seeking the Lord about all of this and any other problem in your life you will not receive His peace about your situation. You need that peace to protect your mind and heart while you wait for the resolution or answer. So don’t stop praying my sweet sister. (I Thessalonians 5:17-18, Philippians 4:6-7)

Now about your relationship…I know you love this young man and he says that he loves you too, but he is not sure about whether or not he can be the man that you need and that God wants him to be for you. He’s not sure about the relationship any more and he wants to know now what you want. I think you should be honest with him and tell him that you want to be in a relationship with someone who is SURE about their commitment to you and your relationship with one another. You don’t want to feel insecure in your relationship and I am sure that you don’t want that for him either.

I believe you need to allow him the time he needs to pray about this and seek God’s face about His will for this relationship. You should do the same for yourself. Ask the Lord to help you accept His will if this relationship is not for you and to help you heal from the hurt. He can help break those emotional ties and bonds that you have made with this young man. If you are meant to be together then the Lord will make that evident to you both.

You said that you feel the Lord is revealing that you still have past hurt and insecurities. I believe He wants to heal you from all of this. Give dating a break for awhile and make the Lord your first true love. Allow Him to be everything you need. Get involved in your church. Serve in ministry. Go to women bible studies and fellowship with other women. Allow your roots to grow down deep in the Word and the love of Christ so that you can be secure in Him knowing that He is directing your steps. Therefore if He chooses to remove certain people from your life or closes certain doors then you will be ok with it because you are rooted in Him. He is your security and hope. Then you will not fall apart. You will accept that some relationships are only for a season.

The Lord knows the desires of your heart and wants to give them to you. He knows that you want a man to love you and be the godly husband you desire, but sometimes we go looking for this before God’s time and end up hurt and broken. Seek first God’s will and His way of doing things and you will that all of these things will be added to you.

Enclosing I want to leave you with two scriptures.

Proverbs 3:5-6 “Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.”

And

Romans 8:28 “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.”

Be encouraged my sister. The Lord is on your side. He has a wonderful plan for your life and although you may be hurting now he will renew your joy and peace as you trust Him with every aspect of your life. He will work this all out for your good. Draw close to Him and allow both you and this young man the time you both need to pray and decide if this relationship is God’s will or your own will. Stop meditating on the relationship and start meditating on God’s Word.

We will be praying for you..blessings..

P.S.

I pray that from His glorious, unlimited resources He will empower you with inner strength through His Spirit. Then Christ will make His home in your heart as you trust in Him. Your roots will grow down into God’s love and keep you strong. And may you have the power to understand, as all God’s people should, how wide, how long, how high, and how deep His love is. May you experience the love of Christ, though it is too great to understand fully. Then you will be made complete with all the fullness of life and power that comes from God. (Ephesians 3: 16-19)

Also..listen to the this song. It encourages me.. I hope it encourages you too. It’s “Shadowfeet” by Brooke Fraser.

Why Purity?

2009-03-30T08:00:00.005-04:00

By Lynn Mosher
from Heading Home

In the Old Testament of the Bible, King David said to God, “You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body and knit them together in my mother’s womb. Thank You for making me so wonderfully complex! It is amazing to think about. Your workmanship is marvelous-and how well I know it.” (Ps. 139:13-14 TLB)

God made each of us as a precious being: A body, soul, and spirit needing special care. His intention was that we preserve the purity of our bodies, protecting them from anything that would harm the integrity of His creation, His gift to each of us.

The Bible says we are to keep ourselves pure. So, how do we treat our bodies? How do you keep your body pure? Let’s take a look. To preserve purity, be cautious about…

…what you allow to enter your ears
…what you allow to enter your eyes

What do you look at or listen to that tempts you or puts you at risk of lusting, or desiring what you shouldn’t have? You cannot look at or listen to just anything. Your eyes and ears act as conveyor belts of the world’s junk, dumping it all into your mind and heart. Impure sights and sounds siphon out the purity of your life and become infinitesimal steps of separation between you and God. Making careful choices is essential, especially when it comes to being cautious as to…

…what you do with your body

Do you place yourself in the position of trying to fit in with what others are doing? Like drinking, smoking, doing drugs, or having sex? Let’s just focus on one: sex.

1) You do not have to give into your boyfriend’s pleas that he loves you. If he had respect for you, he would not force himself upon you.

2) You are not a baby for wanting to remain pure and not giving him your body. You are not his sex toy.

3) Engaging in sex does not makes you popular. If you think having sex makes you more popular among your peers, think again. Studies show that others will like and respect you less when you engage in sex. Getting a reputation for being promiscuous, slutty, or easy will stay with you long after high school or college is over.

4) Oral sex is not safe. Teens believe oral sex is the safe alternative to intercourse. However, statistics prove otherwise.

Why stay sexually pure? Well, how about for these reasons:

1) Sexually transmitted diseases such as Chlamydia, gonorrhea, syphilis, genital herpes. These things are contracted not only by having intercourse but also by having oral sex.

2) This biggy…HIV. HIV and some STDs are forever, meaning they cannot be cured.

3) And this one…pregnancy. You’ll be responsible for taking care of another life in addition to your own.

4) Depression and suicide. Studies have shown that early sexual activity undermines the emotional well-being of teenagers. When compared to teens that are not sexually active, those who are sexually active are significantly less likely to be happy and more likely to feel depressed and attempt suicide.

5) The greatest reason for not having sex is that God doesn’t want you to, because of all these negative effects and because He has a better plan for your life. Your body is sacred territory. It is the temple of God. The apostle Paul wrote, “But sexual sin is never right: our bodies were not made for that but for the Lord, and the Lord wants to fill our bodies with Himself.” (1 Cor. 6:13b TLB)

In order to stay pure, make sure you don’t place yourself in a compromising position and you won’t have to worry about it. If you know that being alone with a boy will stir up your hormones to the lusting stage, then don’t make plans to be alone with him.
If, however, you have engaged in sex of any form, God still loves you. You can never do anything that can make Him stop loving you. His forgiveness is always available.

Saving yourself for that right mate in your future is the smart and right thing to do. It is God’s plan for your life. I pray you will have strength to turn away from temptation. Be blessed with purity.

~~Stay pure for the love of your life, Lynn~~

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Lynn Mosher

From Heading Home

Read Her Story
Read articles written by Lynn

He Said I Should Lose Weight..I've Been Crying Over This Situation

2009-03-28T08:00:00.002-04:00

Anonymous said...

Hi... i just need some advice. im in love with this guy who has been my friend for a few years.
we go to church 2gether and our spiritual lives with God is first. we pray, read the bible, fast, and worship 2gether. weve been praying to see if God wants us 2 get married since we believe we are ready and are old enough to. Bt theres one thing that he has recently told me that has put a bit of doubt in me. He told me that i should lose some weight. Though i am not obese and i dont have self-esteem issues. i take care of myself and present myself well. he says he had a picture of how his wife would look and that he always saw her "fit". im a curvy girl and i accept that. he says its for health issues (which i understand) but i also feel that he should love me for me...
i dont know??? this has caused me to wonder if he TRULY loves me and ive just been crying over this situation. please pray for me and i hope u can give me any advice God reveals 2 u...
thank u!

Beloved by Him replies..

Dear Sister in Christ,

I know how heartbreaking it is to doubt this man’s love for you. One of the worst feelings in the world is when someone that we love makes us feel inadequate, even if they did it unintentionally. We’re hurt by their judgement and lack of appreciation for who we are, and worried about how they will understand and accept us in the future. It’s particularly distressing when the issue is over appearance and weight. The enemy has such a deceptive stronghold over society’s ideal of physical perfection, sometimes it’s all a woman can do to hang on to her self-esteem without giving in to some form of self-loathing. When we’re put on the defensive by remarks from someone close to us, it makes it that much harder to bear.

You, however, need to hold your hear and your heart high, because you are and always will be a glorious daughter of the King of Kings (Ps. 45:13)! He created you fearfully and wonderfully (Ps. 139:14), and you are beautiful to Him. He doesn’t attribute your value to something as finite as your fleshly body; He treasures your spirit and the heart you have for Him. That’s what makes you precious in His eyes (I Peter 3:4). We’re not supposed to tell Him what we think we should look like, or disagree with His design. Who are we to not appreciate and reverence the way that He created us? He took the dust of the earth and made us into the work of His hand (Is. 64:8). We might as well pick apart a sunset or a rainbow! All of His works, including you, were made with wisdom (Ps. 104:24). You are a Masterpiece!

Our bodies and spirits are designed to glorify God (Ps. 108:1, I Cor. 6:20). This is both a privilege and a responsibility, as part of our sanctification process. Caring for the temple of the Holy Spirit (which we are–I Cor.6:19) requires discipline, faithfulness, humility, wisdom, and strength. The Lord wants us to commit to a lifestyle of healthy choices, both physically and spiritually. We see this in 3 John 2, which says, “Beloved, I pray that you would prosper and be in good health, even as your soul prospers.” He wants His people to be an accurate reflection of the work of His Holy Spirit in them. We don’t have to be perfect, but we do need to submit to His leading as HE reveals His good will for our lives. We need to strive to please Him, not to conform to this world or its false ideals and idols (Romans 12:1-2, Gal. 1:10, I John 2:15-17).

You need to be confident and comfortable with who you are in the Lord. Instead of worrying about what this young man is thinking, use this as an opportunity to pray and ask God if there are any areas of your life, spiritually or physically, that you can improve upon. If there is, He will show you, without making you feel ashamed or guilty (James 1:5). This way, you are not making any changes in your life based on the faulty perceptions of human thinking. You already seem to have a devoted walk with him, and until now, you were content with what He has made you to be. These things are so pleasing to Him! (Heb. 13:5) Maybe the Lord has allowed this situation in order for you to draw closer to Him so that HE can reinforce in your spirit all of the good thoughts He has toward you (Ps. 139:17-18, Jer. 29:11). This assurance of His abiding love will make you irresistible for all of the right reasons, as people are drawn to the light of His life in you (Matt. 5:14, John 8:12).

This is where your boyfriend’s focus seems to be askew. If the two of you are seriously considering marriage, then he should be following the example of Christ’s love for the church, building you up with nurturing and caring actions, not comparing you to some ideal he has idolized in his mind (Eph. 5:28-29). He should want you to be in the best health so that you can have a long, joyful life together (Eccl. 9:9), not as a condition of marriage. Real love does not seek its own interests, but also the interests of others (I Cor. 13:5). If he is encouraging you to participate in activities that you enjoy on your own or with him, then that’s honorable. But if he wants a woman who will simply look good on his arm and make him feel a false sense of security or pride, while sacrificing her true happiness, welfare, or identity in Christ, then he has departed from his job as the spiritual leader in the relationship (Eph. 5:25-30). I don’t want to be too hard on him, because men have been fed the same cultural garbage that women have. I hope that if he flaws in his thinking, that the Lord changes his heart and enlightens his eyes. But after having been the recipient of years’ worth of supposedly “helpful” or “innocent” comments about my weight from my parents, I can tell you it was much less about my health and more a reflection of their flawed thinking and the wrong standards it created. Don’t turn aside to the destructive power of those lies (Ps. 40:4). If the Lord has created you to be more fuller-figured, be thankful. King Solomon wrote the Song of Solomon about his beloved, a woman who was adored by him for her rounded navel and curved thighs. This woman had a figure, and he loved it! Your future husband will love your figure, too. He will have a God-given desire for you that positively ravishes him! (Song of Solomon 4:9, 7:1-2) Don’t settle for a lesser relationship; stand firm and trust in God’s perfect timing (Ps.18:30).

Dear sister, find your identity in Christ alone (Gal. 2:19-20). Be a proverbial woman who exercises her body as well as her mind and God-given talents (Prov. 31:10-31). Let the power of the Holy Spirit give you self-control, boldness, and a mind that is at peace and focused on the Lord (Is. 26:3, Gal.5:23-24). Live a well-balanced life and enjoy all that God has blessed you with (Eccl. 5:18). Eat wisely of the good things that He has provided (Ps.103:5, Prov. 13:25), and grow in His grace and knowledge so that you can be spiritually full with His fullness(John 1:16, Eph. 3:19). He loves you so much, and so do the women of WeUsed2bu. :)

God's Will For This Long Distance Relationship

2009-03-27T08:00:00.001-04:00

Anonymous said... Hi, I'm currently going out with a guy, but we live quite far apart and only see each other every 6-8 weeks for a few days at a time. We're in our twenties. We've been together nearing a year now, most of this time has been long-distance, and will be for the foresee-able future. I think I would like to talk about 'how things are' in terms or our relationship. Should me, as the girl, bring this up? or is it reasonable to want him as the guy to? What does being a spiritual leader look like, and should I hope that he would be that? I'm so aware that I do not want to look at him and judge him. So how do you differentiate between judging/discerning/knowing what's right for you? We do love each other, and he has been amazing in how he responded to my not-so-straightforward past. But I am beginning to wonder at what point it would be wise to start thinking about the future, or how long it is okay to 'see how it goes' - not in a casual way, but in a genuine, 'I don't yet know what the future holds' way. And what if I'm not sure about the future, but he thinks he is sure?
Is it important to have a similar experience of God, ie, some people are quite charismatic, some are traditional- I do not doubt that people in both types have true relationships with God, but how much does it matter whether you share these views/types or not?
Being long-distance means we live quite separate lives, and have different groups of friends. Two ways to look at this are,- If you're going to spend your life with someone, as a couple you will probably be in many places, and the constant will be the other person in the relationship. - On the other hand, is it better to be a couple that functions within a group, rather than mainly just as a couple?
Also, life plans - should these be sacrificed to be with the person, or should you have similar plans? What does the Bible say, because I've heard various ideas on that subject.
I'm afraid of hurting him as he has been So good to me.
This has been a post of several questions, thank-you for taking the time to read it!

Beloved by Him replies...

Hi, it’s Beloved of Him, in for my dear friend Trophy of Grace. I am so thankful that you brought your questions to us. We are so glad that you are willing to seek God’s wisdom and will in this relationship. Building the foundation of our lives on Christ is the only way to have real confidence and success (I Cor. 3:13); only He is the way, the truth, and the life (John 14:6). As long as you keep allowing God to lead and guide you, your life will be like a perpetual treasure hunt, as you uncover the riches of His wisdom, knowledge, and understanding (Col. 2:2-3)!

I know you’re bombarded with questions about your future and especially how this young man fits into it. First of all, the Bible says not to worry about tomorrow (Matt. 6:34). Look at where and who you are today. Are you doing what God has called you to do? Are you drawing closer to Him, putting Him first and purposing to know Him better? When we do this, the Lord promises to add everything else to our lives (Matt. 6:33). If loving and serving the Lord are your first priority, then you can rest and wait patiently for Him to show you the next step in His perfect time (Psalm 18:30).

Drawing closer to God will also give you the perfect example of servant leadership: Jesus Himself. If you look at how He is described in Philippians 2 and Ephesians 5, we see the four characteristics of a Godly man: Humility, obedience, sacrifice, and love. Take those traits and prayerfully consider this person in your life. If he loves the Lord and has these qualities, then he is on the right track, and you can trust that the Lord is working in Him.

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with approaching him with your questions, as long as it’s done with a gentle spirit (I Peter 3:4), and in a positive manner (Eph. 4:29). What you can’t do is force an answer from him. Give him the respect, as the man in your relationship, of allowing him to seek God on his own. Don’t push for resolution, but rather pray that the two of you would be of one mind in Christ (Phil. 2:1-4) and truly would desire the best for each other–whether or not you decide to continue dating.

Seeking each other’s best interests is also a big factor in some of the other issues you raise, such as denominational background. If one person is traditional, will they be comfortable in a Pentecostal church? Or if someone was raised charismatic, would they be happy in an ultra-reverent service? Again, if Christ is the foundation, then nothing is impossible (Matt. 19:26). But it can take a lot of patience and prayer in the process of becoming like-minded (Rom. 12:16). Still, I know that God makes a way where there is no way. He loves to do something new that is a testimony to His grace and power (Is. 43:19). If He brings two people together, He will make a way for them to live in unity.

You also bring up the issue of fellowship with the church, and your respective places in it. Right now, since you are not married, your primary concern should be the things of the Lord (I Cor. 7:32, 35). However, when two people marry, the focus turns away from other believers and more towards each other (v.33-34). Married couples should still maintain fellowship with the church (Heb. 10:25), but never in a way that would strain or compromise their “oneness” (Gen. 2:24). If the decision is made between the two of you to pursue a level of commitment with the intended goal of marriage, then that would also be the time to think about one of you moving to live nearer the other.

This may be why you asked about sacrificing life plans. Will one (or both) of you have to make some changes in the plans you have for your lives? Maybe. But that’s okay, because, “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord. “Plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans to give you a hope and a future.” (Jer. 29:11)

Ultimately, your future is in good hands. So if God calls you to lay down even a part of your life for this relationship, then be thankful that you were called to take part in Christ’s sufferings, for as He put it, “A greater love hath no man than this: That he lay down his life for his friends” (John 15:13). That is a love worth building on. :)

Sincerely,

Beloved by Him

Girls Just Want To Have Fun

2009-03-26T08:00:00.000-04:00

Anonymous replies to posting 'What Does The Bible Say About Partying & Clubbing?'

I get your point but at the same time i dont understand what is wrong with hanging out with your girls friends and dancing with eachother (nothing sexual) but its not like we par-take in this whole drinking and getting drunk dancing dirty stuff...i mean not everyone is the same and do the same things when we go out we just like to have fun..listen to music...dance and enjoy eachother company...my struggle or ne one else's struggle are not the same struggle you had with the clubs and lounges...

Trophy of Grace says..

There is nothing wrong with hanging out with your friends and dancing, but what are you dancing to? What are you truly celebrating? The lyrics in most of the club music is not edifying or encouraging. There is no life or true love in the music. It is ok to be young and want to have fun but don’t let the excitement of your youth cause you to forget your Creator. Honor Him in your youth before you grow too old and say, “Life is not pleasant anymore.” (Ecclesiastes 12:1)

If you are a child of God then you are a NEW CREATION this means that the old has gone and the new has come. (2 Corinthians 5:17) Before salvation we were in the world and lead by our sinful desires, but now that we are children of God we are to be lead by the Spirit of God. We are to live as children of light producing what is good and right and true. We are to carefully determine what pleases the Lord and not make excuses for sin and ungodly behavior. We are not to take part in the worthless deeds of evil and darkness; instead we are to expose them. (Ephesians 5:10-11)

Clubs and bars are not places for those who love and serve the Lord to hang out. Children of light have no business hanging out in places of darkness as a way of escape or release. We can sing, dance, and have fun but we are not to be conformed to the world’s way of doing this. Instead, we are to be filled with the Holy Spirit, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs among ourselves, and making music to the Lord in our hearts. (Ephesians 5:19, Colossians 3:16)

I love dancing. I used to do the club season too just like Daughter of Destiny. However, the more I spent time with the Lord in His Word and in prayer the more I realized that I did not really belong to that atmosphere any more. The desire for the party life was not me any more, it was the old me.

I haven’t stopped dancing though. In fact I spent this whole weekend singing, dancing, and worshipping the Lord. It was AWESOME!! Friday night our church had a night of worship, Saturday night we went to a free Christian Concert, and Sunday’s service had an awesome praise and worship time as usual. So I partied the whole weekend with others who love and fear the Lord too. It was great!! I feel refreshed and renewed. I don’t remember ever feeling like that after a night of clubbing.

This is something that you have to take to the Lord. We have shown you several scriptures that address this topic and how we are called to live as children of the Most High God. All Scripture was inspired of God and is useful to teach us what is true and to make us realize what is wrong in our lives. It corrects us when we are wrong and teaches us to do what is right. God uses it to prepare and equip His people to do every good work. (2 Timothy 3:16-17) However, it us up to each of us to choose to accept the Truth or deny it so that we can continue to do what is pleasing to us, instead of what pleases our Savior. We will be praying for you sister..May our Lord touch your heart and may you overflow with love for Christ Jesus.

Sincerely,

Trophy of Grace

"Sex Is About Waiting Until You & Your Partner Are Ready!"

2009-03-25T08:00:00.001-04:00

Anonymous said...
Why is purity so important? I don't find anything wrong with having sex before marriage. Sex is about waiting until YOU and YOUR PARTNER are ready!

Beloved by Him said...

When we question why purity is important, what we’re really asking is if God’s Word is true. The Bible’s standards of purity haven’t ever changed (Ps. 12:6). What’s changed is society’s standards. Prov. 30:12 says, “There is a generation that is pure in its own eyes, yet is not washed from its filthiness.” What’s acceptable to the world is not what’s acceptable to God. He requires a completely different standard: “Be holy, for I am holy” (I Peter 1:15-16). Holiness is the real definition of purity.

So with regard to sex, what does purity look like in God’s eyes? Only one thing—marriage. Heb. 13:4 says that “Marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled; but fornicators and adulterers God will judge.” Any sex outside of the marriage relationship is impure and sinful. This includes fornication (sex before marriage), adultery (sex outside of marriage), and homosexuality (same-sex relationships). These are all examples of what the Bible calls “sexual immorality”, and they are definitely not okay with God. He clearly defines His will for us in I Thessalonians 4:3-8:

“For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you should abstain from sexual immorality; that each of you should know how to possess his own vessel in sanctification and honor, not in passion of lust, like the Gentiles who do not know God; that no one should take advantage of and defraud his brother in this matter, because the Lord is the Avenger of all such, as we also forewarned you and testified. For God did not call us to uncleanness, but in holiness. Therefore he who rejects this does not reject man, but God, Who has also given us His Holy Spirit.”

It’s important to look at verse six of that passage, where the terms “take advantage of” and “defraud” are used. Sexual sin is sin against our own bodies (I Cor. 6:18), as well as someone else’s. It robs a future spouse of something precious that should have only been theirs (Gen. 2:24). Plus, because a Christian’s body is literally the temple of the Holy Spirit (I Cor. 6:19), sexual sin defiles the dwelling place of God. There’s nothing good or beautiful or holy about sex under these circumstances.

The other point you make is that you feel you should be able to have sex when you feel you are ready. Dear sister, you don’t have the right to make the decision to have sex outside of marriage. I Cor. 6:13 says, “Now the body is not for sexual immorality, but for the Lord, and the Lord for the body.” We belong to God, having been designed and created by Him in Christ Jesus to do the good works He’s prepared for us (Eph. 2:10). He wants to give us His love, eternal salvation, and all the benefits of His goodness (John 3:16, Ps. 103:2). This includes the perfect husband He has chosen for us. It’s our reasonable service to God to keep ourselves pure and wait for Him to bring that person to us (Rom. 12:1-2). He would never tempt us by bringing us the wrong person or even the right person at the wrong time (James 1:13). Choosing to have sex outside of marriage will never bring us real love or happiness—choosing to be pure in God’s eyes will. When we make the decision to turn away from temptation and trust in God’s perfect plan, He promises to bless us with all the things He wants to give to us: life, length of days, hope, joy, and His fullness (Matt. 6:33, Jer. 29:11, Eph. 3:19). Those things are what make purity worth the wait.

Twilight's Blood-Soaked Romance

2009-03-24T15:00:00.000-04:00

Cross Post from Brio Online
Twilight’s Blood-Soaked Romance
by Melanie M. Cogdill

In the dappled sunlight in the clearing of a meadow on the edge of a forest, 16-year-old Bella Swan’s heart races as GQ-model-handsome Edward Cullen draws near to her. Edward, in love with Bella, musters every ounce of self-control not to kill her. Killing’s his first instinct—because he’s a vampire. This scene, a vivid dream of author Stephenie Meyer, sparked her imagination to write Twilight, the first book of a bestselling young-adult series.

The Phenomenon
From that original dream, Stephenie, a 30-something housewife and mom of three young boys, has birthed a four-novel series that has sent teen girls and women of every age swooning over the star-crossed love story of Bella and Edward. In fact, a movie based on the series, starring Kristen Stewart (Into the Wild) as Bella Swan and Robert Pattinson (two of the “Harry Potter” movies) as Edward Cullen, opens Nov. 21.

The series has certainly appealed to a wide audience, but just because everyone’s reading it, should you? Despite the series’ surface appeal as a romance, it communicates many messages that are contrary to the Christian faith, and that’s not something you should be filling your mind with.

Truth and Relationships
God created us as relational beings, and girls in particular are created to be relational (Genesis 2-3). We tend to focus on relationships, but sometimes we make an idol out of them or fantasize over our desire for a relationship with that “perfect” guy. No guy can ever live up to the way Stephenie portrays Edward. He’s the fantasy creation of a woman writer.

Bella’s obsession with Edward is wrong. She’s even willing to become a vampire herself so she can “live” forever with Edward. But how can a human ever be yoked to or be in a serious relationship with a vampire? And what’s dangerous about Stephenie’s series is that the reader, too, enters into Bella’s obsession with Edward.

If we believe in God and believe the Bible guides how we live our lives, then we know our highest priority is our love for God and our relationship with Him. God should be the driving force of our lives and not a guy, no matter how attentive, respectful, cool and loving he appears to be. The “Twilight” books don’t communicate God’s truth about relationships.

The “Twilight” series also teaches unbiblical attitudes toward authority. Bella doesn’t respect her parents. She loves them, but they come across as clueless and out of touch with what’s going on in her life. Edward sneaks into Bella’s room every night to sleep next to her, and Bella lies to her dad about it.

Talking About God
Every part of culture (books, movies, music, art and fashion) communicates the belief of the writer, musician, designer or director. The “Twilight” series is no different. It conveys specific beliefs about God. Statements about God and salvation are peppered throughout the story in a subtle way. But are they biblical?

Good and evil in Twilight. Edward and his family are supposedly a different kind of vampire. The Cullens think killing humans is wrong. Even though they thirst for human blood, they abstain and instead hunt bears and large game for their blood. Stephenie’s story communicates that even though Edward is technically an evil being—he is, after all, a vampire—he tries to be good by not killing humans for food. But can an evil being ever be “good”? If he repents and reforms his ways—Beauty and the Beast, anyone?—yes, but the vampires in this series do not. They remain vampires.

Good and evil in the Bible. The Bible teaches the opposite of what “Twilight” does about goodness and salvation. Human beings are sinners. We cannot know God apart from faith in Christ’s death on the cross for our sins. Romans 3:22-24 states, “This righteousness from God comes through faith in Jesus Christ to all who believe. There is no difference, for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus.”

Many people believe that when they die, God will allow them into heaven because they tried to live a good life and do good deeds. That is basically what the vampires of this series do; they believe that by doing “good” deeds (e.g., not killing humans), they can be saved.

But the Bible clearly teaches no one can be redeemed by good deeds. It’s only through faith in Christ that we can enter heaven and into the presence of the God. Yes, the “Twilight” story is only fiction. It’s not the Bible, but Christian readers need to be on guard to discern if spiritual statements in books, films or music match the truth of God’s Word.

An Entry to the Occult
The final book in the series, Breaking Dawn, makes a hard turn from romance into horror and the occult. Bella and Edward get married and have sex.

In one extended, very disturbing scene, Bella dies and is transformed into a vampire. She gives birth to a half-human, half-vampire baby, which tears its way out of her belly with torrents of blood.

What Do You Believe?
It’s easy to think it’s no big deal to see the latest hip movie or read the books everyone else is reading and not pay attention to what those media are saying.

We’re to love God with every fiber of our beings, and that includes loving Him with our minds (Matthew 22:36-38). We need to think about what fills our minds. Does it reflect biblical truth? The “Twilight” series does not. Just because the culture loves these books does not mean you should. As Scripture tells us, “Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will” (Romans 12:2).

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This article appeared in Brio magazine in December 2008. Copyright © 2008 Melanie M. Cogdill. All rights reserved. International copyright secured.

My Friend Might Be Pregnant..How Do I Help Her

2009-03-24T08:00:00.003-04:00

Anonymous said...

Hi, I love the advice y'all give, and I'm coming back for more! You may remember that my friend was involved in some pretty risky stuff. Maybe you don't remember! Haha. Anyway, my best friend and I are really close and we tell each other EVERYTHING. But lately, ever since she and her boyfriend went too far she hasn't really been talking to me as much. I know what she and her boyfriend is doing has gone on multiple times, and I'm afraid that she'll wind up pregnant. What's worse is my fear that she may already be, and it scares me. I know that the guy will leave her if she gets pregnant, and her parents wouldn't be very supportive if she did, and she would most likely get an abortion if she did get pregnant. So my questions are:1. If she's not pregnant, how do I talk to her about what she's doing?2. If she is pregnant/does get pregnant, how do I talk to her about it?3. And, how do I help her through whatever decision she makes, regardless of whether or not she's pregnant?

Daughter of The King said...

There are a lot of excellent articles and questions posted on our site that relate to sex outside of marriage. I suggest that you read up on the topic and pray before you speak to your friend; maybe you can print them out for her so she can read them on her own. Tell her that you care about her and that you know that what she is doing is only going to hurt her and you don't want to see her end up a mess.

If she is pregnant she's going to need a good friend to help her through the tough times. You can help influence her to choose life for her baby by letting her know that you will be there for her; you can share some simple facts about the baby in her womb, facts like:

- A baby hearts starts beating at 21 days after conception; that means that by the time she misses her first period there's a good chance her baby has a beating heart.

-At 6 weeks after conception the baby already has brain activity.

-At 8 weeks after conception (only 2 months) the stomach, liver, kidneys, and brain are functioning . At this point everything is already present that would be found in a person that is already born; The baby even has fingerprints!

-At 12 week (3months) the baby is the size of your thumb.

Sharing those facts with your friend may help her see the baby as a real person and not just some blob that she can get rid of. If she is pregnant I recommend that you take her to a pregnancy resource center; that's a place that will counsel your friend on the consequences of abortion. They will encourage her to choose life and many times they can help her with any needs she may have. You can find a pregnancy resource center near you by calling this toll free number 1-800-395-HELP (4357). All the services at a pregnancy resource center are free and confidential. I know that you are worried about your friend and you want to help her but please if your friend rejects your advice and decides to get an abortion do not support her in that decision; if you do you will be as guilty as she is for the murder of that baby. Do not go with her to the abortion clinic and do not lend her money for it; tell her that you care too much for her to help her do something so sinful and devastating to herself.

What I'm going to tell you next is going to be tough because I can tell that you care deeply about your friend but If she decides to continue with her destructive and sinful behavior you have to decide what kind of friend you're going to be. Are you going to be the kind of friend that just accepts what she does and just goes along with it? If you do that you are actually helping her sin. Or are you going to be the friend that says "Hey, I really care about you but I can't hang around with you and watch you hurt yourself. When you're ready for some changes let me know and I'll be here for you". I know that would be hard to do especially when you really care about someone but sometimes the best thing you can do for someone you love is walk away, keep her in prayer and leave her in the Lord's hands.

Sincerely,

Daughter of The King

"I See You"

2009-03-23T08:43:00.002-04:00

Cross From Consecrated to Him
Written By: Trophy of Grace

“For I am persuaded beyond doubt (am sure) that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities, nor things impending and threatening nor things to come, nor powers, Nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation will be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” Romans 8:38-39

“I see you”, says the Lord. “You know who you are..

“Yes you, I see that you want to give up on life… You can’t it’s not your time yet. You have to keep fighting to live. The enemy of your soul has deceived you and is trying to get you to give up all hope on life. I know that the deceiver has been trying to convince you that I have forgotten you, that I can’t hear you, and that I just don’t care. Don’t believe these lies. I have seen your tears. I keep track of all your sorrows. I have collected all of your tears in My bottle. I have recorded each one in My book. Not one has been wasted.

I have been trying to speak to you this whole time. You ignore Me or say that was just a coincidence. You refuse to accept in your heart that I divinely appoint moments for you to see clearly that it is ME talking to you. I love you and I have a plan for your life if you will only truly trust ME. I have loved you from the first day that I started to form you in your mother’s womb. My plan was never for you to have all this heartache. I do want you to die today..die to yourself, to your flesh, to your own will. Die to fear, give up your life to Me. Lay it down on my altar of love and I will lift you up and give you a new life. A new life in ME, Christ Jesus.”

“I see you”, says the Lord. “You know who you are..

“Yes you, I see you struggling under a heavy burden…When will you stop trying to do things on your own and in your own strength? Have you forgotten that My burden is light and my yolk is easy? You came to me for rest. If you want to find rest for your weary soul then you have to let go of your burdens. Cast all of your cares on Me because I care for you. Stop being so stubborn! Be patient. My timing is not your timing and my thoughts are not your thoughts. My ways of doing things are so much higher than yours. Don’t forget that I see the future. I know what doors to open and what doors to close. You must allow Me to have your worries and stop being so anxious. Trust Me to work things out. The only thing I asked from you is that you have faith. When I tell you to go or do something don’t hesitate do it in faith. The rest I will take care of. Remember that I will always work everything out for your good, no matter what. You can’t figure everything out all the time. You have to allow Me to be God in your life. Stop carrying these heavy burdens that the world has put on you. They did not come from me.”

“I see you”, says the Lord. “You know who you are..

“Yes you, I see you are tired of trying, tired of believing, tired of doing the right thing… Don’t be tired my child. I know that it seems to have been a long time since I gave you the vision. Don’t be discouraged because you have not seen it completely come to pass. Take a look around and you will see that so much has changed since then. All of this must happen for the vision to be complete. Don’t lose hope. I promise if you do not get tired and give up you will reap a harvest of blessings. You have no idea the number of souls that you have influenced with your faith and love for Me. I will give you the strength you need to keep going. I will feed your determination and your desire to do My will. Thou the vision tarry wait on it.”

“I see you”, says the Lord. “You know who you are..

“Yes you, my faithful and obedient servant who loves to spend time with Me… You put a big smile on My face. Your desire and hunger for more of Me is pleasing unto Me. I will fill you will more and more of Me. My Spirit will teach you of many things to come. Your discernment will increase and your love for others will overflow from Me. You will be my conduit of love to the world. Many will see Me in you and will believe and trust in Me. They will love Me because of you. Your love and faithfulness please me.

I see you stumble, sure. But I don’t focus on that my child. What I see is that you put out your hand to hold on to Me. You know that I am always there no matter what. You allow me to help you and so you do not fall. You trust Me. You don’t give up on us. You don’t give up on believing Me no matter what the enemy tries to tell you. You know you are mine. I am you’re True Love."

I see you ALL, my children… You are all mine! I love you and there is nothing that can separate you from Me. I will not allow the enemy to pluck you from My hand. Hold on to My Word because it will be the sword you need to fight till the end. I AM with you always..I see you!! El Roi..

Come Back To His Loving Arms

2009-03-23T08:35:00.002-04:00

When I Had A Boyfriend My Relationship With God Became Distant

2009-03-19T16:33:00.009-04:00

Anonymous writes..

Hi, I'm 14 years old, and I used to have a boyfriend. We had been going out for 5 months going on 6. I love the Lord very much. And during the time I was going out with him i could feel God tugging at my heart. I noticed that when i had a boyfriend my relationship with God had become more and more distant. so i ended it. it wasnt easy for me at all. i still talk to this boy..but just as friends. i moved states and states away from him, and we still talk. i really do love him. and i know im gonna get that "ur young..ur not going to marry him" response. but i dont believe that. theres one problem that i really need help with though. hes not a christian and he thinks he has time. what can i do?

Trophy of Grace replies..

Thank you for coming to WeUsed2bu and allowing us to advise you. May the Lord give me the words to speak to you and may your heart be prepared to receive direction.

Let me begin by saying that I most certainly can not tell the future to tell you that you are not going to marry him. I don’t know that. Also you may be young but I would never minimize your questions, concerns, or issues because of your age. I see you as my younger sister in the Lord who our heavenly Father has brought to me to love on and share my God given wisdom with.

I am so proud for you listening to the Holy Spirit who was tugging at your heart while you were in this relationship. You see my sister we serve a jealous God who loves us so much and wants an intimate and personal relationship with us. (Exodus 34:14) When you allowed this relationship with this young man to become the center of your life our Lord was hurt. He doesn’t want us to ever distance ourselves from Him, because apart from Him we can do nothing. (John 15:4) He has a mighty plan for your life. You are destined for greatness in Christ Jesus, but in order to fulfill the calling on your life you will have to remain at all times connected to the vine, Jesus Christ. (Jeremiah 29:11, John 15:5-6)

I think it is a good thing that you broke it off with this young man because he is not a believer. The Word of God is clear about having a relationship with an unbeliever. It says:

Do Not Be Yoked With Unbelievers

2 Corinthians 6:14-18

14Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness? 15What harmony is there between Christ and Belial? What does a believer have in common with an unbeliever? 16What agreement is there between the temple of God and idols? For we are the temple of the living God. As God has said: "I will live with them and walk among them, and I will be their God, and they will be my people."
17"Therefore come out from them
and be separate, says the Lord.
Touch no unclean thing,
and I will receive you."
18"I will be a Father to you,
and you will be my sons and daughters, says the Lord Almighty."

Definition of YOKE: (from Latin to join) - a wooden bar or frame by which two draft animals (as oxen) are joined at the heads or necks for working together.

Literally: the Bible uses beasts of burden as an example. If a donkey and an ox are yoked together (which God forbid the people of Israel to do in Deuteronomy 22:10), the yoke will weigh heavily on one animal while choking the other, or as the animal with the longer stride moves ahead it will painfully drag the other along by the neck! They would not be able to pull smoothly or painlessly together and little work would get done. But when two animals of approximately the same size and weight are yoked together, they pull the plow smoothly, helping each other, and work is accomplished.

Spiritually: becoming attached to a person who does not share your faith in Jesus Christ as Savior can be just as painful and counterproductive as the illustration of the unequally yoked animals. Whether attached financially (as in a business partnership) or emotionally (as a spouse), you are connected to someone who cannot "pull" equally with you in life. (taken from http://www.childoflight.org/yoked.html)

As far as your friend thinking that he still has time to be saved and what you should do about it. Keep praying for him. I don’t suggest you making it your purpose to try to get him saved. It is the Lord that wisely orchestrates divine moments when He allows us to see our need for Jesus. So cast your burden on the Lord regarding this young man’s soul. (1 Peter 5:7) Praying and interceding for him is what I believe that you are called to do. This is the most powerful thing you could do because the prayers of a righteous man or woman avail much. (James 5:6)

Now the next part of what I am going to tell you is hard. I think you need to limit the amount of time you spend talking to him via text, email, im, or any other way. (2 Corinthians 6:17) I think you need to break this emotional attachment you have to this young man. Ask the Lord to help you bring your thoughts and emotions under control until you can learn to love him strictly like a brother in the Lord. (Philippians 4:13)

Keep your focus on your relationship with Christ. Grow in wisdom and knowledge of the Word of God. Allow the Word to transform you and mold you into the Godly woman that God intends for you to be. Don’t let anything or anyone come between your relationship with the Lord. Your time will come when the Lord will bring the right man to you don’t be in a hurry. Learn to accept God’s timing in everything.

Blessings to you sister,

Trophy of Grace

He's Dating My Big Sister's BFF Now

2009-03-19T13:54:00.006-04:00

Anonymous says..

Hi guys, i just came across this sight, not sure if this is the right place to ask but i need some advice.
Im 21, have been a christian since i was 6 years old, when i was 18 i met a guy at youth club in church, he was a christian but wasn't living his life right, we got to know eachother for six months and he sorted himself out with God then we started dating. We fell in love and had a great relationship. My family loved him and everything was perfect.
during this time he developed as a christian and a person, getting himself a job and sorting out his life. A year and a half into the relationship i made a stupid decision and ended things cuz he got quite suffocating. We are part of the same church/youth group etc and saw eachother regularly. I broke his heart and he struggled to cope being around me, on the other hand i ignored things including my feeling. About two months later we where talking one night and both admitted we still had feelings for eachother (mine where as strong as ever) so we met up again and discussed going back out with eachother - in fact we practically where. This was the summer and holidays and missions teams meant we didn't get to speak to eachother for a couple of weeks but i thought about him 24/7 and it felt just like when we had first met.
However when i came back from holiday, he ignored my texts and then we where due to go to a mission team together (with others from church) and he didnt speak the whole journey there...My initial reaction was to think that someone else was involved so one of my friends made him come speak to me and he said no-one else was involved he just needed to be single to concentrate on his reltionship with God...no mention of his feelings not being there anymore. I was devistated but didnt challenge him as i tried to use the time apart to do the same. From that point we still saw eachother regularly at church etc and he never spoke to me or made any effort. I tried on various ocassions to meet up to sort things out as i felt there was no closure and it wasn't right for us as christians to have issues with eachother.
About two months after he told me he wanted to be single e approached me after a church prayer metting to tell me he was now going out with my big sisters best friend!! i walked off with tears rolling down my cheeks, this was three months ago and i have to see him at least once or twice a week and my heart breaks every time. I feel sad, low and cry regularly because i still love him so much, we talked about marriage and i always thought he would be the person i spent my life with. I have prayed continuiously and my feelings won't go away. We both attend the same church and youth group while his new girlfriend goes to another one. I know God is soverign in all things and everything works together for the good of those who love him, however I can't help but ask why i am still feeling this way and why the connection in church is still there. It is so hard to deal with this and when im around him i just want things to go back to the way they where, i miss him sooo much and can never imagine being with anyone else.Also i am constantly comparing myself to his new girlfriend who i sort off know, cuz of the connection with my sister (who i am very close too) I am terrified of seeing them together! things have been better recently and he makes some effort to talk to me and when we look at eachother i still feel this immense connection which i dont know if i am imagining. any help/advice would be much appreciated we have been broken up for a year and i have not been the same person since then, everyone says so i just want to be able to not have these feelings for him and get back to my old self or for us to get back together, whatever Gods will is! thank you =)
oh and he has been my only boyfriend so it took a lot for me to enter a relationship with him in the first place

Beloved by Him responds..

I know you’re hurting and I can see why. You had great expectations for this relationship, especially because both of you are Christians and you wanted to honor God’s will for your lives. Now that he’s moved on, you’re dealing with the loss of the hopes you had, and the Bible says that can literally make your heart sick (Prov. 13:12). The pain of a broken heart can be felt in so many ways—spiritually, physically, and emotionally. God wants to heal you in each of these areas, so that you can grow stronger in Him and have your joy be full again (John 15:11).

The most important thing to build on right now is your spiritual foundation. You were lovingly created by God (Jer. 31:3) for His pleasure (Eph. 1:5). He is the lover of your soul, and your friend that sticks closer than a brother (Prov. 18:24). You’re never not on His mind! (Ps. 139:17). The Lord wants you to be filled with His fullness (Eph.3:19), and someday, He will bring along the perfect person who will be another extension, not a replacement, of His love for you. God will put a fire in this man that burns for you and never goes out! (Song of Solomon 8:7) He knows exactly when you’ll be ready for your future husband (Ps. 18:30). Keep asking the Lord to give you patience and faithfulness to wait on His will and His perfect timing, and to prepare your heart for when that day comes.

Part of preparing your heart is learning to not be controlled by your emotions. Right now, it’s especially hard because your feelings have been so hurt, and God will be faithful to comfort you (II Cor. 1:4). As Christians, though, we also have to use the power of the Holy Spirit to move past what we are feeling (or seeing, or thinking) and walk by faith (II Cor. 5:7). If we don’t learn to filter our thoughts and feelings through the light of God’s wisdom and word (Heb. 4:12), then we can be led into mindsets, decisions, and actions that can deceive and destroy. The Lord wants you to be strong in this area, because it will bring you peace and rest in your spirit (Isaiah 26:3), as well as make your life a solid testimony to others.

That testimony will be so precious as people see the Lord working in your life, healing your heart and bringing you back into His service (II Thess. 2:16-17). It’s not healthy to despair over your situation. That’s why God calls us to fellowship with other believers: so that they can bear and share our burdens (Gal. 6:2). Find ways to actively serve God. You have a heart for missions—maybe He has a new thing planned for you (Is. 43:19)! Also, take care of your body, the temple of the Holy Spirit (I Cor. 6:19). Get outside and exercise, which will help your state of mind as you enjoy the blessings of your health and God’s creation. This is different from just working out so that you can be more appealing to a guy, or look better than another girl. Don’t fall into the comparison trap with his new girlfriend. You are fearfully and wonderfully made (Ps. 139:14), and when the Lord brings you the right guy, His desire will only be for you! (Song of Solomon 7:10)

The only true connection between you and the other young man is that you two are brother and sister in Christ. God’s word calls us to be at peace with all men as much as depends on us (Rom. 12:18). This might mean that you need to separate yourself from seeing him, even platonically, until you can spend time together without being tempted to stir up old feelings. I think that the Lord is calling you to come away—to Him. Find your soul’s rest in Him, and let Him restore you, and your hope (Psalm 62:5).

Love you,

Sister Beloved by Him

My Friends Say This Makes My Image Look Bad

2009-03-19T12:04:00.005-04:00

MySpace Friend writes..

Hi,Thanx for the comment it was a very powerful image. but i have a problem. i have this friend who i have become really close to over the past few months. in the eyes of my other friends maybe a little too close. from a stranger's eye it looks like we're together but if you were to ask it would be like a hilarious joke where we would laugh it off and say "no!". ive heard from my friends that this is making my image look really bad. it would not be such a big problem if he didn't have a bad reputation for being a "womanizer". i knew this about him before we even became good friends and now i feel like there has been a wool thrown over my eyes. he has said he's changed but sometimes the truth can be rusted. i know that i should talk to him about it but its so hard so yes im gonna need prayer for this. im confused and i don't know what to think. does he actually like me or am i just another "victim"? what should i do?

Trophy of Grace replies..

Your welcome..We are glad that you liked it. We try to keep in touch with our MySpace friends and show them love through our comments. It’s also a way of reminding all of you that we are here if you need us.

Now regarding your relationship with this young man with a reputation for being a ‘womanizer’. I can’t not answer your question about whether he truly likes you or not because I do not know. I think that you should be careful with this relationship because of his reputation. Obviously this is not a young man that fears the Lord and honors the Word of God because he tarnished himself with a reputation for being a playa. He could very well be a wolf in sheep’s clothing. So stay alert this could be a strategy of the devil who is trying to get you caught up in an ungodly relationship.

1 Peter 5:8 “Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.”

Your friends are obviously concerned about you spending so much time with this young man. They don’t want to see you get caught up with feelings for this guys who could be preying on your heart with intentions for something else. I believe they are sincerely just trying to watch your back. I don’t think that you should ignore them. Their concern for your image is more of a concern that they have for your reputation. If you are hanging out with a guy who is known to take advantage of girls and may also be known for hanging out with the easy girls that may send the wrong message to other people. You don’t want them to think that you’re easy too.

If you have accepted Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior then you should want to protect your reputation because you are a child of God and a representative of Christ Jesus. Therefore you must be sure that you chose your friends wisely. Your closest friends should really also be believers that love and fear the Lord. These relationships will help you along in your journey through this life and in your service to our Lord Jesus Christ. (Colossians 3:17, Ephesians 5:1)

I think you should take a step back from this relationship and spend some time alone with God. This will allow to get your emotions and thoughts under control while you seek God’s will about all of this. Have you asked the Lord if this relationship is one that He wants you to have? I know that every time I have ever asked the Lord for wisdom regarding my friendships He has always been faithful to answer me. (James 1:5-7) He has shown me that any relationship that is going to cause us to stumble in our faith, leads us into sin or temptation, and keeps us in disobedience to God’s Word is one that we should cut off immediately. (Matthew 18:8-9)

Bottom line I think you need to step back, pray, seek God’s Word, and reevaluate this friendship before it goes any further.

Also, if you have not yet received Jesus Christ as Lord and Savior then we want you to know that the women of WeUsed2bu love and care about your eternal soul. Therefore, we must tell you that there will be a day when each of us will have to stand before God and be judged for all we have done on this earth.All have sinned and deserve God's judgment. God, the Father, sent His only Son to satisfy that judgment for those who believe in Him.Jesus, the creator and eternal Son of God, who lived a sinless life, loves us so much that He died for our sins, taking the punishment that we deserve, was buried, and rose from the dead according to the Bible.If you truly believe and trust this in your heart, receiving Jesus alone as your Savior, declaring, "Jesus is Lord," you will be saved from judgment and spend eternity with God in heaven. If you would like to receive Jesus as your savior please click the link below.

Repent, Confess & Be Saved Now!

10 Principles for New Christians

Sincerely,

Trophy of Grace

It's For Your Own Good

2009-03-16T08:00:00.001-04:00

Written by: Beloved by Him

My daughter’s face was bright red as she sat in the county health department, listening to the nurse describe the shots she was about to get so that she could go on her missions trip to Africa. Aside from her regular immunizations, she also needed shots for typhoid, yellow fever, and Hepatitis A—seven in all. Knowing how much she was dreading the needles and the pain, I tried to say something that might encourage her, but it didn’t help. As her mom, I wished I could take the shots for her and she would be covered. But there was nothing I could do. She had to experience pain so that she would be protected from something much worse—a deadly virus—later on.

I think that life as a Christian works kind of the same way. Since we’re all sinners, God had to find a way to give us a permanent “cure” so that we can be protected from sin’s power and the spiritual death it causes. This is why He sent Jesus, to inflict Him with our sin so that He could defeat it on the cross once and for all (Romans 6:23). Once we’ve accepted Jesus’ sacrifice for our sins, we become born-again in our spirits, free to live healthy, Godly lives.

One of the keys to staying healthy, spiritually and physically, is to be obedient to God and to our parents. Ever wonder why your parents always say, “Brush your teeth...Don’t eat junk food...Take your vitamins...Don’t watch that/listen to that/act like that...Tell me who you are with and where you are going?” It’s a love thing: Your parents are looking out for your best interests. God gives us His laws for the same reason. His Word will keep you on the right track, strong and ready to serve Him.

We also need our “shots”—not real shots, but times of extra discipline or correction that bring an extra dose of God’s wisdom and grace into our lives. Sure, it’s uncomfortable; it might sting a little and be sore for a while afterwards. But in the long run, it protects us from a bigger sin “infection” that could do a lot more damage.

If we don’t trust God and receive His correction, then we may find ourselves spiritually sick as a result of our sin. We become weak, unable to resist temptation or share the Gospel. Sin causes physical illness as well. 3 John 2 says, “Beloved, I pray that you would prosper and be in good health, even as your soul prospers.” We learn the hard way that it’s a mistake to think we can do what we want apart from God’s perfect law and not suffer the consequences.

Thankfully, in Psalm 103:10, God promises to never punish us according to our sins—Jesus took the penalty for that. Instead, our heavenly Father is always faithful to give us the perfect dose of His divine instruction. He’ll show us where we’ve gone wrong, restore our peace, and heal our emotions (Heb. 12:5-11). Then hopefully next time, we won’t be so quick to refuse to take our medicine, because we’ll remember that it’s for our own good.

“My (daughter), do not despise the chastening of the Lord, nor detest His correction; for whom the Lord loves He corrects, just as a father the (daughter) in whom he delights.” Proverbs 3:11-12

I Have Alot of Peer Pressure

2009-03-14T08:00:00.001-04:00

Anonymous said...
Hi, what do I do when I feel like I have alot of peer pressure?????

Trophy of Grace said...

I would say the first thing you may need to do is step back and reconsider who you’re hanging out with. Obviously those closest to you are trying to get you to do wrong or to participate in things that you do not feel comfortable with. Try talking with them and telling them that you feel pressured and uncomfortable with their influence regarding whatever the situation is. If the peer pressure continues then you may need to get away from whoever is causing the peer pressure.

King Solomon told his son, “My child, if sinners entice you, turn your back on them!” (Proverbs 1:10) He tells his son not to go along with all the bad things that these so called ‘friends’ wanted to do. He advised him to stay far away from their paths. (Proverbs 1:15, 4:14) Therefore I too must advise the same. Stay far away from anything or anyone that will cause you to sin. Instead, pursue righteous living, faithfulness, love, and peace. Enjoy the companionship of those who call on the Lord with pure hearts. (2 Timothy 2:22, 1 Timothy 6:11)

You have to choose your friends wisely. Do not be deceived evil company corrupts good habits. (1 Corinthians 16:33) Our circle of friends can influence us. You want to have wise friends who love and long to please the Lord. If your friends are wise men then you too will be wise. But if your companions are fools who do not fear the Lord you may be destroyed. (Proverbs 13:20) You could get into trouble just for hanging out with them, being at the wrong place at the wrong time. Be sure that your closest friends are those who will be an encouragement to you. They will be there to lift you up not to tear you down. (Ecclesiastes 4:10)

I was reading an article from Brio Magazine online about picking friends. I like what it had to say about what to look for. Here’s a clip from the article:

From the article 'Call Me!' By Mark Matlock

What To Look For

To see if someone has the qualities of a true friend, look for words, actions, reaction and direction. These are often the more obvious clues to uncovering the more subtle qualities of loyalty, honesty, forgiveness and realism.

Words. Listen to what people talk about. Do they talk at all about seeking God and His kingdom, or are they obsessed with pleasure, approval, power, status and things? Does their humor destroy or build up people? I can’t tell you how many times I’ve caught myself repeating a phrase or joke I heard from another friend. Do you want to be heard talking like those you hang around with.

Actions. Some people say the right things but don’t back up their words through their actions. This can be especially true at Christian universities. A person’s behavior tells more about his values and convictions than his words do, so take notice of what people do, where they go and how they handle responsibilities.

Reactions. Watch for people’s reactions to success and failure, to joys and disappointments. If a person quickly gets angry at small problems, steer clear. On the other hand, you’ll see wisdom in those who pray for needs, care about others’ hurts, listen well and stand strong on their convictions.

Please pray and consider the influence that your friends are having on you. It may be time to sever these relationships and ask the Lord to bring you godly friendships, ones that will glorify Him and encourage as well as edify you. I will be praying for you too.

Why Is It So Hard To Do The Right Thing?

2009-03-13T08:00:00.001-04:00

Anonymous said...

Why is is so hard to do the right thing, when you know what you doing is wrong. This is the second time that I'm asking for advice. And I know what I have to do but every time I make my mind up to end this friendship w/ this guy I met; I can't. I've moved to a new city and hardly know anyone. I've made some friends w/ ppl that I go to school w/ but don't really hang out w/ them outside school. I met this guy about a month back, I know he's interested in me but I'm not really interested in making him my man- just someone to hang out w/. So I've allowed him to take me around the city and we've been talking on the ph daily. I never asked him if he had a girlfriend bc I just assume he didn't. I have a diamond ring on my middle finger on my left had that my parents gave me a long time ago. And after the 2nd time he asked me if I was engaged, I asked him if he was seeing someone. He told me yes and he was engaged. I was totally confused bc I don't see how he can tell me I'm beautiful and it seems like he's spending all his time w/ me but has a fiance. But I've justify keeping the friendship w/ him bc we were just hanging out. So this wknd we went to the movies and when he took me back home, I usually give him a hug goodnight and this time the hug lasted a little longer, it was more affectionate, and he tried to kiss me- which I didn't allow to happen. I told him that I didn't feel comfortable being affectionate w/ him. But to my surprise I'm still chatting w/ him when I know I shouldn't bc I'm leaving the door open for both of us to sin. One of the post that I read today said something about not allowing the enemy to have something negative to report about ungodly behaviors. Please give me a word so I can stand firm and end this friendship. The truth is I haven't had a boyfriend in like 3 years and I miss the affection and attention that you get when a guy really likes you. I go to church, bible study, read the word, pray every night. But being here alone w/out anybody and just wishing I had that close bond has got me justifying w/ the holy spirit why I'm still even talking to this guy- when I know I shouldn't.

Beloved by Him says..

Dear sister in Christ,

You asked for a word, and you’re going to get it—the holy word of God. We’re going to walk through this together, step by step, so that you can get a real understanding of the deceptions and dangers of your situation, and the remedies that God has for them. If you’re willing to hear, believe, and act on His truth, then you can be set free from this confusion (John 8:32) and get your peace back (John 14:27). I truly hope you do, before a line is crossed and you’ve walked into bondage that is not easily broken. I know you can do it, because you’re already operating under the conviction of the Holy Spirit. That Spirit is the One of a heavenly Father and a wonderful Savior Who loves you more than you can imagine or comprehend! Go get a Bible, open to Ephesians 3, and read verses 14-21. It says that God’s love for us “passes knowledge”! You’re rooted and grounded in it! You are really, truly, unconditionally, and totally loved by God. You’d better believe it, because it’s the truth!

But your enemies, the world, the flesh, and the devil, absolutely do not want you to believe it. The world wants you to be isolated, so that you don’t get the Godly fellowship and support you need (I John 2:16, Hebrews 10:25, Gal. 6:2). Your flesh is at war with your spirit, (Gal. 5:16-18), because as a Christian, you don’t have to be a slave to the sin it craves. So it’s literally hell-bent on dragging you down as much as possible until the day Jesus takes us home. And as if those two weren’t enough, the devil wants to see you eaten alive (I Peter 5:8). Wow! You must have some important God-designed plan for your life to merit all this attention! When you get through this, and you will, because God is faithful to complete the good work He began in us (Phil. 1:6), you are going to be able to reach out and pull someone else out of the fire (Jude 23).

Let’s go back, though, because I know you’re not there yet. It’s so understandable that you’re lonely, not just because you’ve moved to a new place, but because there is a yearning in your heart for the man God will bring you—your beloved. As much as you have tried to imagine what he will be like, the Lord knows you better, and has fashioned your future husband to be just perfect for you (Song of Solomon 2:3). The day will come when you can share your life with that man, a man who will love you like no one else can, because he loves you by the Spirit of God in him. Don’t try to find him on your own, though. God will bring him to you in his perfect time (Psalm 18:30).

Until then, you might need to be reminded that you are very far from alone in this world. In truth, you are already off the market! Your eternal Beloved is none other than Christ Himself (II Cor. 11:2)! Isaiah 54:5 says, “Your Maker is your husband, the Lord of hosts is His name.” He is the one Who will always know your deepest desires, because He gave them to you. He will always forgive and cover over your sins, because He died and rose again for you. And you will never be alone, because He will never leave you or forsake you! You are owned by Christ and sealed by the Holy Spirit as the guarantee (Eph. 1:13-14). You may not always feel loved, but don’t give in to feelings that are contrary to God’s word. The truth is that you are incredibly loved--you always were, always are, and always will be (Jeremiah 31:3, I John 4:16, I Cor. 13:8).

Speaking of not giving in to feelings, it’s time to address what’s going on between you and your friend. If you take an honest look at what God says about who you are to Him and what He has planned for you, how does your relationship with your friend fit in? It doesn’t. First of all, you don’t have a real desire for him; rather, it seems like you’re allowing him to be the substitute for the fullness of relationship that you can find in the Lord, if you are willing to trust and pursue Him. Second, you don’t mention that this friend is a Christian, and you have serious concerns about his integrity. “Can two walk together, except they be agreed?” (Amos 3:3) You definitely shouldn’t be spending so much time with someone who doesn’t honor God or their commitments—particularly when that commitment could be an engagement to another girl! He may be breaking a promise, a vow, to love and cherish someone else. Does God want you to be a part of that? No! And he doesn’t want you to tempt this guy or yourself, either, by giving long hugs and having chatty conversations that keep the door to impurity open.

Sister, you need to close that door and run—don’t walk—in the other direction. Find a good Bible-believing church and get involved. Get an accountability partner who is strong in the Lord and who will lovingly set you straight. Most importantly, pray to your Heavenly Beloved to keep you tight in His arms, and give you His strength when you are weak (Isaiah 40:31, II Cor. 2:10). He is waiting for you to come to Him, so that He can show you how cherished you are in His sight.

Well, what are you waiting for?!? :)

Stop Discriminating & Hating. People Are Born Gay

2009-03-12T10:15:00.005-04:00

Anonymous says in response to the posting 'I Don't Think I Am Wrong'

This answer is absolutely ridiculous. People are born gay. They don't choose to be gay. Its scientifically proven. Look it up. Therefore, it is not a sin. Stop discriminating and hating. Start accepting and loving.

Trophy of Grace said...

Let me begin by saying that WeUsed2bu Ministries and its counselors DO NOT hate homosexuals nor do we discriminate against anyone. Christ Jesus has put His love in us for all women every where and we accept everyone just the way they are. We are not here to condemn people. We are here to help set the captives free and help believers stay on the narrow road that leads to life. Our commitment is to give advice based on the Word of God which is living and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart. (Hebrews 4:12) We are here to speak the Truth of God’s Word without compromise. We are not trying to win the approval of people, but of God. If pleasing people were our goal we could not be Christ’s servants. (Galatians 1:10)

People being born gay has not been scientifically proven. What has been proven by the infallible Word of God is that people are born with a sinful nature that we inherited from Adam. We are born with corrupt desires.

Psalm 51:5 Surely I was sinful at birth, sinful from the time my mother conceived me.

Psalm 58:3 Even from birth the wicked go astray; from the womb they are wayward and speak lies.

Romans 5:12 Therefore, just as sin entered the world through one man, and death through sin, and in this way death came to all men, because all sinned

However, although we are born with a sinful nature and sinful desires that does not mean that we have to act out on them or allow them to define us. Through the power of the Holy Spirit received through faith in Christ Jesus we can overcome any temptation. The temptation of homosexuality can be overcome if one surrenders their life to Christ Jesus and relies on His strength daily. God is faithful. He will not allow the temptations in our lives to be more than we can stand. When we are tempted, He will show us a way out so that we can endure. We just have to choose to take His way out. (1 Corinthians 10:13)

The definition of homosexuality clearly states that it is a sexual desire or behavior directed toward a person of one’s own sex. The Word of God says that these desires and behavior are immoral and detestable. Those who practice them will not inherit the kingdom of heaven.

1 Corinthians 6:9-10 “Do you not know that the wicked will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: Neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers nor male prostitutes nor homosexual offenders nor thieves nor the greedy nor drunkards nor slanderers nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God.”

Leviticus 18:22 “Do not lie with a man as one lies with a woman; that is detestable.”

Leviticus 20:13 “If a man lies with a man as one lies with a woman, both of them have done what is detestable. They must be put to death; their blood will be on their own heads.”

Romans 1:24-27 “Therefore God gave them over in the sinful desires of their hearts to sexual impurity for the degrading of their bodies with one another. They exchanged the truth of God for a lie, and worshiped and served created things rather than the Creator—who is forever praised. Amen. Because of this, God gave them over to shameful lusts. Even their women exchanged natural relations for unnatural ones. In the same way the men also abandoned natural relations with women and were inflamed with lust for one another. Men committed indecent acts with other men, and received in themselves the due penalty for their perversion.”

When people do not fear God or His Word they will do whatever they think is right in their own eyes. They do not care what God’s Word says they are controlled by their sinful nature and are enslaved to it. Those who are dominated by the sinful nature think about sinful things, but those who are controlled by the Holy Spirit think about things that please the Spirit. So letting your sinful nature control your mind leads to death. But letting the Spirit control your mind leads to life and peace. For the sinful nature is always hostile to God. It never did obey God’s laws, and it never will. That’s why those who are still under the control of their sinful nature can never please God. Those surrendered to a homosexual lifestyle can never please God because they are committed to their sin instead of to God. (Romans 8:5-8)

But if they will confess their sins to God, repent of their immoral lifestyle, and believe in Jesus Christ then the Most High God will forgive them and they will have right standing with Him.

He No Longer Wants To Be There For The Birth Of His Son

2009-03-12T01:12:00.003-04:00

T. Marshall said...
The father of my child is no longer in the picture. Although he was the one who told me he was ready to have children and wanted to have them with me, I found out the hard way that that wasn't true. I've been having complications in my pregnancy and was finally put on bed rest until I go into labor. Even though my son's father isn't in the picture, I still have contact with him. When I let him know about the complications and the bed rest he told me that it was best for him if I didn't contact him until the baby is here on earth. Meaning, to me, that he no longer wanted to be there for the birth of his son. I'm getting to the point where I am just lost. I'm tired of being angry. I'm tired of feeling any emotion toward him at all. I want to be civial but he makes it so hard. Should I call from the hospital before labor (and give him one last chance to be there)? Should I call him after? Or should I just wait until we go to court for child support? Bottomline, I just don't know what to do. I don't want to ruin my experience welcoming my son into the world if hes just going to be negative or not show up. But this is his son and I want him to be there. More so, I feel like if he had the option it would make me feel better when or if he doesn't show up. I don't want to feel like I kept him away. But I also dont want to be hurt if he lets us down for the uptenth time.

Trophy of Grace said...
I know that you are heartbroken and torn emotionally with everything that is going on in your life right now. Between the complications in your pregnancy and the feeling of abandonment that you must have because the father of your child has neglected his responsibilities, I can imagine you are overwhelmed. However, I want you to know that even though this young man has abandoned you and your unborn child that God has not abandoned you and He never will. He is always faithful to care for all of our needs emotionally, spiritually, mentally, and physically. He is our Provider and that is where your hope must come from.

The father of your child has requested that you do not contact him until the baby is born. I think that you should respect his wishes and grant his request. Don’t force yourself or the pregnancy on him. It will only cause you more trouble and heartache for you if he continues to reject you. It’s hard not to take it personal, I know. But I think you should avoid the hurt. He will come around if he wants to and when he’s ready. I like to think it is better to be alone than in bad company. Your pregnancy does not need any extra stress. In fact if you are overly stressed the baby can feel that and you could even go into premature labor. Think about your health and the baby’s health. Cast this burden on the Lord and allow the Word of God to be the comfort and support you need during this trying to time in your life.

However, when you go into labor you could call or text him to give him another opportunity to have the privilege of being present for the birth of his son. If he chooses not to go then you must forgive him and leave him in God’s hands. He knows better how to deal with this young man. You have to focus on becoming the mom that God has intended you to be. You need to be emotionally, mentally, and spiritually prepared to raise your son. Our children are a blessing from God and He has entrusted them to us for us to care for and love, to teach them about Him, His will, and His Word. You need to be prayed up and ready for this honorable task of being a mother. If father of your child does not want to be apart of that then it will most certainly be his lose. He will regret it one day I am sure.

You feel lost, angry, and you hate all the emotions that you feel right not toward him and about this whole situation. This is where you need to humble yourself before God and ask Him to help you to forgive him even thought he may not deserve it. Realize that forgiving him is not for him but for you. You will be held captive by hostility, a quarreling spirit, outbursts of anger, dissension, strife, bitterness, and all sorts of negative spirits and emotion if you do not forgive him. You can not allow this anger to root it’s self in your heart resulting in bitterness and hate. Remember also that during pregnancy that our emotions every because it will result in bitterness rooting its self deeply in your heart.

Instead forgive him and allow the Holy Spirit to heal your heart. Take your eyes off of what this young man isn’t doing in your life or in his son’s life and put your eyes on Jesus. Focus on having an intimate relationship with Him and you will see that you will have everything you need to handle every situation in your life. It all starts with truly submitting your will, your ways, your emotions, EVERYTHING to Jesus Christ. Then you will know without a shadow of a doubt that no matter happens to you and no matter what comes against you that it will be all good because God is for you.

Here are some scriptures to meditate on:

For if you forgive people their trespasses [their reckless and willful sins, leaving them, letting them go, and giving up resentment], your heavenly Father will also forgive you. Matthew 6: 14

Then Peter came up to Him and said, Lord, how many times may my brother sin against me and I forgive him and let it go? [As many as] up to seven times? Jesus answered him, I tell you, not up to seven times, but seventy times seven! Matthew 18: 21-22

So also My heavenly Father will deal with every one of you if you do not freely forgive your brother from your heart his offenses. Matthew 18: 35

Be gentle and forbearing with one another and, if one has a difference (a grievance or complaint) against another, readily pardoning each other; even as the Lord has [freely] forgiven you, so must you also [forgive]. Colossians 3: 13

Why are you cast down, O my inner self? And why should you moan over me and be disquieted within me? Hope in God and wait expectantly for Him, for I shall yet praise Him, Who is the help of my [sad] countenance, and my God. Psalm 43: 5

Wait and hope for and expect the Lord; be brave and of good courage and let your heart be stout and enduring. Yes, wait for and hope for and expect the Lord. Psalm 27:14

It is because of the Lord's mercy and loving-kindness that we are not consumed, because His [tender] compassions fail not. They are new every morning; great and abundant is Your stability and faithfulness.
Lamentations 3: 22-23

Faithful is He Who is calling you [to Himself] and utterly trustworthy, and He will also do it [fulfill His call by hallowing and keeping you]. 1 Thessalonians 5: 24

A Guy Is In Love With Me But I Don't Feel the Same

2009-03-11T16:00:00.000-04:00

Anonymous said...
What do I do when a guy is in love with me but I don't feel the same way with him? He is a Catholic, but I don't want to waste my feelings for him and not on God. I still want to be able to talk to him but I don't want to be his girlfriend. He calls me his love and his life and his girlfriend, but I know that he's not the one and that I'm just not ready for that kind of love. God is saving me for something better, but I don't want to hurt this guy in search of it.
I'm really not ready for love. How do I tell him?

Beloved by Him said...
First of all, praise God that you are so dedicated to your walk with the Lord! It’s always a wise choice to pursue our relationship with God, instead of prematurely turning our affections toward the wrong person. You’ve got a head start on a very important truth: God must always take first place in our hearts. It doesn’t matter if you’re young and single, or grown and married with children. If we move our commitment to Him to a lower priority, everything else will be out of whack. Matthew 6:33 compels us to “Seek ye first the kingdom of God, and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added unto you.” You’re doing the right thing by guarding your heart and waiting on God’s timing—because His way is perfect (Psalm 18:30).

With regard to your friend, he is professing some very strong feelings for you, but it sounds like he’s confusing attraction for love. Real, God-given love does not insist on its own way, but is gentle and patient (I Corin. 13:4-5). Unless you have sent him some mixed signals, he should not be calling you his girlfriend. If he is saved, then he is a brother in Christ, and he needs to treat you with the same respect as he would treat his mom or his sister! If he’s not saved, then you really have to reconsider your friendship with him, because he is not filled with the Holy Spirit (Gal.3:28), and we as Christians are not to be friends with the world (James 4:4). Either way, while you can still be kind to him, you are probably going to have to maintain a healthy emotional distance from him, until his feelings start to cool.

Before you talk to him, look at some of the above scriptures, and pray and ask God to help you say the right thing. This is a good time to make a stand for your faith, and for yourself. You have every right, as God’s beloved young woman, to let him know that you are not going to compromise your beliefs for anyone. You might even be bold enough to let him know you already belong to someone—Jesus! Be respectful when you tell him these things, but don’t feel like you have to go out of your way to make him feel better. You might find yourself (innocently) trying to flatter him, which will make him confused. Your number-one priority is to please God (Gal. 1:10). If he is a friend worth keeping, then he will understand and back off. But if he doesn’t respect and accept what you say, then you will be able to see more clearly what he’s all about, which is himself, not God, and not you. Hopefully, he’s a true friend. If not, then you can feel confident that the Lord doesn’t want this person to have a prominent place in your life, and you need to move ahead without him.

I Don't Know What To Do Or How To Do It

2009-03-11T13:26:00.001-04:00

Anonymous said...
Ok i am right now facing pretty tough dicisions i am 18 years old and next year i will be graduating but i dont know what to do or how to do it God has given me a great talent with writing poetry and short stories but the problem is how do i incorportate that into college i really want to be an published author but i dont know where to begin and yes do you have any sugestions about this any advice would be a great help and one other thing thank you for listening to all of my stuff i know i have a lot but every time i come to you guys with my problems you always have words of encourgement God has given you guys the gift of discernment and yall are not letting it go to waste praise god for you i have only one other person in my life that gives me real encourgement and really means what she says i thank god for you guys and her thanks you will never know the impact you are having in my life

Trophy of Grace said...
Well thank you very much for your encouraging words. Glory be to God who has gifted and given us the courage to step out and serve you ladies through WeUsed2bu ministries. It is an honor and privilege to all of us to serve you. We love you all so much and want to help you in your walk with the Lord. Thank you for allowing us to be a part of your life. Sincerely…

I forwarded your question to Beloved by Him for her suggestions because she went to college for journalism and I knew that she would have good advice. So she says..

Hey--what a sweet girl. My encouragement to her would be to think about studying journalism/communications as well as English and possibly education. I would guess that one of the best places to get published would be a Christian magazine. She could contact a few and see what their publishing guidelines are. A few things you might want to stress to her are that it can be difficult to get a print job without a good education, so she needs to get a good degree. She may want to consider a Christian college, because I would think they have contacts with some of the Christian publishers out there. Also, because of the economy, journalism is becoming a tougher field, so she should pray about what else the Lord may want her to do in addition to her writing. If she is creative, then maybe she can think about becoming a teacher and fostering those talents in her students. That's not to say that she shouldn't be a writer. There are volunteer/freelance opportunities that will allow her to get published, but not paid. She could approach her local church (if they have a newsletter--or maybe she could start one) or community newspaper and ask if they use volunteer writers. There will also probably be internship opportunities for her in college. Long story short, if God gave her those talents, then He will provide opportunities for her to glorify Him with them.

Amen to her suggestions and especially that last sentence. Very good advice..

I would also suggest blogging. You can go to Blogger.com and start your own blog for free. Then you can share your literature with the world. You would be surprised what our Lord can do when you step out and faith and allow Him to use you. The possibilities are endless.

Pray and fast about the direction you are seeking for college and how the Lord would like you to start using this gift. He will give you clear direction. The gifts that He has given are to glorify Him so He will show you how to use them properly and where to start. All you need is a willingness to be used by Him and offer your gifts to His service and you will the favor of God on your life. He will begin to open doors and take you right where you need to be. So trust Him..

Sincerely,

Trophy of Grace

P.S.

Here are some Scriptures to meditate on:

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding;
In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths. Proverbs 3:5-6

"Now therefore, I pray, if I have found grace in Your sight, show me now Your way, that I may know You and that I may find grace in Your sight." Exodus 33:13

"Your ears shall hear a word behind you, saying, 'This is the way, walk in it,'
Whenever you turn to the right hand or whenever you turn to the left." Isaiah 30:21

"The mind of man plans his way, but the Lord directs his steps." Proverbs 16:9

"Cause me to hear Your lovingkindness in the morning, for in You do I trust;
Cause me to know the way in which I should walk, for I lift up my soul to You." Psalm 143:8

He's Having A Hard Time Sticking With One Girl

2009-03-10T11:00:00.004-04:00

Anonymous' Prayer Request...
Please pray for my "friend" Steven. He's having a hard time sticking with one girl and I know I still love him, even his sister says she can't see him happier or becoming a better Christian with anyone else but me. So please pray that he will learn what he's doing to these girls. If I can't have him, I at least want the girl that gets him to be happy and not have to worry about another woman in his life. I want him happy no matter what

Trophy of Grace prays...
My Dear Father,

You see this young man and is heart towards women. Help him to see the error in his ways. Teach him Lord the importance of fearing you. Change his heart Lord. Allow him to see that your kindness is meant to lead him to repentance. I know that it is not your will Lord that any should perish. If he has not believed in Jesus Christ as his Lord and Savior then please Holy Spirit touch his heart. Allow him to see that He needs You. Allow him to realize that his is a sinner. I pray that tonight as he lays in bed that his heart would be touched and he would cry out to You for forgiveness. I trust your Lord and I know that you are doing something in His heart right now and his heart will not be hardened to the Holy Spirit. He will receive your Word and He will be changed for ever.

For this dear sister I pray that you would help her too Lord. You see that she still loves this young man and it hurts her to see what he is doing. Help her to heal from this whole relationship and if it be your will for her to get away from this situation completely then give her the strength to move on. Help her to get her focus completely on You. Help her to leave this young man in your hands. This is not a burden for her to carry but instead to pray and cast this care on you because you care about him and her. Give her a desire to want to serve you and to become your handmaiden. In Jesus name..Amen..

He Wants to Overcome These Thoughts of Lust

2009-03-10T07:30:00.002-04:00

Just want 2 help out said...
I have a friend and he is at the moment struggling with something...
He is a christian who does pray, stays away from wordly pleasures and is on the right track. But he shared with me that he has a struggle, now that hes in a new school (where there are so many pretty girls around) he has a problem where he notices that he looks at them in a wrong way, of course he is going to notice them but then he'll take a second or third look and he feels like its a constant battle not to stare at them. Though hes never acted on these feelings he still would like to overcome these thoughts.

He does know the word, so i was just wondering if theres any verses (like on self-control and temptation, etc...) or some advice that can help him out. cause i know hes trying so it would be helpful...thanks!

Trophy of Grace said...
There are many scriptures that he can lean on to help him. I have provided quite a few below that he can meditate on.

If he knows the Word then that is what He has to allow to come up in him when these attacks come. That is the sword that he needs to use to defeat this spirit. There may be a lustful spirit that is trying to oppress him and bring him down. He needs to do some prayer and fasting about this issue and not take it lightly. Obviously he knows that there is an issue because he has shared it with you.

Stand in the gap for him. Pray and intercede on his behalf. Perhaps you should agree to go on a fast with him and seek the Lord’s help on this. He has promised to help us when we are tempted. He has promised that He would always provide a way out when we are tempted. He does not allow us to be overtaken by temptation. We have to learn to run from anything that would cause to fall into sin. The enemy just wants to be able to build a case against your friend and accuse him of unrighteous living. Just tell your friend to stay prayed up and to keep His eyes on the Lord.

Tell him to meditate on these scriptures and allow the Holy Spirit to continue the good work that He has started in him. He can overcome this problem through the power of the Holy Spirit. When we are weak the Lord manifests His greatness in us. We are never alone in our weakness. Thank you Jesus!! Glory be to God!!

Here the scriptures:

Matthew 5:27-28” You have heard that it was said, 'Do not commit adultery. But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.”

Colossians 3:5-7 “Put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly nature: sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires and greed, which is idolatry. Because of these, the wrath of God is coming.You used to walk in these ways, in the life you once lived.”

2 Timothy 2:22 “Flee the evil desires of youth, and pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace, along with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart.”

1 John 2:15-16 “Do not love the world or anything in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For everything in the world—the cravings of sinful man, the lust of his eyes and the boasting of what he has and does—comes not from the Father but from the world.”

1 Corinthians 10:12-13 “So, if you think you are standing firm, be careful that you don't fall! No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it.”

Matthew 26:41 "Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation. The spirit is willing, but the body is weak."

Luke 22:46 "Why are you sleeping?" he asked them. "Get up and pray so that you will not fall into temptation."

Ephesians 6:10-12 “Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.”

Hebrews 2:18 “Because he himself suffered when he was tempted, he is able to help those who are being tempted.”

Hebrews 4:15 “For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet was without sin.”
James 1:12-15 “ Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him. When tempted, no one should say, "God is tempting me." For God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does he tempt anyone; but each one is tempted when, by his own evil desire, he is dragged away and enticed. Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death.
2 Peter 2:9 “…then the Lord knows how to rescue godly men from trials and to hold the unrighteous for the day of judgment, while continuing their punishment.”

He's Goin Thru A Lot... Please Pray for Him

2009-03-09T21:00:00.002-04:00

Prayer Request from rossy...
i had a boyfriend that goin to alot of problem on his life so im i he goin to live canada live me along in west palm i hope everything go well so he could come back to my arm .we bein goin out 1yrs an month .i hope god help him will he gone .thanks

Trophy of Grace said...
Lord,

You see our friend’s request. I ask Lord that you would touch this young man’s heart. He has had a lot of trouble and needs your comfort. I know that often times you allow us to go through things because you have a divine plan. Many times when we are going through our tough times we don’t understand what You are doing. Sometimes we wonder if You even see..but You do see us. You are always watching over us. My prayer is that you would continue to watch over him. Bring him into Your loving family. Save his soul and don’t allow the enemy to destroy him. Send your servants out to him to minister to him about the love of Christ. Soften his heart and prepare his heart to receive your Word. Change his life and give him a desire for change. Heal his heart of his hearts and lift him up Lord. Have mercy on him and his family. Help to forgive and to receive forgiveness..

And for my dear sister here. Thank you for her request. Give her a hunger for you Lord. For your Word. As this young man spends time away from her allow this time for Your relationship with her to grow. Help her to focus all of her heart on You and Your Word. Mold her and renew her. Create in her a clean heart. Give her a heart that longs for you Lord. I pray a hedge of protection around her and her family. In Jesus name I pray..Amen..Thank you Lord!!

I Feel So Lost and Confused

2009-03-09T18:27:00.006-04:00

Anonymous said...
I need advice on a subject that everybody keeps telling me to just simple move on from its better said then done i was in a relatinship with this guy and i really loved him i mean i really did to the point where my relationship with god faded everyday.He later broke up with me because he said that we had nothing in common long story short the day that me and him broke up he was already trying to get with this girl who he said he had more in common with from what i hear she is in 12th grade and i already knew he was in 11th but after he graduates they are surpose to be getting married this was about 3 months ago that we had been brokenup i fill so bad like i drove him to her i see him and her together down the hall holding had all the time its as if we never had anything at all and the worst part about it is i gave him my first kiss i was saving it for my future husband but now its gone and we almost slept together to but the holy spirit would not let me .i fill awful i find myself constantly thinking about him and her and how stupid i was for falling for him .as you are reading this please stop and pray for me .i fill so lost and confused

Trophy of Grace said...
Ok..As you requested..

My Dear Lord,

You see my sister’s heart here. She is hurt and confused. Help her to heal from these feelings of betrayal and abandonment. Let her realize in her heart that she is a special child of God born with a purpose and destined to serve you. I thank you Lord that you have removed this young man from her life. I thank you that she did not follow through with giving herself to this young man. Help her to stay completely pure. Pure in her mind, heart and body. Use this situation to draw her closer to You. We know that you work every thing out for our good and I know that you are doing a wonderful work in her. Help her to forgive this young man and move on with her life knowing without a shadow of doubt that you have the right man out there for her. A man that loves you and will love her too. In Jesus name I pray..Amen.

My Dear sweet sister,

This break up was the best thing that could have happened for you. Anything that draws us away from God is never from God. Always remember that..You said that this relationship caused your relationship with God to fade. You can not ever put your eyes on man. Your eyes have to remain on God. You have to learn to fear Him and love His Word. Seek Him again and He will heal your wounds. (Psalm 30:2)

There is a comment that we have on our MySpace that says, “A woman’s heart should be so lost in God that a man needs to seek God in order to find her.” You have to turn around and start really seeking God’s face. Allow Him to make your crooked paths straight and do a new thing in your life. Forget the past and look ahead because He has a wonderful plan for you and He wants to help you become a mighty women of God. So trust Him when He allows people to be removed from your life, especially when those people become a wedge between you and your Savior.

The scripture that keeps coming up in my mind is Matthew 6:33 “But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.”

You have to seek God’s will and His way in your life. He will be your Guide. His Holy Spirit living in us gives us the ability to make wise decisions based on the Word of God, but you have to know the Word of God. The more you read the bible you will see that your mind will be renewed and you’ll learn to have respect for God. Respecting or fearing God will give you a desire to live a righteous Christian life and you will see that this will result in many blessings. Blessings like a godly man who will want to serve you and respect your desire to want to serve God. In fact He will help you in your walk of faith and encourage you to persevere in Christ Jesus.

It’s time for a change sister. Come back to the One who truly loves your and never leaves you and forsakes you.

Sincerely,

Trophy of Grace

P.S.

Forgive this young man and find healing. If you do not forgive him you will not be able to move on. Just accept this as a blessing and remember what Romans 8:28-30 says, “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the likeness of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brothers. And those he predestined, he also called; those he called, he also justified; those he justified, he also glorified.”

The Letter That Changed Me

2009-03-09T07:09:00.003-04:00

Written by Tiffany Stuart

Cross Post from Ungrind

I sat in front of my computer about to do something I never imagined doing: write a letter to my molester.

A few days prior, my husband casually mentioned his upcoming business trip. I felt sick and angry inside when I heard where. Attached to this city name were memories from thirty-three years ago I’d rather forget.

I never told my parents what happened to me in second grade. Shame kept me quiet until I was in high school. I have no idea why, but one day I casually told a relative what happened. Maybe I needed to be heard and understood. I felt self-conscious sharing what I remembered, like I was making things up.

Not a single tear was cried over my abuse—not during, not after, not ever. When I told a few trusted friends about my past, I emotionally separated myself and told it as a “long, long time ago this happened to me” story. My lack of tears convinced me I was OK. But deep down, I knew better. Hearing a city name awoke something inside of me I buried alive decades earlier. Pain.

I knew I needed to get to the root of my pain. After a conversation with my family, I googled this guy’s full name. I cried what I now call my “death cry” with what I uncovered.

My memories were true.

I wasn’t crazy.

My worst fears realized: This multimillionaire—a repeated sex offender—spent his entire life molesting children! Nothing stopped him. His wealth spared him. And the worst part was I wasn’t his only victim. His track record ripped through state lines like a tornado and left devastation in the hearts of many young boys and girls.

Sorrow and outrage shook me to my core. I wanted to stand up for every child he had ever hurt. I also wanted to die. Now what? Clueless, I sobbed one minute and then walked around numb the next.

For some reason I needed to know if this monster was still alive, so I paid $13.95 to search site to find out. He was! Now in his early 80’s with health issues, he violated probation only a few years prior. Still a sick, sick man!

I had to make a decision. I couldn’t ignore my past any longer. I could either go after this creep once and for all—or let him go. Torn with emotions, I prayed, journaled, and talked with family and friends.

A few days later, I sat alone with my laptop and stared at a blank word document. Time to give this guy a piece of my mind. I prayed, took deep breaths, teared up, and started typing. At first I struggled to find words. What words are strong enough to describe what he did? None. After a page of sharing with him my experience and pain, I decided it was time to say I’m done. As I continued, I asked him hard questions. I even probed into what he might be thinking now as an old man about to meet his Maker. I told him what saved me from destroying myself: my faith in Jesus.

Something amazing happened as I kept writing.

I wrote words I never dreamed of writing. Words about forgiveness and love and the hope of heaven. The strangest feeling came over me as wrote out a salvation prayer and invited him to know my Healer. My heart soared with peace and joy. I felt more alive and full of God’s love than ever before. The weight of unforgiveness after all those years finally lifted.

The next day I sent the letter unsigned with no return address. It was finished. I was free! Who knew I could actually pen words of love and forgiveness to one of the most evil of men?

God did. He gets all the credit.

That day I witnessed a real miracle—a miracle in my heart. The healing power of forgiveness. God in action.

This experience taught me a couple truths I hope I never forget.

Never hold onto unforgiveness. It’s not worth it. Unforgiveness is a heavy yoke.

Forgiveness is hard to do—and sometimes takes decades (in my case)—but it brings freedom. Freedom to heal. Freedom to love.
No matter how bad the offense feels, I’m learning the best path is straight towards forgiveness. Lewis B. Smedes’s quote says it best: "To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you."

For over thirty years, I was held captive by unforgiveness. Today I feel the difference. I’m lighter—not physically—but mentally and emotionally and spiritually.

Since this letter, I’ve thought over and over again about Jesus’ words as He hung dying on the cross. He said, "Father, forgive them for they know not what they do” (Luke 23:34). How could Jesus just let these offenders of the hook after all they did to Him? His words make no sense. Did Jesus know something they didn’t? Did His heart soar with peace and joy as He spoke forgiveness? Even as Christ was dying, did He feel completely alive and full of love by releasing His offenders? I bet He did.

God is love! His ways are not our ways.

I also think about how Christ treated the criminal hanging next to Him. Jesus did not say, “It’s too late, buddy. Die without hope." Instead He said, “See you in paradise.” Not a cold shoulder, but a warm embrace.

Jesus showed us a different way of living. He lived out forgiveness in action. It’s taken me decades to really grasp the benefit of true forgiveness.

I’m thankful for the freedom I now feel with my childhood sexual abuse. I no longer hold unforgiveness in the dark corners of my heart. I no longer cringe inside when I heard that city name. Sure, that city will always have an ugly memory attached to it, but now it has been topped with God’s healing love. I choose to focus on that.

It's true with God all things are possible (Matthew 19:26). The letter I wrote is proof of that to me.

I Found Out He's Not a Virgin

2009-03-06T16:15:00.004-05:00

Anonymous said... Hey there, I'm in a tough situation, needing some advice.

My boyfriend and I have been together about 4 or 5 months. We love each other very very much and want to get to know everything about each other. We both grew up in Christian homes and still go to church. I have grown in my faith a lot; I'm a youth leader for grade 8 girls at my youth group and he has volunteered with children's ministry and is taking over the whole thing this fall! We haven't started doing devotions together but have agreed that we ought to start doing them together.
I'm very much in love with him, that is why I was concerned with how far he has gone in previous relationships. I found out VERY recently, like 2 days ago!! that he is not a virgin.

As a Christian girl I try my best to think of the man I'll marry and not to make mistakes that I'll regret later on. Part of me feels betrayed because I took such care in doing so, why didn't he?

Also I thought I knew him better than that. I figured he was pure and thought pretty much the same way I do.

I know for sure that I don't want to break up. The love I have for him is like nothing I've felt for anybody, and I don't want something like this to be the end of us.

Now I feel like I need time and space to get over it, but don't feel like he is willing to give it to me. He seems to not understand at all, and very closed off about it as far as, "It was my past, I'm over it, why aren't you?" It doesn't work that way for me. I do know that in general guys just want to get it overwith. I just wish he'd realize if he really means what he says (that he just wants me to be okay and get past this) then he'll have to wait for me to heal. This is a pretty big thing to me.

Everytime I look at him or he touches me I think of him doing something to another girl and it really hurts. If we ever do get married, which I sincerely hope we do, because he just seems so much like the one, then I don't want to have to deal with thinking of him doing stuff with another girl instead of staying pure for the girl he'll marry (he says he wants it to be me).
How can I get over this, I really want to but sincerely can't think of where and how to start.

Trophy of Gracesaid...
My dear sister you have to let this go. If you want to be with him and you see a future with this young man then leave the past alone. If he is trying to live a righteous, pure, and holy life now then don’t continue to chastise him for his past mistakes. If he has confessed his sins and repented of his ways then you have to forgive him just as God has forgiven you. Our Lord has pardoned his sin and forgiven his transgression. He has not stayed angry with him but has shown him mercy and compassion. He has treaded all of our sins underfoot and hurled our iniquities into the depths of the sea. We have to leave them there, not go fishing for them. You too have to be merciful and remember his sins no more. Remember that love covers a multitude of sins. (Micah 7:18-19, 1 Peter 4:8, Colossians 3:13)

The only way you can get over it is by choosing daily to let it go. Don’t meditate on the past, especially if you see that he is growing into a godly man. I totally understand that you feel betrayed and hurt because he has been with someone else. That’s tough..This is something that you have to take to the Lord. Ask Him to give you confirmation if this is the relationship that He wants you to be in. Is this the man for you? He will answer you I promise. You just have to listen to the Holy Spirit and don’t doubt that He will give you clear responses and direction. (James 1: 5-8)

I believe that you may be right to take a couple of days to meditate on the Word of God and seek God’s face about what you are feeling. Perhaps you both should take a couple of days to pray for one another about this. Take three days of just praying, reading the Word, and singing praises to the Lord without communicating with one another. Also, consider fasting during some of that time. Write and journal your prayers and supplications, see what the Spirit of God ministers to you. Afterwards meet up and share your experiences and what you learned.

Enclosing let me tell you that our biggest battles are usually in the mind. We have to battle all types of thoughts that the enemy will flood our minds with. It is our choice if we are going to listen to the tormenting thoughts or if we are going to listen to the Holy Spirit. If after praying and seeking the Lord you feel lead to be with this young man then you will need to bring every thought captive. Don’t allow yourself to start imagining all types of things. Meditate on the Word of God. (2 Corinthians 10:5)

You will be in my prayers sister..

My 16-yr-old Daughter is Not Pure Anymore

2009-03-06T16:07:00.007-05:00

Anonymous said...
How to handle finding out your 16 yr daughter is partly not pure anymore. I haven't said anything to her yet. But My first reactin is to ground her and make her read verses all day. I'm so hurt by this
I'm having a hard time typin.
Please Help.

Beloved by Him said...
When a son or daughter sacrifices his or her purity, the loss is not just theirs, it’s also the parents’, particularly when it’s a Christian family that’s involved. A parent who walks with the Lord knows and understands more fully what a precious gift sexual purity is, and hopes that their child will guard and keep it for the person that God has chosen as the child’s future spouse. When that doesn’t happen, it’s totally normal for a parent to be angry, grief-stricken, worried, and disappointed (Prov.10:1, 17:25). This is when we have to cry out to Jesus for the help we need, for the child and for us. This is when we really learn about and lean on God’s love and faithfulness.

Make sure that before you confront your daughter, you have committed your spirit into the Lord’s hands. Get into the Word. Pray for the peace that passes understanding. Pour out your heart before Him. You need to do this now, and you’re going to have to do it many more times, because this is no quick-fix situation. Putting her in her room and having her copy Bible verses will not substitute for the loving relationship you can build with her, even if she fights and says she doesn’t want you or your rules. Determine like Paul did in Philippians 2: 17 that you are going to pour yourself out like a drink offering, so that the Lord can fill you and move in you by His Spirit. Pray especially for patience and longsuffering, which will be the ability to “bear up under” the pain and “put fury far off while suffering wrong”. And as difficult as it may be, purpose to be gentle when you talk to her. David said in Psalm 18:35 that “Your gentleness has made me great.” You need to reflect God’s face to her, not the flood of emotions that you are feeling. Ask God to give you the quiet and gentle spirit that is precious to Him (1 Peter 3: 4), and the right and fitting words to say (Prov. 25: 11). I know it may seem impossible! But remember, all things are possible with God (Matt. 19: 26).

You are going to have to find out from her, though it may be difficult for both of you, the extent of her actions. Was this a one-time event, or is she caught up in a cycle of bad behavior? Who else, if anyone, was involved? There are going to be some very uncomfortable moments, because, after all, this is a beloved child that we’re talking about. (Stop…breathe…pray) Don’t be surprised if what you already know is not all there is to know. Hopefully, she will be open to talking to you. Encourage her that the more honest she is, the more helpful it will be. Remind her that the Lord already knows, and has provided all the forgiveness she needs. Share Prov. 28: 13 with her, “Whoever covers his sins will not prosper, but whoever confesses and forsakes them will have mercy.” And you have to be prepared to give her mercy, too. Don’t turn her actions into shame or punish her unjustly. The Lord will show you how to discipline her so that it is profitable for her good (Hebrews 12: 10-11). When her confession is done, make sure that she knows you forgive her (Colossians 3:12-13), and that you will always love her, no matter what (Prov. 10:12, 1 Peter 4:8).

It is so important that even in this difficult time, you keep your eyes, heart, and hope set on Him. If you keep focusing on your daughter’s sin, you will become bitter, and will find it hard to resist the temptations to keep bringing it up, to stop believing the best about her, and possibly even to treat her with less respect. It’s very easy to allow unforgiveness to permeate our thoughts and actions, in the name of discipline or self-righteousness. Romans 3: 10 says, “There is none righteous, no, not one.” We know that we’re all sinners, but when it’s our child, we can incorrectly assume that their wrong actions mean that we’ve failed as a parent. If that were so, then God would be in the same boat, and of course He’s not. Your daughter made a wrong choice, and there will be consequences. Still, she is not her sin. If she is a Christian, then she is the righteousness of Christ (Phil. 3: 9), and God will use this for her good, because she is called to His purpose (Romans 8: 28), and He will be glorified in her. Choose to walk by faith, not by sight, and believe the best about her. Meditate on Scriptures that proclaim God’s promises for our descendants, such as Isaiah 54:13 and Prov. 22: 6. Most importantly, don’t give up. We are promised in Galatians 6:8-9 that if we don’t grow weary or lose heart, we will reap everlasting life. You are sowing seeds of God’s eternal love and faithfulness into this situation. Yes, you may sow in tears, but by God’s grace, you will reap in joy (Psalm 126: 5-6).

Beloved by Him

In the Presence of the King

2009-03-02T07:30:00.002-05:00

Written by Lynn Mosher
Cross Post from Heading Home

One day, with head hung down, the lowly subject known as Sinner found herself standing in the Presence of the King. He guided her to a rugged cross, stained with blood that had trickled down its post. He escorted her to an empty tomb, where burial cloths lay as evidence of One having been there. As He walked with her into the Garden of Easter gladness, she finally understood and accepted the sacrifice for forgiveness of sins.

Sinner became known as Saint as she daily sought the King’s Presence. Sitting at His feet, she received all the King’s blessings of the Holy Spirit for her life.

Then, one day, she crawled into the Throne Room as Discouraged, seeking answers to her many trials. The King lifted her up and sent her home with His Servant Encouragement to attend her in all her ways.

Entering one day as Faithless, she timidly approached the King. He immediately forgave her and imparted His Servant Grace to fill her heart.

One day, entering as Defeat, she bowed her head in shame before the Throne, asking for the King’s assistance, wondering Him why her life was a failure. He entrusted His Servant Victory to be her advocate in all the matters of her life.

Entering one day as Pride, she strutted in before the King. Shaking His head at her, He assigned His Servant Humility to kneel by her side always.

One day, entering as Grief, she fell sobbing into the arms of the King. He gently placed His hand of Love upon her head and dispatched His Servants Comfort and Peace to wipe away her tears and accompany her to still waters.

Entering one day as Selfish, she shoved her way into the King’s Throne Room, and the Selfless Lamb appeared and stood silently beside her, wrapping His arm around her shoulders and leading her to perform sacrificial acts for others.

One day, she returned as Prodigal, collapsing in exhaustion at the feet of the King. He set her back upright, wrapped a royal robe around her shoulders, placed a golden crown upon her head, and a divine ring upon her finger, sending His Servants Goodness and Mercy to pursue her in all her ways.

In all her subsequent days, she entered the Kings’ Presence on bended knees, with her head bowed in reverence, and her hands lifted in gratitude. Praise and Worship became her closest Companions…forevermore.

~~Blessings, Lynn~~

WeUsed2bu Core Values

2009-03-01T19:35:00.001-05:00

What WeUsed2bu Stands For

• Professing Jesus Christ – Sharing the Gospel and the love of Christ. Teaching salvation through repentance of sins and believing and confessing Jesus Christ as Lord.
• Providing Wise Counsel – Using the Word of God to teach truth and to help guide others down the right path for their lives.
• Giving Hope – By sharing our life experiences and testimonies of our Lord’s faithfulness to us.
• Having Faith – Faith in God’s promises; knowing that He will never allow His Word to return void.
• Loving Others – By serving and ministering to them with the gifts and talents that the Lord has given us.
• Promoting Christian Living - Encouraging, edifying, and exhorting women to live wisely, to be pure and holy, and to submit to the Lord.
• Praying without ceasing – Tearing down strongholds, interceding for others, and lifting them up in prayer, assured that our prayers avail much.
• Leading by Example –Living holy and righteous lives pleasing unto God. Producing the fruit of the Spirit in our lives.
• Sharing the Truth – Without compromise, not trying to win approval of people, but of God.
• Providing a judgment-free question forum – There is no condemnation in Christ Jesus. Always believing the best and hoping the best for every one.
• Respecting Privacy – Protecting the identity of those seeking counsel. Never gossiping about others’ problems, trials, or shortcomings.

About Us

Statement of Faith

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WeUsed2bu Statement of Faith

2009-03-01T19:25:00.001-05:00

Doctrine

1. We believe in the Holy Trinity: God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Spirit, Who are One. (I John 5: 7)
2. We believe in God our heavenly Father, Who is omniscient, omnipresent, and omnipotent, Who chose us for salvation and predestined us for good works of service. (Ephesians 1: 3-6, 2: 10)
3. We believe in Jesus, fully God and fully man, who shed His blood and died on the cross to pay the penalty for our sins, Who also rose again, and is seated at the right hand of God the Father, interceding for us as our Advocate and High Priest. (Philippians 2: 5-11, Hebrews 4: 14-15, 7: 24-28, 8: 1-2, 10: 10,12,14)
4. We believe in the Holy Spirit, the Comforter sent to us by Jesus, to guide us and empower us to fulfill the great commission. (John 15: 26, 16: 7, Acts 1: 8)
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6. We are a non-denominational orthodox evangelical Christian ministry that exists to serve the church, as well as minister to the unsaved, with the love of the gospel, and the truth of God’s word. (I Cor. 2: 12, 25, 27; II Tim. 4: 2, Colossians 1: 28, Acts 1: 8)
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Fear Not When

2009-02-23T08:23:00.005-05:00

Written by Trophy of Grace

Cross Post from Consecrated to Him

"But now, thus says the Lord, who created you, O Jacob, And He who formed you, O Israel: “Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by your name; You are Mine, When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; And through the rivers, they shall not overflow you. When you walk through the fire, you shall not be burned, Nor shall the flame scorch you.” Isaiah 43:1-2

We should not be surprised when trouble comes upon us. Jesus told us that in this world that we would have many sorrows and troubles, but that we should have peace in Him. James tells us to count all joy when we have troubles because that is when our faith is tested, and our endurance has a chance to grow. When our endurance is fully developed, we will be perfect and complete, needing nothing. (John 16:33, James 1:2-4)

But I love what our Lord has told us in Isaiah 43:1-3 the best. He said “Fear Not!”

“Fear not when...”

• You lose your job.
• You fall behind on your mortgage.
• You get a negative report from the doctor.
• You are persecuted.
• Troubles press in on every side and you feel completely overwhelmed.

Our Lord knew that we would have to go through all of this. That’s why he said WHEN you pass through the waters, through the rivers, and walk through the fire. He says, “I will be with you. I will not allow the rivers of trouble to overflow you. You will not be burned by the fire and the flames will not scorch you.” Thank you Jesus!

He is encouraging us to take heart and remember that we are His. We belong to Him and because we are His He will take care of us. Whether He has already made a way of escape or determines that He will walk us through the trials we have been redeemed. We are not alone in our troubles. So when fear comes knocking on the door of your heart allow faith to answer it and fear will flee.

“Blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord, And whose hope is the Lord, For he shall be like a tree planted by the waters, Which spreads out its roots by the river, And will not fear when heat comes; But its leaf will be green, And will not be anxious in the year of drought, Nor will cease from yielding fruit.” Jeremiah 17:7-8

If you have allowed your roots to grow down deep in the Word of God then during the times when the heat comes and there is drought in the land you will not be crippled by fear. Instead you will still be full of hope and trust in the Lord. You will keep pressing forward leaving all of your troubles in His hands and knowing in your heart that everything will work out for your good no matter what. You will not lose focus or become distracted by your problems; instead you will continue to produce good fruit in your life. You will be an example to others and when they see your strength they will know that it is by the power of God that you are able to overcome. Your faithfulness and determination will bring glory to our Lord.

So when troubles come fear not! For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind. Do not be dismayed, for our Lord will help us and strengthen us. He will uphold us with his righteous right hand. (2 Timothy 1:7, Isaiah 41:10)

Sometimes I Still Get A Bit Jealous

2009-02-21T07:37:00.005-05:00

Anonymous said...
HI I JUST NEED SOME ADVICE :)
I REALLY LIKE THIS GUY AND HE IS A MAN OF GOD AND HELPS ME OUT ALOT. BUT I HAVE A PROBLEM, I HAVE A TENDENCY TO GET JEALOUS ALOT OF TIMES. I KNOW THAT I CAN TRUST HIM BECAUSE HE HAS PROVEN THAT TO ME AND I KNOW THAT HE TRULY CARES ABOUT ME AND LOVES ME. BUT THERES A GIRL AT CHURCH THAT LIKES HIM AND SHE IS HIS EX FROM SO LONG AGO BEFORE HE EVEN WENT TO OUR CHURCH. NOW I KNOW HE DOESNT LIKE HER BUT THERES TIMES I JUST CANT HELP COMPARING MYSELF TO HER. THOUGH I KNOW IM NOT UGLY AND I KNOW SPIRITUALLY I AM MATURE AND A GREAT HELP AND SUPPORT FOR HIM. THERES TIMES I STILL GET A BIT JEALOUS AND OVER-PROTECTIVE WHICH HE NOTICES AND I THINK IT UPSETS HIM TO KNOW THAT I SOMETIMES FEEL THIS WAY. PLUS SHE CONTINUALLY FLIRTS WITH HIM AND ALWAYS BOTHERS ME BY ALWAYS ASKING FOR HIM AND WANTING TO KNOW ABOUT HIM. PS. SHES ONLY 16 AND WERE IN OUR TWENTIES SO I DO UNDERSTAND HER AND I NEVER TREAT HER WITH DISRESPECT OR GET ANGRY AT HER. BESIDES I KNOW IT WAS IN THE PAST BUT I JUST HAVE WORRIES SOMETIMES.
ANY ADVICE WOULD BE NICE :) THANKS!

Blessed and Highly Favored replies

There are several issues at play here, but let's focus on the primary reason for sending the question.

Jealousy is a real emotion arising out of bitterness, envy and rivarly, either real or imagined. The Bible says in Proverbs 27:4, "jealousy is dangerous." It can and will makes us do and say stupid things. I have to ask you, how much time do you allow the Lord to renew your mind and regenerate your spirit? (Titus 3:5)

It is my hope at least, if not more time, than you are spending with this guy. By allowing the Lord to work on your heart and mind, flushing it of insecurities, can you "cast down this imagination and bring every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ." (2Corinthians 10:5) If you have your eyes fixed on Christ, you are being transformed and the actions of others just seem not to matter anymore.

From your post, you "like this guy"....."and he helps you out alot." Also, "you know he truly cares about you and loves you." Is this "relationship" real or imagined? Has he told you exactly that or are you assuming if you're feeling this way, then , of course, he must be feeling this same way too?!?

Every committed, serious relationship has boundries, but both people have to know what they are. A teenager has an entirely different idea of what a relationship is, as opposed to an older, responsible adult. You being the adult, has to recognize this, and not allow your emotions to run back to the high school daze and let yourself get all tripped up by immature thoughts. Now if this guy you're hanging around welcomes this girls inquiries and attention, then time to move on and wait on the Lord to present to you the MAN He has for you.

Always focus on God; He always has the VERY BEST for us.

Sincerely,

Blessed and Highly Favored

How Can I Guard My Heart and Stay Immersed in Christ?

2009-02-21T00:01:00.002-05:00

Anonymous writes...

Hello! I need some advice. I am 17 years old, and I am dating a wonderful 17-year-old Christian boy. We met a couple of months ago and we instantly clicked. It's like we've always been friends.

God is the most important thing in my life, and I want to glorify Him in everything I do. He feels the same way. We both love to study the Bible and to talk to God. We talk to each other about God. We encourage each other. He helps me to grow spiritually. He is also very kind and respectful. I feel like this is the guy I've prayed for.

I could and would "fall in love" with this guy. I could see us spending our lives together. But I also want to guard my heart. I have prayed for God's guidance in this relationship, and I trust that He will work everything out for the best. How can I guard my heart and stay immersed in Christ, yet still accept and enjoy this wonderful gift God has given me?

Trophy of Grace replies..

Sounds like you are already doing it. This is wonderful to hear. It seems to me that you both are really trying to honor the Lord. You are praying and seeking the Lord’s will for this relationship. You are asking Him to help guard your heart. You both pray and edify one another. This is great!! Keep doing what you’re doing.

We posted this article called “Ten Ways to Practice Purity” awhile back. Click the title to read the article.

I enjoyed it and found it to be very practical. When you get a chance read it. I think you’ll find it helpful too.

Continue to draw close to the Lord and He will continue to draw close you. You have the mind of Christ and His Holy Spirit which will lead and guide you all the days of your life. You will never be forsaken. He has taught to have reverence for Him and therefore you are already guarding your heart. You are pleasing Him by seeking to obey His Word and desiring His will for your life.

When you are praying take time to listen to the Lord and you will see that He is guiding you every step of the way. He will not allow you to stumble and fall. His right hand is holding you. The Word of God is what is guarding your heart. Meditate on it day and night. Then you will be sure to do all that it says and He will bless you in all that you do.

Ps. 37:23, Ps. 119:105, Ps. 32:8

God bless you my sweet sister in the Lord,

Trophy of Grace

I Let Vanity Get To My Head

2009-02-20T22:45:00.004-05:00

?????? said...

Hi...I just really need to ask something and in a way blow off some steam!I know this guy from my church and hes a really close friend of mines. But i have a problem. It all started when i recently began to dress more "sexy" and guys began to give me much more notice. Now i believe women should be modest in there appearance, (of course that doesnt mean we should be "frumpie") but there is a limit, and i believe i passed it with my much more tighter and revealing clothes.we go to school together and he noticed that guys started checking me out and flirting with me. he also told me how my whole way of talinkg, acting, and walking became different and that i just became like all the rest of the girls. He admitted to me that it made him upset to know that other guys were flirting with me.I soon realized he was right and that i let vanity get to my head and i turned into a "fashion diva", conforming to the vanity of this world.All thats great but i noticed how he looks at those same "vain" girls and he thinks there pretty. yet when i do it, its SO wrong. Now i do know that i did go overboard and i realize that. But y is it that he not like me 2 do it, but it doesnt matter when other girls do it, and he even thinks there pretty. And whenever a pretty girl walks into the room he looks at them (though he tries not 2, lol)he still does.WHats up with that???

Daughter of The King replies..
Sweetheart, the first thing I want to tell you is that you have a good friend in that young man you’re talking about. He noticed you took a turn in the wrong direction and he cared for you enough to bring it to your attention.

Let me tell you a little bit about men; God created man to be a visually aroused being, he is attracted and excited by the beauty of a woman. He can’t help that, if a pretty girl walks in the room especially if she’s dressed in a sexy manner, believe me he’s going to notice. That does not mean that God allows them to look and stare and create sexual fantasies in their mind, God knows he’ll notice but he does expect him to practice self-control and look away. My husband calls this “bouncing”; once a woman enters the room and catches your attention you bounce you’re eyes somewhere else and you don’t look again. It’s not the first look that gets you into trouble it’s the second and the third look that can start your mind going down the wrong path. You said that he tries not to look at them and let me tell you that girls today make it very difficult for guys to bounce their eyes, it’s great that he’s trying, maybe you can help him by bringing this to his attention the way he did for you. Stop focusing on the pretty girls he notices here and there and realize that he obviously notices you too; he noticed that your clothing changed, he noticed that the way you walked and talked changed, he noticed that you were becoming somebody that you’re not. That’s a lot of noticing if you ask me. He liked you and respected you the way you were; beautiful on the inside and on the outside. Remember there are two types of girls; there’s the type that guys like to look at and “mess around” with and there’s the type they imagine bringing home to meet their mom and marrying one day.

Now I want to get back to you. Why did you start to dress sexy? So sexy that you said you crossed the line? What were your motives? What were you trying to achieve? Did you want to be the center of attention? Were you trying to attract men sexually? It seems to me that you were desperately seeking something or you wouldn’t have gone to such extremes. Pray about it, ask God to reveal to you what is lacking in your life and ask Him to fill that need for you.

One Final thing I want to tell you, did you know that when you dress like that you are helping satan lead the young men that are looking at you astray? As a Christian woman you should be helping the young men around you to focus on God and not help contribute to their impure thoughts. I Corinthians 10:24 (NLT) says:
“Don't think only of your own good. Think of other Christians and what is best for them.”

Sincerely,

Daughter of The King